Agapito

I was in Concord, and it was getting late. I could not get back home on my bike before dark. I went to a place that looked like an airport office to ask for help. "Can you help me get back home." The woman behind the desk shuffled some papers and said, "It says here you're from the U.K." Just then, an angry man came up and told her that she shouldn't help me. I became mad and told him, "This is my dream. Get out of my dream!' Then he and the whole dream dissolved. There was a woman talking a lot, and I kissed her, but she did not respond, and I left. I was in a room observing through the glass a creature with a huge head and a very tiny body, who was struggling to move around. I felt sorry for the creature, and asked "Who is that?" And I heard someone say, "That's you."

Dream note: I interpreted Concord not as the town in Massachusetts to which I have sometimes biked but rather a pun from my psyche on the word "Conquered." The play on words I felt was about trying to get out of being conquered by despair, fear, a sense of resignation, or other negative emotions. I took heart in hearing that I was from the U.K. because, again, I knew that this was not referring to the political state, but was referring to a state of being, of a united mind, body, soul and spirit. The dream suggested that in life I was trying to get back to that state but was still heavily lopsided toward the mind.

dream archive 11/11

In this dream, I told mom, "Don't worry, the important files are not stored on the hard drive, they are on the server." I was not speaking of the computer troubles she had in waking life but making a metaphysical statement: about the demise of the body, the brain, being like the demise of the hard drive, but our memories, our love, our souls, are storied in the "Server"…

dream archive 1/11

I was in a monotonous place, maybe a zoo, and I saw Emily, and it felt great because she brought playfulness into an otherwise dreary dream. I started to play tag with her, trying to get a picture. When I got close enough for a shot, she turned around, and I saw that she had turned into Azita, smiling, not an ordinary smile, a smile like the sun, with rays made not of light but rather of delight. We had been friends for almost 25 years now, and I was thinking, 'do the struggles of life dim delight and dry up joy?' No, the dream seemed to emphatically say with a smile as bright as solar rays.

dream archive 12/2010

Me and several others were being washed out to sea. Drowning was imminent. I yelled to have us all hold hands, including an oriental woman whom I loved. Suddenly, there appeared silver bars, ladders and stairs such as are found at the edge of pools, for climbing out of the pools. I asked, "What are these doing in the ocean? This is not a pool!" As we walked up and out, someone said to me, "Next to love, the ocean is a little pool."

dream archive, 1992

From a room without a roof, I saw angels sprouting from birds on phone wires. One of the angels, a woman, slid down a wire that was strung to my heart and embraced me. The world spun around our wholeness. The chamber filled with many children, all good, but one I could detect was a demon. With my right hand, I dissolved him and then flew around scattering one molecule at a time in certain shadows. But mostly I incinerated the remains in two fires I kindled with my mind. In the end, I saw my self, old, around 95, sitting at a round table. I had long white hair in a pony tail braided down to my waist. It felt good to see that. I was writing this dream.

dream archive 12/90

I 'awoke' in a dream on the top mattress of my childhood bunk bed to John Lennon's voice from a tape deck "We are with you….(a pause for dramatic effect)…Mario." This was good, but I was still scared. I saw a spider suspended between dad's easy chair and a window. Its thread formed a perfect geometrical arrangement of five pointed concentric stars, one outside the other. I wanted to clear it, but the ray that revealed it passed, and the web disappeared as if it had been sun-woven. Aware I was dreaming, I thought that intense things always happen when I dream of my childhood home. Now only one must: I ran to the kitchen and embraced my mother, who was sitting writing a letter.

The scene changed to my looking at a small black screen in a window of my Boston home, displaying a telegram from heaven in luminous white letters. It said something about the sacred temple texts I was to procure, but before I could read any further, the cat woke me up.

dream archive 9/90

While Abuelo was driving me in a sports car without a roof, we were being chased by a flying orange that seemed to be a cross between a sun and a bird. Finally, as it caught up to us, he grabbed it, split it, and gave me a half as a communion of flying sun.

dream archive 2/90

Mami had gone to Egypt for the evening. I was alone in a house that felt very negative: as I went through the rooms, scenes of destruction were played out; people who had ceased to be people. I saw them doing awful drugs and with explosive devices readying to blow themselves up. I felt that the place represented this century. All I knew was that I had to get out of there. But the doors through which I had walked were all locked. That didn't stop me. I tore them all from their hinges and I finally made it to a beautiful outside with trees, birds, a sparkling river, and a zillion voices joyfully singing: "Mami!" It was twilight, the beginning of night, but I knew it was all right to spend it there, amidst her all-encircling love (the other history) that had taken the form of a healthy Earth resounding with one word.

dream archive 2/89

I went into the yard of my childhood home in Virginia. It was a summer night, and the crickets were chirping loudly. My beech tree was there, and beside it, in the center of the yard was a new young tree. I realized I was dreaming and raised my hands to look at them, but then quickly thought, 'None of that Carlos Castaneda shit!' I was nervous as I remembered the dream of "Merry Christmas in March" that had taken place here, and I sensed something intense was going to happen again. I thought I saw my grandfather (who had become in my mind a metaphor for God) drive by, but his profile that I saw in the dimly lit car was a profile of long ago, and he didn't stop.

Finally, I mustered the nerve to look in the house. I saw a blue bed and knew at once there had been extensive redecorating. I knocked at the door, and a little boy answered. I asked if this was the house of Bernardo (who had bought the house), and he said no. He turned to the right to indicate his dad was there absorbed in the TV. I explained that I grew up in the house and wanted to see it, and he let me in.

There were three children in an interior that was very different. Many material things made for a tight squeeze, but I knew that to the children it was big. One asked me if I had lived in many places since I'd lived there. "God, yes, many!" I told them that they probably would too when they went to college, and the little boy turned away with a nervous smile as if contemplating the prospect and said, "Yeah, we don't want to be tied down by it (the house)." I said, "Still, you'll dream with it always…it will be a setting…in fact, I am visiting you in a dream…." A wave of emotion suddenly engulfed me, and, speaking to all three said "to tell you I love you!" I embraced them and gave the little girl a small white heart with a transmitter / receiver (not for radio but love frequencies), and awoke while still just inside the house's door.

dream archive, 2/14/89

I was sitting in bed, thinking I was awake. I looked at the plant hanging from the ceiling and thought I could make it grow – supernaturally – but through Christ, otherwise I wouldn't want to mess with such things. At that moment, a green trunk projected from it at time lapse speed and banged into the ceiling. Then the whole plant started to grow rapidly in cascades around its vase. After a while, in a split second, it dramatically went limp and died. I shouted "Ahhhhhh!!" Then, after a tantalizing second came the resurrection… it grew so fast that I could see nothing but pure green as if the universe were a single cell in one of its leaves.

dream archive 10/13/88

Father Devine and I were standing by a lake at night. It was dark, muddy, foam-ridden and opaque. Father Devine handed me a small flask and told me to sprinkle its contents over the water. It came out in little drops, and I said, "This couldn't possibly affect the lake: there's too much water in there, and this flask is so little." But in each place where I sprinkled from the flask, the murk dissolved, and soon we stood before a lake so clear we could see to the glowing, sandy bottom.

dream archive 10/6/88

Mami was in a huge auditorium giving a speech, and as she said something like, "Poetry is life, politics is irrelevant" a number of people started to leave. I went to the front and hid, because I wanted to pick her up in this strange city where she did not know anyone. But suddenly there were two of her, one talking to me and the other still giving the speech. I explained this to her: You know how dreams are, but do me a favor; when you re-incorporate yourself into her (the one making the speech) don't tell her I am here, because I want to surprise her." She laughed and the dream self I spoke to went back to the everyday life image.

dream archive 3/23/88

I was walking arm in arm with Mami toward the ocean. Looking out across the water, I wondered why there was not a large weeping willow growing over it as I had expected there would be. When we were in the ocean, I knew it was that we had died. We were in a waiting room in the depths, Mami and Maria sitting on seats of coral stone. I didn't like it there, and I took them by the hair back through the door we had come, to the shore…of life(?) But it was not the same place, the sun shone somehow more evenly. I saw a gathering near a round hole in the landscape, and I knew instinctively it led to the lower world in which we had lived and died. A man in the gathering said, "I want to go down and help them (those in the world)." And another said, "Yes, but remember that there you can be made to suffer." I knew then that they were higher beings.

dream archive 3/22/88

I was with some family and friends at a beach swimming, playing in the sand, having a good time. At a certain point, I started bouncing down the shoreline as if I had a spring attached to me, in a squatting position, smiling and blowing kisses. I remembered from geology how sand can migrate down the coast with the power of the waves and mused that I was doing the same. But I was bouncing higher and higher, and at the end of the shore was a large gray rock against which I was painlessly shattered, and now I was no longer bouncing but flying.

Yet I couldn't control my flight. I was coming to a large stone gray wall with indented stairways and doors. Although it had a lure and attraction of mystery, I senses there was something wrong about it… I belonged on the beach, in the fields and woods below, with PEOPLE. And I heard someone singing in the distant field "I can't take these evil needs."

I saw a few children running in the field below, and I realized that if I loved them I could come back down, cease drifting away to the wall of gray. My love was like the flaps and ailerons of a plane through which it can be steered and land. Yet I couldn't land: I didn't love them enough. Then I saw three black children running from a man who seemed bent on punishing them severely for some trivial wrong they had done. I managed to land quickly, and in my embrace they became invisible to all harm.

dream archive 2/17/88

Mami and I were at a subway stop. She was leaning on the railing at a distance from me, fidgeting. She seemed nervous and agitated. She said "You've spent months doing X-rays. Now let me hear you say something magical." I was confused by her request and said something like, "This is a process, not something continuous you can understand." Then a blonde woman stepped between us, and a little child looked up at her and asked, "De donned sacastes esa cara tan bella, de un libro?" ("Where did you get that beautiful face of yours from? From a book?") And she said, "Si, de un libro." ("Yes, from a book.") I ran and took Mami gently by the arm and said, "You see, this is a sign that one re-creates themselves in their work…but it's a long process…"

dream archive 10/87