Sailing the Noosphere

1. Mom and I are doing my back to school shopping at the mall. I wander off into the mall proper while she stays in the department store; when I return she has a $150 gift card to the store! We leave the store, and on the ride back she tells me how she saw a fight between a shopper and an employee. She was called to witness in a trial of the employee and got the gift card for her time. The prosecutor in the trial, however, was her former boss as a paralegal, and she expresses sorrow that she didn't continue her own legal career. When we get back home (to our old house), Dr. C from the research station is pulling out of the driveway in the station van. We wait for him to move, then I move in. As I do, however, I scrape the bottom of our new car.

2. The whole family, along with my (deceased) maternal grandma are going out to the movies. The film we see is made from a collection of short subjects. The first is set in the British Museum. In the movie, Mom and I often shop at their gift shop for ice cream and cupcakes. One day, after we buy our sweets, I'm suddenly attacked by velociraptors! I run and flail my arms wildly, still carrying my mom's credit card in one hand. Someone offscreen then throws ice cream at the raptors, which seems to pacify them. Relieved, I move to exit, but as I do I'm told that I owe over 24 pounds. Apparently waving the credit card orders food for whatever I "circle" with it. I refuse to pay, and finally it dawns on me to ask why there are dinosaurs in the museum. The film jump-cuts to a London park, where a young bird skeleton is shown stripped from escaped raptors. The short ends without resolution, cutting to a static screen where the audience is advised to use hand sanitizer. This I do, but the rest of the family looks at me rather oddly.

Soon enough, however, the second short begins. This takes place in Soviet Russia. The camera descends on a snowy provincial capital as a voiceover comments on the permanency of the ruling party. Something to the effect of if 30 members were removed from office, the party would still remain in power. The film cuts to inside the capital building, where the Russian government is in session. A senator from Kamchatka has something to say; one of his counterparts snarkily remarks how a disabled person could take the podium if they had wheels. The senator announces some sort of breakthrough, but promptly falls dead. His aide throws a white sheet over him, then pulls it off with a magician's flourish.

The senator is alive, but as the sheet is pulled further back, we notice he isn't quite right. In fact, he soon turns out to be hideous. He's a hermaphroditic freak, with breasts studding his body in odd places and an extra penis hanging off his chest. Somehow the whole family is now present in the movie and recoils at revulsion towards the sight. My grandma, a devout Catholic, starts screeching "That's heresy!" as I lose the dream.

1. I'm buying mirrored sunglasses in a Walgreens.

2. The Offspring are opening a concert for Rush by playing an ACDC cover. The sound is fantastic, just like real life.

3. Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi are fighting to keep their spots on a crowded passenger starship.

1. I'm attending the Cincinnati Bengals training camp as T. O. For some reason I slap my thigh, and the sensation is enough to send me momentarily aware. I lose whatever lucidity I have before anything happens.

2. I am browsing a massive flea market full of books. I find an Unknown Armies monster manual for a cheap price (so much text with failed RCs), but before I can buy it my Mom approaches along with several college friends.

3. I am trapped inside a crumbling barn. As it falls around me, I manage to peel out of the twisted wreckage.

1. I'm searching to buy a regular guitar at Guitar Center. I look at the wall and select a $180 Strat, black with a white pickguard, and take it down to play. There's some trouble getting it hooked up, and even more trouble as the seat next to the amp is feet taller than I need,

2. I vault down the stairwell in a college food court.

I am a girl, and have gone to visit my mom's friend V at her house. The house is rather dark, and seems to be crowded wall-to-wall with pool tables and people smoking around them. I walk around and find a secluded corner as I hold my breasts. They have recently expanded, and I'm somewhat clinically analyzing the tropes of breast expansion fiction as they do or don't apply. I seem to be moodier and hornier than usual, for example. As I do this, my breasts start expanding again. With great pleasure I start to stroke them, and soon I orgasm hard, spurting milk. I run past the pool tables to find a bathroom where I can clean myself off, and the crowd laughs scathingly.

I am walking along the expressway at the Cut-in-the-Hill near Cincinnati. A convoy of Fender guitar trucks passes to my left, each carrying a different model of Stratocaster guitar and each labeled with the make and price of its contents. One of these is called the "Super King" and is listed at $42000 dollars! Somehow I cross the lanes of traffic and open the truck, taking out the guitar. I call my mom, telling her that I'm holding a guitar worth more than all of our cars combined. Soon, however, I put the instrument back and start to walk home.

It's harder to walk up the hill instead of down it. I have to dodge cars, even jumping into a ditch in the median to avoid getting hit. A cop rolls by my ditch and takes a look at me, and I start to worry. My brother then walks out from nowhere and starts to walk with me. Soon, one of my back teeth comes loose and breaks away with a slight pain. I look at it, and am disgusted as it's completely black and cavity ridden.

1. I'm playing D&D with my girlfriend, and we are in a fight with a zombie dragon. There are lots of laughs during the fight as we exchange stock quotes and in-jokes.

2. I'm in a Space Station 13 style futuristic lab, where there's been an outbreak of several weird diseases. I have one where rats constantly burst from under my skin. Looking for a cure, I stumble into a field of zombies. A zombified CZ (junior when I graduated high school) attacks me, and I punch her in the face. I then proceed to wrestle her to the floor and do a chokehold, snapping her neck. I remember the experience as strangely erotic...

3. I'm winning huge on a Japanese slot machine in an arcade.

4. I'm watching a dirty soccer match between some African country and the Tamil Tigers terrorist organization.

1. I'm at a football stadium in the desert. The Cincinnati Bengals are playing a game against an unspecified team, and I'm on the field as a Bengal's lineman pushing against the enemy offense. I actually do an OK job, and as the downs progress I get teammate support in a kind of military, "Hoo-ah!" way

2. I'm watching what seems to be a fight scene from an X-Men comic or movie taking place in a desert. The choreography is stunning, as is the skill of the mutants. The fight ends with Jean Grey drawing all the combatants towards her in a massive display of psychic power, then throwing them apart in a sphere of blue light. The Silver Surfer rides by, quipping, "And I thought I was overpowered!"

1. I'm trying to hack around in Facebook to find a way to see V's profile again (after she's blocked me IRL). Soon, however, I don't have to hack, as she re-adds me just long enough to send a poorly written but very painful letter (I fail the text RC).

2. I'm biking with E and C from the research station in a upscale community, trying to make a lunch date with the rest of the crew. In retrospect, the community has been a dream location before.

1. The whole family is going on a visit to the King's Island amusement park. We pull into a far away parking lot shared by a strip mall and several megachurches. My mom expresses concern about all the black men loitering in the lot, but my brother and I don't care and start to wander. We pass a local music shop, which seems to be having a going-out-of-business sale. Outside of the store is a row of basses with prices (failed RC), and I give them a good examination. As I look at them, one of the office ladies from my high school walks by and says "I know you and who's with you!" Cut to my high school's office,, where Mom and the lady are talking. It's the last day of school, and she's complaining about how only one student has wished her a good summer. PV, who she's nicknamed (appropriately) Big Chunky," is that student, and he comes from the back of the office to greet my mom and I warmly.

2. I'm watching a suspended roller coaster that seems inspired by a fight with a dragon. There's a lot of flat preparation at the beginning, followed by a crazy drop and a series of loops. Some bullies from my grade school are riding it, and when they get off of it they start to make fun of me.

1. My research station colleagues are heading to a lecture on the different layers of the sun, but I am too busy to go. I need the information for a future test, so I manage to get a handout with lecture notes on it (failed RC). I work for a good bit and get tired, so I take a break. I get on my computer and go to YouTube, where I start to watch videos from Renaissance festivals.

I find a video from the start of the Ohio Renfest, taken from the Queen's box for a panoramic viewpoint. An old man delivers a witty poem about mortality and time, then the crowd separates into four factions grouped by color. At the man's signal, they begin a massive LARP battle, and after the dust clears the blue team is victorious. The old man then continues his poem, ending with the line "Watch out for that grandfather clock!" He then roleplays his own death very convincingly.

Somewhere in all of this, my viewpoint has transferred into 1st person on the grounds of the Renfest. As I walk away from the old man, I run into MB. She's dressed in blue, but her face is very red and I can see she has been crying. She greets me sadly but without any great surprise, even though I haven't seen her in many months. I ask why she's crying, and she says "We were supposed to meet at 6:30. It's 7:30." She then walks away, saying she isn't OK.

2. I'm in an alternate-universe Chicago university, where my band is preparing itself for a benefit concert. It's something to promote world peace, as in this universe the Cold War is still boiling. The concert doesn't help, and soon the Cold War erupts. My band escapes from the city as radio reports tell of millions dying.

1. I'm watching an old couple do a live broadcast of some comedic radio show. They only get a couple of lines in, the last of which is "He's always so polite," before I false-awaken into my bed. I start to write it down in my dream journal, when suddenly I hear "Habenera" from Carmen blaring in full orchestral beauty. This causes me to check my dream journal, and sure enough, my handwriting is unstable! I get lucid and try to stabilize, rubbing my hands together and feeling the bed beneath me. Things are solid and quite real feeling, and I try to engage as many senses as possible. I start thinking about where to take the dream while still stabilizing, and this continues for a good twenty seconds. However, I lose control before I'm able to do anything.

2. It's after the civil war, and my embarrassed family is ordering drinks from our former slaves who are now free employees of a restaurant.

1. My brother and I, both living at my research station, have started a band called "Acid Warning." We're preparing for a big concert and are trying to recruit as many audience members as we can before the show. We take a break from practice to go watch TV with our dad. The first show is Jeopardy, and after we finish, Alex Trebek himself comes by the room and just laughs at us. We are nonplussed and continue watching, this time seeing Dr. Who.

Afterwards, Mom joins us, along with a professor from the station and his wife. Subtle, barbed insults are exchanged between the adults, making my brother and I feel very uncomfortable. We exit, but soon the parents follow us. Dad orders us to leave, saying that he can't stand to spend another day here.

2. My brother and I discover a website with every N64 game ever made. We hook up the computer to the TV and start to play; I start off with Pokemon Snap, but he soon changes the game to Star Wars Battlefront.

1. My brother and I are at a theme park that seems to be based on world War II. As we walk along, our eyes are caught by what looks like an indoor mini golf course. When we enter, however, the attraction is a kind of real-life platformer. Fiendish puzzles of moving boxes are suspended above pits of water or water colored to look like "lava." It takes a lot of time and creative thinking, but we clear a bunch of levels together. Eventually, however, we reach the final stage, presided over by a cigar-smoking wax statue of General George Patton. In this stage, we have to carry a box of supplies over a very unstable path of floating and sinking boxes. I empty my pockets, knowing that I'll probably fall. They have my real-life every day carry in them, including my wallet, cell phone, keys, and Swiss Army knife. My brother and I then start to carry the boxy, but soon we simply give up.

2. I'm exploring the University of Tennessee in a kind of Space Station 13 style setup. The dream is set during a Latin convention, so the place is crowded, and I get up to a variety of hijinks. Highlights include leading a round of spiritual songs on the dance floor, climbing up recently painted ladders, tracking my friend H's little sister, and causing sonic annoyance on the football field. Lots of activity, but little in my notes.

3. A suit clad woman is driving a car of research station students back from a movie. The scenery isn't rural at all, but instead a kind of cyberpunk corporate hellhole. She convinces us to make an unnecessary fast food stop at a White Castle, and we enter the drive through. As we do so, however, she nonchalantly says "By the way, you're dreaming." I realize that yes, I am, but having a DC tell me straight up is enough to snap me out.

1. My brother, dad, and I are at the animal shelter adopting a new cat. For some reason my brother empties his pockets, but all he has in them is a large and unwieldy knife-wallet hybrid with a combination lock. An Asian man grabs the lock and starts cracking it. He soon solves it and tries to leave, but I hook my finger in the lock and pull to make him stay. We struggle for a while and he calls me racist names, then pulls out a pistol. I then proceed to knock him out with my other hand and escape with the family.

2. I'm playing DDR in an arcade with some of my college friends. It only costs two tokens, but the machine has been modified to float and is very unstable on a pool of water. My friend Q starts to bash arrows on the machine, and I try to stop him from messing me up. I lose my balance, however, and fall into what turns out to be putrid water.

3. I am watching a Tupperware container with a hot dog and a bunch of Cincinnati chili. Suddenly the hot dog grows a tiny mouth and starts to eat the chili, eventually leaving the container spotless!

4. I can see my own aura, and it is green. Someone else (unintelligible notes) also sees it and comments.