Sailing the Noosphere

1. I'm doing my grocery shopping and wander down the frozen food aisle. Suddenly, all of the TV screens in the isle start to synchronize and launch into a 15 minute presentation about a certain brand. I watch, dumbfounded, and I remember feeling rather convinced. At the end of the presentation, I start to move, but from the end of another aisle a stage flips out. It's filled with opera singers who proceed to launch into a Handel oratorio. To my surprise it's actually rather good, full of humor and some bawdy behavior (such as men kissing) that strikes me as inappropriate for the era. When the show is over the stage folds back into the aisle and I continue shopping. At the end of my purchases, I get confronted by several employees for tipping the produce scales and trying to cheat on the price.

2. I'm at an awesome kid-focused science museum with tons of demos. I recall fingerprint powder, wind tunnels, and infrared cameras. There's also a flight harness to simulate low gravity, and I put it on to fly effortlessly around the room. I'm a little big for the apparatus, though, and I'm constantly on the verge of crashing.

3. I'm competing in the Winter Olympics, where there's now an "extreme skiing" event. This is done as a co-ed event, starting with a beauty contest where the female half of the team shows off her assets. The other part of the event is a breakneck downhill race where the course goes through moguls (and wooden stairs). I finish in second, right behind my female partner, so we win the gold!

1. I'm engaged in a 2 vs 2 duel of Yugioh. My dream body is that of Yugi himself, and I'm teamed with Kaiba against Joey and some random DC. Everyone's cards have different backs instead of the standard vortex; my own have the Cinderella Castle from Walt Disney World. The game proceeds for a while, and Kaiba eventually summons a White Eyes Black Dragon which wipes out the other players. As we clear the table, there's some confusion as to whose cards are whose (even with the different backs). Suddenly I'm not Yugi anymore, and Kaiba asks me if I want to a draft of Magic the Gathering.

2. I'm in a hotel for an unspecified reason with my friend M from college. Our mutual friend Z has died, leaving us to write grief-stricken.

1. I'm making a thrilling video-game style escape from an industrial type level. I'm not so much running or parkouring, although there is some of that. Instead, I'm solving puzzles where the penalty is falling down large pits. For example, to cross one I have to latch a carabiner shaped like a hummingbird to the right track above the pit and glide across. Below me is a horde of giants, reaching up to grab my feet and eat me. I think I may actually have failed once, but I re-spawned and took the right path. In another puzzle, I have to figure out the motion of a series of ladders and trains. I jump from one to the other, whirling almost out of control before I land on solid ground.

Finally I manage to break out of the level into a building (which I recognize from another dream after the fact). I take the wrong elevator but eventually break out into my hometown. For whatever reason I walk through a combination strip club/liquor store, then exit from there into a strip mall parking lot. I get surrounded by police, who accuse me of shoplifting and try to tase me. I start getting really scared and half-lucidly force myself to wake up.

2. I'm at a beautiful Japanese university with Dr. C from my research station. He drops me off by a riverbank and tells me to wait as he performs some errands. I dutifully wait, pulling out my laptop and playing Age of Empires II to pass the time. My mom randomly shows up, bringing hometown pizza and her homemade pie, and asks about my general health. By eating and conversation I manage to ease her worries and she goes away. I then wander off to take a leak. When I return, I see two kids in a pickup truck have stolen all my stuff and are driving away!

Frantically I run after them and end up in the main building of the university. I find all of my stuff set up just as I had left it in a hallway of the building. I play some more, then talk to a janitor about the school's study abroad program. Soon I wander into a busy stairwell, where Dr. C passes by, then the two kids who stole my stuff. V passes by me; she then passes by me again in the same direction, and this time she kicks me into the stairs and starts screaming that I deserve the pain. Apparently she heard something I said as "I want a domestic divorce," but this was the opposite of what I meant. I panic to tell her the truth, but the dream ends before I meet up.

3. I'm in some cartoonish epic of wizards and wizardry. A white wizard (white as in race) is on the run from a horde of black wizards led by his archrival and former apprentice. He runs into his house and sets the locks just in time to have the horde crash on his door. He draws his wand, then turns to face the nemesis he knows has teleported right behind him. The two draw, and they launch volleys of magic meant to kill.

4. The scene is set in an exotic hotel, where people are exercising nasty fetishes about the Warhammer 40K universe. Soon things shift to the hotel's courtyard, where the lead singer of the band Foxy Shazam is teaching a dance class.

I am in the kitchen of my research station. V is there as well, and I finally break the awkward silence that has been plaguing us in real life. I forget the details of the conversation, but it seems to go badly, and she exits the scene without another word. I follow her out the door, which opens out into a snowy urban landscape. I catch a glimpse of her and shout something about reincarnation, and she runs away from me. I try to track her down, but to no avail. I realize that the only release from my troubles is parkour, and I start running headlong into a tall hotel that seems entirely made of glass.

1. Once again I find myself in a mall arcade with my parents. I find a DDR machine where someone has left credits, and happily I jump on and select double mode. I have a lot of trouble selecting my first song, though (and with text menu, another failed RC), ending up on a Paul McCartney solo work. The stepchart is silly, and I barely manage to pass, feeling acute embarrassment. For my next song, however, I go to my old fallback "Heaven is a '57 Metallic Gray" and rock the house. Arrows seem smaller than in real life, but otherwise the interface is fine.

2. I play the main role in a music video for one of my favorite bands, The Dear Hunter. I don't remember details, but I do remember that it ends in a passionate and particularly real-feeling kiss.

1. I finally have returned from my research station, and I meet up with my old friend W at his house. He's suitably curious, asking all about my experiences, if I got lonely or bored and what I did for fun. I show him some of the things my parents brought me to make the time more enjoyable. This triggers a question of advice for his own presents, as his girlfriend's birthday is coming up. She's a nerdy actress, and he shows me two things he's considering.
One is a portable stage light that casts a brilliant circle on demand. The other is a bath towel with a built-in calculator (numbers go crazy, so another failed RC). I laugh at both and suggest the light as better. We continue to discuss girls until my mom interrupts us. We adopt a stony silence and sit awkwardly until W breaks it with a cheesy one-liner. I laugh so hysterically I fall out of the dream!

2. I make a trip to the Louvre in Paris with the students from my research station. I wander aimlessly along the corridors of art until I find a computer lab, in which everyone is hanging out. I feel mildly annoyed that we came all this way for everyone to ignore the art. In any case we all go outside, where Paris is covered in snow. This doesn't stop me from renting a bicycle and barreling down a sick hill with epic jumps. Eventually I wipe out in a crazy fashion, landing somewhat on my neck, even though the snow cushions my fall.

3. I'm on an Amazon river canoe trip with my advisor, and tensions are running high.

1. The family is visiting me at my research station. My brother says he needs to talk, and he tells me that his friend A is growing more distant with him after breaking up with K. The dream fast-forwards to the next day, where we all go out to eat at McDonald's. The brother orders poutine (suggesting we're in Canada?) and we talk about how relationships seem to chain down from one person to another. The parents eat calmly downstairs.
When he and I go back down, a waitress (with a nametag reading Skilscience, so a failed RC) is talking in a Norwegian accent to my dad. It seems that he's been rude, and she's trying to instruct him in manners. He ignores her while asking for more gravy, and she snaps. She jumps up on a nearby table and starts shouting everything wrong with McDonald's. The cheese is fake, the beef is tainted, employees spit in the food, etc. Soon the rest of the employees join her, shouting "Down with Wal-Mart! Down with McDonald's!" The family leaves in a huff, and the dream fades out over Anti-Flag style punk music.

2. I'm a bassist in a successful rock band with a large crew of student roadies (all of whom I recognize as fellow students IRL). We're recording a new album, and in the studio other members of the band are listening to Led Zeppelin for inspiration. We start to record, but the drums just aren't working properly. We waste hours of precious studio time, and I drive away from the studio frustrated.

3. Movie-style voiceover shows an epic tale in the Star Wars universe. Two Jedi, dueling hardcore, got frozen in a block of ice; their bodies rotted, but the lightsabers still burn today. I lead a team of explorers to find them, but as we retrieve the blades one of them somehow cuts through the other. This releases a huge fireball of energy, and my crew races to escape while being pursued by ninja stormtroopers.

1. I've taken the day off to go shopping with the parents. We go to a Wal-Mart, and as usual I start goofing off. However, I soon find myself in a section of the store I've never visited before. It's a "premium" section, one for the extremely rich, even though the prices are still advertised as rollback (Fuck me, another failed text RC). They're selling things like ultralight airplanes and antique cars, but in the back I find a couple of Tour de France level bicycles. The first one I try has the wheels attached backwards, making it impossible to use, but the second is allright. I take it and start riding around the store with the wind in my hair, and feel silly but happy.
As I ride back to return the bike, my cell phone goes off (with the RL ringtone). I pull it out of my shorts, but with only one hand on the wheel I have no way to control what happens next. I crash through two panes of heavy glass in the back of the store, and stumbling from the wreckage fall over a plane! The manager comes up, angrily demanding that we pay, but my Dad only has $400 on him. I start to freak out.

2. I'm answering questions on Twocansandstring.com (an awesome website), when someone asks about spinach and Popeye. I start to answer, but wander outside to underneath a tree at my research station. V and one of the grad students wander over to me. V makes awkward small talk as the grad student strokes her, and I feel extreme jealousy.

3. Las Vegas has become a post-apocalyptic wasteland ruled by pop-punk style overlords. The streets, however, are filled with legions of metalhead zombies. Something happens to one of the rulers, and I see the teeming throngs rise up to take back control of the city.

1. I'm completely out of money at a mall, so I get my dad to give me some quarters. I then take these to go play DDR at an arcade. I'm able to find a freestyle hands-and-feet mode (menu is in text, so failed RC) and happily punch in to play. I am disappointed, though, since the interface isn't the clean shining one I know and love. The whole thing is grainy, and there are no arrows, only solid streams of pixels for notes. I enjoy the techno nonetheless, performing for my parents and some random guy, and I get a high score. As I enter my name in all caps into the machine, my dad makes a wisecrack about how freestyle should be "horse behind the ass" style.

2. Mom is having an affair with some man in New England. She hides it for a while, but eventually she's found out to be pregnant and everything turns to shit.

Absolutely horrible recall, but I post what I can.

1. I'm playing a rock concert in an elementary school. I remember it's very cheerily decorated, which clashes somewhat with the music I decide to perform.

2. I miss a Monday softball game for my research station's team.

3. I find myself walking down the halls of a local college, where I meet my old cello teacher. I continue, then meet scores of people from my research station. They confront me about my behavior at a Saturday night party, and my mom finds out about my transgressions. I feel horrible.

A number of circumstances have affected my recall and ability to post for the past week. But in any case:

1. A weird alternating dream; it began with scenes from an imagined Star Wars Family Guy. I remember a particular scene where Lois, toting a rifle, swung it about the cantina saying in a cutesy voice "Who's the murderer?" However, whenever a lightsaber cut was made, it seemed to cut through the animation. Through the hole would enter tentacles, as if from a Lovecraftian horror. It was like an oozing fungus, and as it consumed and grew I became physically ill. This change of scenes happened a couple of times before I woke up, breathing heavily.

2. In my grade school cafeteria, I'm playing blackjack. The cards aren't falling my way, and so I leave and go upstairs. I find myself upon opening a door in my own room. Soon V and J enter; V has a new haircut, but all the two can talk about is my own egregious bed head.

3. A huge earthquake breaks apart the continents, leaving much technology preserved but social and political lines in chaos.

4. I run parkour-style through a massive prefab house facility, only to find my research group seated in the middle in an already-assembled house. They are nonplussed and continue to play poker.

1. I'm walking on the halls of the research station, and I see V coming back from a lover's tryst. As she climbs the stairs, her low-cut shirt reveals her cleavage, and I am overcome with jealousy. I then catch a glimpse of MB, living in a different room, and my vision zooms in on her computer, where she's texting a new interest.

2. V and I are playing D&D on the overpass of a local highway. Each of us pulls out a D20 and rolls, heedless of the cars streaking past us. I'm low to the ground, and as the dice stops, I notice the cursive 11 on its side slowly morphing into a 7. I PASS this reality check, and realizing I'm lucid, I manage to resolve the scene around me into waking-like focus and feeling. The pavement feels grainy and coarse, the sun is mildly hot, and I feel in perfect control of my arms and legs. Suddenly, she tells me to run for a football pass, and as she does I feel the ground beneath my legs and run. I feel the impact of the ball in my hands, and somewhat inspired by this, I do the turn-summon to place her in a cheerleader's outfit. It's blue and gold (colors with no particular importance) and very revealing. Confidently I stride up to her, and we engage in a passionate kiss. It feels just like waking life but when I try to turn things towards actual intercourse, I lose lucidity and fall out of the dream.

I am tossing softball with V in an unrecognized location (verdant, still a field). I leave for a bit, and walk around a trail found in real life at the research station. When I round a bend, I find that she's there, tossing softball with her IRL boyfriend. Her father is watching approvingly, and I feel rather betrayed.

1. I'm reading (Failed RC) an advertisement for some sort of new pen and paper RPG. The class system is based around kitchen tools, with knives, can openers, nutcrackers, and even rolling pins getting mentions. Each of them has a fanciful history based on a real-world group; I think the nutcrackers are Russian mobsters?

2. I'm traveling in Canada with some friends and take a lunch break. I get very angry, as the only available shops are two Burger Kings on either side of the street, and both of them are selling a mixture of disgusting seafood instead of burgers.

3. I'm with my family on a shopping trip to Wal-Mart. We buy several things, including a ceramic piggy bank, a cute figurine, and a diabetes tester for dogs. All failed RCs, of course.

1. Mom, my brother, and I are driving around downtown Cincinnati, when I notice some interesting graffiti on the side of a tall building. Everyone gets out of the car and starts to climb the building, eventually reaching an outcrop near the tags. One is simple to interpret and just says "Rage," the other is a design that looks like two capital "A" letters that share a leg. I think that the latter symbol is the tagger's way of representing A=A, the Objectivist tenet. This is backed up when I find (and start leafing through, missing a RC) a philosophy textbook. Details afterward are fuzzy, but the conversation among the family turns to something horrible, and I remember a crushing sadness. The textbook falls and shatters as we climb down, and eventually I start to sob.

2. I'm watching a movie-style overview of an epic bike race in Africa. Things quickly go over-the-top; one bike is a robotic monstrosity, one is ridden by an ape-man who carries jungle animals with him, and one is ridden by Spiderman. Crazy hijinks ensue, but details are kind of fuzzy.