nightmare

I haven't made any entries in a while, mostly because the dreams are on and off and haven't been lucid since I had my first one where I was flying. I made attempts this morning to go into lucid dreaming and I just can't time it right. I pinch my nose and I know it's me doing it and I'm more awake than before. But then I finally went to sleep and didn't get to go into lucid dreaming, but I did end up having 2 dreams about a place I thought I had put at the back of my mind and would never be plagued by in my dreams.

Dream 1

I was seeking out the Jesus Army. I found one of their members and called out to him. "If you guys think I'm still demon possessed then deliver me!" I shouted to him, but he started walking away into a building with the rest of the people wearing their army-clad jackets. "Please, if I am demon possessed then don't leave me like this! I'm begging you!" I pleaded. He suddenly turned around and slammed his palm onto my head, shouting all kinds of things. I just stood there eyes closed tight with tears flooding down my face. His hand was forceful as if he was trying to push me down, but I stood my ground. Eventually he stopped and stared at me, not knowing why I wasn't responding to his prayers. He looked at the rest of his friends who had stopped in their tracks and were watching him confused to why I wasn't writhing on the ground or screaming out. I opened my eyes half expecting to be a new person or just myself. They started talking to themselves and I knew they were trying to come up with an excuse to why I wasn't responding and would say that the demons were ejected through crying. I knew I was right all along, it was just me and nothing else, they could no longer spread lies that I was demon possessed anymore because they had nothing to cast out.

Dream 2

I was in Radcliffe trying to get on a bus back to Bury. I realised I was on a bus going in the wrong direction so I jumped off and ran across the road to the other side. It was seriously busy so the traffic was almost at a standstill. I couldn't find the stop for the 256 bus though (just to note, 256 bus route is nowhere near Bury.) I guessed it either had been removed and was somewhere further up the road or they had replaced the service with a different number. I kept on searching until I decided to go back and get the bus I jumped off earlier and wait for it to to a U-turn at the end of the line and come back. I raced after the bus and boarded it as it was halfway up the road.

We went out of Radcliffe towards a dual carriageway, and I was standing at the front of the bus near the doorway. The bus pulled off onto a large roundabout joining on to the dual carriageway and across the road I saw a massive brick building, newly built, with a huge red cross on it and a green logo with the words "The Jesus Fellowship" on it. "Oh god no, not the fucking Jesus Army!" I gasped. I wanted to get off the bus fast or have the bus speed up and go past it. We went round the roundabout and on one of the exits there was lines of terrace houses, the first one had a sign hanging out of it with the Jesus Army logo on it. Suddenly I was grabbed by my neck or had a knife to my neck and a familiar voice was talking to me in a low tone. I looked up into a rear view mirror and saw 2 men wearing Jesus Army jackets (note that the Jesus Army would never carry knives nor would they physically assault someone in public.) They dragged me off the bus to the large congregation hall where hundreds of people were listening to a sermon. I was forced to sit down at the back of the congregation which had now expanded out onto the tarmac outside where all their cars and minibuses were parked. I tried to get away but they were guarding me until they got more people to team with them. They gathered around me and began praying, pressing on my head and holding my arms so I wouldn't get away and aggressively praying and trying to cast out demons. I managed to break free and ran through the rows of parked cars. I turned around and shouted at them "You are all full of shit!" I realised that my shouting out would've made them even more convinced there were demons inside me and more determined to cast them out. I turned back to continue running for my freedom but one of the men had been ducking behind the last row of cars and he mowed me down like a rugby player and I was planted to the ground. Again they surrounded me praying and I screamed out wanting to break free as they shouted their prayers out even more louder. I stopped struggling as I realised it was futile, and I just lay there panting for air with tears running down the sides of my face.

The next thing I was calm and docile and doing everything they were telling me to do. It was as if several days had passed and I had become submissive like a drone. I asked politely if I could call my husband to let him know I was ok so he wouldn't be calling the police to report a missing person. I was on the phone talking to him like I was high on a drug. "I was wrong about them, they are fine" I said on the phone. "You've been brainwashed!" he shouted angrily down the phone. "No no" I begged him, but he hung up the phone on me.

Last night was a pretty horrible night. I had 2 dreams, one of them was more like a nightmare.

Dream 1

I was on holiday with my mother and was floating on a limo near some mediterranian islands. I decided to swim to one of them which had a town similar to a Chinese town. I was trying to find some clothes to wear and my mother was helping me. Every time she brought back someone they'd have an item of clothing with some special kind of history, like shorts that were worn by an empress. I was given a pale pink blouse and some very short elasticated denim shorts, but the shorts weren't going to fit around my thighs. "If you're a 26 then you need a 47" said my mother. The shorts had a label on them that said 27. She kept looking around until she found a pair of khaki coloured shorts and gave them to me to go put on. As she pushed me towards the public toilets she said "If anyone gets insulted that you're not wearing any pants just tell them you're about to put them on." I went to a unisex toilet which was decorated with deep blue tiles. I had a towel wrapped around my waist and was holding the shorts close to me. Some Japanese tourists looked at me with a scowl so I tried to hide my legs by pulling the towel over them. Then I suddenly noticed that the shorts were already on. I was confused to how they managed to get on and just as I was leaving the room the dream ended.

Nightmare 1

I had managed to switch off Tony's auto-cancel on the indicator, so he was driving with the car constantly indicating to go right. It was dark and raining so heavily that there was no visibility and we were on a motorway, but that didn't stop him from going at max speed. I told him to cancel the indicator several times and he was frustrated that I was nagging him every few seconds because he couldn't do more than 2 things at once and could barely see the road. I somehow managed to activate it again so that it cancelled when turning the wheel.

We began to drive up onto a long and high bridge. I noticed he was driving way too close to the edge of the 3rd lane and was going to hit the divider for the opposite direction. Before I could tell him to stop the car banged into the dividers and was tossed into the air. We were hit by a car behind us catapulting us to the opposite side of the motorway. Tony managed to swerve the car to a stop and we both got outside to assess the damage, when a truck began to head right for us. We both dived into the car fast and buckled our seatbelts, just a split second after I buckled mine in I felt the impact and everything went black.

I opened my eyes and we had been catapulted off the motorway into a small town. The rain had stopped now and although the car was broken it only looked like it had been scratched and dented a little at the front and back. Tony was looking around for a phone booth to call for help and to report and accident, but when he lifted the receiver a panel at the front showed in large number £1.40 and it kept going up by 10p. Then we saw a sign at the top say "Out of Order" so Tony hung up and went to grab his mobile instead to call for emergency services. I was more concerned about the other drivers and what may have become of them.

We then ended up in some luxury hotel and I had just gotten out of the shower and was wrapped up in a pink fleecy bath robe. A butler came to my room with a glass of what looked like whiskey and some herbal tablets to sleep. Tony had already taken his in a separate room. "Thank you, I'm going to really need this" I said groggily and downed the tablets with a mouthful of the liqcor. There was some more tablets so I popped those into my mouth and let them dissolve so if I got far too sleepy I could spit them out. Tony had already settled into a lovely plush bed on the side I usually sleep on, so I curled up with him feeling the silky satin sheets and lightly padded duvet, and I could smell the freshness of the sheets. My eyes became heavy and I started to fall asleep. Then it all went black and the dream ended.

I suffer with fibromyalgia so sometimes I have trouble sleeping and am waking several times in the night. As result of this I've experienced many non-recurring dreams and nightmares.

Last night I woke several times in the night with these dreams:

Dream 1

I was in a small room with my husband Tony, not the house we live in but like a smaller version of one we used to live in only the windows weren't going from wall to ceiling like they did. I was sat at my computer and Tony was just stood up, we were conversing about something but I couldn't recall what we were saying. I then looked at the window and noticed that there was a flood that had gone about 3 inches past the bottom of the window and the whole world outside looked like a big ocean. I said to Tony "wow, the water is really high up." He walked to the window and looked through it, then a big splash of water smacked into the window causing it to shatter and the water started to pour in. Tony leaped to the side as the water gushed in and I let out a loud scream. At this point the dream started to get a bit lucid as I thought not so much about the water filling the room but that it was running onto the electrics and was going to electrocute us, and then I woke up.

Dream 2

Me and Tony were in what looked like an old church building with loads of brick-a-brack, and we were playfully smacking each others' faces, but each time he hit back it was harder than mine. I attempted to hit him and he ducked, so I pretended I was going to hit him and then I gave him a really quick and hard slap. Now he wasn't my husband anymore but a girl in a long grey woolen coat, and she cowered away from me and began to cry quietly. I apologized realising I hit her way too hard, but even though it was a girl it was still Tony. I turned my attention away from her and started pulling at a drawer to an old chest of drawers. At the bottom I found old tapes I owned as a child and old game cartridges. I said "now we've found the jackpot" and pulled out a cassette of the musical tales of red riding hood. I was excited about finding old stuff I used to own as a child and began discussing how I could convert the tapes into digital format if they still had the data on them and hadn't rusted, and I could hear clearly the song "it's a wonderful time for a walk in the woods so I'm happily on my way" being played loudly and clearly in my head. I looked again at the young girl and went to comfort her and tell her about the tape of red riding hood, but she winced and cringed away from me and began to quietly cry again.

Dream 3

I think this was becoming lucid at some point. I was saying to someone around me that when I'm unwell I dream of teeth falling out or being pulled out. I pulled at a loose tooth that had shattered into a small stub, and then I pulled out another next to it and began to worry that I had an extra large gap in my teeth. I looked at the second one I pulled out and it had a small black dot on it but it wasn't necessary for me to have removed it. I then noticed other teeth were loose and able to be pulled out and I didn't want them to come out in the dream, I think this is where it started to get a little lucid.

Dream 4

I was in a very dark room with a single light shining down towards a rotastack hamster system. Inside were lots of little hamsters and a shrew or gopher which was inside it. I had to get the shrew out without letting the hamsters escape as I needed to take it to a vet for examination and then given to a sanctuary, but every time I pulled a section apart more hamsters were trying to crawl out of them. I attempted to trap the shrew in one of the units and seal it off, but I didn't have enough stopper pieces to stop the hamsters or the shrew from escaping. The shrew also used its weight to knock apart the units it was being held captive in, so I was juggling the shrew, bits of rotastack, and trying to stop the hamsters from getting away. The shrew was trying to turn its head to bite my hand. I knew if it got its teeth embedded into my skin it could easily rip off one of my fingers, so I was struggling with it to prevent it from getting its teeth around my fingers. Hamsters were running all over the floor, and there was also a large black spider the size of a football entering the scene. It raised its front legs readying to grab and paralyze a hamster if it ran into its path. I was now desperately trying to stop the hamsters from going near the spider and trying to stop more from escaping the exposed tunnels whilst remaking the system with one hand and trying to hold the shrew and avoid being bitten by it with the other hand.

Despite the dreams developing some lucid moments I wasn't able to control them to stop the bad things happening. It's like as if I wanted to play it out.