non-lucid

I'm struggling to get myself in a lucid dream. That one time I was lucky, but since then the dreams have been pretty much controlling me with the occassional attempt at the end of me telling myself this isn't how I want it to end and able to change the ending slightly, but that's about it. Instead I've been having disturbing dreams.

Dream 1

Several nights ago I dreamt I had found a small snake in the house. It was red and white and I wasn't sure if it was poisonous or not. It kept striking at me as I tried to find a way to get it out the house. I then found a long stick with a hook that looked like a massive key ring on it and I found a way to hook the snake on it and then threw it outside. But the metal was strained like it had been prised open and was quite sharp, and it cut the snake into 3. I looked outside to see the tail and head still moving, the head was severely damaged and exposing muscle. Seeing it was still alive but in pain I quickly picked up a small tupperware box and put all 3 parts into it carefully, then called out to Tony saying "Tony, we're going to need to take it to a vet." We got to a vet and when I opened the box I saw 2 heads. The vet said the second head was just a ghost head and nothing to worry about. The tail had somehow reattached itself to the body but it wasn't on properly and I could see into the tail and it was hollow, the head was still moving and I could sense that the snake knew we were trying to help it so it had calmed down to let us help but it was in a lot of pain. I was starting to take control of the dream as it was coming to a close in wanting to separate the tail from the body and reattach it properly, and seconds from waking I managed to see the part where the vet had severed the tail and was now pressing it against the body to reattach it and another vet went to get some bandages to hold it in place.

Dream 2

I was playing a prank on my cousins who were back as children except for the eldest one. We were walking down a street and I was creeping up behind them as if to scare them and then hide my hands again as if I wasn't up to anything. We neared a building and my eldest cousin was in a room that was his. His sister came in knowing I needed money and said she would sell her guitar to get me some money. I told her not to do that. We went outside and saw down the street a massive alien pod that had opened up. My cousin told us all to get into a giant spaceship that sort of looked like the one in Battlestar Galactica. My mother was there too and a few other people who were related or meant something to us. When we got inside he was able to control 2 other smaller ships that were hovering around the alien pod. One looked like a giant christmas bauble and the other was a very small ship. "Let's see what this does" he said, and the huge bauble began to flash rapidly and shot multiple thick beams of white light into the middle of the pod making a very loud noise. The smaller ship began to swing around the pod and was shooting blue lazers at it. The pod began to flicker rapidly and made a loud noise as if it was charging up and the world began to shake. "Let's get out of here!" he said, and sent the ship to go upwards into space. We sailed past the moon and my cousin said "We should be safe here." I heard a loud high pitched sound coming from Earth, outside the Earth was glowing bright and then it exploded with a loud echoing bang, sending out a massive shockwave through space. I suddenly realised we would be in space for a very long time as we hadn't yet found of a hospitable planet that wouldn't take several generations to get there and we didn't have any resources like food, water or oxygen to live that long. As the dream was coming to a close I began to take control and was thinking to myself won't the shockwave shatter through the moon and still kill us or the chunks of Earth pulverise us? We're not going to avoid it, and trying to rewrite the dream as us getting as far as Jupiter and hiding behind it, but we weren't gonna get there that fast as it took a long time for man to get to the moon and Jupiter was a lot lot further away. I woke up before I could rewrite the ending to make sense.

I haven't made any entries in a while, mostly because the dreams are on and off and haven't been lucid since I had my first one where I was flying. I made attempts this morning to go into lucid dreaming and I just can't time it right. I pinch my nose and I know it's me doing it and I'm more awake than before. But then I finally went to sleep and didn't get to go into lucid dreaming, but I did end up having 2 dreams about a place I thought I had put at the back of my mind and would never be plagued by in my dreams.

Dream 1

I was seeking out the Jesus Army. I found one of their members and called out to him. "If you guys think I'm still demon possessed then deliver me!" I shouted to him, but he started walking away into a building with the rest of the people wearing their army-clad jackets. "Please, if I am demon possessed then don't leave me like this! I'm begging you!" I pleaded. He suddenly turned around and slammed his palm onto my head, shouting all kinds of things. I just stood there eyes closed tight with tears flooding down my face. His hand was forceful as if he was trying to push me down, but I stood my ground. Eventually he stopped and stared at me, not knowing why I wasn't responding to his prayers. He looked at the rest of his friends who had stopped in their tracks and were watching him confused to why I wasn't writhing on the ground or screaming out. I opened my eyes half expecting to be a new person or just myself. They started talking to themselves and I knew they were trying to come up with an excuse to why I wasn't responding and would say that the demons were ejected through crying. I knew I was right all along, it was just me and nothing else, they could no longer spread lies that I was demon possessed anymore because they had nothing to cast out.

Dream 2

I was in Radcliffe trying to get on a bus back to Bury. I realised I was on a bus going in the wrong direction so I jumped off and ran across the road to the other side. It was seriously busy so the traffic was almost at a standstill. I couldn't find the stop for the 256 bus though (just to note, 256 bus route is nowhere near Bury.) I guessed it either had been removed and was somewhere further up the road or they had replaced the service with a different number. I kept on searching until I decided to go back and get the bus I jumped off earlier and wait for it to to a U-turn at the end of the line and come back. I raced after the bus and boarded it as it was halfway up the road.

We went out of Radcliffe towards a dual carriageway, and I was standing at the front of the bus near the doorway. The bus pulled off onto a large roundabout joining on to the dual carriageway and across the road I saw a massive brick building, newly built, with a huge red cross on it and a green logo with the words "The Jesus Fellowship" on it. "Oh god no, not the fucking Jesus Army!" I gasped. I wanted to get off the bus fast or have the bus speed up and go past it. We went round the roundabout and on one of the exits there was lines of terrace houses, the first one had a sign hanging out of it with the Jesus Army logo on it. Suddenly I was grabbed by my neck or had a knife to my neck and a familiar voice was talking to me in a low tone. I looked up into a rear view mirror and saw 2 men wearing Jesus Army jackets (note that the Jesus Army would never carry knives nor would they physically assault someone in public.) They dragged me off the bus to the large congregation hall where hundreds of people were listening to a sermon. I was forced to sit down at the back of the congregation which had now expanded out onto the tarmac outside where all their cars and minibuses were parked. I tried to get away but they were guarding me until they got more people to team with them. They gathered around me and began praying, pressing on my head and holding my arms so I wouldn't get away and aggressively praying and trying to cast out demons. I managed to break free and ran through the rows of parked cars. I turned around and shouted at them "You are all full of shit!" I realised that my shouting out would've made them even more convinced there were demons inside me and more determined to cast them out. I turned back to continue running for my freedom but one of the men had been ducking behind the last row of cars and he mowed me down like a rugby player and I was planted to the ground. Again they surrounded me praying and I screamed out wanting to break free as they shouted their prayers out even more louder. I stopped struggling as I realised it was futile, and I just lay there panting for air with tears running down the sides of my face.

The next thing I was calm and docile and doing everything they were telling me to do. It was as if several days had passed and I had become submissive like a drone. I asked politely if I could call my husband to let him know I was ok so he wouldn't be calling the police to report a missing person. I was on the phone talking to him like I was high on a drug. "I was wrong about them, they are fine" I said on the phone. "You've been brainwashed!" he shouted angrily down the phone. "No no" I begged him, but he hung up the phone on me.

Dream 1

I was in hospital due for an operation. I was in the canteen area and my friend Eyan just had his operation and was sat in a gigantic electric wheelchair. Scenes were quickly going by, next thing I was in the same wheelchair driving myself to the canteen. I felt I was being lazy letting this thing move me around, so I dropped it off at a mobility centre and started to walk. Then I realised why I needed the chair as I got severe stabbing pains in my tummy area and I was gripping my tummy and limping towards an elevator.

The dream suddenly switched to a very odd man-made rabbit hutch which was almost vertical. Tony was with me. The rabbit hutch looked more like a pinball game than a hutch. There was a steep slope leading to a wide platform where Kick and a bunch of small angora bunnies were nibbling on hay, and below them were compartments and I didn't understand what their purpose was. I noticed Archie was missing and I asked Tony where Archie was. He said he had to give him up because he wouldn't have gotten along with the other bunnies. I'm then screaming at him for getting rid of Archie. "Where is he? Why did you do this? He was my favourite! Where is he?" I'm shouting at him, but he's not answering. I then see an image of Archie looking unhappy in a caged area of a dark room with a dim spotlight shining over him and my voice is echoing out "Archie!!!!" Everything begins to darken and I'm feeling the pains in my tummy. I then wake up with my tummy actually hurting for 5 minutes after waking.

Last night was a pretty horrible night. I had 2 dreams, one of them was more like a nightmare.

Dream 1

I was on holiday with my mother and was floating on a limo near some mediterranian islands. I decided to swim to one of them which had a town similar to a Chinese town. I was trying to find some clothes to wear and my mother was helping me. Every time she brought back someone they'd have an item of clothing with some special kind of history, like shorts that were worn by an empress. I was given a pale pink blouse and some very short elasticated denim shorts, but the shorts weren't going to fit around my thighs. "If you're a 26 then you need a 47" said my mother. The shorts had a label on them that said 27. She kept looking around until she found a pair of khaki coloured shorts and gave them to me to go put on. As she pushed me towards the public toilets she said "If anyone gets insulted that you're not wearing any pants just tell them you're about to put them on." I went to a unisex toilet which was decorated with deep blue tiles. I had a towel wrapped around my waist and was holding the shorts close to me. Some Japanese tourists looked at me with a scowl so I tried to hide my legs by pulling the towel over them. Then I suddenly noticed that the shorts were already on. I was confused to how they managed to get on and just as I was leaving the room the dream ended.

Nightmare 1

I had managed to switch off Tony's auto-cancel on the indicator, so he was driving with the car constantly indicating to go right. It was dark and raining so heavily that there was no visibility and we were on a motorway, but that didn't stop him from going at max speed. I told him to cancel the indicator several times and he was frustrated that I was nagging him every few seconds because he couldn't do more than 2 things at once and could barely see the road. I somehow managed to activate it again so that it cancelled when turning the wheel.

We began to drive up onto a long and high bridge. I noticed he was driving way too close to the edge of the 3rd lane and was going to hit the divider for the opposite direction. Before I could tell him to stop the car banged into the dividers and was tossed into the air. We were hit by a car behind us catapulting us to the opposite side of the motorway. Tony managed to swerve the car to a stop and we both got outside to assess the damage, when a truck began to head right for us. We both dived into the car fast and buckled our seatbelts, just a split second after I buckled mine in I felt the impact and everything went black.

I opened my eyes and we had been catapulted off the motorway into a small town. The rain had stopped now and although the car was broken it only looked like it had been scratched and dented a little at the front and back. Tony was looking around for a phone booth to call for help and to report and accident, but when he lifted the receiver a panel at the front showed in large number £1.40 and it kept going up by 10p. Then we saw a sign at the top say "Out of Order" so Tony hung up and went to grab his mobile instead to call for emergency services. I was more concerned about the other drivers and what may have become of them.

We then ended up in some luxury hotel and I had just gotten out of the shower and was wrapped up in a pink fleecy bath robe. A butler came to my room with a glass of what looked like whiskey and some herbal tablets to sleep. Tony had already taken his in a separate room. "Thank you, I'm going to really need this" I said groggily and downed the tablets with a mouthful of the liqcor. There was some more tablets so I popped those into my mouth and let them dissolve so if I got far too sleepy I could spit them out. Tony had already settled into a lovely plush bed on the side I usually sleep on, so I curled up with him feeling the silky satin sheets and lightly padded duvet, and I could smell the freshness of the sheets. My eyes became heavy and I started to fall asleep. Then it all went black and the dream ended.

Past few nights I've had trouble recalling dreams, but last night I was able to recall one of them.

I was back at my very first home where I grew up as a child. I was looking out through the wide kitchen window to the back garden. As a child my mother made it a large allotment of prize winning gooseberry bushes, blackcurrant bushes, raspberry canes, rhubarb, and she had a greenhouse where she doctored young plants she found selling cheap that were half dead and then grew them into amazing blooms. But now as I looked out there was little left of the back garden I once remembered. The privet bushes had been cut down half their height, a low wall was added by the concrete paving stones below the window with steps leading up towards a more higher lawn and cracked paving stones going around it. At the other side a shed was built right by where the rhubarb plants were, which were still there but massively overgrown. There was also bits of hawthorn and fuschia bushes that were badly in need of trimming in front of the shed. I looked with dismay at the empty lawn and said in a dejected voice "Oh mother..." I could feel her presence and her sadness of knowing all those years of working in the garden together picking berries to make into jams and wines were now gone forever, and I swear I heard her whisper to me "I know."

I woke up feeling this wasn't just a dream but that I was actually there with her in spirit. I'm considering looking the place up with google maps to see if it really looks like it did in my dream.

I had as usual multiple dreams and could only recall 2 of them, both very strange.

Dream 1

I was late for a science experiment so I arrived at a college after class to do the experiment. I had a piece of wire that I needed to create a "plasma" at the end, which was basically a pulsing light at the end of the wire that gave an electric shock when touched. I was following instructions on a leaflet on what to do. It then said I needed to apply the plasma under my tongue and that it would then project a larger image of my teeth but in building form on a screen to show what state my teeth were in. I placed the wire carefully on a table so that the plasma bit at the end didn't touch anything and went to brush my teeth and gargle some mouth wash. I was brushing thoroughly with a toothbrush but the head was that of a round electric toothbrush. I was being very thorough cleaning everything including the gums very carefully so they wouldn't bleed since I knew I hadn't brushed in a while and the gums were very soft and easy to damage. I used an antibacterial mouth wash then remembered I had some listerine that had been advertised "for people who spit blood when brushing". I rinsed my mouth with the listerine as well, but I had no sink to spit the soapy mess of mouth was and toothpaste. I spat it out onto a jersey and then realised what I had done and went to clean it off fast, but there was no stains on it and it wasn't even wet. Satisfied my mouth was clean as it was gonna get I placed the wire into my mouth. The "plasma" was now a very tiny glowing white dome with a dark base and I had to insert it so the flat side was touching the flesh under the tongue, but it went on the wrong way. I fiddled about with it until I got it the right way up, and then it morphed into a very tiny web cam that clamped itself into the flesh and began projecting the image onto a screen. What I saw was the gums and lines of ruined houses made out of computer chips that were crumbling and falling to pieces, and looked like brown moss around the bases to represent plaque. The tutor came up to see my progress and said "oh dear, doesn't look very good in there doesn't it?" I suddenly started to feel woozy. "That'll be the morphine" said the tutor. "Morphine?" I said drowsily. I began to panic as I was due for an operation soon and knew they were going to give me lots of morphine that I could overdose with this extra in my system. "Don't worry it's only a small amount" said the tutor. "It'll wear off quickly." I noticed the area under the tongue didn't hurt anymore and was numb. Just as well because if the little "plasma" bot in my mouth had pierced itself into the flesh to stay in one spot then it was going to sting coming out again. The dream then ended.

Dream 2

I was wearing a long red dress and a black cashmere jumper that had shrunk in the wash that the sleeves were halfway up my arms and gripping into the skin. I also was wearing my black and silver cross pendant. I was walking up some stairs following the person who owned the place, the walls were a tomato red colour, and as we reached the landing there was various trinkets hanging on the wall like a shop. I saw a charm necklace with charms of bibles, crosses and figurines of saints. I looked at it with awe and took it off the hanger. "Now where have I seen this design before..." I said. "Oh, that's a very popular necklace" said the owner. I looked down at my silver and black cross pendant which had tiny little crosses dangling off the huge cross made of pewter and faux gems and held it up. "Ah!" said the owner seeing its similar design. I put the necklace back on its hanger. "This one is more me though, more of a gothic look to it" I said looking at the pendant. "If you like goth then I think I know just the person for you" said the owner. "She's called Rachiel, but she is very particular about her friends." I was shown into a room that had a very small bar at the back. The room looked more like a chef's kitchen than a bar, and in the middle of the room was a large metal table and a woman was sat on top of it surrounded by other people wearing heavy metal gothic clothes. She had her hair in messy dreads and were of various shades of brown. Her face was almost completely decorated with piercings and she had various tatoos on her arms and wearing scraggy clothing. She was Rachiel, and she was head of this place. As I walked in she laughed in a mocking way and everyone else went quiet. "What in the hell is THAT?!" she shouted, glaring at me. The whole room stared right at me. I began to walk around the crowd towards the bar. She was saying other insulting things to me that I couldn't recall what she said, but I responded to her with "Whatever" and proceeded to the bar. "If you want to prove yourself to me then you'll order a" I can't recall the name of the drink she said. I knew what the recipe was in the dream but again I can't recall it, and I knew it was a potently spicy drink that could make a person gag. I leaned over to the barman and asked him "Does it have spices in it?" He didn't seem to acknowledge me at first and the rest of the room were eager to know if I was going to order it and drink it in front of them. I asked the barman again "Has it got spices in it?" The barman had a dirty face and a fat cigar inbetween his teeth. He grinned at me and nodded his head "Oooh yeah" he said. I looked around to see what else there was to drink. There was a few cheap lagers on tap and just a couple of bottles of spirits behind him, nothing special. I decided against ordering anything and walked towards Rachiel. Another girl with a black nose ring and dyed black hair questioned me. I stood at her side and without looking at her I said "Normally I would accept your challenge, but I am allergic to spices." She rolled up her eyes and grabbed hold of a small backpack saying something along the lines of "Come on guys, let's leave this loser to it" and a bunch of people left the room with her, leaving just me with Rachiel and a small number of lads around her. She didn't look very impressed with me. Then I noticed I had a shopping bag and inside it was a small number of things including an ibuprofen in inhaler form and a ventolin inhaler, and a bottle of cheap shower gel I bought from Aldi. The lid had popped off the shower gel and everything inside it was coated in the gel, only it wasn't gel it was now like a mixture of oil and honey that crystalized when dried on. I ran into a toilet area which was decorated in blue tiles and put the bag onto a shelf and began rummaging inside seeing what I could rescue. The ibuprofen inhaler looked like a small bottle of Ariel liquid gel and was unusable, so I discarded it. I frantically pulled out my ventolin inhaler and pulled it apart. The oily mess had dried on and would need a toothbrush to clear it out and lots of hot water, but I was in such a panic that I started breathing at the back of my throat. It wasn't an actual asthma attack as I couldn't feel anything in the chest, but I was getting just as loopy from hyperventilating and losing my footing. Someone helped to hold me upright. I thought about coughing but it would've been a clear cough and not needed, so I tried instead to calm down. I felt like such a weakling, a girl posing as a badly dressed goth entering a club led by a heavy metal goth gang having multiple allergies and asthma. A man rushed into the room with an oxygen mask, it was a paramedic in a very dark green cotton jumpsuit. I knew I didn't need it, but then I woke up coughing and wheezing with my chest rattling like crazy and kept dropping back to sleep almost recalling the dream from where it left off but more as a waking dream, rewriting it half awake. Every time I woke up I would say "Hand pick up the ball!" as a way of telling me to wake up properly and get out of bed. It took several attempts to properly wake up and get out of bed with me finally saying loudly "Hand pick up the ball!" and pulling the covers off me and pushing myself up.

I didn't have the issue of constantly waking up in the night although I still had a number of dreams last night, some very bizarre ones, but at least one of them I think was lucid. I don't recall doing the movements or any tingling, however this is how it went.

Dream 1

I was lying in bed with my eyes closed in the position I was in when I went to sleep. Everything was now all quiet and I had the sense that this was not real. I began to think to myself "I did it, I think I made it. Wait, can I still breathe through my nose?" I pinched my nose and I was still breathing. "Yep, I can breathe. Let's check that again..." I pinched my nose again, definitely breathing. I opened my eyes and I could see the bedroom which was like daylight despite it being in the middle of the night. "ok, now how do I do this?" I began to wonder. I pushed myself out of bed but there was a fair amount of resistance. It was like peeling myself off a leather sofa. I looked down to where I was lying to see if I could see myself there but I wasn't, just the imprint of where I had been lying. I walked around the bed to the door. "I wonder if I can just walk through doors" I questioned. I walked towards the door but I bumped into it. "ok guess not, I'll just have to open it" I said to myself. I turned the knob and opened the door onto the landing. I got to the top of the stairs and looked down. "I wonder if I can fly" I asked myself. I jumped in the air and there I was floating horizontally. "Oh my god, I can fly, I can fly!" I shouted excitedly. I was no longer in the house but on a small hill coated in daisies, the sky looked like a drawing rather than something real, and I was flying just a couple of feet above the hill. I could see other bodies floating in the air too laughing like children. They had a bright glow to them that was either pink or blue and were leaving trails as they flew over the hill. Their bodies were glowing so brightly that I could only make out facial and upper body features, and despite they were laughing their faces were motionless. I was too was laughing excitedly, but then the dream came to an end. This image closely resembles what I dreamed.



The rest of the dreams didn't appear to be lucid, some were so short and blurry that I couldn't remember them, but these are the ones I could fully recall.

Dream 2

Since I had been watching Black Adder Goes Forth just before going to bed it was no surprise that my next dream was about Black Adder. Edmund decided that he did love the nurse he condemned to death after all and ran into a room where she was being held in order to free her before she got executed. She was on a hospital bed wearing a straight jacket. He burst into the room and looked at her with both love and apology in his eyes, upset at what he had done to her. "Oh Edmund, you do love me!" she shouted happily. "Yes I do" he said running over to her. She was able to pull her arms apart enough for him to slip under her arms and kiss her. "Even if I was an axe murderess you would still love me?" "Until the very end" he replied. Then George burst into the room and rolled his eyes. "Good god, are you making love to her?" he laughed. He pulled Edmund away and pushed him aside. "Come along madam, time for the execution!" he said, grabbing hold of her. Edmund rushed over to her and pushed George off. "You're not going to execute her!" he shouted. "Oh yes we are!" said George, shoving Edmund off him. "No, she isn't the spy!" Edmund shouted, protecting the nurse. "But you said she was" said George. Whilst they were arguing some other soldiers came into the room and took the nurse away without Edmund noticing. "Here's what I'm going to do" said George. "I'm going to tell you something that's going to make you feel jealous and forget all about her." "No no, I don't want to hear it!" shouted Edmund, covering his ears. "Fine, then I'll draw it then" said George. He began drawing naughty images on a white board, one of them looked like he was about to draw a male genitalia but instead it was of a dolphin but the implication was still there as he drew arrows on where it was jumping to. Edmund looked angrily at the board which had now changed into a glass board, his moustache began to twitch, and then he remembered that the nurse was going to be executed any second. He bolted outside quickly to go save her.

Dream 3

I had just done some shopping and one of the items was of a fruit pie. Tony went up to bed and I was feeling hungry, so I opened the fruit pie and started to eat it with my bare hands, scraping at it and scoffing it like a pig. I sensed someone across the road was watching me from their window so I ducked down below the window frame so they couldn't see me eating. I could barely finish it but I could hear Tony coming back downstairs so I folded the box in on itself and crumpled it down and hid it under a chair. Tony came into the room feeling a bit peckish and wanting something to eat. He went for the bag that the fruit pie was in and asked where it was. I told him we didn't have one and that maybe we left it at the shop. He looked disappointed and confused as he was looking forward to having some of it.

Last night I didn't wake as often, but I also couldn't time myself right to begin attempting at lucid dreaming. It seemed like I was just wide awake, not feeling tired, then suddenly bam I was asleep. I had quite a lot of dreams but only 2 I could fully recall.

Dream 1

I was at a large park in the hills near a deep forest, sat by a huge fountain. There was a rock formation nearby with a small path going behind it which everyone seemed to ignore since it looked like the path went nowhere. Then whilst nobody else was watching Randy Jackson came from behind the rock formation and asked me to follow him, telling me that Michael needed to see me. I followed him on a very narrow path that eventually led into the forest and there was a large clearing in the middle with big trees surrounding it and a huge treehouse complex on the surrounding trees. Randy showed me to one of the treehouse rooms which was Michael's room whilst he walked across a long bridge to another room which I assume was his room. I sat on a soft bed waiting for Michael to arrive, he was taking a shower. Eventually he came into the room having showered and dressed and was happy to see me, he had lots to say and lots of questions. He also wasn't just treating me like a random stranger but as if we knew each other and were already close. Then the dream ended.

Dream 2

I was in some kind of competition for making the best and most fun pinata. We were divided into 2 teams, a yellow team and a blue team. The yellow team seemed to be having problems breaking their pinata but it was making very pretty effects blowing out lots of glitter every time it was hit. The blue team however made a pinata that was more easier to break and more rewarding with each bash. Next we were to slide across a long plastic mat with loads of rows of goodies at the end ranging from small bags of sweets, chocolates, large bars of chocolates, and other small things that I couldn't quite make out. We were to grab as much as we could whilst sliding. We were able to gather way more than actually possible with our arms. I noticed at the end though I had only collected small chocolates and lots of the other small things whilst everyone else had large bars of chocolates so we attempted at trading each other what we had.

Another attempt to try lucid dreaming was a total bust. Tried to get into a comfortable position to be in as less pain as possible and not hear my own wheezing and whistling from my chest. My doctor said that because I'm overweight it's putting pressure on the lungs, resulting in me wheezing and whistling when I'm in a relaxed mood. It certainly doesn't help when trying to sleep on top of the tinitus ringing in my ears and acid indigestion from having drank a fair amount of cola before going to bed, and unending pain in my arms and hands no matter what position I lay in.

For a while sleep wasn't going to happen, I kept tossing and turning in bed and coughing, until suddenly I got into a very relaxed mood and felt I was going to drop asleep any minute. I began the slight finger movements, and my whole body started to tingle. I kept with it, keeping the mind clear as best I could. The whole thing must've lasted 20 seconds, maybe longer. Suddenly the body stopped tingling and it seemed like the room was getting bright as my vision was seeing white light that was getting brighter and brighter and my body felt a little like it was defying gravity. Did I make it I wondered. Already my question was answered, no I didn't. I could hear my husband snoring next to me, I could hear my breathing rattling, and the moment I raised a hand to pinch my nose I felt the stiff pain in the hand. I pinched my nose anyways, and definitely wasn't able to breathe through it. I had to settle for a standard dream again that night.

A few dreams came and went from my ever sleeping, waking and sleeping again pattern, despite that I'm on tablets that are supposed to have a sedative effect to prevent me from having disturbed sleep at night. The only one I could remember was that I was playing Final Fantasy 11. I was on my chocobo in Sauromuge Champaign with an alliance of people looking for HNMs. I was using a mod to tell me what monsters were around and was trying to find the new HNM that was there. I saw giant birds in the zone called Roc and shouted out excitedly "I found it, Roc!" "That's a normal monster now" said someone else. "Oh yeah, I forgot" I said as I saw yet another bird called Roc. I reached the area where the HNM spawned and saw lots of people in the area camping it. "I doubt we'll get this one, there's lots of people here, lots and lots of them" I said. "We'll try anyways" said another guy. "How do we get up there?" said another who used a person to person warp to arrive at my spot. "You'll have to go through Garlaige Citadel of the past and come out of that maw" I said, looking up at the maw above me on an unreachable ledge. Small baby elephants were spawning in the area and the other campers were killing them all. I was seeing new names appearing on my mod but I didn't recognise any of them. Any one of them could've been the HNM but I could barely see what else was going on besides small elephants and large birds being attacked by various people. The dream ended very shortly afterwards.

Last night I attempted at using some techniques to trigger lucid dreaming. It was awkward getting into a comfortable position as my hands were starting to ache. I lay with my eyes closed waiting for a moment to start feeling like I was going to drift off to sleep, but that moment never seemed to come. Tony was making noises through the night and tossing and turning which would wake me up, eventually he crawled out of bed and went downstairs which I figured he couldn't sleep and was gonna watch TV and sleep downstairs. I began to feel like I was about to drift away and so I started to move my fingers. I felt tingling sensations throughout the body, but I also felt intense pain in my left arm. I was awoken by the pain, so I tried to move my left arm to a more comfortable position. Again I began to drift off, but each time I felt intense pain in my arms and was awoken. Hours must've gone by where I couldn't get to sleep and every attempt to enter lucidity resulted in me waking in pain and when I tested if I was dreaming I wasn't able to breathe through the nose which confirmed I was awake. All of a sudden I fell asleep without even trying and had mini dreams lasting only a few seconds, maybe a minute each, and I kept on waking up feeling the pain in my arms. None of the dreams were lucid as I was in far too much pain. I can't recall how many short dreams I had but there was only 2 I could remember.

Dream 1

I was in so much pain I crawled out of bed and went downstairs to get my painkillers. I had called a doctor to come to the house and she gave me a timeframe when to come. For some reason I dragged myself outside with a sleeping blanket wrapped around me, feeling intensely tired. It wasn't the street to the house I was living at but back at my old house. A man in the distance was watching me from his garden with an angry look on his face. I felt too exhausted to move and collapsed to the ground, even though I wasn't that bad to collapse I could've stayed standing or sat down to rest but I thought if I collapsed I'd get help faster. The guy pulled a phone from his pocket to call for an ambulance. I lay there with my eyes closed, just wanting to sleep or pass out before the paramedics arrived and made me out to be faking for attention. Paramedics arrived very quickly and were talking with the guy about what he saw, then they came over to me. They shouted at me like they knew I wasn't unconscious and were very annoyed with me. "Come on Melanie!" they shouted. I groaned and opened my eyes slowly. "You don't really expect us to believe that you were asleep do you?" They got fed up with me trying to look worse than I was and went back to the guy and began talking with him again. "I have fibromyalgia" I said, but I was now feeling and sounding extremely tired and struggling to get the words out. "You have what?" they said coming back to me and bending over to hear what I was saying. "Fibromyalgia, I just want to sleep" I said. I managed to wake myself up more and forced my eyes wide open. I looked up at a clock that was hanging on a wall. It was my clock on the living room wall of my old house, and it was showing around 2pm. "My doctor is supposed to be coming" I murmered. "When is she coming?" they asked. I looked at a crumpled note that was in someone else's handwriting, it said 1:30 - 4:30. "Why would you come out here if she is due to come to you anyways?" they asked. Then the dream jumped to a lady who was the doctor with short blonde curly hair wearing a blue uniform and she was in her car driving to the different house call appointments. The dream then ended there.

Dream 2

I was James Bond running through Manchester trying to escape someone. I ran into a square where there were security cameras projecting an image of me running onto the building walls. The shoppers thought it was a celebrity stunt and were shouting out "there's James Bond!" and they were all cheering and clapping. I grabbed hold of a woman in a red dress who I think was my sister or a co-worker and I was saying something desperately to her about needing to get out of there. The dream went rather muddled at that point and then ended.

Dream 3

I dreamt about the cartoon character Jem from Jem and the Holograms, someone ripped a pearl necklace from her neck leaving her upset. This was a very quick dream and ended there.

I'm upset that the pain was preventing me from sleeping properly or from being able to attain lucidity. I'll be calling my doctor today to arrange an appointment for some new medication since what she has given me isn't working.

I had a number of dreams last night but this is the only one I could really recall.

I was inside a house that had been shown on Most Haunted, although it isn't actually one the TV series showed but in my dream I knew it was from Most Haunted. I was skeptical about the "ghosts" that were caught on camera and was looking at each area where there had been a ghost filmed and was explaining how special effects could make it look like a ghost was there. At the same time I was feeling a bit nervous in case a ghost really was there.