haylaycat

Fuck yea I finally went lucid!! I saw Matt in a cafe and he was talking to some evil dude who looked like mick jagger and was like corrupting his mind or something. I wanted to save Matt really bad. Then I realized, wait, I'm dreaming and Matt doesn't have to be corrupted like this! I can convince him to stop, I.e. control him. So I set about trying to talk him into leaving with me. Surprise surprise, he didn't do what I wanted, because even in my dreams I can't control people and make them do what I want. Its interesting how that was the first thing that came to my mind to do once I realized I could do whatever I wanted. Wow, there are no accidents.
Matt was definitely inhabited by some demon and was not acting like himself at this point. At first I thought, well fuck him, I'm just gonna give up on trying to save him. As I learned yesterday, my defense mechanism is giving up on a relationship so I can feel in control of the outcome rather than risking it and have a chance at failing. And then I thought, why can't I control him if I'm lucid dreaming? I even thought, well maybe I'm not really lucid. I was gonna go test it out and go fly or something, but then I knew I wouldn't even enjoy it because I would know I had left Matt behind and given up on him.
Then I remembered the real Matt having told me that in his lucid dreams he would run away from the monsters cuz he got scared, even though he could technically fight them and win. And he also recently stood up to one of them. So I thought, well I can do that too! When I looked at the dream Matt, all mean and corrupted, I just wanted to love and nurture him and tell him that everything's gonna be okay. So I climbed on his lap and did just that. I really wanted to make out with him, so I did! And it felt really good. The more I made out with him, the more I could feel the evil spirit leaving his body. And once it was gone, we just held each other and then I woke up.
Wow, so interesting with a lot of commentary on things I learned in my fifth step yesterday. Ultimately, I can't control and make people do what I want, but I CAN always help them.