lucid

I'm in the subway with my grandmother, I don't remember why, but it was headed to the 11th street. There I saw the girl I had a crush on since 7th grade. She handed me a comb, and said that I would need it. Trust me she says, It's going to come in handy, and you'll need it. I asked how was spring break, we talked for a while in a friendly conversation, there the train stopped, and I was about to exit with her, I saw a man reading on a kindle, Once I walked out I was in a room of a house. My grandmother followed along, and she walked out the door of the strange house, just as I was about to follow her, and the girl closed the door, and locked it. The lights were shut, and began kissing me, as I have began to start making out with her in the dark, I started kissing her neck, she moved away, and started kissing her again, and I felt up her small breasts, and felt her nipples, from then on the dream slowly started fading, as a transparent haze lifting off me, I'm back in reality.

The dreams I had last night were very deep, as well as extremely vivid. I needed an escape tonight from my reality tonight, and I got it. I had enough of feeling trapped, and caged, I needed to go somewhere where I am not bounded by society's standards. Where I'm not afraid to act on the behalf of emotion and passion rather than a passive introvert.

Let's start off with my first dream which was completely lucid, yet, I did not do any reality checks and confirmed that it was reality when in fact I was fooled into think that. I woke up on the couch, It was late, living room was a cool blue off the TV, and walked off thinking if this was a dream, and confirmed that it wasn't, but I was still in control and lucid. I stared at the TV which was still turned on, It was some old late night family sitcom from the 70's probably, my sister was preparing something special all night, I wondered into the kitchen to find elegant dining set, and candlelight, and china sets, you name it. My mind told me that this was natural, so I went along with it, and after that I woke up to find my self in bed. It is 12:00AM, was my 8 hour long dream really less than a few mere minutes?

Okay, my second dream being in the library. This gorgeous blond woman waved over me from across the library, where I pointed at myself asking me? Yes, you she asked seductively. She gave me a deep philosophical conversation about love, life, and knowledge. In which I can't recall most of the conversation. she was about to lift her skirt to make an example, but she told me that love can come later. Knowledge must be a priority above all else. Then she told me about her passion, and picked off two books off the rack, and told me have I read these before? One of the books started with a N, it was thick red/black book . Second had the name grace in it. She smiled and then suggested that I read those. Then I walked away, and my sister who saw me talking to her told me that she is famous author of those two books, and they were her all time favorite. Actually I was in a middle of a author event where I noticed groups of people around me with the same interest of the book. I wondered off. Two girls were very interested in me, and flirted with me. After that the dream ended.

Third dream, I was with my relative walking across the city, we cut some sort of queue and into the auditorium, I find some of my friends from elementary school. All grown up. and my two teachers from current. I was wearing a Venom (heavy metal band) shirt which is something I don't own in reality, but I had it on anyway. A old woman to my side, and she had looked at my drawings I had sent in, she told me that I plagiarized, and that I admitted, and I gave her this idea for a drawing I was about to make. Something so surreal and amazing, I could see the look on her face, she was extremely interested in this drawing I was proposing. In conclusion I woke up. Pounding headache..

A couple more dreams after that. Long but short lived..

I was in a funk this whole week. I was wallowing deeply. My cold also contributed to this. I felt like hell was crashing upon me. There's a feeling in my stomach that told me that there were two options to all this. There is no one to talk to. I like being alone, and I tell myself this consistently, it's only realization or criticism that drives me deeper into that, and I refuse to waste my energy engaging myself in a conversation with others who don't share the passion I do. Who rather talk about something superficial. Having no care about the arts. There was chaos in my mind. Regrets, realization of who I really am in reality, and far below my expectations. How my goals are not within reach because I was ignorant and stubborn. How shut out I am.

Yet tonight, I finally got this sense of tranquility. My mind wondered, and connected. The worst bit is still here I feel. Happiness will come soon.
I just have to wait for the storm to end. Indulge myself in knowledge, and look at the stars tonight.

Oh yeah! Today I had a series of 7 lucid dreams.
Lets start off with my normal dream. I was playing some sort of zombie tag at a playground. The zombie was blindfolded, and everyone has to hide. I climbed up and hid in a ledge somewhere. Now, we were at a hotel, and my mother blurted out something, I look in the mirror, and realized I was dreaming, and that's where's lucidity kicks in. Whenever the lucidity kicks in, I'm always in a house that I never been to before. A creation of my subconscious.

In my series of lucid dreams, I didn't use any control on it this time. I was trying to prolong the experience as best I could. I looked at my watch and repeated " I will not wake up until this watch hits this and that. It didn't work, because I never looked at my watch after that. I kept repeating increase lucidity, and did all the rituals, and than after that. All I did was stare out the window, and observe the people walking. Everything faded, I felt my dream body in limbo as I seem to be surfacing the white light. After that I had 6 false awakenings. All of me doing the nose pinch, and trying to leave the house, but all were short lived of my trying to leave the house before waking up. Thing is, I never find sleeping on my back comfortable.

Again, I was laying on my back to sleep instead of my side. This helps me with lucidity because I don't move much. This has helped for the second time in a row.

Most dreams don't make sense, we know this. So, I'll just list whatever happened.

- Group of friends, we're hanging out in street. Walked pasted my cousin.
-Fell into lucidity, didn't last long. It was blurry, I woke up pretty quickly. I'm taking note that sleeping on my back instead of my side is very effective to becoming lucid, because I don't move around.
-Some bar that involves angels. Menu includes thousand year old wine, and other stuff.
-In new york, fountain pen merchant. I was looking at a Visonti dolci fountain pen, and a gold ringtop.

I didn't get any f** sleep tonight. I'm just as tired and shitty as anybody else in this position which I'm sure some of you have been in this position before.
Well, there is just too many damn thoughts in my head. Not to mention how I suddenly realize how insanely uncomfortable my pillows are.
Anyways, Thoughts about the past. regrets, how I might have changed things and hopefully optimism for the future.
My eyes may not focus as well as my mind at this moment, but I just had a epiphany of what I need to do in life. Which is damn well better or to close to than any dreams.... I suppose... Sorta... Not really. I would still like a lucid dream or two. They always leave me smiling. Yeah, you understand.

Peace out.