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08/04/2011 Thursday morning



***I remember dreaming in a dream, maybe lucid dreaming in a dream…

Dream 1 – (early in the night I think) I was in “my grandmother’s room” (IWL never seen before). A bed was to my right. Something about having a blanket that I was holding all four corners of, and the “ghost” (was like an unseen force) had filled the blanket and was pulling me up, over the bed. I was fighting it to bring it back down and not get pulled away. I managed to do that, and was back on the bed…something about a small stack of books on the bed.

I moved around maybe, and discovered that D was under the covers trying to sleep. I apologized or felt bad, that I had all that going on over him while he was in bed. There was more, that’s all I remember.

Dream 2 – I was sitting on what I thought was a bus, seemed like Seattle, with rows of people in front, behind and to my right. A couple of guys were on my right, and I watched one of them pull a didgeridoo out of a cover, while inserting a cardboard tube (like a wrapping paper tube) into the center of it. I was wondering why he was doing that, and he cut and spread the bottom of the tube in the bottom of the didj. I thought that he was doing that so someone else could play and not get their spit all in his didj.

One of them began playing, and a window like a puppet theater opened in front of us. “They” were putting on an “art” show for us on the bus. I wondered if we were moving, and if everyone was okay with just waiting on the bus and if anyone was concerned about being on time.

I noticed at some point that the seats were now more like chairs, like the sort of egg-shaped melamine chairs with metal legs.

The show was a couple of guys showing various things. At first I saw them show a couple of big mushrooms, that looked like paper mache. Then some crazy visuals, I remember in particular a big copier spinning around behind the guy, as some kind of filler until the rest of the show was ready.

Someone said something like, “You don’t have your line ready yet?” and a woman scrambled to get her part of the show ready. Then I was behind the scenes, and whatever got plugged in, and there was something like a doctor’s examine table in front of me, and three women who were maybe not real, made of plastic-like stuff, somersaulted from and over the examine table and skipped off to my right. I think one was hot pink, one was cyan, and one was yellow.

Fragment, possibly SP:

There was a "ghost" to my left, that was pulling on me and sucking me into it.
I experienced the dream ghost as a feeling of powerlessness and uncomfortable tingling like when a funny bone gets hit.

My dream dad was in the room (kind of like my dad, only much kinder, younger, healthier). Maybe we were talking.

I was now turned toward the "ghost", and DD on my left. The ghost was sucking me in headfirst, and the feeling of paralysis was spreading from my upper body down, and I was rising off the floor "into" the ghost.

My dream dad gently pulled me down and out and away from the ghost.

I woke up from this dream about 30 minutes ago.

Bed @ 10pm
Wake @ 11:30pm
200mcg huperzine-a before bed

Some context: I just moved into an apartment that I got at a significant discount because someone died in it 7 mos. ago. Nothing too strange has happened, once the lights in the living room were turned on when I went in, and yesterday a rolled up black piece of fabric from I don't know what the heck was lying on the bathroom floor, that hadn't been there just a few moments before.

Also, just before bed I did a meditation on healing past relationships, something I thought of earlier as "giving up the ghost" because really with one guy I was in love with the ghost of who he seemed to be early on, but ultimately not who he really is.

So. I also had some pain in the left side of my belly, happens sometimes when gas gets trapped, I could feel the pain in my sleep. I tossed and turned and began dreaming in kind of a twilight state. I dreamed that a "ghost", an invisible being, was pressing on my belly. I was powerless and couldn't fight it off, it was annoying and painful and I couldn't do anything about it. I finally managed to turn over and the ghost started pressing me on the other side, and kind of batting me. I couldn't move, I couldn't swat at it, and it was annoying like a fly, in the way it was pressing on me and wouldn't leave me alone. I tried to yell at it, and had no voice.

This went on for a while, until I managed to stand up and open a door and walk out. Up to that point, the scene was just like my room IWL, but the door in the dream was to the left of where my bedroom window is IWL, and there was a frame of a screen door. The ghost tried to keep me from opening the door, I went in and out of feeling powerless and paralyzed, and finally opened the door and stepped outside.

I could feel the wind catch the ghost and it began to dissolve and float away with the wind. It tried to get back into the apartment and close the door, but I held the door firm and felt more of it that had been wrapped around me fall away and dissolve. I think my voice returned then, too. Then I woke up.

After I woke up, I got up and moved around. My stomach still hurt, so I put some hot water on the stove to make some ginger tea, then decided as a symbolic act of acting out my dream I would open my front door and step outside...I stepped outside for a few moments, then came back in and heard a loud POP! and the sound of breaking glass....I had turned the wrong burner on and exploded a pyrex dish left on the stove. It felt like a release of energy, related to releasing the ghost or something. And now there is glass all over my stove and floor because I don't have a broom yet

06/21/2011

1mg melatonin

- I woke up with an image of watching two people merge into one. A blonde-haired, blue-eyed "good" guy merging into a 'twin'. A narrative was running through my mind about how the one I was watching was a "man who visits brothels". I slipped out of the dream as my alarm went off and I received a clear message (it may have been in text on a dream-ticker) that "One is part of the All."



06/22/2011

1mg melatonin
200mcg huperzine-a (pm)

- I was walking down a street that looked like it was by 3rd and Pike/3rd and Union area in Downtown Seattle. To my right was a "JCP" department store (JC Penney?). I was surprised that there was one "just down the street from me" and I had only just noticed. (IRL there is one just down the street from me but I don't live in Seattle anymore.) I walked in and the merchandise was all really inexpensive, and extravagantly beaded and glittery gowns and hats mostly in black and gold. I had an idea to buy it all and then resell it "next year", for 99cents a piece, then realized that didn't make sense, I wouldn't make a profit because it cost more than that.

- I was in a kitchen talking to a woman who looked like Heather P. I think we were disagreeing about a philosophical view, emotional tone was more as though I were being lectured. She was kind of ranting about life being a long string of moments and waiting for the NOW that never comes. I was thinking that she probably wasn't making sense. I may have gone into
a small bathroom to hide from her.

- I was in a kitchen washing dishes with a female friend, telling her about the website Baggage Reclaim and how much it helped me when I realized I was emotionally unavailable,
dating emotionally unavailable men. I even shed a few tears. (This was related to a conversation I had with a friend the night before who seems to me to be pretty delusional about her marriage but at least on the right track to sorting things out. I wanted to tell her about how much the information on the site had helped me but it didn't seem appropriate.)

Note to self: I want to remember to process the emotional stuff (a la Ryan Hurd's suggestion) BEFORE I go
to sleep so my dreams aren't doing the crappy processing work.