non-lucid

12/13/15

*dream
*lucid

I was in a pizza place, I orders a piece of pizza and took another one. But it just seemed like a compulsion cause I wasn't really hungry and the pizza was totally gross. I put it in the front pocket of my backpack and when I went to pay for my other slice, the guy ringing me up noticed the piece in my bag. He didn't get my in trouble but he made me feel super guilty saying "look I'm broke, too" and turning out his pockets, so I said I'd pay for the pizza. My mom was there sitting at a table, but I didn't have much interaction with her.

In a dark house with lots of rooms. Most of the rooms had beds in them. There were a couple of people, but the only one I remember clearly was my ex boyfriend Brandon. I remember that he went to lay down in one of the rooms, but I followed him in and asked him if he wanted to go to one of the lighter rooms with two beds, cause it seemed lonely and scary in the small room he had chosen. We were sitting next to eachother and I went to do a reality check, I was teaching him about them, maybe I thought it would pull him out of the sad mood he was in. My hand didn't go through my hand so I tried the nose breathing one. That worked and so I concluded that we were dreaming. After that I took that information and tried to walk through a closed door...it didn't work so I tried turning around and summoning someone. So neither of these things worked...and I think the key word is "trying" I was "trying to do these things" not believing they could happen. This is actually something I've been fretting over because after first reading about LD techniques I was super excited, but it seems like I've become worse at it because believing I could do it already has turned into trying to do something that I already could do! Does that make sense?

Blah.

Early in the night (forgot to record the time) I'm pretty sure I succeeded at LD.. though the images in my dream weren't as clear and precise as I hoped for. How it started isn't very clear to me, but I was aware that I was in control, whether I was actually aware I was dreaming I'm not sure because I didn't actually RC. The first thing I thought of to create was a world that was a video game where I had to collect jewels... then when that was boring, could've been a couple seconds I thought of creating a scene where I was a kid playing in a room full of toys. After that I summoned a skunk (something I had decided I was going to do before hand because they have been a very prominent theme in my life lately). I meant to ask the skunk what it was teaching me... but I feel like I asked it something else entirely because it was showing my these furry, two dimensional tag things that were possibly shaped like animal heads... I think it was like a pick an animal to donate money to each month type of thing.. I thought of completing the other thing I wanted to do, which was summon my boyfriend into my dream, but it didn't work immediately and I woke up very soon after, like I ran out of dream.

The dream right before I woke up was the same sort of vibe, I'm pretty sure I was in control, but not aware that I was dreaming, which is disappointing because it was abut my ex boyfriend (who is supposed to be one of my dream queues). This is like the fourth night in a row I have dreamt of him... like I must summon him into my dreams all the time... some cycle I must be completing. I came out of this dream a couple of times and willed myself to fall back into it. I had no desire to change the scene though... except when I tried to convince my ex's brother that Aaron and I should be together; he would not change his stance on that.. toward the end a woman told me that she was learning so much being in the house with all of us (in the midst of all the drama). She pointed out some plants that were in the room, they looked like they were in pots, but I could see the roots clinging to the dirt. The roots looked moldy. Later in WL I made the association of over watering them...