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    On Hundred Thirty Five

    by , 06-21-2022 at 07:24 PM (194 Views)
    In which I must crawl through a small hole to enter a cramped sleeping space...

    I'm in a familiar house with extended family. I climb up a rickety attic ladder to a small opening in the ceiling that leads up to a storage loft. The space is small and dusty. There are blankets thrown across the floor and curtains on the wall. It smells dank, and I have to crawl on my hands and knees to pass through. At the end of the space, there is a tiny hole which I can only fit through by first stretching one arm and shoulder through, then my head, then the other arm and shoulder. I feel compressed and stuck around my rib cage, but once I get both my arms through the other side, I'm able to push the rest of my body through and pop out on the other side. I'm now in a larger attic room with an A-frame roof. The ceiling in this room is high enough that I can stand up fully in the middle. There are four mattresses on the floor in this room, and two of them already have suitcases and clothes near them. Somehow, I realize that the other two are where R and I will stay. I think what a hassle it will be crawling in and out of that hole every time I need to change clothes or sleep.

    In which I'm sharing a bed with a man who is presumably my lover...

    I'm sleeping in a bed with an older bald white man. As we are in the bed together, I assume he is my lover. I think of how I need to get up soon to let the cattle out to graze. The man is snoring. I'm pretty sure he wants to have sex with me, and I'm wondering how I can wake him up and get it over with before the cattle start to become restless. I remember a dream that I had many years ago in which this same man took me regularly to his house for hookups despite my not really knowing exactly how to initiate anything with him and despite him never really having much to say to me. His house was dark with blue lights. There were heavy carpets on the floor, and blankets and curtains draped across the walls and furniture. His bedroom was empty of any personal items, just a room slightly larger than the bed with nothing else in it other than a digital alarm clock. I start to wonder if that was really a dream or if it really happened. Did I really dream about this man before I met him?

    Then another woman comes into the room. She tells me that he has lately been paying attention to her. She sits on the edge of the bed and we discuss how she is going to attract him and take my place, and we plan how she can do it in such a way that I can return to driving the cattle.
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