MissC

missed a few nights.. i've been unforgiveably distracted lately.. only a couple days with horrible recall... have been jotting things in my handwritten journal though. one day i'll sit and compile something so it's all in one place.. anyway.

last night dreamt there was a party going on at my grandmother's house. well.. partially here & partially where my ex is living now since our break up (his friend's house) and a good friend of mine that i havent seen in a few weeks, maybe a couple months now, was there. we were hugging and talking up a storm.. then i got distracted showing another friend a "wreck my journal" that my ex had given me for christmas a couple years ago. showing her all the fond memories of he & i that i collected in it & showed her an autograph page in the journal (which doesnt actually exist) & had her sign it. when i turned back to talk to sonyta (the friend i havent seen in a while) she was gone, but left a note on the counter .. i know i picked it up and read the words feeling somewhat sad but i dont remember what it said. when i put it down, i noticed she had left her rings (she always wore at least three rings on her fingers that i remember) on the counter with the note. still feeling a little down about her departing while i was distracted, i started mumbling about how uncomfortable and bloated i was feeling & that i was suddenly crabby.. now in the kitchen of the house i lived in for a short while when my parents (now looong divorced) lived together... searching through the freezer next to where i found the note (on the counter in my grandmother's house next to her fridge). then a guy i dont know in waking life asked me why i was being so huffy & put his arounds me.. a hispanic looking man that i sensed was some friend, but again, i dont know him.. and i was comforted. then after a long hug with him, i went out to the living room area, but was now in the house of my ex's friend where they were playing some football video game on his huge flat screen. i was standing in front of them marvelling at a gigantic grateful dead bears picture he had on the wall. (i love grateful dead bears & grateful dead tye-dye shirts, although i'm not a huge fan of the band) then i turned to ask my ex if he wanted to go for a walk with me. he mumbled something about being tired, as usual, and that he had to go to work soon.. we argued for a minute about how he never has time for me, then i stormed out the front door for my walk. i was looking down at my feet while i was walking.. thought it odd that i was wearing some kind of combat boots (i never wear heavy boots) and kicked at the loose peachy colored gravel that replaced the sidewalks.