non-lucid

really disappointed that i haven't had very good recall lately. seems like i focused too wildly on being able to & thus lost the ability. just going to relax & enjoy reading/commenting for some others until it returns.

this one i remember from the other night.. i had to pee so bad. i was in a dark house somewhere.. filled with strange people (as most of my dreams lately go) & i was searching for a bathroom. i ended up downstairs in the basement of this strange dark house & found a small toilet room. i squatted over & peed for what felt like forever.. missing a lot & splashing everywhere. looked to the side of me for the paper to wipe & the small toilet room had turned into a real dingey looking public stall. large tp dispenser with the paper hanging out & draped all over the floor. i tore some off, cleaned up & walked out into an abandoned kitchen of a restaurant.

went through a large gray double door into a parlor/restaurant looking area.. very dingey & looked like it should have been condemned. all the same people i had been mingling with at the house prior were there & upon my return we walked out the front doors into bright hot sunlight. looks like a country western movie outside.. cool parlors lined the sandy roads & i had to pee again. ran off from my friends into a different parlor but inside was a modern looking school. nearly peeing my pants now, i find the restroom & run in.. all three stalls with walls were full, so i ran out & found a gym/locker room. there were toilets in the shower area, but no walls or curtains for privacy. everything had a pale blue "glow" in this toilet area.. i didnt even care if someone saw me, i ran the farthest toilet & starting going before i could get my panties out from under my skirt.. again squatting cause i will not sit on a public seat.. i could feel the burning in my thighs from all the squatting i had to do that day.. finished up & wandered back out into the sandy country western scene..

before i could even find my friends again i had to turn off into another parlor to pee but before i could find a toilet i woke up..

and as i sat up in bed & opened my eyes (i think i sat up before i was awake?) 3054 (i thought it "thirty, fifty-four") urgently popped into my mind.. i said outloud to myself "thirty, fifty-four?" .. quick looked at my clock almost expecting that to be the time but then after realizing thirty, fifty-four doesn't even make sense in military time, i shrugged it off & ran off to pee. lol. that whole day in my waking life i must have peed like 10 times.. weird.

in my dream i woke up in my bed feeling a stinging in my chest. got up & went to the bathroom to look at it.. first time ever that i've seen myself directly in a dream.. standing in front of the large bathroom mirror.. saw cuts.. no blood.
noticed a large, deep one in the center of my chest.. removed my shirt & watched it spread.
i wasn't alarmed .. even after the wound opened so wide that i stood there somewhat stunned, just watching my organs twirl around inside me for a few moments.
then i just squeezed myself shut, put a few pieces of bandage tape over the cut & wrapped my torso with an ace bandage.. then crawled back into bed.
woke up feeling really weird

missed a few nights.. i've been unforgiveably distracted lately.. only a couple days with horrible recall... have been jotting things in my handwritten journal though. one day i'll sit and compile something so it's all in one place.. anyway.

last night dreamt there was a party going on at my grandmother's house. well.. partially here & partially where my ex is living now since our break up (his friend's house) and a good friend of mine that i havent seen in a few weeks, maybe a couple months now, was there. we were hugging and talking up a storm.. then i got distracted showing another friend a "wreck my journal" that my ex had given me for christmas a couple years ago. showing her all the fond memories of he & i that i collected in it & showed her an autograph page in the journal (which doesnt actually exist) & had her sign it. when i turned back to talk to sonyta (the friend i havent seen in a while) she was gone, but left a note on the counter .. i know i picked it up and read the words feeling somewhat sad but i dont remember what it said. when i put it down, i noticed she had left her rings (she always wore at least three rings on her fingers that i remember) on the counter with the note. still feeling a little down about her departing while i was distracted, i started mumbling about how uncomfortable and bloated i was feeling & that i was suddenly crabby.. now in the kitchen of the house i lived in for a short while when my parents (now looong divorced) lived together... searching through the freezer next to where i found the note (on the counter in my grandmother's house next to her fridge). then a guy i dont know in waking life asked me why i was being so huffy & put his arounds me.. a hispanic looking man that i sensed was some friend, but again, i dont know him.. and i was comforted. then after a long hug with him, i went out to the living room area, but was now in the house of my ex's friend where they were playing some football video game on his huge flat screen. i was standing in front of them marvelling at a gigantic grateful dead bears picture he had on the wall. (i love grateful dead bears & grateful dead tye-dye shirts, although i'm not a huge fan of the band) then i turned to ask my ex if he wanted to go for a walk with me. he mumbled something about being tired, as usual, and that he had to go to work soon.. we argued for a minute about how he never has time for me, then i stormed out the front door for my walk. i was looking down at my feet while i was walking.. thought it odd that i was wearing some kind of combat boots (i never wear heavy boots) and kicked at the loose peachy colored gravel that replaced the sidewalks.

I was riding passenger in my boyfriend's old VW bus. The bed was pulled out & I was laying in it as he drove. The windshield was covered in a fog & the twilight from the sunset ahead of us was blocking any view through the windshield. I start to panic & the ride becomes bumpy as I struggle to find & turn on the wipers from my lying position. My boyfriend was completely unphased by driving blind... After struggling against the fact that I was laying on a bed in a moving vehicle, I found & clicked on the wipers. As I looked to him, I notice it turned from bright sunset through the mist covered windsheild to darkness of night... & the ride turned smoothe. I said to him and said, "There, now can't you see better babe?"... and just then it started to pour rain in the darkness outside the van & he replied, "Yes, much better.. & just in time".. we both smiled at each other & relaxed into the ride.. I don't know where we were going but I had a sense we were leaving from some place. I never saw anything outside of the car. I think I may have been reading a book before realizing we couldn't see through the windsheild.. & once I had gotten the wipers on, it was dark out & pouring rain.. so I still couldn't see anything from my place in the vehicle.