memorable

In my dream, Scott was driving somewhere and almost ran off the road twice, the second time he almost ran us into a river. Then I looked around and there was a small office next to the river, and the river was part of the decoration in a larger room outside of the office. I spoke to a dream person and asked where we were and they remarked the river, and said that they love it and come down to swim at it all of the time. Then there were many dream people that almost seemed menacing. Excitedly I began to wake up in the dream and I realized that it would be fun to go and take a closer look at all of the textures, smells and tastes inside the dream. I turned to Scott and told him these people are just “Aspects of myself- watch!” I asked a younger girl what she represented and she refused to tell me, I became angry and told her “NO! I know what you are, tell me what you represent!” And grabbed her tightly and pulled her in so that I could get right into her face and yell it over and over again. She tried to turn evil and then fight me, but I kept the fear down and kept repeating that I knew she was representing something and to tell me what it was. Finally almost annoyed she said – "I am your younger self." Confused I said "what does that mean?" Exasperated she said – “ I am the aspect of You fighting your younger self!” Instead of being kind to her as I have been in the past to aspects I felt even angrier and told my husband to defile her since she was just a part of me that I did not like- at which point the aspect sense left her and she was only a container or projection and I woke up feeling sick and angry at myself for being such a horrible person. WTF is actually wrong with me? I have to go back in and call for her, we need to talk, I need to say I am sorry.

This is an interesting dream because I have been to this dream location before, and experienced many of the same feelings. I am in a city, I am in the older part of the city, in a place where the main road makes a T down the original main street of this town. Next to the intersection is an open field surrounded by kitschy tourist shops and a couple of mom and pop restaurants where the price of coffee hasn't changed since 1971. The old waitresses hangout outside the places in their starched aprons and "Flo" hats, smoking cigarettes and chatting about the past, how wonderful it was, how the times have changed. The times have changed, the city has moved on, sometime in the late 90's all of the business moved further down the freeway into a new part of the city, leaving these people and their memories relics of a past not quite too old to remember. I am there on a college trip, we are doing anthropologic studies. My husband is with me. I go and interview the people at the restaurant right at the T shaped crossroads. There are Splintering Wagon Wheels framing the ponderosa style deck, the restaurant hasn't seen a face lift since 1986. If you look down the old main street you can see a row of shops, grand windows now empty, now webby and dusty, some cracked some boarded. The local I am interviewing sighs * "It wasn't always like this, this was the place to be until about 1998, and then everything moved further down to the city. This place was a paradise, an escape in the summer for the high school kids, back in the 70's they would fill up the park and the bandstand, laying out in their bathing suits and spending their money at the shops. At Christmas the shop windows were filled with gifts and Christmas displays, people would line up and walk around the block just to see them all"- my interviewee look sad, reminiscing about a past that will never come back. He shows me a picture in a very 80's frame hanging on his restaurant wall, it is a picture of Christmas Eve, a huge "Macys day - esque" parade is going down the street, there are announcers on a float. People are crowding into the streets, bundled up in moon boots and hats with fuzzy balls adoring the tops. It is all so real, I remember people looking like this when I was a kid, the details are amazing, the children are in snowsuits with alligator clips on their mittens, there are balloons being handed out but they only float half high because of the cold. Then the picture comes alive like one of those pictures in Harry Potter, He is narrating the whole time - "Important people came to see the festivities, everyone was here- even Hollywood Stars watched them. I see Woody Allen step into the street holding his daughters hand (I realize in my conscience mind that he will marry her someday, and I think about how gross that is) I see his wife looking annoyed and rushed as they cross the street. The picture stops moving. I realize at this point that even though I am watching all of this, i ma actually pulling most of my information about this place and it's past from some sort of memory, being either my own or a collective one I have tapped into. I feel a sadness of the place that lost it's greatness, for the memories that were trapped there like a ghostly echo bouncing off of empty glass windows, moving though deserted diners and dying in the whispery grass where loud amazing summers had boomed through the field. I had a final thought : "I just experienced something amazing, I think I saw through someone else's memory." Then I slipped seamlessly back into the story line and had another dream about a friend falling in love with me, we lived in a crazy apartment complex where natural disaster had flooded it and broken it apart. I had a courtyard with a fountain that lit up. He told me he was in love, I said No, I am married, he took me on a bus and started driving like a maniac- I told him to let me off and he did. I felt bad because his sister was still on the bus with him. I went and told my husband about it. The dream ended and began a new one where I the details are so fuzzy now I can't piece them together.

I fell back asleep around 8:30 am. And I had a dream that I was seemingly no longer an alcoholic but able to have fun and party if I wanted too. Then the dream spun into a divergence of reality and obvious non reality- my hallway filled up with water and the bottom dropped out to make it a short pool. I stood looking at the water, feeling a negative presence. I looked up and saw a demon that had black eyes and tried to say something to me but in anger that I was being deceived I yelled at it to go away. "You are a deceiver!, You have no control over me! Get OUT GET OUT GET OUT!" "YOU are Simply a thing of my mind- NOW DISAPPEAR!" And I blew it into dust with my mouth. I then wanting to prove to my self the utter silliness of the situation belly flopped into the pool, and the water felt like condensed air but not wet like water and I levitated myself a few inches from it. I realized the significance of the dream- that I could speak out, when before my voice would become muted and I couldn't hear my self shout. I gained some sort of power this way, mental or spiritual in some way. Between this and the next dream sequence I tried to wake my self up but I couldn't pull myself through to consciences and saw my physical body trying to separate from my spiritual body. It was not going to happen so I let myself slip back into dreaming. Next I remember realizing that I had been on some sort of wild drug and alcohol binge that I could not remember. I had sewed the sides of my arms like I had been sutured for a wound. I realized that this was bad, that I had been completely gone mentally when this happened. I went to my husband and said I know something happened but I cannot remember using or what I did what did I do? He explained to me that at first I was happy and energetic, almost crazy- thinking I could fly and making sounds like a jet engine, then it turned dark. I closed my eyes and I could see flashes of memory almost like circus posters first of the fun and manic episode and then the darkness that took over. He shivered and said that it was something special I could do that. He then said he would remove the stitches from my arm- my father called and I woke up.

I was tossed head long back into the insanity of a nonsensical dream seemingly out of nowhere.