side notes

In my dream, Scott was driving somewhere and almost ran off the road twice, the second time he almost ran us into a river. Then I looked around and there was a small office next to the river, and the river was part of the decoration in a larger room outside of the office. I spoke to a dream person and asked where we were and they remarked the river, and said that they love it and come down to swim at it all of the time. Then there were many dream people that almost seemed menacing. Excitedly I began to wake up in the dream and I realized that it would be fun to go and take a closer look at all of the textures, smells and tastes inside the dream. I turned to Scott and told him these people are just “Aspects of myself- watch!” I asked a younger girl what she represented and she refused to tell me, I became angry and told her “NO! I know what you are, tell me what you represent!” And grabbed her tightly and pulled her in so that I could get right into her face and yell it over and over again. She tried to turn evil and then fight me, but I kept the fear down and kept repeating that I knew she was representing something and to tell me what it was. Finally almost annoyed she said – "I am your younger self." Confused I said "what does that mean?" Exasperated she said – “ I am the aspect of You fighting your younger self!” Instead of being kind to her as I have been in the past to aspects I felt even angrier and told my husband to defile her since she was just a part of me that I did not like- at which point the aspect sense left her and she was only a container or projection and I woke up feeling sick and angry at myself for being such a horrible person. WTF is actually wrong with me? I have to go back in and call for her, we need to talk, I need to say I am sorry.

After 2012 I began to lose interest, because I had no questions I wanted answered. I hit a wall so to speak. I am back. I have questions.

After a dry spell of a year or so, I have been able to become lucid again, my dreams are extremely vivid with the help of lateral Kava Root imported from Hawaii.

I have been asking DC for a gift, it was a challenge. SO far 2 have given me something, but the first I can't remember upon awakening and the second gift I couldn't understand. My last dream was about flying through a valley with undertones of reminiscence for the 90's. The hills were singing and the songs where beautiful. The colors were deeper, richer and brighter than anything you would see on earth. Still I am having a hard time reintegrating into the lucid landscape again. Hopefully it will come back again as strong as it was a few years ago.