side notes

I found it interesting how that first WILD came to be. I think it must've been the universe giving me a perfect fool-proof opportunity and me taking it: I wake up from a vivid dream that I need to write down. Writing it takes about 10 minutes, and I am awake just the right amount, then try to WILD, get there in just 5 minutes, and have the most amazing, most vivid dream, let alone a lucid dream, I have ever had EVER.

I also found it very interesting that the imaginations I had in this vivid dream actually weren't as vivid as the physical reality of the dream as most other dreams are. Meaning I need to fix my theory:
The theory now is that depending on how vivid and conscious you are in the dream, your imagination's vividness will stay the same but feel like it varies because you compare it to the vividness of the dream reality. Otherwise, your mind works relatively similar to how it works in waking life. You translate the things around you. Waking physical life is just collections of vibrations and frequencies that your senses process in order for the mind to understand it, just as in dream reality where you translate the vibrations and frequencies around you. The realities are relatively the same, only that in dream reality you function at a higher level because you know you can do anything.

Another Observation: Everyone in that lucid dream was watching me in awe throughout the whole thing, unless they had a specific function in the dream, such as driving or teaching,etc. They would react to things the way I would best want them to react to things. They love it when I talk about my theories and things I am excited about, because I love talking about my theories and things I am excited about. They do not act on their own, unless I subconsciously expect or want them to. The WILD really revealed to me how everything and everyone really is just a projection, and how I am the real being there in control.

If I were to compare that with something for better understanding, it's almost just like from Tron, where the programs have specific functions and can't think and plan, and where the users that come in can create, control, and do everything they please in this reality. The projections are lower than the user, and they know it. It's as if they look at me as a God, The dreamer of the dream they are involved in. You get what I'm saying? Very interesting. I would rant more, but that would take up this whole page because I'm just so ecstatic right now.

These dreams were extremely vivid this time. I was really amazed by how vivid. I remembered every single detail of the dreams right when I woke up, but gradually forgot most detail until writing some key notes.

This vividness perhaps has to do with getting very close to successfully WILDing at bedtime before the dreams. My heart started beating really fast when I was this close, and I couldn't calm it down, so I decided to stop and ask at the forums the next day and went to sleep naturally, and TA-DA! Super vivid dreams, much more than I've had in a long while.

It kinda sucks that I happened to fall asleep in the middle of the night in a not as good as super happy mood because that would've been really great, being that these dreams were super vivid. But no, both or all of them were kind of that awkward helpless and self-conscious doing stupid things feeling I sometimes get in social situations when I'm not feeling super happy and confident like I want to.

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I am in Art Class with Mr. Gamble in the print-making room (not in the room where you paint and print and apply acid, but the other room where you draw mostly). The room is full of students, some of them are standing up, some are sitting down, some are sitting down on impractical objects. I am sitting down on the table near the center, but slightly close to the rack in the corner of the room. I am swinging my legs around, minding my own business, doing nothing, just sitting there and observing or daydreaming a little bit. Lauren, Liz, and Bruce are nowhere to be found thank goodness for me in my waking reality looking back.

Mr. Gamble asks me about something, an assignment that I need to get done, this part of the dream probably associated with my anxiety IWL about completing the pop-up art. I apologize to him and say I'll get it in for sure on time. I begged god not to let him over-talk like usual. Thankfully, after asking me about that thing he walks away. I think he tells something to the class but I wasn't listening. Then I think he walks out the door.

Ms. Taylor is now in the classroom. Then I watch my brother come into the classroom. He has some friends waiting outside the door, the same and more friends as in the dream I had the previous night. He asks Ms. Taylor is he could go out to the food places down the street, as if Ms. Taylor was our mom. I don't question this at all. All I could think about at this point is coming with him. Ms. Taylor says "Yeah, go ahead." I say I will go with them. Then Josef leaves out the door not even noticing me there. I am hesitant to follow them now because it would be weird. Ms. Taylor says "well, go?." I feel rushed and embarrassed, and angry at Ms. Taylor for being angry at me. I run out the door to the hallway and I look down the hall towards staircase A. I see my brother walking back and from a distance, holding a pizza form or box or something, he tells Ms. Taylor that there's a group pizza thing and asks if he could buy it for him and his friends. She says yes, and he starts running back towards staircase A, into the distance. I wasn't able to ask him if I could go with him, and for that I feel frustrated and bad. He didn't notice me standing there speechless and waiting to speak at all! It's like I wasn't even there the whole time! Well I don't think that, I'm really just having vague 'forever alone' thoughts and feelings come to me. I impulsively follow him. Everyone is wearing light winter coats. It is snowing very lightly, and there is snow about a foot and a half deep on the other side of the drive in road of the school on the side toward the park, while the snow in the main grass area in the middle is also either about a foot deep, deeper, or lightly buried that you can see some grass. As I am walking toward my brother leaving the school and starting up to the middle area, I am playing with my cellphone, and it makes a loud noise that I don't even recall now from reading my notes. Then I am playing with some kind of thin chord from my cellphone that could be a part of a headphone. I trip and fall into the snow as I cross the drive in road toward the park, and hide in the snow, for the first time noticing and watching my brother play snowball fight. I then notice that the sliding part of the cellphone and the thin chord has submersed into ice cold snow, and am worried that it will break. I somehow check if it still works. Then I continue watching my brother. I feel left out, and want to reach out to him but he is so far away, and if I did, it would be awkward and embarrassing.

Then I wake up.

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This next dream I only clearly remember the part with Liz eating a butterfly. The rest is a very foggy memory of being on a bus with some awkward moments among friends that I blame on myself.

I'm not sure if we were also on a bus at this part or not, but it appeared to be a dark, small or hidden, location. I am there with Lauren and Liz. Liz is sitting on a bench or some higher seat above me and Lauren, and Lauren and I are looking slightly up at her. I don't see Lauren face very often in this fragment. Both of our eyes are focused on just Liz. I actually remembered completely clearly every single word and a phrase that stood out, that Liz said to us, and our responses. We are talking about butterflies for some reason. Liz says she hates butterflies, and starts eating one. We see her eating one, but it's like a thought form imagination that we each share or something, because none of us think she is actually eating a butterfly. The butterfly looked a little foggy as well. Then, to tease us even more, Liz uses a Harry Potter wand she had laid out beside her and casts and quick spell to manifest a real butterfly. It was a very large butterfly - noticing after waking up from the dream - but none of us questioned the size, we all knew it was real. She slowly starts eating the butterfly, tearing off the wing material from it's stems, one area by one. My and Laurens' reactions to this include super sad partially fake crying, yelling, "NO!!"'s, "STOP IT"'s, and EWW's. I am feeling very sad seeing this happen. In the end, she tore off 3 sections of the left wing. We were all so sad. The butterfly was very beautiful and very still while this was going on. It looked like a monarch, but was blue.

Observation: I seem to unknowingly control the situation in the dream by having hopes about something and worries about something. Ie: With Mr. Gamble, he rarely ever stop talking in real life, but in this dream I really wanted him to not talk so much as he does, and somehow felt like I had a bit of control over this by commanding it in my mind, and it worked! Maybe if I learn to notice these control coincidences and increased law of attraction in dreams, I will be able to recognize I can control things much more easily and thus have a lucid dream.

Whenever I am playing a video game in a dream:

If it is a computer game, I am almost completely immersed in the game reality that I forget about anything else around me (unless I'm talking to someone before I started playing and while playing). Aion and Sims 3 has always been a complete immersion/seperate dream since I can remember.

If it is a console video game (on TV) I am usually a little less immersed in it's reality. The visuals of the dream are only the game reality (in 3D and peripheral vision etc), but I think I still acknowledge the living room if I want to. I hear voices around me as well if anyone is speaking. If the dream is hazier that usual, the game completely turns into another dream, no matter the kind of game.

Perhaps this could indicate how the brain works when playing games or watching television?


Also I've noticed that I seem to associate a type of a kind of comfortable (not sure how to describe) wealth with the colour red, and the material of wood or marble, as I have many mansion or wealthy building dreams with red carpet or people with red outfits and dark wooden walls etc.

Somehow I only remembered just now what these dreams were. I've forgotten them earlier and was convinced that they were probably hazy, but I guess before I was just a little stressed (I was at school) to remember clearly. Today's dreams and yesterday's dreams were actually pretty vivid, as vivid as they usually are for moi. I'm only going to post today's dreams though. Two dreams had to do with pets and animals.

I am in my parents' bedroom, on the top floor of my house. The window is open, and the window net thing is also open. Both cats are in the room - Leeroy especially is very curious about the window. I recall the window being completely open before (in real life) and I am not afraid that the cats will run away onto the (flat) rooftop because they didn't last time. I simply watch them in humour. Then a small finch kind of bird flies in through the window and flies around in circles in the bedroom, disoriented. Suddenly my mom appears in the room with me, and I think to myself that we should let the cats eat this bird (since we have a pet bird that the cats keep trying to hunt). Then the thought comes into mind that maybe once they eat this bird, they'll want to eat Jerry (my pet bird) even more! My mom agrees (even though I was only thinking that, not speaking it aloud, but I didn't question it). My mom is silent and motionless, as if all decisions fall on me. I decide to just let the cats run around the room trying to catch the bird - because it is fun to watch and because they would definitely enjoy eating it (I thought that in almost those exact words). Then I have a short worried thought that the bird will lure the cats to go chase it outside the window, but I let those worries drift away from my optimistic mind. I continue to enjoy watching my cats chase, or now rather watch the bird fly around the room.

--- Side note: I noticed that having a thought inside a dream is much more vivid than having a thought in real life. In real life, the physical is obviously as vivid and realistic as it gets, and thoughts that you have also do bring images and scenarios to be imagined and sort of partly experienced by and through your mind, but don't feel as vivid as they may in a dream. When you have a thought in a dream, I notice that the images and scenarios that are imagined because of the thought are much more vivid in dream reality than real reality... sometimes just as vivid as the physical reality of the dream, that objects appear/disappear/shape-shift/change and that you jump in the dream to another fragment of the dream. After some thinking and theorizing, I have come to the conclusion that because a dream occurs in the mind and not in real physical reality, and because everything in the dream, including the dreamscape, objects, people, and thoughts, are all created by your mind in close frequencies, it makes it seem like the thoughts/imaginations you have in the dream are more vivid than in real life because you compare them with the physicality of the dream that is also created by your mind... If that makes sense. In real life, the frequency of real physical objects are very different from the frequency of your thoughts.

I also theorize that in a vivid lucid dream, by utilizing more of your conscious mind, you are able to convince your mind that the physicality of the dream is or can be just as real as the physicality of real life, and thus make it so. This second theory is not yet concluded on since I have not experienced enough lucid dreams to observe and learn enough to create a theory.

Yes, I do create a lot of theories about everything. This means I also over-analyze things in real life, however all of this analyzing and theorizing simply causes me to have a better understanding of how the mind and psychology of people works. (I don't theorize about scientific laws or whatever, only that which I can personally experience... Like dreams and thought and actions/reactions of other human beings! ) Okay well back to the dreams now.

---->The next dream was possibly the strangest one I have had in a long long while. It has to do with sexual themes, so just a warning, don't read this if you do not want to know.

I am at my old school, Fielding Drive P.S. There is a lot of the dream that is on the edge of my mind right now, but I can't pin it down, so I will just write down the fragment of the dream that I can remember clearly. I am in the junior computer lab. There is a bald teacher there, and I have just walked into the room, having a question to ask him which I either wasn't sure what the question was in the dream or just forgot it now. I am holding some school stuff, like maybe a binder or some paper, in my hand. I am at the door furthest from the exit of the junior hallway of the school. The teacher doesn't seem to acknowledge me walking in. He is not asking me what I am doing here, just continuing to sit at his computer playing card computer games or something. I realize that he is waiting for me to talk, even though he is not making eye contact with me or anything like that. I am hesitant to say anything because this is really strange. I don't think I say anything. After a while of standing there, I have the dirty thought that maybe he was watching porn before I came in, and quickly switched to playing computer games when he heard the door open. I ponder this thought, thinking if it's really realistic, and here is another proof of my theory by the way, the dream hazily sort of jumps between me walking back out the door, and then walking back in through the other door, the door closest to the exit door of the school and the teacher, walking in on the teacher that has become a cat but not really a cat licking it's erection. And then I start fapping as if I was watching cat porn really... odd.

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The other dream that I remember felt like it had to do with zip-lining or running some sort of course... It's a very hazy memory that I have of this. I'm with a group of people, some I recognize as friends, and some I just don't know at all, or are guides or other participants in this course. My brother is there too, and he is with some of his friends. We walk into the indoor part of the course. It is a mansion. With red carpet, and everything looks very rich. There are rich business people in the room mingling. At this point I think we all forget somehow that this was a zip-lining course. We enjoy the refreshments, and there is a bonfire somewhere, and an area of the room with the continued zip-lining course. I mingle with some of the rich business people. There was a problem and I was discussing possible solutions with them and I forget completely what this problem or solution was, but it had to do with business probably. Then I move onto the course. There is a complication with the next zip-line, where the pulley that is already on the wire doesn't go back unless the person on the other side of the zip-line sends it back to you or something. It is above a fire or something really dangerous that will kill you if you let go, and there are no harnesses in this zip-line. It is still in the mansion, and you can still see the room from here. The rich business people are upset that we will break something. I use the zip-line, get to the other side, and so does my brother. Some people die for unknown reasons. I think I kill someone, or maybe just feel like I killed someone. The blame goes on me anyway. I don't feel guilty, I accept the deaths as the reality of life and the dream and I think other people do too. The corpses immediately and unnoticeably vanish upon this acceptance. There's some more legal complications or whatever, but I was unaffected. Then more stuff happened that is on the brink of my mind.

Oh yes. Before we are at the part of the dream above, we are at my house, in the living room. My brother and I are talking, and I have two blankets laid out downstairs for me to sleep on because I sometimes sleep in the living room. Two of my brother's friends take to the couch, cover themselves with the blankets and go to sleep. It is not nighttime. I get angry that they are using my blankets, and express this anger slightly at my brother. Mostly, I am thinking if they will notice the possible smell of the blankets (?). They don't seem to notice anything. Then I go hang out downstairs with my brother, then his friends wake up, suddenly the dream seamlessly shifts to being at Mark's Work Wearhouse and then shifts to being back at home, chatting in the small walk-in hallway place of my house, and then playing a video game that combines Spyro, another game I played only in another dream I had a while ago, and Final Fantasy XII, in the mine cave area near the start of the game. My dream is immersed into this game, I am inside the game reality while hearing the roaring voices of my brother and his friends, and my quieter voice chatting back with them. More stuff happened that I can only feel the feeling/frequency of rather than exactly pinpoint what happened. I think at one point I was in danger of dying possibly because my brothers' friends' stupid mistake and my brother gets mad at them or something I don't know.

Yes, odd dreams today I know.

Okay. With the dreams I had two days ago, I was able to remember them so well all up until the afternoon. For some reason now, my dreams are a bit hazier so I'll actually write some dream notes down in the morning, right when I wake up.

I also seem to automatically wake up around 4:34AM every night. I love how the body and mind works together. It's like, my body knows I want to try out the WILD technique, so it wakes up so that I don't have to be alarmed in order to do it. (The alarm usually causes me to forget my dreams immediately)

I also realized that my first close to successful WILD was actually when I was sleeping on the couch for about an hour, woke up, went to the washroom, chatted with my mom, and then went to my bed to sleep.
Strangely, I wasn't even really trying to WILD at first, but the strange sensations reminded me that this would be a good time to try it. And I got so close!

I think I'll try having myself wake up every time I sleep for the first hour, and try the WILD at that time. Waking up in the middle of the night trying to WILD is a bit of a hassle anyway... Plus I'm sometimes scared of the dark in the middle of the night

I think it will be more successful the next time I try. Wish me luck!