nightmare

25/03/11

Wasn't lucid but everything was vivid.

I'm trying to survive a zombie apocalypse with my little sister, my grandma, and my mum. I don't know where my dad is. Probably a zombie.
I clearly remember the last half of my dream so I'll write it down. After being safely secured into a fairly nice apartment unit (maybe on the 3rd or 4th storey) I try to keep the door shut against the zombies with various things: a chair, a bookshelf, a towel (?), amongst other things That aren't too clear. The sun is setting and the zombies are getting more and more ravenous. My sister appears next to me trying to help keep the door secure and the zombies start banging against the door - they smell blood. I start to get frantic and for some reason a boy vaguely appears and he tries to help me but ends up tearing the doorhandle out and weakening the defences on the door. I remember thinking that he was a total idiot and that we were all going to die. A zombie gnashes its teeth and stares into the hole where the doorhandle used to be and the zombies in my dreams don't look like normal movie zombies. They looks like slimy, starved half men half Gollum creatures with slits for a nose and big round eagle eyes and hundreds of razor sharp teeth. They are grey/blue in colour and are totally wild creatures. The zombie manages to push the door open a fraction and it slithers a hand in to push down the objects holding the door closed against the swarm of zombies and now I am the only one and the only thing stopping the zombies from coming in. My sister is still there but she is helplessly staring at the dire scenario. I try to gouge the zombie's eyes but it manages to prick my forefiger and my middle finger with its teeth and I know right then and there that I was going to 'change' into a zombie.
I remember feeling the pain when the zombie cut me and I could see the blood on my fingers so well. I remember sucking the blood and suddenly the zombies stopped trying to come into the apartment and they moved on in a slow swarm - possibly finding an easier kill. I opened the door and started to follow them but then I turned back to my sister who was standing in the doorway and I said, in distress, "I can't do it. I can't go with them yet. I need to say goodbye to everyone."
So I went back inside to the lounge where my mum and my grandma were sitting and my sister sat down on the couch with them. The sun has fully set and the flourescent lights in the room were flickering. I showed my mum my cut fingers and she couldn't see them too well. She didn't really understand what I was telling her, so I told her, "I got bitten."
I remember feeling the terror and desperation I felt at that very moment. Those emotions felt so real at the time and I started shaking and pacing up and down saying "I don't want to change. I need to kill myself before I change. Can you kill me mum? Can you kill me?"
My mum looked terrified and my little sister said "You're going to kill yourself?!" in a very incredulous voice.
"Do you have a knife? A rope? Sleeping pills?" I started yelling.
My grandma just sighed and told me to look in her sewing kit (in real life she actually has this sewing kit that she used all the time) for her sleeping pills.
I obeyed and gave her a big jar of large green pills. She started cutting them open and pouring the contents onto a newspaper to put into a glass of water and while she was doing it I was terrified I wouldn't be able to kill myself before I changed into a zombie.
I asked my mum when I would 'change' and she replied, "You have five minutes."
"FIVE MINUTES?!"
I sat down next to my mum and meditated to try and stop the change happening and for a moment I thought maybe I was different. Maybe I could stop myself from changing. And While I was meditating and concentrating on not changing I could the change rise up from deep within me (it was a strange, hot, angry, and desperate sort of feeling) and I kept trying to push it back down. But then my vision went black and the last thing I saw before I collapsed sideways onto the couch was my grandma chopping up green pill after green pill and I could feel extremely intense agony in my torso and I remember screaming and it sounded inhumane and metallic (like the zombies) and I totally blacked out and my mum was trying to comfort me while I was changing and my last thought before i woke up was how I wished my grandma would hurry up so I could kill myself.

Very morbid dream and I woke up still feeling the echo of the pain that I felt in my dream. I feel pain quite often in my dreams and although it's distressing at times it only takes me half an hour or so to recover from the dream. However, after this dream I spent the whole morning yelling at my sister and feeling really angry and distressed and I couldn't face anyone. I ended having to get high and that helped me. I wonder if this is normal?