Tommo's Dream Journal

[tommo]

DREAM CARTOGRAPHY STARTED RECURRING PLACES AND HOME Ok first of all I just want to say that anybody is free to post comments on my dreams if they want to. Second. I'm going to give you some background on me. I've been trying to LD for about a month or a bit more. Before this I was trying meditation and hypnosis. I've been trying to use induction mp3's and reality checks to help me to become lucid. Third. For readers and myself, all my LD's will be in BLUE and I will probably only post LD's in here unless I have some really strange or funny dreams that I want to share. February 17th, 2007 "First LUCID!" Last night I woke up at 6:00 which is my usual waking time for the past week, as I have been back at school. I was extremely tired when I went to sleep and was still tired when I woke up at 6:00 in the morning. It was still dark and I started thinking about lucid dreaming, within a few seconds I was probably asleep again but I don't remember how long it took exactly. This dream consisted of about 7 false awakenings (estimate) and I became Lucid in all of them. First time I became lucid I can't remember what triggered it or what I did. On the next FA I remember fully I was swimming and came up above the water and said to myself "Wait, it felt like I could breathe under there" So I went down and inhaled deeply (probably a bad decision since it could have been RL but neways, I was willing to take the chance.) I could breathe!!!! Another FA happened and I was at someones house (for some reason I think it was my cousins) and I tried to fly to see if I was still dreaming. I hovered above the ground a bit and went backwards. I then went to fly upwards AND........ fell face first into the concrete.... Another FA happened now and I just new I was dreaming and hovered up a bit. I was suddenly in a strange house but there was a raised platform like a stage about 10 cm above the ground. (not hovering, just like a step up to it) My brother was there and two other people, I think one was my little sister. Anyway he was being really fucking annoying and making fucked up noises so I sat on the edge of the platform and closed my eyes and said "Andy is not behind me" I open them and still heard him behind me so I tried again. It failed. So I tried to hold my hands out and make a shotgun appear so I could shoot him. No shotgun appeared but I shot him anyway. Then he didn't die so I tried to throw him into the distance. I can't remember wether I succeeded coz I either had a FA or the scene just changed. Scene switch - I looked at my hands once coz I remembered this gives you vividity. I looked up and my vision was strange. All wavey. It reminded me of 'Waking Life' but it was different. Another time when I tried to increase vividity was when I was driving a red sports car and I used the opportunity to look at my hands on the steering wheel. I got so much detail to appear that I could see the shine on my fingernail. I flew around a corner wondering how my brain can create all this. Scene switch - I was trying to have sex with a girl and I had to get her clothes off etc. I knew this was my dream but for some reason she wouldn't take her clothes off and I couldn't make her. After a few unsuccesful attempts I remembered someone on this forum saying that they tried to do this too much and woke up. So I decided to abandon this 'mission'. lol. I walked out the door. I must have had another FA coz I was in my room, sitting on the edge of my bed where I usually am after I wake up. I still wanted to fuck a girl so I tried to look at pictures and make the girl come out of it. At first I just tried to make my sister come out of a photo of her. When I succeeded I made her go back into it or made her dissapear or something, and then tried a picture of some model that I have in my room. This may not have worked because it wasn't a photo but it was printed from the computer. I tried for a while and it didnt work so I tried a picture of this girl from my school and that didn't work either. I think I woke up for real now and I was excited as hell to have my first Lucid. Stupid idea but I went back to sleep and knew I would remember these dreams, I had a few non - lucids and then woke up for real. I forgot to RC but then after I wrote down in my dream journal I did the nose pinch RC. A few notes on wierd things: * My brother had his first LD this very same night (early morning). He said to me in the morning that he had a Lucid Dream last night so I know he wasn't lying just because he felt jealous that I had one. Because at the time he had no idea that I had a Lucid. * I drank chocolate nesquik before bed (which is supposed to increase vividity and had 2 panadols (because I had an ear ache. I don't know if panadol does anything but I just thought I'd note it) * The pages in my dream journal were all filled just as I had my first Lucid this morning * For the past week I've had fairly steady sleep and wake times. Yesterday I was really tired and so I went straight to sleep without giving a second thought to Ld'ing, I couldn't even be bothered listening to the induction CD which tells you that you're dreaming while you're asleep. I woke up at normal time, still tired, and I must have gone to sleep in about 4 seconds but the whole time I was thinking of LD'ing.

[Elwood]

7 false awakenings!?!?!? you bass! Im jealous now! lol just kidding! I wish my first lucid was that good. Next time you have a lucid dream try to fly. Its actually really fun. It gives you a very cool feeling like when you driving down a hilly road and it feels like your intestines go up. ya just believe me and give it a "shoot", speaking of shooting, i still havent had a Bone-tastic lucid. *writes down on to-"do" list* SWEET DREAMS!!!

[tommo]

lol bone tastic. Yeh I tried to fly but I just couldn't, but it's definately the first thing I'm gonna do next time I LD. I'm gonna take some multi vitamins that contain 30mg of B6 tonight before I go to bed and hope that gets me lucid!

[Elwood]

Flying tip: Just imagine your getting lighter and lighter and eventually you will rise off the ground. I just do it, i dont know how though

[tommo]

Yeh, I'm pretty sure it will be easy for me to fly once I am more Lucid. I always did it (lucidly) in my dreams when I was smaller. I didn't have control over where I flew and it was usually just around my house, but I made a conscious decision to start flying. February 19th, 2007 "Retard Hands" I almost got lucid again, just two days after I first became lucid. I can't remember much of the dream. But I was out in the front yard of my house and there was one of my cousins and two of my best friends in my mums car. It was very choppy but I was out there at the boot of the car and I suddenly thought to myself "WTF this is just wierd, I bet I am dreaming." - My brother had been saying a RC is to look at your hand for abnormalities just before I went to bed- (I now know to never listen to him again). I looked at my hands and they were like they had been in water for 100 years. The wrinkles you get were like twice the height they usually get when you're in water for a long time. I didn't count my fingers but I'm sure there was 5 on each hand. Anyway I didn't find my hands abnormal for some reason. I was still thinking that this has to be a dream, it is just too wierd. So I tried to fly but I think I had doubts that it was a dream, so I couldn't fly. I decided it wasn't a dream and the rest of the dream played out for about 5 mins and then my mum woke me up. bitch....! I just can't believe I didn't try the nose RC, I was trying to think of other thigns to do besides look at my hands and flying was the only other thing I could think of. I wish my brother didn't mention looking at your hands.

[tommo]

Alright I wrote these in my journal and only decided to post them today since I have time now. These were one almost lucid and my second LUCID! 01/03/07 "Strange Holiday" I am at my Sandy Point house, where I go for holidays. Rachel and April (Rach and Ape) know I have OCD now and one of them tells me either telepethically or its some entity saying "I just need to touch ____?____" Andy comes up to me in the bathroom and says "See we're brothers" and holds my face against his and I see this is the mirror. I hear water trickle and look to see where it came from and then started to walk out and I figured out that Andy had snuck past me and turned the shower on so I would get out of the bathroom or something. Someone tells me there is a little cat on the wall. I try to figure out wat they mean and I'm like meh they probably said bat (we get bats at my holidays house). I walk up to the wall and there is a cheeter about 10 cm long standing on the wall like a bug would. It morphed a bit bigger and I tried to catch it in a cage which I told my mum to get. I said "We need to take the bird out" and she said "nah". So I try to get the thing in and the bird out but the bird gets stuck, some other wierd creature appers too and the cheeter thing is different now. The bird changed too and was smaller and green. Can't remember exactly what happened here but they were in all awkward positions and I think it just changed scene. Lying on my back in the lounge room I decide, for no particular reason, that I am dreaming. At this point for some reason I just couldn't remember any RC's so I looked at my legs coz they were up in the air, they had cuts and scabs etc. all over them but for some reason I thought this was normal so I just tried flying. Because of my doubts I obviously couldn't fly so I did the old (SHIT) trick of pinching myself. It hurt. I still had doubts that it was real life but then the dream finished. 02/03/07 "Connected Dreams" There was this girl that I had been dating for a while (In my dream). I don't remember dating her but I just knew that I had been. I then remember back to my dream last night (which I still knew was a dream) and remembered the scabs and cuts all over my legs. I figured out that I had AIDS and my brain had known about it and showed me in a dream. Then I found out I actually did have AIDS because my girlfriend told me. I knew this was why she only wanted to give me head before instead of having sex. But I realised you can still get AIDS from getting head. She wanted to talk but I just said "lets talk later" and walked out. I walked from my parent room, where we both were talking, and into my room. There was two younger girls in there. I can't remember what I talked to them about, or rather, what they told me. Scene Change - I am at graduation and a few people are there who should be and Tilburg is there and behind is Hannah. (they wouldn't be at graduation because they left school). I went to walk up to Tilburg and say hi but then I saw Hannah. She was wearing a hooded jumper with the hood on and looking downwards. I said "Hannah" and she looked up and jsut went "hehh" like she was stoned as. Then she realised it was me and I leant forward to her with my feet still on the chair where Tilburg was sitting and I then slid off onto her but held myself above her with my elbows on the seat. We changed position so we were laying side by side (god knows how we fit on the seat lol, it was short). So we just looked at each other, side by side. She said something to the effect of "I like you cos you never try to just get with me" "You just go slow and don't force it". It was soooo much deeper than this but I can't remember the exact words. I had my left hand under her jumper, on her back while she was talking and it just felt SOOOOOOOO beautiful. I started to see Hannah doing a dance thing with like full on pink feathered, black costumes etc. and I was saying it was good but just after she finished I thought that I should have told the truth but said it like "your enthusiasm and energy was great" or something. But then I thought maybe I should just tell the full truth not even just focusing on the good bits. (Thinking back I think the dance was good but I just dont like that kind of thing). I then realised that I had been day dreaming it the whole time and I was sitting in the graduation thing next to Hannah with my left arm on the back of the chair looking at her face. After I realised this I turned to someone else and asked if she had "just been dancing there" and pointed to the wall behind us which was like half an arms length away lol. The person told me there was nothing there and I realised it was just a wall with some curtain type things over it. I was like "....Woah.... I just imagined Hannah dancing there, it was like a full on acid trip." And Tilburg, who was now also on the back row seat, laughed. A few other people did too. I looked back at Hannah and realised it wasn't her at all and remembered coming in at first and thinking it wasn't her but then I had used my imagination to make it her and then day dreamed the whole dance thing. (IRL I always see people and think they are Hannah). I slowly floated away from her and the scene switched. Me and Hannah both had AIDS and I think she got it from someone else or she was the girl from before who had AIDS, even though she looked different to Hannah. ---- I don't know where this bit fits in, it may have just been like how you imagine things but because I was dreaming it actually happened in full detail........ There is two fairly young kids with a gun and one kills herself, then the boy goes to and now I am in the boys body. I position it in my mouth towards the roof of it and I don't want to miss so I take time to position it well. I try to pull the gun out but it takes great strength like something is trying to hold my hands there. Now back to the bit where me and Hannah have AIDS. We are sitting on a grassy area that is high up like near a cliff above the ocean. We are happy but both still have AIDS. I am confused for a while as to why we are happy. I think about we only have a few years left and 20 if we take medication which would cost $400,000. I realise it doesn't even matter because we are together and having fun. She holds up a small can to her mouth and somehow her mouth is shown on the side of the can I am looking at. I say "Do you think you could eat this through the can?" and she doesn't know. We both have doubts though. I quickly pick this white food thing up and it goes into the 'cans mouth' and into Hannah's mouth at the same time. We are schocked and we realise our love can do anything. I give her another bit of white food in her mouth not through the can and she looks at the ground. I wake up. I now realise the food may have been pills. I realise that we didn't care how long we had left because we were happy. I realise I have to live right in THIS moment, fuck everything else. I realise I gave her a pill and this made her sad and look at the ground. So IRL I would have to not give it to her, and I wouldn't even want to now because I realise it wouldn't matter if we had 100 years together or one day. We love each other. And now I know, I have to live for the day! NOTES: I don't have AIDS IRL but I believe it is a metaphor. I now decided to use Brain Bullet to subliminally tell myself to do a NOSE RC, so that I would remember it in my dream, since I kept forgetting the RC's while I was dreaming. 06/03/07 "Second Lucid" I was sitting at a table at school where the lockers are and for some reason I decided to do an RC, just randomly like I would IRL. I pinched my nose and could breathe through it still. This rush of excitement just went through my body like a hit of ecstasy had just kicked in. I felt the dream fading so I said shit I gotta relax, so I breathed slowly and tried to relax. I gained a bit more stability but a girl caught my attention, she was sitting down and I tried to make her legs spread. It was working and I could see her light blue underwear. Stability was lost and I woke up. I tried to go back into the dream but it didn't work, I kept forgetting to concentrate on the dream properly.

[tommo]

Two lucid&#39;s the night before last&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33; One I can&#39;t remember. Basically of what I remember about two nights ago (march 29) is: I went to sleep Had some normal dreams Had a Lucid, which I remember Maybe had a few dreams afterwards Woke Up Went back to sleep Had more dreams and then another lucid Had too many more dreams Woke up and forgot the lucid. All I remember about it was that I saw this girl I know IRL called Kate and I may have been in portable 12 at school. Here&#39;s a really cool and spiritually fulfilling dream and the LD I remember........ 29/03/07 "Hannah&#39;s Here" Ok, it&#39;s fairly long, so stick with me.... This all took place at school (GAAH why am I dreaming of school so much?&#33;?&#33;?&#33;?&#33;?) I am near the music rooms talking to a few guys I had seen earlier in the dream. They had, or at least one had, lucid dream written on their shirt. I think one had it on his jeans. I asked him if he Lucid Dreams, he seemed a tad confused, so I was like, "do you know what it is?" and he says "yeh" and I&#39;m like "so.... do you lucid dream?" and he replies "yeh sometimes". I explain to his other mates that "Lucid Dreaming is where you realise you are dreaming, it&#39;s so cool you can do anything etc. etc.". I the looked across and saw Hannah leaning against a table, she had light green pants on and they had cool patterns on them. Another scene in this dream that I remember was I was looking for Hannah at my school, she, for some reason was in a different class to the rest of us (maybe because in real life she goes to TAFE now). I don&#39;t end up finding her. Another scene - Hannah asked if I wanted eccys, she said she takes these green ones but they&#39;re not that good. Sometime later a random DC gave me one and it was from Hannah and I knew it was from her because it was green (come to think about it, it was about the same green colour as her pants) and it had the symbol on it that she said hers do. I said something along the lines of, "I said I didn&#39;t want eccy&#39;s but she gave me one Haha&#33;". I walked into her class (again at school) and the teacher looked at me and I walked a few steps, stopped, and then thought, "better ask the teacher". He said "she&#39;s just around there". The class was in an L shape, just turn the L around upside down and the bottom is where I entered. So I walked up and around to the left, there was computers around the sides. Hannah was sitting at one of the computers and turned to look at me as I walked up to her, I thanked her for the ecstasy. Another scene - Back near music room and the hall&#39;s front area and I was wanted to do coke. I finally snorted a little bit and coughed a bit and everyone was like "OHHHHHHHHHH&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;" like when you finish a beer bong. I emptied some out of my nose by blowing outwards because I didn&#39;t wanna trip too hard and start panicking. I just wanted a light trip. I looked in the sky and saw a space ship with lights, it was BEAUTIFUL, I was so interested and amazed by it. The space ship slowly went higher. I felt really good. I have a feeling Hannah went away sometime during this but maybe not coz when I saw her with green pants was after or during the trip. She was with her bf when I saw her. Ok it wasn&#39;t too long.... Thought it would have been.... 29/03/07 "Control Class" I was in this classroom, pre-lucid. We had a teacher and to get us out I had to kill him. (Lately my Nose RC&#39;s haven&#39;t been working in my dreams). To see if I could get the Nose RC to work I actually tried to make it work. Some guy was watching me do it. A bit later I looked at my hands, trying to make a gun appear. I got a water pistol and then an even smaller water pistol. It wouldn&#39;t appear so I tried pointing my fingers like a gun at the teacher and tried to shoot. It didn&#39;t work either. I gave up and I think the dream faded soon after. I was going to try and reverse my fingers at one point, because that&#39;s how I do the gun IRL because it looks like a gun. So, instead of having my fingers like this ____| I would have them like this _____ | <<<<<<<<and I would hold this bit with my other hand. For some reason I didn&#39;t want to do it in the dream or I wasn&#39;t able to, I will try next time, because I can NEVER summon a gun. I hope this Class becomes a regular thing in my dreams&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33; It will help my control SO MUCH&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;

[tommo]

I just recieved a PM from Onerionaught asking what I meant by my Nose RC&#39;s have been failing. I&#39;m just quoting his question here and my answer to clear it up for everyone else reading. BTW Everyone is allowed to post in this Dream Journal with any questions or comments. <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE Hey, I&#39;m just wondering exactly how your nose RC fails you sometimes. In your dream journal, you said: Originally posted by tommo (Lately my Nose RC&#39;s haven&#39;t been working in my dreams). How exactly do they fail? Are you able to breathe through your pinched nose but reach the wrong conclusion or are you not able to breathe through your closed-off nose at all?[/b] Sorry, I was probably a bit vague. I&#39;ll explain. I have had about 3 LD&#39;s where the Nose RC made me realise I was dreaming because I could breathe through a closed-off nose. But recently in some of my dreams I&#39;ve said to myself, "I think I&#39;m dreaming" and tried to do the Nose RC but I wasn&#39;t able to breathe through my closed-off nose at all. So it was just like real life. Is this called failing? BTW you can post questions in my dream journal, I don&#39;t mind. Can I post your quoted PM and my response in my dream journal so as other people won&#39;t be confused also?[/b][/quote]

[tommo]

I MET MY DREAM GUIDE!!!! It was totally unexpected. I was having this dream in which this hurricane was coming. It went past my front door window and my mum said "It's a hurricane" or something and as soon as it passed the window I went outside. It was like a totally different place to my street. It was like a sandy or dirt area with spaced out grass in a little raised section and around me on both sides was little streams; or ditches in the sand with water in them. The water was being swept out to the ocean by the hurricane and I looked up, following the water as it trickled out, this amazing scene in front of my eyes; which I exclaimed, looked as though it had been doctored in a film to make it look more beautiful, overwhelmed me. It is possibly the most beautiful thing ever. More beautiful then the cricket in another dream that I gave LSD to and it started to curve its arms around and they glowed beautiful colours of green, purple, pink and blue and I raised my hands in front of my eyes and they glowed the same. This scene was much more, so natural but so.... static. Moments in life like this are ephemeral but this was almost permanent.... I stood and looked at it for probably 5 minutes. Just staring. The water then started coming back in slowly and I stepped back so it wouldn't get on my feet. I kept moving back just a bit every time that the water would come close to my feet. Then I stopped and thought some thoughts and let the water come over my feet. It did not harm me. I looked at the scene a bit more and turned around to find a strange looking dog/wolf/ something else. I cannot explain it. But it was weird looking, but more or less a dog. Out of nowhere I asked, "are you my dream guide?" It looked straight at me and said yes, but it didn't talk. I got the message when I awoke that I need to give in to my obsessions (I have OCD) and just let my fears do what they will and no harm will come. It was one of the most if not the most amazing dreams I have had and I am sure I will see my Dream Guide again soon.

[tommo]

Sat. 20th December - All I remember from last night/this morning.... I was looking at some kind of weed either I or someone else bought. I remember that it was the infamous weed that came with a sheet of blotter paper (LSD). Kind of made that up in my head somehow that it was well known lol. Anyway I pulled the LSD out of the bag and was just staring at it. It was rather foldable. Like when I picked it up it would fold at certain points. I think about 3 folds across it. I was going to try some but wanted a tiny dose. I cut a square up to get one of the dots separate then I cut that dot in half and I can't remember anything thing else after that, I think I woke up or the dream faded.

[Wolfsbane]

The AIDS and Dream Guide ones were cool (well, except for having AIDS). You should add more dreams! Your last one confused me because I don't know what you mean by folds and dots and all that. PS: I'm glad you like my dreams. :] PPS: Yay, first comment in your DJ!

[tommo]

Haha nup fail. Elwood posted a couple of times. Well basically it comes on paper with squares you can pull off. There is usually little dots where the LSD has been sprayed on. Or whatever, as far as I know. Then it folding bit just doesn't happen but it was like a piece of cardboard you know, like say a box flattened so when you pick it up by one bit the rest will kind of fall down? Can't really explain it better but it's just weird I thought so I put it in lol This is one I posted in a different thread a while ago. No idea why I didn't post in here. I must have been new since I wrote that I was only trying to get lucid for 3-4 days lol i swear like as soon as i woke up i realised i almost gained control, it was also about horses liek this follwing dream, but i prevented my death 2-4 times somehow, and saved some people once i managed to do it. I was falling off a cliff, but somehow made myself get to the top of the cliff to make the dream keep on going, as you know you cant dream your death. So i was so close, i controlled it, but i wasn't fully consciously aware of it. Alright, so im not goin to go into full details, but i have been trying to lucid for like 3 or 4 days only. i went to sleep just before in the afternoon, i had a few dreams, remembered 3. one of them included my mum buying 4 horses for 12 dollars each LOL! this was a big DS but i didnt get lucid i just thought, what the fuck? 12 dollars, i actually asked her two or three more times, did u say 12 dollars? and one time i heard my brother yell out YES!!!! from the background Anyway the horses were doing some wierd ass things like diving into a little basket and turning small, running to the other side of it under the blanket, poking up a little bit (could see some white) then they rand back to the closer side and jumped out, turned big and ran off, i swear they must have done this like 10 or 20 times throughout the dream like my brain was trying to say LOOK YOU FUCKING IDIOT, A DS, lol i didnt pick up on any of them. So my dad was in this pond and he said sumthing like "look at that betchet." and a bit later i woke up, or so i thought (FA) and my mum said, "ohh thats what your dad was talking about a BETCHET" and i say "what is it?" and she says "like a statue of a horse" and i say why? and she says "you know, like, i betchya it will win" ????????? lol anyway then i woke up and i had remembered 3 dreams or so, and i think i know now that one of my dreams signs is a white, slightly grey spots, horse, which can morph lol IM QUICKLY GAINING RECALL!

[tommo]

OMG I remembered one dream at least last night. I got distracted in the morning and forgot to type it here. I'll try and remember. So I might edit later on. Ok, I remember thinking something was really weird. I commented on it in the dream. Something like "That's definitely not right". I could have become lucid given just a BIT more 'push'. For some reason it brings up the thought of bubbles sort of, light blue floating in front of the 'screen' with me in the background. I'm pretty sure this dream involved acid again lol Fuck, that's all I can remember. I even tried to re-enter when I woke up so I could remember it then. I think it was too late to re-enter though.

[tommo]

Ok, I don't know how this happened but the vein in my left arm (underneath) has been cut. The two ends were coming out of the skin. Dr. House appeared and told me it would still be a viable limb when it gets fixed and I will regain full use of my hand or something like that. He said "hold this bit"; the end closest to my elbow, and added "When you let go you will feel euphoric". I held it with my fingers until this fatty sort of sludge came out of the end, it wasn't at all unpleasant though. Then I let go for a split second and felt this amazing euphoria. Kind of like I inhaled a LOT of air too quickly. Plus some sort of relaxant. Pretty nice and pretty fucked up really is all I can describe it as. Or maybe I'm not trying. Anyway, I did this once more and then for some reason I cannot discern* I either injected myself or House injected me with this drug.... * I don't know why it was given to me in the dream, but I know it was there because IRL, that day I was thinking about if you went to another planet and it was entirely made of goo. What would happen if you injected this into your bloodstream. I was thinking I would do one molecule first, then go to 2 because I wouldn't want to go to a higher number right away because it could somehow multiply the effects every time you add another molecule to the dose. But I know he/I only injected me with a drug that was very diluted, i.e very small number of molecules in it, maybe 7 or 8. Anyway. That's about all I can remember for today! But one day at a time hey.

[tommo]

Wednesday 24th December 2008 I can't remember how I got here but I was in some sort of school. I think it started with me thinking about how this guy who came to our school said he also doesn't like going to public/school toilets and the dream suddenly turned to a school. But not sure. Anyway I was looking for one of my friends because I haven't seen her in a long time. I went up to the room where she told me she always sits. (don't think she's ever told me, maybe it was just a correlation/feeling I had like, yep that room 'feels' like her, sort of, I can't really explain it. Anyway so I found her and gave her a big hug. OH! There was flames from something that had been happening. The building was burning and I was trying to find her to tell her to get out. She wouldn't listen properly. Her friends were the same. She was standing up ready to go and they were sitting down. I was like "LOOK, the fire's right there" as it came through a doorway. She didn't seem to really mind, I think she said "It doesn't matter Tom" or something. Anyway I somehow forgot about all of this and the dream was suddenly back to me looking for her again. I came up through all the hallways and classrooms, to the class where she was before, it was on the top floor again. It was sort of the same but it didn't look the same and there were three classrooms connected side by side. They were more like actual classrooms now. Before it was like a sort of eating area out in the open with a glass roof over it. So I came in through the door where she was before and looked all over, everybody looked straight at me like they do in school when someone walks in lol. I wasn't nervous though like I usually am. Very nice feeling that. So I looked, couldn't see her, walked to the next classroom over (to the right). Not in there either, next one. Can't remember but I guess not because I went to go back and check the other ones and I saw my mate there and decided to sit down with him. lol. Can't remember anything after this. Next. I was on the street with this friend I've never seen before, he didn't have a resemblance to any of my friends and no feeling like it was any of them either. We were just chillin' and this homeless guy came along. He was really really.... not homeless-looking. First he sort of looked homeless a bit but then he very subtly changed as my perception of him changed. He asks if we have money. My friend said "Yeh I've got 30 dollars". The guy says "3?". Friend replies "No 30". "13?" or "3?". No "30". The guy seems bewildered. My friend says "But they aren't really......(something, and something like you'll have to get it exchanged.) It's more like $5 pounds" lol. "Here look" and grabs them out for him. It's not money that I know of, it's sheets of paper with handwriting in Arabic or something on them. The guy says thanks, and they both seem to think it's money. I wonder whether it is actually Arabic money but then how could they just write on it what it's worth or whatever because you could get blank ones from somewhere (they had a certain layout) and write on them yourself. The homeless guy holds them up, slowly becoming not so homeless, and doesn't even look at the stack of papers and pulls one out that's wrong. My friend had heaps of stuff in his wallet, guessing it just got mixed up. He gives it back to my friend. I say "Did you just see that, he didn't even look at it he just pulled it out". That's all I can remember for last night but it's a BIG improvement on what I have been remembering, which is nothing, lol.

[tommo]

Thursday 25th of December I'm so lucky I actually remembered even a part of this. My moron sister came in and said "ralph wants to say hello" (my dog) and open the door really fucken loud and crashed shit over almost. I swear I was so fucken angry. Anyway.... Basically the bit I finally got back was I was going into my room, I looked at my bed and my brother was just jumping in there under the covers. Wtf? I looked closer saying "what the hell are you doing you fuck?" He was messing up the cover and everything. Then I realised it was some sort of machine, but really organic. Reminded me of Narcissus from Salvador Dali's painting. It was spitting CD's out all over my bed and the floor (metaphor for Christmas? ). Then it slid out and rolled on the floor. Happened really quick. In any case, I'm lucky I remembered anything after the fuckwit waking me up.

[tommo]

Friday, 26th of December I'll start with the last thing I remember, this was a pretty hectic night so I'll just post the bits that I could remember most. Some cat (supposedly our I think) had been eating all these things. Not just animals. My sister had a snake and it got out twice, I never saw this but my mum and her were talking about it. My mum found the cat and she said "I could hear this song coming from it" "It was like" - and she started making the noises of what it sounded like then it started becoming clearer so it was almost a song but sounded like it would be muffled by a stomach I suppose lol - it was one of the songs playing on my MP3 player IRL, by Regina Spektor. I must have been slowly waking up since it became clearer. The dream/s I remember before that. This kid I used to be friends with was arguing with some other guys about Cannabis. Since I knew most about it (I kind of just got there somehow, like half way through the conversation and was just standing there listening) he decided to ask me "Tell us what you think about plants". Lol it was an odd question and I asked what he meant and it/I was just as dubious. I just said "Well they grow about a meter or so in height" (I guess that was from the wish thread conversation with stonedape lol, coz they don't) "The bud forms" blablablabla can't remember exactly. He said "What about tobacco plants?". I explained them too a bit. Then we decided to roll a joint. For some reason we were using a whole leaf lol. I was saying "it is better to fold it inwards" I used some word that described that perfectly but it's English equivalent is probably jibberish. Bsaiclly roll it up so the underside of the leaf is on the outside. Then wrapped that in paper lmao. Another friend (different scene now) was telling me "That's not the way to do it", I argued with him about it and proved him wrong. I was back in my old house in the backyard in this sort of tent I think. 3 guys I used to be friends with were there. We were still discussing the same topic. So I guess it was still sort of the same dream. Maybe I stopped dreaming in between but it just continued. Anyway. That's like 2 dreams at the least I can remember from last night. The other bits are just tiny fragments not even worth posting or trying to remember. Tomorrow should bring some coherent and more interesting dreams!

[tommo]

Monday 12th of January, 2009 So much happened I don't think I could type it all. I was in school for the first bit but it is fairly boring as far as I can remember. My sister and her friend were there and I was making sure they didn't get into any dangerous areas ir places. I think there was some sort of massive threat. But the next bit was part of a recurring dream. It is in this kind of fort or castle in space. It has voice activated doors in some parts and I remembered this because I knew I had been there before. My mum and dad and sister and her friend plus my friends Abby wee there. Maybe a couple of other people as well. Other than that it is empty afaik. I knew we had to use voice activation but Abby could not go through the castle again. I recorded my voice (wtf) and then recorded it onto something they had. I played it and it sounded the same but a bit higher pitched. We went to go through the first door. My dad held it open, like an elevator door, as we were walking down the hallway. I said, 'what are you doing?" he went to let it shut and I said 'no wait!'. We had left the dogs behind! I went back to get them and Ralph, and maybe my other two dogs were there but they could have been any small dog really. Anyway so I came back through. That is all I can remember. I will attempt to get through this dream fully again. There is something I need to get in there which is why I find this dream so interesting. Maybe in a lucid or just through suggestion that I will have the dream again. I've got some dreams I need to type up from when I was on holidays. I had one everyday except the last 2 because I got barely any sleep coz idiots were being to loud.

[tommo]

Wednesday, 14th January 2009 I was in my car with my brother and we drove to this place right next to the ocean for some reason. It was fairly high up and it had been paved with bitumen. There were probably 3-4 other cars with people there. We were looking at the waves that were splashing up against the side a bit. After about a minute or so one wave came a bit higher and some of it came onto the pavement. I was thinking, 'i bet these are gonna get intense'. They went back to normal for a while and then another big one came a bit harder-hitting than the last one. Eventually they all got big. They started coming about 1/3 of the way across the pavement. My brother said "oh shit! let's get out of here!" Everyone went running to their cars as well and we rushed into mine. The dream sort of faded from the anxiety ridden event into me trying to figure out the quickest way to get my car out of there. The first time I went to just turn it on and go, but because of the slope and anxiety of it, I forgot to pull the handbrake out last, so the car just started rolling backwards before I could accelerate. Then it went ot me just kind of thinking about what I could do, but with weak visuals. I thought I could push the car up out of danger then we could get it, but would it be too heavy to push up the slope? That's about it for that one. The next bit I remember is me and my two friends (both girls) driving into this Arizona-like place. (Which I've never seen but It's just what I assume it would look like). There was red/orange cliffs, they weren't that high, maybe 10-15 metres, on the right and in front they were higher. On the left there was a valley sort of thing with a few shrubs and some plants. I think this was kind of repetitive as well, we must have drove past there about 3-4 times. I know they wanted to get somewhere. There were some bullies driving along next to us at one point. We owned them. Can't remember how exactly. I also remember another dream where I was running away from someone. I ran into this elevator and it shut and then opened again, I pushed the button and it shut but was taking ages, I didn't want them to come and press the button for it to open again. For some reason there was stairs and the rest of the building continued, to the right side (if you're in there facing the door). If I had have realised the stupidity in this I would've become lucid.... or just confirmed my belief that all humans are morons. Especially architects.(JK guys, they are probably one of the smartest group of people, but the ones in this dream obviously weren't lol (although I suppose that's my brain )). Anyway that's about the only bit I can remember, I went up the stairs, checked to see if the elevator doors were opening. Nothing. Kept running. PEACE!

[tommo]

Thursdat, 22 of January 2009 I was at this gold club or what felt like it. My dad had taken the dogs for a walk, he left them tied up to trees. I went in my car to get them. Bonnie and Ralph were on one tree, I went to get them in the car. Then I saw Sammy tied to a tree about 15m away. I went to get her too. It was kind of chaos here but I think I they all ran off. I went to follow them in the car (they were soon vanished from the dream. I came to this cave where there was a bridge. Another car was heading to the bridge too. I was trying to get on before it. We ended up going across right next to each other. This bridge was only about 2 m across and wouldn't have fit to cars but whatever. I had the thought that it wouldn't have enough capacity to hold us both, it started to break right under us but we drove over quick enough. We came to another bridge and it broke even faster, close shave but we got over. I can't remember a lot else but only fragments which can barely be put into context. This dream took one cup of mugwort in the day and another before bed. I haven't remembered a dream in a few days so this was good. I will try it again tonight or the next night. I am also going to get to bed on time.

[tommo]

Saturday, 24th of January 2009 This dream was really fucked up. It contained all of my family members, although I didn't see them all. The first half was my dad's side, the second half was my mums. I was walking through this track somehow my little sister and two other guys came along. They were riding their bikes, they went off a different way then where I came from, I was trying to follow them but my bike is shit (just like IRL) the handle kept going sideways and pushing into my abdomen. Just under that hole that hurts when you get punched in it. I finally decided to just go back the other way after this happened 2 or 3 times. When I got back it was this little community or something, reminds me of my high school now. It was sort of half inside, half outside. I walked around for god knows how long, but eventually when I came back to this ladies house for the second time she said she had lost her kid. Eventually everyone was looking for it. We were standing on either side of this parallel line of buildings, outside still but sort of under cover. I think it was Mick, said "do you reckon it could be in here?" and kind of opened the door like a doorman would, not facing it just opening it. He went to shut it but I swiftly walked in to check around. My vision was still outside, after about 20 seconds, he was saying to them "damn we should've checked", like so he would get the glory of finding the kid. Somehow he knew I'd found it I think, or maybe just thinking I might. Then suddenly it was my dad in there. Note: I couldn't see any of this because my vision was outside and I guess I was again too. The windows were darkish because the building was abandoned. Suddenly there was this flash of blue light. In an instant I saw everything that happened. My dad was trying to get this briefcase but it was attatched by a power cord in a wall socket. He turned the power off to it, which caused it to electrocute. Somehow it didn't get him. He came out with the suitcase and I knew straight away the kid was a baby, it was in the suitcase. After we were walking off down some inside hallways, some guy said can I have that? It look sweet, I said "you can't open it" he siad "I'll just smash it on a wall". He kept walking and so did we. Can't remember anything else from that part. This part I am at my beach house. I am sleeping in the normal room I sleep in at the beach house. My bed from my normal house is in there. I am sleeping in the bed with Elle, one of my no-longer-friend's sister, I guess you could just say she is my friend. But anyway, us just moving around and sleeping goes on for a little while, and if this represented anything I cannot figure out what, it was literally just, at least, 5 minutes of being uncomfortable trying to sleep or waking up, not wanting to get up. Later on. My Grandpa is talking to me about how much of an artform porno is LOL. He is saying not realy that normal stuff but things like (some type of porno. I can't remember). I just nod yeah. Eventually after he stops talking about it he says "ah! that's good I'll come to you to talk about this from now on!" omg.... So weird lol. This next bit is amazing. He's asking me where I go for walks. We are at this bit which isn't really part of the area but it represents the two different ways you can go IRL (or that I usually go) to the beach. Each are blocked by big hills, not blocked, but you have to go over them to start if you will. I explain "I usually go this way", pointing to the left. Someone comes up and says "no this ways much better", pointing to the right. I say "yeah, this way (left) just has less shade and everything but it's nice". He says "I'll go this way" (right) coz there was more shade of trees, evident by the palm trees on the hill. This scene was so beautiful though. At the first bit there was a flat area of sand and all my mum's side of the family was there. They were all sitting down, playing or just relaxing. Then when I looked up at those two hills (really one hill stretched around to both sides) it was just simply awe.

[tommo]

Last night my dream was pretty strange, but very cool. I got this bag of Ecstasy and Cocaine. I don't exactly know how but I'm pretty sure someone gave it to me. I decided I'd do a quarter of a pill because I've never done it before plus some Coke and I mixed it in to some water in a glass. About 20 mins later it started kicking in. I felt really good. I thought I should do a little more but decided not to. I found the girl of my dreams (IRL lol) and we hugged and talked but I can't remember much of what happened which annoys me a bit. Later on I found my Grandma (first time I've seen her in a dream since she died) and she was upset and crying - I think because I was doing illegal drugs - I hugged her and told her it's alright and some other stuff which I can't remember exactly either. It was a very nice dream though. Although I feel a bit depressed that none of it happen IRL.

[tommo]

Trying out Mikes technique. I had this dream where this dude from school who I barely talked to was in my house and these two girls from school were over (I liked both of them a bit at one point) They were sitting at my bed eating something and I went to my room and as I came back out that guy said "He's (didn't hear this bit)" and walked off into the hallway and was gone. I quickly walked up and said to them "I'm what?" *completely blank stares like they were statues* "What did he say!?" Again the stares. Then they just faded away and I was left staring at their plates and for some reason I was now having a wank and looking at their plates and trying to imagine them there. One girl faded back in a tiny bit then went away again. I am now in the shower, with the water on, making some sandwiches with butter and Vegemite. Then I proceeded to put my dick in a slice and started having a wank again. o_0 I woke up during the middle of that, thank god lol, at about 7:10. Now that I think about it that dude was in there coz I was thinking before bed about how he was telling me this bullshit story about what happened this time I got baked at school and greened out. He thought I wouldn't remember any of it. Idiot lol

[tommo]

I just emerged from my room stumbling and barely awake "I just had the most fucked up dream....." I said to my mum. This was IRL. I feel I HAVE to explain it here. Basically this kid I know died a few days ago in a car crash. I didn't know him VERY well, but he was a good kid. I'd met him maybe 10 or so times, he was quiet though, didn't speak to him much. When he died I didn't really care, I acknowledge it was terrible, but there was just a hint of sadness. Not like if someone really close to me died, in which case I'd be a complete mess. I was sort of impartial to it I spose, and the sadness was more there because he will never be able to do all the things he could have. This will all come in to play as you will see. But.... Just now I've realised something which I must put here, but which doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the story. I've often thought humans are egocentric creatures. Nothing we do is about helping other people, it's just about getting the feel good chemicals we release in to our brains from helping other people. This, I realise now, is not true. Now I have had the opportunity to distinguish between the crying for myself never seeing someone I love again, and the sadness I felt for this kid, never being able to do what he could have, because he was a good kid, he could have done good things, given the chance. And good people deserve to live. Now I can see that there is probably usually a sadness for the actual person too, even though they are dead, but it is mostly overwhelmed by the sadness you feel which is admittedly, by any honest person, a selfish sadness. You're sad that you will never see them again Anyway.... I had a dream a couple of nights ago which I'd completely forgotten about until this morning. It's hazy, but I was at some strange and very peculiar party. There were a few kids there and some of my family and a few more adults and random people. There was a kid who for some reason liked me. He didn't say so but he wanted to be friends. I didn't really, I mean he was probably 10-12 and I'm 20 years old. But I played with him anyway. Not much I remember besides that. Except that I didn't pick up any meaning from this dream at all, basically brushed it off when I woke up, and went about my day. Last night I had a dream.... I was at this same party. Again I don't remember a whole lot. A lot happened, it gets mixed up and incomprehensible when you're dream recall has slipped. One thing stood out though. There was this girl probably about 14 years old. She seemed to like me, just like that other kid from the dream few nights ago. But it seemed more like a teenage crush on an older guy, you know how it is. I was lying down on this mat in the room, it was like a party room at some place I guess, glass walls all around and play equipment for the kids. The girl came and lay down next to me, this is in 3rd person view. The camera angle was sort of 1 and a half metres off the ground and about 3-4 metres away, looking from the direction of our feet. The girl sort of arched her back and rubbed against me, sort of pretending to stretch. She was well developed for her age, her breasts rubbed against me and then she rolled over and rubbed her ass against me. I was sort of separate from this scene, hence the camera angle. So I didn't feel it, only saw it. I freaked out a tiny bit and I said "Jesus, you're only (unknown, but guessing ~14) years old". The scene kind of ended after this, or I can't remember what else happened. I'm in the back room of my house. The couches are arranged differently like I made room for this same kid from the dream a few nights ago to sleep over and a mattress is on the floor. The kid is dead. Lying there, top half naked but pants on, dead. I remember now that he died a few days ago. (In my dream a few nights ago he actually did die, but I'd forgotten that until this morning, and evidently this dream was a continuation of the last one, so I knew he had died a few days ago, in the dream). I wasn't really shocked, since he'd been there for a few days now. Can't really remember how he died. He was almost grey. I remember an Alan Watts audio tape where he talks about how we are way too obsessed with hygiene. Then I hear Alan Watts voice "no, we don't touch humans.... ha ha" I look at him. He had a thick plastic bag half covering his body. Like the kind mattresses and pillows come in when you buy them from the store. About 5mm thick. I lift it up a bit. I go to put a finger, like a slow and cautious poke, on his tight, skinny (I can see the ribs) stomach, I pull away.... I can't. I am kind of disgusted that I can't even touch a dead person. Not that that's not normal, some people would be scared of that. But it's not the fact that he's dead, it's that I am scared of the germs. (I have OCD IRL, and it appears, sometimes in my dreams too, I don't like touching alive people either, unless I like them enough) So it's not that he's dead, it's that my fear of germs overcame the fact that there was a dead.... friend, I suppose, and the natural response for most would be to hug this person and cry. But I couldn't. Maybe I still didn't want to be friends with him, but I didn't think about that at that moment. This whole situation was just fucked up. I walk out thinking "when are we going to get rid of this body!?" Just totally fucking confused! I find my mum and ask her if she's going to call the kids mum. She's in the bathroom, there's heaps of papers on one wall, no idea what of though. She says "Yeh, I was just about to do that" sort of like it's just another thing she has to do in the day, but slightly concerned. She continues "Do you want to...." I know she's going to ask if I want to call her, my internal thoughts are racing for a second and I strongly know I could not do it, she stops the question and says "I feel like I'm gonna throw up every time I think about telling her". She dry reaches a bit and it sounds very odd. She calls anyway, I walk away as she starts talking and just hear "Hi, (incomprehensible)................" You have no idea how fucking fucked up this was. But as I woke up, I realised. It was all about the kid I knew who died in a car crash! You see, I grew up in a scientific household. Mostly because of my dad. I realised just this morning that everything with science goes too far. Actually, everything with everything goes too far, whether it's religion, mystical beliefs, politics, anything. In this case science. I read an article a while ago about how the human brain is only capable of caring for around 50 people at a time, I think it was 50, maybe a bit more or less, but it's an average anyway, obviously not exact. Something to do with how our ancestors lived in tribes etc. and they never got larger than around 50 people. So when this kid (IRL) died, I figured that I didn't care too much, it was a bit sad, but after all, I can only care for so many people! I did feel sad though, but I kept rationalising the feeling. As well as with the fact that I didn't even know him too well. Never really had any sort of connection with him, just knew him. But I still felt sad nonetheless. I also realised that not liking germs because they spread disease etc. has turned in to fear in SO many people. Even people without OCD. It's just gone way too far. Hospital grade antiseptic in every bathroom, anti-bacterial tooth brushes, imunisations for the flu which won't even kill you, heavy anti-biotics for every little infection.... you get the point. Granted this is mostly marketing to play on people's fear. But we need to take a step back and look at what we actually feel and what we actually feel is necessary. Just needed to write this out, it was one fucked up night. I think it's helped.