Feio's Dream Journal

[Feio]

This is my first post on this forum, and so it makes sense to open this journal with some brief introduction I suppose. My name is David and I am a musician living in Toronto, Canada. Most of my training is on piano, but I also play a lot of accordion, vibraphone and cavaquinho (the Portuguese precursor to the ukulele - very popular in Brazilian music). Aside from the hours each day I spend rehearsing, gigging, practicing, writing or doing other work for one of my bands, I have keen interests in ice hockey hockey (go sens go!), reading about history and learning about technology (web design, video editing, etc.) so that I can remain as independent as possible in the music industry. Well, I guess that's about it. Looking to make my first dream entry tomorrow.

[Feio]

Well, I'm completely green to the idea of lucid dreaming, and I definitely have much to learn. Last night was my first night of sleep since learning about the whole process, and I have learned an awful lot already about how my mind functions while sleeping just by trying to be more aware of it. So last night my big goal was to try and recall something I dreamt, and I have already learned my first lesson: it is more important to force yourself awake to write down any fragment you might have than to try and hold on to it and get back in to it. What I mean, is that several times throughout the night (maybe 3 I think) I would drift into a slightly awake state and I would think... carrots... i must have just been dreaming about carrots... giant, walking, talking carrots. Now, I don't know exactly how awake I was when I had this thought, but I definitely had it. But instead of immediately trying to write it down to see if more would come from my memory, I was instead obsessed with the quest of simply continuing to dream about something. This happened a couple more times in the morning, but again, instead of writing down the tiniest fragment that I thought I was recalling, I would just let myself go back to sleep. So after day one of trying to journal my dreams, I have a fairly mediocre first journal entry. Last night I think I dreamt about giant animate carrots, flying in a hot air balloon, and then rushing from one gig to another. That's all I got. I have learned a lot from just this one night however. First of all, my brief "awake" periods that occurred during the night corresponded with what I read about sleep cycles while doing research last night. For the first time ever, I was able to track my cycles last night, which is hugely important for me as some days I wake up and can't figure out why I'm so terribly rested. I am also learning a lot about how my body falls asleep and how it wakes up and the circumstances surrounding both of them. Last night I read articles on dreamviews.com until I decided I was too tired, and so I put on some music to go to sleep. Going to sleep with music playing is something i have been doing since I was a child and I discovered the "sleep" button on my alarm. (Recently I have been doing it less so to try and accomodate my girlfriend, when we're sharing a bed that night.) So last night I put on 'Music Has The Right To Children' by the band Boards of Canada. By using the music as a sort of time measure, I've deduced that it took me less than four minutes last night to fall into a state where I was no longer aware of the music's existence. I was surprised by how little time it took, first of all, (some nights, as I'm sure with all people, take longer for me to fall asleep,) but also by the clear distinction between the two states. It's like, one moment I am tracking where I am in the song with one part of my brain, focusing on dreaming with the other part of the brain, and then suddenly a threshold is crossed where I am no longer conscious of either the music or my own thoughts. Even the way I woke up was an enlightening experience, now that I have observed it armed with knowledge about how we sleep. I had an alarm set for around seven hours after I went to sleep, and when I first woke up completely (after about nine hours of sleep) I wondered if I had indeed set my alarm at all, since I had no recollection of turning it off. However, after much concentration, I was eventually able to recall that there was a twenty-minute period or so from when the alarm went off, when I would repeatedly be woken and would repeatedly snooze the alarm until eventually I was able to conclude that I had nowhere to be this morning and that I could turn it off entirely. The fact that I had trouble remembering that all this happened seemed analogous to my trouble with remembering a dream. In both instances, my brain experienced an event but with only a portion of my consciousness tuned in to record it. If nothing, it was a positive observation because it made me think, if I can focus my brain to remember turning off my alarm when I was clearly still half-asleep, then surely I will be able to focus my brain to remember things that happened when I was fully asleep. I'm sure that the majority of my journal posts will be shorter than this from now own. After my first night of being aware of all these new concepts, (sleep cycles, dream recall, potential lucidity, etc...) I observed an awful lot that seemed important to me in my quest to achieve lucidity. I feel as though there are an awful lot of obstacles in my way at this point in time. I lead a fairly busy and chaotic lifestyle by being a gigging musician, and as a result my sleep schedule is very difficult to keep consistent. Indeed most nights, how much I sleep is purely random and incidental to what else is going on. As a result, it is not uncommon for me to miss out on a good night's rest, in terms of proper sleep cycles, adequate time in REM state, and so on. Another obstacle I face is my heavy marijuana smoking habit. This habit has been ongoing for around five years, and while is has never had an effect on my lifestyle in a general sense, there surely have been some effects in specific areas of my health: for example, I don't doubt that smoking has an effect on my ability to have sufficient REM sleep cycles in one night. I also have plenty of questions that I need to ask around here. I plan on becoming somewhat involved in this community; as much as I have time for in my busy schedule, away. Lucid dreaming is something that I have, for lack of a better word, dreamt about being able to do since I was a kid, and now having found a resource and a community as strong as this, I am ecstatic to know that it is entirely possible and achievable. And finally, and I think this is the most important thing, I am filled with optimism and a positive attitude. From reading around here I can see that this is something that everybody can do with enough focus and persistence. While there is no shortage of other things going on in my life right now, I know I can find the time in the middle of the night to set out and explore another universe that lives inside my own mind, and I am determined to do so. I wonder how long until I actually post in another topic, or until somebody stumbles along my virgin dream journal - then I will officially be a part of this community, not some loner lurker hiding in the shadows.

[Sara]

I wonder how long until I actually post in another topic, or until somebody stumbles along my virgin dream journal - then I will officially be a part of this community, not some loner lurker hiding in the shadows. Not that long :-) It's good to see that you are so enthusiastic to learn about Lucid dreaming. Being so determined, it can't be long before you experience your first LD :-) I joined this forum only a few weeks ago and there is soooo much to read for information and inspiration, that I come here every day and have had 3 (though very short) LD's since. Good luck and sweet dreams

[adraw]

Beginnings are always pretty interesting and intense. So many concepts, so many expectations. But as soon as the things happen they will become more and more common, and you will advance. BUt i am pretty sure you know this. I am also interested in music production. But from my part. It is about electronic music. Still I am at the beginning. I like, how you are analysing, whats happenning. Thats the first step, which has to be repeated withouth interruption as there will be newer things to discover. Later on, it will be about trials and errors. About creativity and dedication. But I believe that you have a strong dream and that you achieve what you wish. Good luck. I stay tuned.

[Feio]

Thanks for your replies guys. I went to your site, Adraw, to check out some of your music, and that Chilling track is pretty wicked. I have been experimenting with electronic music myself lately with Reason on my laptop, but my results so far have been nothing more than sketches of ideas. What do you use? I'm posting because I suddenly remembered something random. I was just logging into my online classes and when I saw one of my instructors' names, I suddenly remembered that he was in a dream last night. I was making half-hearted excuses for why I never handed in my essay, barely hiding the fact that it was really because I just didn't care. (Not handing in my essay and not caring are happening in real life fight now.) Since I have never met this person and only know their name from the internet, I don't know how I conjured up an image of them in my head. He looked like a cartoon I used to see on posters in my middle school music classes... bald on top, light brown hair round the sides and back, thick mustache... very strange. It's crazy how the mind works that way... That that memory was stored in my subconscious until a completely random stimulation thrust it into my mind. Anyways, definitely needed to post that in here as part of my journal.

[adraw]

First: I use FL studio for production and some VST plugins. Second: Yeah. The brain makes wonders. Especially when we are in dreams. We seem to be more connected with our subconscious, yet less aware of ourselves. Pretty nicely balanced. When we are awake, we are not as connected, but we can actually use the little what sub. brings. And vice versa. Lucids seem to be exception. They seem to be direct conscious connection to subconscious. But still. The recall stands in way. . Also lucid dreams seem to be just as volatile as normal dreams. So there awaits most of the work. Third: It is cool, how our brain thinks. ANd how our dreams respond. They seem to construct everything what we associate somehow. And if we have pretty wild associations, the constructions are pretty wild too. >Have you ever had a lucid dream? If not... I can tell you only one thing. It is bombastic. Its like a world within. D:

[Feio]

Let's see what I got... This dream is coming back to me more and more... backwards... The earliest part that I can remember that I know is unique to this dream involves me walking down a narrow cobble stone road, filled with people and life and pubs on either side. I don't think I remember walking along with my friend Melissa, but the next thing I remember is her finding the person she was supposed to meet in the entrance of one of the pubs - this person turns out to my ex-girlfriend from over three years ago with whom I had a complicated romance. As I'm passing the doorway that Melissa goes through, I throw my arm out to wave as I pass the window, just to not be rude when my ex obviously sees me, but then she runs out into the street to give me a proper hello. Surprising myself, I reached for a big hug from her, and then there is a gaping hole in the flow of my dream as I am suddenly transported to my old high school music room. Or at least a variation thereof.... this rooms appears to be a conglomeration of all the high school music rooms I spent some time in. Anyways, so I'm in my music room, with various friends and my ex, and it appears we're just milling around. I'm not participating in any particular conversation, I'm mostly exchanging awkward glances with my ex. I remember going over to the instrument shelf where there were some trumpets (not in cases) and I wanted to play one. I avoided the one that I knew belonged to my ex, and instead picked up an old black-plated bugle. "Hey, look guys!" I proceeded to show off my play-any-instrument-I-touch talent to everybody by sweeping one note through the harmonic series as high as I can. I have a vague recollection that something else dramatic happened with my ex-girlfriend... I think it may have just been a passing thought that I wanted to kiss her, but there was only enough time for me to be disturbed by this fact. Anyway, then the music room was filled with many more people, and we were discussing some kind of community problem. I can't remember for sure what the problem was, but if I guessed that it had something to do with an over-crowded budgie population that was disturbing our environment, I'd probably be close. Another old friend of mine, one that is not fondly remembered, suddenly appeared and began to share her theory on how to solve this budgie dilemma. I remember distinctly that as soon as she began to talk, somebody else in the room shot me a look that said "oh no, is she really going to?" Her theory was something along the lines of... since budgies all grow out of dinner plates, why won't we just smash all of our extra dinner plates so that they don't turn into budgies? While everybody was agreeing how stupid this all sounded, I had my hand held high in the air, waiting to be address so I could present my theory which I knew would definitely solve the problem once and for all. (I have no idea what my theory actually was, but I think I did in my dream. Maybe I will remember later.) However, I got passed over a few times as other people got their say first, and then suddenly I had another instantaneous scene change. Now I'm walking down the aisle in the auditorium at Humber college, making sure that I find a seat that is a few rows in front of my ex and her friends. At this point I have a funny feeling that my cousins from England were in my dream, but I can't be sure. Anyway, what seemed to be a concert has now suddenly turned into some sort of council meeting. There is a head judge with a gavel, and some sort of king-leader figure. Various people in the auditorium are making suggestions, or presenting problems, or are seconding motions, and all this time I'm still holding my hand up in the air so that I can present my sure-fire solution to the budgie overpopulation crisis. But my name is never called, and I suddenly find myself outside the council chamber (no longer at Humber) where I am complaining how I never had my say. "Look let me tell you this idea, the meeting hasn't really been adjourned yet." "Yes it has, didn't you see me swing my gavel?" "But you really have to listen to this." For some reason the king-leader-figure agreed to hear my speech, and then I launched into this tirade about how we need to lift all sorts of bans that have turned our (country/city/something) into a totalitarianistic state. At this point, the head judge is making major objections to the things I am saying, but the king invites me into his private chambers so I can finish what I am saying in peace. I continue on how we can no longer persecute people for things like heresy, because it is limiting our advancement of science and culture. The king is very somberly agreeing with me, and is clearly distressed yet calm, deep in thought. Then the king tells me that he will indeed start reform as I have suggested, but then he DIES! He's lying on the floor and I am sobbing over his body... first crying "you were like my father" and eventually just the words "my father". This part at the end of the dream is nice and random. At this point, crying over my king-father's body, I decided that I need to peel away part of the tin foil wrapper from around his head so that I can see his face. Which is now, like the rest of him, made of molded chocolate. The dream ends with a shocked head judge entering the king's chambers to see what was going on, only to find the king dead and on the floor, and me weeping over his body smearing chocolate all over my face. What a scene. ..and scene. I'm thrilled that I was able to recollect something with quite a bit of detail this time. Enough detail that many of those scenes are imprinted like photographs in my memory. Watching my friend Melissa go into that pub, with my ex just inside recognizing me through the window.... picking up the bugle and playing it... peeling away the chocolate wrapper from the head of my king-maybe-father... Much of it is quite vivid, but a lot of it has holes too... Also, not only am I missing a whole bunch, but I can't say for sure that some of what I just wrote isn't just my imagination filling in gaps. In any case, I'm happy I got something, because, like last night, I woke up several times in the night with the tiniest fragment of dream memory, and I just fell back to sleep instead of recording it. Thankfully my last dream really stayed with me. At this stage, I'm not too interested in analyzing some of the symbols that may have been present in that dream. In the long-run I want to concern myself with the fact that this same ex-girlfriend has been a character in several of my dreams since we broke up. Obviously at first she was around my dreams a lot, but now that I have had a wonderful (better) new girlfriend for over a year, you'd think that she (the ex) would hang around my dreams less. That is why I get so disturbed when my dream exhibits any affection towards her. I don't really feel like that in real life. At least I don't think so. But anyways, this is exactly what I didn't want to do now. Another thing that struck me was how I was calling that king figure my dad at the end... I have a rather estranged relationship with my father, perhaps it is haunting me too. But again, all this is beside the point. I'm just happy that I have a good solid entry now in my dream journal. I hope I continue to improve at this.

[mark]

Hello! Seems i was beaten to commenting on your DJ first lol You will find like sara said progress is often fast and your recall should increase massivly over the next few months Im looking forward to reading more of your drams....keep em coming

[Feio]

My dream recall has been terrible this last week. Not without reason, I have been more stressed than usual. For example, I was in the studio all weekend recording bed tracks for an album I'm producing. But I'm able to remember a fragment from last night, so let's get it out here. I know there is more that happened that I can't remember, but the first scene I can recall is in some sort of bar. I'm there for a gig, and all my gear is set up on stage. I'm wearing a funny outfit too... red shirt and purple tie with sunglasses or something. Anyways, so I approach an area of the bar where the rest of the band is waiting and drinking. The band that I am apparently about to play with is Camp Best Friends, an alternative/funk/hip-hop band based in Ottawa that I still play in. (Not surprising that I should be dreaming about this band, because it has been going through some shit lately.) Anyways, we get ready backstage to enter the stage up some stairs on the side, and then we get on stage, and immediately there is a stage manager who tells us that we're too early, and so we just all casually walk across the width of the stage and back down the stairs on the other side. Trying not to call any attention to this false start, I remember casually circling round the back of the bar, trying to get my spot from before. Suddenly things get really weird though... All of a sudden, the bar area is the stage... an elaborate "bar scene", and the stage has become the front of the seating area. I am no longer in a bar, but a theatre. The band has taken its position, and I take up an electric upright bass (Yamaha-style) and we start playing some cheesy rockabilly. I realize at this point that this is no longer the same band I was just with... now it is a random collection of people, only one of which (a high school friend named Michelle) I can recognize. Anyways, I obviously don't know the script to this show very well, because Michelle comes over to my spot and shoots me an angry look, and I suddenly remember that I'm supposed to hand her the bass and start a dance routine. So I dance around the back of the stage a bit, until I get to my next spot where there is a guitar waiting for me. (A tele maybe? Not sure...) So I pick it up, and realize the whole thing is shit out of tune. I'm just about to try and bring it back into tune without anybody in the show knowing, but then I wake up. It's too bad that that is my first entry in around a week, but I really haven't been having any good recall. I've been playing with the idea of quitting smoking weed for a while, so that I can make the most of the intense REM-rebound that will surely occur. However, this more easily said than done as I have been a daily smoker for over four years. Well, one way or another, I will be writing about it here. Till next time. P.S. I'm going to see the Sens play in Buffalo! I'm psyched beyond all recognition.

[Feio]

Definitely not making any progress... But I woke up the other morning with the slightest recollection of what I had just been doing: Skating right wing alongside Jaromir Jagr and Brett Hull, practicing an offensive rush play. It was my job to pass the puck up to Jagr and then rush the net, but each time I tried to pass the puck shot off my stick and out of bounds at the far side. As soon as I start to get this LD thing down, the first thing I'm gonna work on is my dreamworld hockey skills. P.S. I have found that hitting the snooze button on my alarm every seven minutes for two and a half hours makes for some interesting dreams. I still can't remember them really.

[Feio]

I probably don't deserve to be here with the lack of commitment I've shown, but this is for me, and so..... this is what happened last night. My dream started with me waking up next to a certain girl I know. (And like.) Things were blissful, and we cuddled and enjoyed eachothers company before we got up to get ready for the day. Then she was gone... Then it was time for me and my mother and sister to get ready to go visit this girl's parents' house for a meet-the-family type event. I remember having to leave in an awful rush, which is typical of my family, and we cabbed there, there being the east side of Riverside, south of Brookfield. (Real place.) From there we went down an alley that led to the back alley of some houses. I remember thinking... she lives in an alley? ... before realizing that it was just the back door to a decent sized house. We arrived twenty minutes early, and nobody but her mom was there, who was still making some food. I went to the bathroom and suddenly realized that in our rush to get here, I forgot to brush my teeth and put on deodorant! A major faux-pas for the meet-the-parents event! I asked my mom if I could have the keys to the car so I could rush home and back. I can't recall if I actually did rush home and back, or if I just made do, or if I stole deodorant and stuff from the bathroom cabinet. Next thing I remember distinctly is the aforementioned girl coming downstairs to greet me - I remember expecting a regular hug and instead getting a much more intimate hug, and a kiss on the next. This caused my mom to raise her eyebrows, since she had just been advising me not to rush into any new relationships. (I've just been through a serious breakup in the last few days, in real life.) But it didn't matter, because it felt good to me. I woke up slightly after this scene, and then fell back to sleep. At this point, I have trouble recalling what exactly happened next. I know that I was rushing through a train station, (reminiscent of the train hall in the museum of science and technology,) trying to catch a train for some sort of recreational expedition. I remember trying to find the platform to no avail, until I heard the voice of my recently-ex-girlfriend calling me from above - the train platform was elevated, and I had to rush up some fire-escape-stairs and walkways to get there. I remember loading my luggage in the car behind ours (all the train cars were tiny - like private coaches) and I also remember noticing that the link between the two cars kept coming loose, and was clearly rather tenuous. I re-linked them, and just hoped that they would remain linked throughout the journey. This is where things get a little strange, simply because the sequence of events doesn't really make sense. I remember being stressed because my new girlfriend (mentioned above) hadn't arrived yet, but.... it's almost as though my dream took two seperate paths at this point. On one path, she arrived just in time to jump into the car, and the train left. during this portion, I distinctly remember noticing that the rear car had indeed become unlinked, and that our luggage had been lost. I also remember looking through the front windows of the train, to the oncoming track. We were weaving through some valleys, on a succession of impressive viaducts. At some point the train screeched to a halt, and it was announced we would have to wait for the rear cars to catch up, since they were now being driven by another engine to their rear. Where things get confusing is that the next thing I remember is being back at the train station, and realizing that my new girlfriend had not arrived, and so I jumped off the train to go look for her. She was stranded outside the gate, and arrived too late to be let in. She was coming from a gig, or a rehearsal, or a jam session or something, and we were both somewhat distraught. I remember having to jump over a variety of barricades just to reach her, and I remember her making the outrageous suggestion of us riding the subway to the next train station to intercept our train. Instead, we took a cab. Once again at this point, I woke up a little bit, and went back to sleep. Now, I was on a huge expanse of grass, which featured several soccer fields and a football field. On it were several groups of sports teams, wearing non-specific sport uniforms. It looked like the first day of the soccer season, where everybody arrives to find out which team they are on, collect their uniforms, meet the coaches, and have their first practice. (This makes sense, because I went to my 5-year-old nephews first soccer practice just a few days ago in real life.) I was not actually supposed to be involved with any of this, but I kept passing various people that I somewhat knew (characters from my soccer past) and realizing by the end that I really wanted to participate. Then a team that consisted mostly of people that were always one year ahead of me throughout school practically insisted that I join them. (This is again similar to real life, where I often made friends with kids a year older than me through public school and high school. It was all those same people. I remember a lot of distinct faces.) Then I remember being involved in some sort of rugby play... I had intercepted a ball, and was dodging my opponents running up the field, and passing back and forth to somebody else who I haven't spoken to in years. (I actually never really spoke to this person, but they were a classmate from grade 7 to grade 12.) The last thing I remember from the dream is having a team meeting at the end of practice, and our coach (who looked exactly like my nephews new soccer coach) was giving us a pep talk about "who says that 23-year-olds are too old to play house league soccer? we're gonna have a great year guys!" And that's that. As I started to actually wake up and regain consciousness, I tried to re-enact the very very first part of my dream, when I was lying in bed with this girl, but it was fleeting, and eventually I was awake, and lamenting the fact that it never happened.

[Feio]

... I want to also post a dream journal that I wrote to a friend in a facebook message just a few days ago. This dream was unlike any other because it appeared to have no basis in reality whatsoever, except for the fact that it occurred in the house I grew up in, and that it featured my real siblings. Here it is, quoted from the facebook message: Basically, me and all my siblings were hanging out together on the back deck of my ottawa house, when i notice that the moon was super cool and red-looking, and so I snuck upstairs to my room to climb on the roof and check it out. What i noticed was that there were actually three distinct moons in the sky - a red one, a blue one, and a regular cream-coloured one. i called my sibs up to check it out, and we soon noticed that the three moons were following their paths through the sky at an unusually quick rate. we had assumed that it was some sort of illusion, where the light from the moon was being refracted by atmospheric gasses or something.... Before long though, the moons were criss-crossing the sky at an outrageous speed... kind of like a timelapse movie or something. Then, these three moons began to converge, orbiting around eachother at such a pace that they were starting to blur and look as one, and then eventually they melded and become one distinct form - a flying saucer - which then proceeded to do a flyby through my backyard, and then it started to prepare itself for a landing on our roof. Me and my brother got up onto the roof via my bedroom window to witness this clearly extraordinary event.... I remember being surprised at how cartoonish the saucer looked - it was a bright polished gold, with green and red and blue and purple lights emitting from somewhere that you couldn't identify.... What was even funnier was when the alien stepped off the ramp - it was like from loony tunes or something! It was green and kinda scaly, with a small, plump body and an elongated torso that was topped with a comically small head, with big bulging eyes. Of course, he (it) was wearing some sort of silvery space suit with a glass helmet and a purple cape. The last thing I remember was stifling a laugh, and then I passed out. I woke up in the morning to find the house in a complete mess, with empty bottles and food stains everywhere.... I woke up my brother and he told me that they all just had a wicked party together, and that the aliens had left, but not without leaving a goodbye present. I walked outside the house to find a wicked cool purple cadillac convertible with lavender and black tiger print velvet upholstering on the inside. This car was clearly pimpin. My brother told me that this was no ordinary car - that its systems, notably the sound system were "out of this world". Unfortunately, before I could take the car for a spin, I woke up. This is easily the coolest dream I've had in a really long time, and.... I'm glad I managed to write it all down before forgetting it. End quote. Another one in the can.