recurring dream situations :(

**purpleglass** · 09-19-2010 07:13 AM

A little background information before I go into my dreams.
They are all about my current boyfriend, who is amazing and probably too good for me. He recently got a new job which limits how much time we spend together compared to before he had the job. My relationship before this one was terrible, constant fighting, being cheated on and left, verbal abuse. Things that have really screwed me up mentally.

Dreams: first dream,
There was no beginning to this dream, I was in the front yard of my old house in FL, It looked like I had just walked out the door and my boyfriend was following me into the yard. I was upset about something and he was comforting me. I looked at his phone, which gets myspace/facebook ect and saw a status that some girl posted saying "It was great to have "Jeff" (we'll just call him Jeff) over today" I got mad and pushed the phone into his chest walking towards the street. He followed me asking what was wrong but I didn't answer him. He grabbed my arm and I finally yelled "I'm tired of you not being here with me! and I don't want you to date *girls name I forgot* anymore" (why he was dating someone else and I knew about it and was okay with it up until that point is beyond me) My boyfriend sighed as I broke down in tears and fell to the ground and he said "Its not that I don't love you, its just that you don't make me as happy as you used to"
then I woke up-

Second dream: I was over at my friends house and he asked me "what happened between you and Jeff" and I kind of looked at him confused "what do you mean?" He looked at me wide eyed "Didn't you break up?" I shook my head "no, why do you say that?" He got really anxious looking then and told me "Nevermind, I just thought I heard something about you two breaking up" I could tell he was lying "No, tell me" I insisted. My friend looked up at me and sighed "well, I've seen him around school with another girl so I figured that you two broke up"
-woke up

Now I've talked with my boyfriend about these two dreams and he's reassured me that he wouldn't ever leave me or cheat on me, and I believe him but something subconsciously is going on and I'd like some help because I am starting to lose sleep because of dreams like this. Any ideas of what they mean or why I'm having them. Also Tips to make them stop?

**sisyphus** · 09-19-2010 08:36 AM

OK, I'll try to play psychiatrist. This is just one possible explanation, but perhaps a fresh point of view is what you're looking for.

The dream appears to be about your feelings and fears about your boyfriend. But it might actually be about your feelings about yourself. You said that he's "probably too good for me." To me, that reveals that maybe you have a low opinion of yourself for some reason. Everyone is always judgmental of themselves, often irrationally so. In the dream, this is expressed as your boyfriend showing less interest in you and possibly someone else, which in turn makes you feel jealous. So now the emotion you feel about yourself is twisted and targeted at someone else. You feel confused and bothered by it because you aren't getting a clear signal from your unconscious mind, just vague misleading emotions and symbols.

So to resolve your anxiety and stop the recurring dream, you need to explore this feeling and find the positive in it. Your unconscious mind wants you to do something positive, but it's hidden under layers of negatives. It may or may not be about your relationship at all. For whatever you are experiencing, ask yourself "Why do I feel this way?" And whatever answer pops into your mind, ask "Why is this important to me?" Be honest, kind, and forgiving toward yourself. Repeat this with each answer until you eventually reach some positive truth that is personally important to you.

Just as an example, maybe the nugget of personal positive truth is that you want to start a family. But this positive truth is buried under a long string of other negatives (unsure about commitment, feeling threatened, not spending enough time together, resentful of his job, memories of past relationships, etc). Once you find the positive truth, you can approach it in a more direct and positive way.

It's good to write about these things on paper. Writing in complete sentences engages your logical mind so you can reason through the problem. If you just think about it, your intuitive mind will just spin around on the same idea over and over again. Again, be honest, kind and forgiving toward yourself.

**Burned up** · 09-21-2010 05:38 PM

Do you think perhaps your intoductory paragraph gives us a hint? You sound like you have esteem issues "...amazing and probably too good for me...".
If you truly believe he is too good to be true then in your dreams he probably will be, and he comes across as a fake. Remember these dreams are about you, not anyone else.

More generally, maybe you believe that you don't deserve goodness in life?

**Philosopher8659** · 09-21-2010 06:31 PM

Recurring dreams indicate an abstraction has not been made. If one has not made an abstraction, one cannot act according to the truth of a situation.

What makes two people one is something very, very few even have the ambition to achieve.

As you do not eat to feed someone else's body, or see for someone else, or breathe for someone else, so too dreams are not for the modification of someone else's behavior. It is for yours. The beam really is in your own eye. The problem is in you.

There is a difference between a heap, two people just together, and a marriage. It takes a long time to understand.