Hello, I have what I wouldn't consider a recurring dream, but in my different dreams involving this one person, there is this recurring theme.

In high school I was classmates with a guy, and over a very long period of time I started to develop very strong feelings for him. Now, I guess I should also tell you that I am also a guy. Nothing ever happened between us but there was certainly a very strong feeling between the both of us. We never spoke about it directly, but you can tell through body language, eye contact, tone of voice, etc.

He was a "jock" I suppose - an amazing sportsman, very popular with girls and all the 'cool' guys. And I was a lone wolf I guess - moody, good at my studies, respected but probably not well liked, and certainly not popular. I had few friends back then (and even fewer now).

Now there is nothing particularly strange about all this, except perhaps we were both guys... but it happens, you fall for someone in high school, but nothing comes from it. You move on. We went our separate ways and I thought I would eventually forget about him with time. But, some weird situations began to come to pass - by some strange twist of fate which doesn't need elaborating here, we ended up at the same college together a couple of years after finishing school. Now, again nothing too strange about that. But, I started having dreams about him sporadically. In these dreams whenever I tried to get closer to him, he would move away - pretend like he hadn't seen me, pretend like I wasn't there. It's like I'm invisible. One dream, he's laying down in the garden on a hot day. I walk up, try to lay down on the grass next to him, and he gets up and walks off. Not a word. Not even an acknowledgement of my presence... Another dream, I'm walking up to my house and he is in his car in my driveway. I walk up to his driver's side to greet him through the window. As soon as I reach there, he backs out without acknowledging me, and drives about 20 feet into a neighbour's driveway and just sits there staring ahead totally ignoring me!

Of course, every time this happens I'm really sad inside. Here's a person you're trying to get close to, just in a friendly way, and he just ignores you - you are totally invisible to him.

Now, the obvious interpretation of this is that the guy doesn't like you like you like him. Fine, but if this is the case - why on Earth can't I forget him?? He's inside my mind, his name is constantly being repeated in my head. I find myself just saying his surname involuntarily FFS... Then weird coincidences start to happen - my friend moves to the neighbourhood where he lives and I have to pass by his house in order to see her. His sister moves with her husband and family onto my old street, overlooking my old house - the chances of that must be 1 in a million. On my birthday, I was at a restaurant just with my family, and he turns up to the same restaurant with a friend of his. And there have been other stuff like this too.

I don't know what is happening. It's like fate is telling you one thing, and then these dreams are saying totally another. In real life, he is normally not distant. He doesn't ignore me. We speak like normal. He speaks softly with me, he smiles, he jokes. I am shy and generally quite socially awkward, but I try my best. I have had other relationships with guys who frankly I got along better with and easier with, but they have fizzled out, and yet this difficult one remains and troubles me.

Another thing is that ONCE, only once was he different in a dream. In this dream, he was with a group of his friends lounging and goofing off by the pool. I walked by, looked over, and knowing that he was with his friends, I thought as normal he would not acknowledge me, so I kept on walking. This time though, he excused himself from his friends, and ran and caught me up. Then he put his arm round my shoulder, he was really happy to see me, and he kissed me. The one thing I recall most was that he seemed so happy. I think I was more shocked than anything. But, well... it was a really beautiful dream, far more vivid and colourful than the countless dreams where he would blank me. When I woke up, I was so energized and so invigorated! (And I am NOT a morning person AT ALL!) Well, so far so good right?... WRONG! I could not have been more wrong. That day which started so full of life and good energy ended as one of the, if not THE worst ending to a day in my life. My brother in law died suddenly without warning that evening. I drove my sister to the hospital and she was heartbroken. That was a terrible terrible day. And forever I will associate it with that dream..

But, that aside now. I really need to know what it all means. This guy needs to come or go and leave me alone. I just want him to be happy, even if it is not with me I can accept it mentally. But we can't keep holding on to one another from the distance, stopping each other from moving on. That's how I feel. There is another guy I have feelings for also - coincidentally they happen to be born on consecutive days. Now, I don't want to tempt fate, but with this guy there is a real chance for a future. But I feel like this other guy is holding me back... I don't know what he wants... I am not sure whether there is any life left in that relationship. I don't know whether it is toxic or the greatest blessing I ever missed. But if I want to move on, I can't keep having these dreams and these twists of fate that bring us close to each other, but never close enough to touch, if you get me.

Sorry for the length of the post, but I thought it necessary to see the context of these dreams. I'd appreciate any experts who might know what this is trying to tell me. I feel the Universe is shouting loudly at me and that I have plugs in my ears cause I have no idea what it is saying.