Usually i can interpret my own dreams, but i can't get past the emotions of this one...

15/11/05

NIGHTMARE!!!!

I am at someones house with mum and dad, it looks similar to Kelly's flat. I am in the sitting room.
My brother is at the far side of the room drawing a black and white portrait of a little boy who is African.
My mother is on the phone. Its near Christmas time.
I am talking to my father about Curtis, asking him if he can stay with me for Christmas.
Dad says he has no objection but i must talk with mum.
He gets up and goes into the kitchen.
I try talking to mum and i ask about Curtis and she storms out in temper.
I follow her.
She is screaming and shouting at my dad.
The argument progresses and we end up arguing in the garden, it's a cold starry night.
My mother asks if anything happened last time he was down. I say no and she calls me a liar.
My father is in the doorway and asks her to calm down, which enrages her further.
she says i've already had it, and god knows what's happened meaning sex
She yells this out in the dream:
'she's had tests done for HIV and aids, everything. By the front and back doors, everything, by all the doors, you'll find the same thing.'
I think she was implying that I'd had sex everywhere....
I swear i've not slept with him.
My mother becomes violent and we struggle.
She starts to fight with me, kicking my kneecaps. My father is yelling at her to stop.
I find myself getting weaker.
My mother is sobbing, i realise she thinks she's lost her little girl.
I think 'why can't she just love me?'
I wake up sobbing and crying.
this was a horrible dream. My mother can react badly, but i don't think she'd treat me like that!
I have no idea what this dream means. Something so violent is more than plain anxiety