I tried writing this once before, and it didn't work!!
i began writing my dreams down in October of last year, in September my parents went to live in America, and i found myself totally alone for the first time in my life.
It's kind of like moving out, but not.
I've remained in England in order to finish my NVQ in care, and i hope to join them in a couple of years, after i've gained more experience.
I am twenty years of age, and up until now, i have never had to look after myself, my parents did everything for me, as i still live at home.
(caring is a very poor profession.)

Can someone please reply to me, just to let me know that it is working ok?
there wasn't a link to the other one in my profile for some reason.
If it works, i will continue writing in here, otherwise i will try another way...
cheers!!
okay, so it seems to have worked...time for me to put some dreams in...

16/10/2004
Had a very weird dream last night. Mum was diagnosed with cancer, and she had to go for a radiotherapy appointment. As she opened the door, our dog ran out into the middle of the road. She came back, and then ran out again, a car stopped, and the man in the it was using a monile phone, which made me feel very angry.
Then another car came and almost hit her.
I thought it was weird in the dream that none of us went after her.

17/10/2004
Last night i dreamed that dad was trying to killl me. I am in the kitchen with mum preparing dinner, but it's at a house i lieved in when i was younger. Dad walks in, and i can tell something isn't right. I ask him what the mater is and he tells me my time has come and that i must die.
I can see in hs hands a large pair of scissors. We begin fighting, but he is stronger than me, and i am beaten, kneeling on the floor with my hands behind my back, and the pint of the scissors digging into me. I think, 'this is it, i'm gonna die, and there's so many things i haven't done.'
I plead for my life, begging him not to do it, mum tells him to stop being an idiot.
After more wrestling, i manage to get away, and i find myself at the training centre for my NVQ, deciding whether to take an irish language course.
I bump into an ex colleague who says she was married to dad, and that he tried to kill her too!!

Am about to be logged off, so will write more tomorrow!!

5/11/2004
I am on the set of Eastenders, and the two actors playing Martin and Sarah are filming a scene in which Martin gets killed.
Martin is lying on the floor, and sarah is sat across him and has a hand on his throat as if to strangle him. She starts chanting in a slow, monotonous voice, over and over.
I suddenly realise this isn't part of the script. I look over at the actor playing Martin, and as Sarah is chanting, a film begins to appear over his face, being woven like a spiders' web, going over his eyes and mouth, suffocating him. He looks over the me, terrified, but i am paralysed by fear and cannot move.
I wake up.
I found this dream quite alarming.

11/11/2004
I am in a pub, and i go up to the bar to order a drink. I suddenly find i am only about a foot hight. I have to shout up to the barmaid, and she charges me 2 quid for a glass of coke, which i think is a rip off.
I try climbing up onto the bar stool, but i am too short. Outside there is a beautiful sunset, and i shout to draw people's attention to it, but no one takes any notice.

14/11/2004
In this dream i am at some kind of event with a bunch of teenagers, trying to repair a bus. The strange thing is, we have no tools, we are doing it all with our bare hands.
The bus gets fixed, and my dad tries to drive it away, but it gets stuck in mud.
I go behind it to give it a push, and the bus rolls on top of me, pinning me beneath it!
i wake up, feeling very, very scared!

15/11/2004
I find myself in what appears to be a university lecture room, preparing to take an exam in advanced mathematics (i hate maths!). Apparently 72 people are supposed to take the exam, but only two of us turn up, me and this bloke.
as a result the exam is cancelled. This bloke and i end up together, and he's kissing me and telling me how wonderful i am, then he gives me the keys to his flat, and says any time i need cheering up, i know where he lives!
Then we are in an elevator, going downwards. The elevator is very posh, with a padded seat. He sits on the seat, and asks me to join him, i say no, because otherwise we'll never get out of the lift.
I wake up (damn!)

23/11/2004
I was watching Greenday in concert, but they looked about 12! The imagery was like an andy warhol painting of marilyn monroe, totally unreal.
Then i'm at work, in a resident's bedroom. I have just used the toilet, when my best mate comes in and tells me off for not flushing it!

24/11/2004
vague dream of teaching a friend to play violin, and my mother trying to hack into my email...

26/11/2004
In this dream i am told by a woman that i must go under the bed. Under the bed are three starues, venus, athena, and diana. I am told i must link the three women, and break a curse.
I go under the bed, and find myself in a garden, with a fountain. I am suddenly very small. I find the statues, and they are the same size as me. I try to link their hands, but find this impossible, as they are made of stone, and do not move.
Under my feet is ivy, and i get on my knees and start feeling with my hands for a switch. Then a big spider comes out and starts crawling over my hand!!
I fight with it, trying to shake it off, but it bites me.

28/11/2004
this dream was very sad, concerning two people i care about.
I recollect a feeling in the dream that i have argued with a male friend of mine. I go into work, and my other friend realises i am upset, and wants to know what the matter is.
I tell him about the row, and he walks off, into the hall way.
I follow him, and he tells me that i don't need this other person, that i should come back to him.
I tell him i can't because i no longer love him, and that's the end of it.
i wake up feeling very sad, and a little unsure about what i want.
A period of much soul searching followed this dream, and i think i've finally made the right decision.
I think this one was just slightly premonitory.

6/12/2004
I am going about my usual errands in town, when i notice a man. It's the same one as was in the elevator dream.
I see him daily, and we finally talk when i drop my groceries. He tells me he's been watching me, and we meet up every day after that. After a week, he says he wants to continue seeing me, and i say yes. He invites me round to his house, where i find his wife and son!!


7/12/2004
I am walking to work and i bump into a woman standing on a bridge outside the church, looking into the brook. She's complaining about the dirty water, and pollution, but i explain to her that it's like that because it rained the night before.
i find i have been talking to her for half an hour, and am late for work. As i walk off, i take out my mobile to say i will be late, i go round the corner, and find myself in work, not late at all!!
I argue with my boss about a training course, and he won't give in.
the next thing i see is a pregnant friend of mine doubled over in pain, she's losing the baby!!
(I'm always anxious around pregnant people, i don't know why)
then we are supposed to have an entertainer, and he doesn't turn up. (this actually happened, q. spooky!)
then i am in church, and one of the relatives of a resident is playing the organ, with his wife standing beside him. (in life, she uses a wheelchair, and is bedbound most of the time!)
after the service, i begin playing the organ, and do a little jazz number!

11/12/2004
In the first part of the dream i am riding my bike, and i am finding it easier becasue i've raised the seat. Then i am at what i can only suppose is work, but it isn't the nursing home. I find myself at the top of a seemingly endless spiral staircase. Everything is pink, the walls and the carpet. The handrails and the staircase are varnished wood. I feel like i'm in an asylum. I suddenly notice there are babies all over the place, crawling around. I begin to climb down the staircase, and everything is fine at first, until the staircase starts shifting and changing. Steps disappear, becoming smooth, flat areas, similar to a 'Helter Skelter'.
Great chasms appear between floors and the railings also disappear at various points, usually when there are no steps, leaving me nothing to cling to. At first i am frightened, then i begin to be annoyed. Angrily i try to conquer the obstacles, the more i try, the worse it gets. The babies offer me no help or consolation, i woke up feeling angry and frustrated.
*At the time of this dream i was under a lot of strain in my personal life, and work was also very difficult at this time, various frustrations had started to manifest within my dreams i think.*

12/12/2004
I am in a new age shop, discussing incense, crystals and chakra with the shopkeeper (who happens to own a new age clothes shop in the town where i live), i recollect having been in this place in my dreams before.

14/12/2004
In the first part of the dream i have become involved in the provision of the town's new swimming pool, but my pool is specifically for those with learning difficulties, a sort of hydrotherapy thing. I put it to the council and they give it the go ahead. I also manage to find a cure for cancer, which cuts out the need for chemotherapy.
The second part of the dream was almostlucid!! I find myself in Montmartre, in France, facing what used to be the Moulin Rouge, which in my dream has been blown up. (it's 1888, don't ask me why, it just is, and i'm dressed accordingly!) I receive a text from my friend kevin, telling me not to move, and that's when i realise i'm dreaming, there were no such things as mobiles back then.
so, i wait expectantly for him, and concentrate very hard on him appearing, knowing i am dreaming. Nothing happens, i think i tried too hard!!
I then find myself back in town again, in an antiques shop, looking at old picture post cards of places in days gone by. They are postcards of places in france, paris, and montmartre (again...)
I am talking to the lady in the shop about the moulin rouge and how it blew up, and how satine died on the deck of a ship. (no she didn't liz, she got consumption...think Titanic tried to butt in there...)

27/12/2004
I am sitting in the smoking shed at work with graeme and norma. She is telling me about the new traffic lights by the bridge, totally unaware of me fancying her husband! (errr....hell hath no fury... )
then i dream that i am in New York, except i'm a bloke in love with a maniacal woman who keeps trying to kill me!
then i'm with my parents and they've bought a house.
*Think i was really missing my folks at this time, it was the whole christmas period, and my first one on my own... *

2/1/2005
I'm at another nursing home that i recently visited, and Fleetwood Mac are playing a live set. I find myself astounded by Stevie Nicks, and ask one of the band members if she'd sign my cd for me.
he says they don't do signings

4/1/2005
I am in some kind of control facility, all the doors are on time locks. Everything is jumbled up, there's a room with what appears to be a mainframe computer in it, graeme is in the kitchen peeling potatoes, and also there's a room filled with chocolate!
I then find myself in another part of the building, and an old lady is standing outside an open window, and she's in danger of falling off the ledge. The building is very high up. I try to coax her back in, but can't.
I realise i'm dreaming, as the lady on the windowsill is a resident who recently died, so i think, 'who could get her back in? Graeme.' so i think about him, and i think, 'i need you here, i need your help.' No sooner have i thought this than he is there, and he manages to coax the lady back in, and demands to know who left the window open

5/1/2005
It's christmas time, and mum has invited peter and graeme for christmas dinner.
I go round to peter's house to see if he's ready.
i knock on the door and he answers. He's jiust got out of the bath, and he's drying himself with a towel. Which slips. so i get an eyeful. I however take very little notice and carry on talking.
We go to dinner, and all through dinner peter keeps giving me funny looks. Graeme says nothing.
the next day i am back at work, and graeme gives me a letter, telling me he is appalled at my behaviour of the night before.
*one for Freud i think...

10/1/2005
I'm lying on a bed, and it's 'that time of the month'. I am also standing next to the bed, looking down on myself, putting a tampon into the 'me' on the bed, and i'm instructing myself!
everything seems fine, then when i stand up it's in the back of my throat!
at this point, 'the other me' has disappeared.
I am not alarmed by this, i put my finger down the back of my throat and push it back down again.
I'm also given handouts from the church, regarding safe sex!
They tell me that i can do it at this time of the month and be safe, and if neither of us likes it, there are other things to do!

16/1/2005
I am shopping in Woolworths with Melanie, looking at chocolate, i am scrabbling around in my purse for spare change, feeling of guilt, spending money i haven't got! i was worrying about money around this timeand asks to borrow her credit card. Mel gives it to her and says to me that her sister will clean her out. John arrives.
The sister comes back with the credit card and melanie asks if there's anything left on it, and the sister says that her boss wanted to use it, not her.
i also had a vague recollection of walking somewhere, like a motorway. It was very dark, and i had a feeling i had a long way to go. I felt very alone emotionally, and very tired in the dream.
at this point i was having great trouble with a colleague, and i wasn't getting much help from other colleagues who knew what she was like!!

17/1/2005
In this dream it seems that i've committed some kind of crim, i am arrested and questioned.
Questioning room is like a police station.
It seems to be an altered world, like George Orwell's 'Big Brother'
I see a very old family friend, in my dream she looks very elderly.
I promise her i will talk to her, although i know i am committing a crime.
I get woken up, but manage to go back to sleep and get back into the dream. WILD?her husband has died in the dream.
Also Fran Healy, the lead singer of Travis, is now a resident in room 11 of my nursing home. (right...okaay....)
in the second dream i am in a room.
Outside the room is two staircases, one going up to the left, one to the right.
the room on the right houses a prostitute. The room on the left houses a sex therapist. (as it would...)
I am talking to a man, he wants to see the lady in the room on the right, i offer to take him upstairs, but take him to the room on the left, to see the therapist. She talks about mice...
problem in my psyche?

19/1/2005
I am staying at a woman's house. She has cancer and is terminally ill.
i am given a sleeping bag to rest in. The sleeping bag suddenly grows, swallowing me whole. (venus fly trap)
I fall asleep.
I wake up the next morning, still zipped in the sleeping bag, and she says i can go home. 'if you can get out.'
I start scrabbling around for the zip.
Suddenly it flies open and i emerge sweaty and clammy.
Simultaneously i wake up, and find myself tangled in the bedclothes. ('kay, liz...)
looking at the last few in the sequence, it seems that my dreams have steadily become darker in material, and sometimes very alarming. It gets worse.
In the second dream of the night i am back at work after having had a baby.
Graeme is on shift.
I am assisting a resident to the toilet, and he walks in and demands to know what's going on!
There's a lot of confusion, and he starts hitting me, beating me up, slapping me, and hitting me with a leather belt. he's a tall, strong man, so this was kinda scary. 6'3" and beating me up? uh oh...
He tells me i need to go away and research the role of Godfather.
I also get sent pictures of naked old men over the internet which i find abhorrent.
(see?)

29/1/2005
I go into the library, there's a young boy sat at the table doing homework. He's about twelve, with fair hair and pale skin.
I find him physically attractive , and he gives me his email.
Then i'm on top of a hill, looking down on a large housing estate, the sky is pink.
Also vague impression of graeme, of him laughing. I feel happy about this last part, but then he makes me happy anyhow.
i have no idea why my dreams have gone so bizarre, as far as i recall, there was nothing too strenuous going on.

30/1/2005
i dream i've been to the pub, and i've drunk loads of baileys. Firstly, i don't feel drunk, and secondly, when i get home and check my purse, the last fiver i had is still there!
(if only!)

31/1/2005
Feeling of foreboding and death, i felt uneasy, and kept trying to wake myself up. Also felt trapped.
Jill morris has died.
she did a painting, that was released posthumously.
Also a false awakening.
as well as being bizarre, my dreams are steadily becoming more violent and macabre
[/i]

1/2/2005
In the first dream i am in an antique store, trying to steal a curtain? June is there, arguing with her boss. 2 people come in looking for a yak? ( i think i mean 'kayak'), and the woman starts cleaning out the fish tank, we talk about keeping fish, and how mine never survive.
In the second dream i am doing my shopping, go home, and see a news report on the telly about an invasion of bed bugs, and i find hundreds of them in my bed, and they are bright blue. I get rid of them with a dustpan and brush.
In the third dream i went to bed with mel gibson, and i went totally lucid for the first time!! Now that was cool!

2/2/2005
I meet a young man and he takes me back to his house to meet his parents.
the house is a total tip, i am led into the kitchen, there are dirty dishes everywhere. He makes me a cup of coffee in a dirty mug which i don't drink.
The father is sat in front of the television, oblivious to me, as is the mother. I get the feeling she may be schizophrenic. She's dirty and unwashed.
the sister is sprawled across the settee, chewing a wad of gum and twiddling her hair.
The grandmother is an old fashioned type of woman, with a big ball of wool, and knitting needles. She's trying to get the daughter to knit, but the daughter tells her to f-off.
i woke bolt upright in the middle of the night with this one, and said, 'what the f--?!

3/2/2005
I'm in a bar singing karaoke, but i can't get the tune right, and nor can i remember the words! V. embarrassing.
Looking back on this dream, i think my NVQ was stressing me out, and i am ever conscious of wanting to do well in my chosen career. Sounds like an anxiety dream

4/2/2005
I'm in a new age shop, looking at incense, then i'm in the supermarket trying to help a woman choose spices, she's got nutmeg and marjoram, so i tell her to get some ginger.
Then i'm somewhere with my parents, it's a boiling hot day.
In the next part of the dream i am at work, and graeme is in the office with his back to me, doing paperwork.
I feel like i don't care about him anymore, and i feel like i'm looking for kevin.
Don't ask...cos i don't know!

5/2/2005
*this was a false awakening*
Graeme is outside of a glass door, carrying a heavy box. I dart out of bed to let him in, realise i am dreaming, and wonder what the hell i am playing at.

6/2/2005
I am in a shop, and i buy turquoise eyeshadow, face powder, and mascara. I was having a 'spotty' week, and worrying about my skin!
I then go to the supermarket, and find that everything is reduced.
Then i'm in a large picnic garden, emily from church is there, a teacher comes to do aptitude tests.
We all sit down to eat, and the party begins to break up.
I find myself alone next to the swimming pool, and i am angry with kevin cos he hasn't turned up, suddenly he appears, and pushes me in!
then neither of us has any clothes on, and out of nowhere a bar of soap appears in his hands, and he starts washing me.
he gets very wound up, and wants to go further, but i remind him about his girlfriend, and the fact that i love someone else.
Also whilst i was in the garden my back was killing me, and when i woke up i was in agony!

7/2/2005
Am lying on a bed, above me is a slatted ceiling. Bellringers are above me, and i am uneasy, in case one of the bells comes down on my head.
Then i get called up to heaven by Wile E Coyote, wearing a red scarf. BEEP! BEEP!

8/2/2005
Very vague. Am at nursing home. There is a thunderstorm. I am scared of something but i don't know what. Graeme writes me a letter, begging to take me to the 'top of the world' I tell him he can't.

9/2/2005
First off i'm at work, graeme's given kelly a bollocking regarding organisation of the shift. Turns out she has another job in Kwik Save.
I go to do my shopping, and her boyfriend turns up, demanding to see her, and i tell him that wouldn't be a good idea right now.
kelly's father spots him, starts shouting and screaming, swearing he's going to kill him.
Richie grabs a knife (where from???) and chases after kelly's dad. I get a hold of him and start struggling with him, i manage to get his arm behind his back, and i think about breaking it, i hear the wrist cracking, but then i lost lucidity. I am angry and upset, crying. I beg him to go home, but he won't listen.
kelly's father is angry, intent on murdering richie, but then richie's father appears, intent on murdering kelly.
He picks up a box of Uncle Ben's rice, and i just know there's a gun in there. Kill bill?
Thankfully i wake up at this point.
Throughout the dream is a sense of fear and terror. I found this one quite disturbing, it's yet another dream of impending murder. Also very violent.
Looking back on it, the first part of the dream with kelly and graeme arguing actually happened, in that he spoke to her about her attitude to her work, so this was partly premonitory.

11/2/2005
Very vivid dream
I come home and go to bed. I drop off to sleep and i am woken an hour later by the phone.
It's mum, from America.
'just checking to see if you were okay!'
'YOU RANG TO TELL ME THAT? GET OFF THE PHONE AND LET ME GO BACK TO SLEEP!!'
Mum had commented that i wasn't contacting her as much, but that was only because i find it hard to talk to her, because i miss her all the more. It could also be related to a situation at work. Whenever i had a problem with someone, i'd usually discuss it with her, looking for wisdom!

12/2/2005
Woke in the middle of the night with temperature of 108f!!
i am on broad street, at the cash machine. There is a man i see regularly in life up town, he intrigues me, and he appears in this dream.
He has a rodent like face, brown leather bag and a tweed jacket.
As i put my card in, he leans against the wall, so he'll see me put my PIN in.
I get nervous, and tell him to back off. He does, a little. I fail to enter PIN correctly.
I keep trying, but puzzles appear, deceptively simple, and i can't solve them.
I fail three times to enter my PIN correctly, and the machine tells me that my account cannot be accessed.
I ask him crossly how i get it reactivated, and he says i must go to the bank.
I storm off, and when i turn round, the landscape has changed, and i find myself in a sunny park, with children laughing and playing. I find the terrain difficult to navigate, and i keep falling over. There seems to be an outdoor shopping center, and i ask a man where i can find a bank.
he tells me there are no banks here, they don't need them.
I then go to checkout of shop, with my saver card, and i get accused of trying to buy someone else's shopping, and the lady at the till charges me a quid!

19/2/2005
I'm in the library at first, where graeme turns up, i am extremely pleased to see him, but become angry with him when he tells me he's going into work on his day off.
I get to work and i'm told there's a fire.
However, no one is commencing evacuation, although the fire brigade has been called. I can't see signs of fire, and i can't smell smoke, although i get the feeling it's upstairs.
No one is worried, in spite of being down to emergency lighting.
Graeme is painting a door frame, and sammy is in the kitchen making shepherds pie.

22/2/2005
Lots of images of a resident that died last night.
Hardly surprising, considering i laid her out.
Also driving in a car with daddy, stopping at a strange house for a cup of tea, mum is there, and i am v. pleased to see her!

25/2/2005
i'm at work with graeme and kelly.
Graeme and i are laughing and joking, kelly gets cross, and demands to know what's going on.
I get the feeling she thinks we're having an affair.

26/2/2005
Graeme, kelly and i are in the smoking shed.
kelly seems to have shrunk, so that she's sat next to him in the armchair, under his arm. She looks very smug, almost feline.
He's talking to me, but i can't hear what he's saying.
I find i am jealous of kelly.
which is silly...

28/2/2005
I put a chicken in the oven for three hours, but it won't cook, no matter what i do. had roast chicken for dinner last night, cooked it for the required length of time, but it didn't seem right. End of.
I then find myself ina large cornfield, in the field is a shuge crane.
Also with mum and dad, field is by a main road.
Animals are running across it, mainly ferrets. A small ginger kitten appears, i manage to coax it off the road. I sit with it on my lap, and dad tries to take pictures. Mum comes over and snatches it away, accuses me of hiding it. my mother would never be so childish

1/3/2005
*False awakening* I dream that a resident is about to fall and have an accident, i dart across the room to try and catch her, and consider taking her into my bed because she'll be safer. Everything disappears, and i realise its 2.11am and i'm dreaming. If only i could learn how to use this for lucidity, that seems to be my best way in

I then dream that i am in the library, and a fire starts in one of the bookcases. My brother and i start filling buckets of water and try to put the fire out. One problem. There is no fire. This is the second time i have had this kind of dream in less than a month, need to know what it means.
then he and i are walking by the Factory Shop, it's dark and i feel uneasy. The road ahead begins to get narrow, and it turns into a railroad/motorway. I have to keep dodging the traffice, and the trains scare me.
'since when did this lane open up to public transport?' i ask. But i get no answer.
I then find myself with mum and dad in a mobile home, and mum is preparing dinner, but she gets out a large box of Frosties, saying that the price was good, but things keep going missing.
I complain to her about the price of cereal.

2/3/2005
Yet another dream of jealousy and conflict, the third one in a week.
Kelly and i are arguing over graeme, i'm not sure what the argument's about, but i know i am very angry with her.
yet again i feel i am getting nowhere.
This is the third dream of this nature in the last week, what the hell is going on?

3/3/2005
Mum has come back to England, and we are shopping in town, she buys a big amethyst bracelet in the new age shop that i like.
I then find myself standing outside work with daddy, and i can see the sky is changing. I suddenly realise it's a tornado, and i ask daddy if we're meant to have them, and we all run inside.
The tornado comes down and rips a tree out by the roots.
Then i find myself in Draper's lane, about to check my bank balance. I somehow get called away from the machine, and later realise that i've left my card in there!
I meet up with ben and gemma, two people i knew from college. Ben asks me if i like jousting, and i tell him sword fighting is more my thing. i also get the feeling in the dream that he fancies me, he asked me out repeatedly in college, and i always said no, which i regret sometimes.
Also in the market a lady is trying to get me to buy a ring i can't afford.
I think the whole bank/money thing is to do with the fact that between us mum and i have just booked my trip to visit her in may, it's costing upwards of £700!! So am counting the pennies.

5/3/2005
In this dream i heard singing.
it was Cher, and the Shoop Shoop song.
#if you wanna know/if he loves you so/it's in his kiss#
'kay...

6/3/2005
at work, a whole bunch of foreign staff, all new, graeme wants me to lead the lot of 'em!!
He's on shift, and its teatime.
A lady is dying, outside is the most gorgeous sunset i've ever seen.
i say to him, 'the sky is beautiful, isn't it.'
'yes' he says, but i know he's thinking of her.
The daughter appears, and i can see she's been crying.
graeme goes to the room, and i wait in the office.
he comes back.
'she's gone?' i ask
'yes, chin up liz.'
this did actually happen, a lady died, but his and my reaction to it were totally different to the dreamscape.
Also i was somewhere really strange, everything was technicolor, and graeme kept trying to burrow into the foundations of buildings with his mind.
it reminded me of the set of Bob the Builder.

7/3/2005
Am in Corn Square, trying to walk down School Lane, but it turns into a tunnel. Weird imagery, a cross between the matrix, and green mile. It happens twice, i know it's odd, but can't go lucid on it. Then i'm at work, and this woman comes up to me and says, 'you want to climb everest right? first you must become a consummate walker.'

9/3/2005
Dreaming about funeral arrangements, i ask graeme if he's going, he says yes, and leans against me, i feel safe.this is to do with the emotional support he is giving me just now, i am having a tough time. I miss my folks, and someone i was very close to has just died. The fact that she was 92 makes not a blind bit of difference to me, she might as well have been my granny.
Also Alice wants to go back to london to have the baby, but she wants to cycle nine months pregnant from wales?

10/3/2005
I am with mum, dad and peter in a very strange house, i have to keep disconnecting these turquoise telephones. perfect dream sign, how did i miss that one eh?
Mum is reading a book on ancient egypt.
then i'm with graeme, he has his arms around me, and there's a tenstion between us, but the dreamscape shifts damn and i'm in the shed with roger, he's dyed his hair and beard, and i don't like it.
graeme walks in with no shirt on, and i want to reach out and touch him what was with my head last night?
Norma comes in, and complains about her grandson's shoes being too small. In the dream i don't like her.
graeme seems hacked off with her.
'go and buy some new ones then!!'
'i can't. You've given me no money' she replies.
hey, i know the dynamics of marriage can be wierd, but he's not archaic!! The epitome of 'modern love' i would say.

11/3/2005
Freddie Mercury comes in and gives a concert in Room 19, knowing it will be his last. I know there was much more to this dream, but can't remember it.

12/3/2005
I'm walking home from work, when i get set upon by this young lad, and he tries to steal my cd player.
I'm cross, because it has my 'Waterboys' cd in it. It is late afternoon, and the sun is going down.
On the wall next to me is a list of names, with marks beside them. According to the girls leaning against the wall, it's a record of all the district nurses that have lived in my town, but they say that claire and sarah aren't on there.
Then a crowd of us are waiting for a bus that never arrives, it gets dark, and i begin to get worried that mum will wonder where i am.
Then i find that i'm trying to look up infectious diseases, but the internet keeps crashing.
Dreamscape shifts, and i'm in a bar, this really old drunk guy is trying to chat me up and buy me a drink.
graeme appears out of the toilet. I find i am desperate for him ELISABETH!! tut tut...but he doesn't see me.
now that should have been a clue, cos i've never yet met graeme in a pub, or taken him for a drink, much as i would love to.

15/3/2005
I keep phoning Kevin for a chat, but its never him who picks up, and i start worrying about the phone bill.think this bit could be to do with the fact that he used to call me once a week, sometimes more often, and now i don't hear from him at all.
then i want something off the net, but instead of downloading it, i make a wormhole in my back yard. I consider jumping into it, thinking it might take me to kevin. bit bizarre that...
i had a second dream this night.
a lady dressed as a clown, daddy leaving peter and i outside a curry house in what seems to be America.
then i'm in an old building, there are police all over the place investigating a suspected murder, i am in a room full of horror novels, mostly by stephen king.the America dreams have started...

16/3/2005
weird, and slightly vague dream of being at west eaton with kelly on a boiling hot summer's day. Norma turns up, and her hair is black, not red. I feel jealous.
also, lots of children come to play. I also remember playing a card game with an old man, and a young boy. It felt like the old yellow pages adverts for 'J R Hartley' and the cards weren't regular cards, but like tarot cards, and the game was unlike anything i'd ever heard of, and difficult to get the hang of.

17/3/2005
I begin by running through the grounds of the priory, and as i leave the grounds, i find myself on a beautiful beach, i think it's florida. It's early morning, and i'm running on the sand, and i feel very free and happy. i feel like i could run forever, i consider letting my feet leave the ground, but decide against it. I think i must be on the way to lucidity if i can consider such a thing, but i think i keep losing it.

23/3/2005
totally weird, crazy dream of trying to seat a resident on a commode. Three times he falls off it, in the end, my colleague and i give up, shrink him down to baby size, and try to wrap him in the Daily Telegraph!!
I go to leave the room, and find myself faced with mum, dad, graeme and susannah. Susannah thinks we have a conspiracy against her, by not allowing her to marry.

now, when i left the room, and ran into those people, my brain went, 'uh?', i literally felt it shift gear!! I knew i was dreaming, but did nothing about it.

24/3/2005
Walking round town in the rain, and my umbrella keeps busting. I give up outside Preedy's, and the alarm goes off. The shop keepers are talking to each other, and wondering why i need an alarm clock. 'so she can go to work!!' one of them yells.
I wake up and realise that yes, i do have to go to work.
yet again i became aware that i was dreaming, my alarm clock is not in Preedy's, and the shopkeepers don't know me...I am sooo nearly there...

31/3/2005
Lucidity at last!!
I am talking to graeme about a work situation, that has been bothering us in life, so i think it seeped into my subconcious...anyway, graeme is sitting in my big comfy chair by my desk, and i am lying on the bed. At this point, i am aware that i am dreaming.
he talks about the situation, and repeats a statement that he made to me the day before, in real life.
he then picks up my mobile phone, and turns it off...I've lost my mobile, and graeme has never been in my house...
'what did you do that for?' i ask him, but i know it's so we won't be disturbed...
i look at him, study him, the way he is, everything about him, and i know i want him, and that i can go to him, and that my thoughts are my own. i realise i have complete control...
i lean over to him, and rest my head on his shoulder. he sighs happily.
i stay there for a minute, just being there, loving the way he smells, and enjoying my lucidity, and the clarity of my senses.
I begin kissing the inside of his upper arm, just above the point where elbow and forearm meet, where doctors draw blood, and his skin is fair and pale, untouched by the sun...
i can feel him relaxing, and i can feel myself wanting to go further, but taking it easy, and then he begs me to stop, saying, 'oh god, liz, please don't!'
at which point i lost it...
damn...
point to note: if that happens again, i need to remind him that it's a dream, and what's to stop us doing what we like?


2/4/2005
At first, i am at work, and i have to go on my tea break.
then i find myself outside in the dark, and its pouring with rain.
i try to make my way to a cottage that i know of, but i can't find it. I hear my father shouting and he wants to know whats going on, i tell him about the cottage and he says i was right next to it.
i am soaked through, so i go into a gypsy caravan to get changed, and put on a clean sundress. i want to sit down, but everything is covered in mud.
one of the members of the gypsy camp is a young girl with red hair, and someone is playing 'maria' from west side story on a violin.

3/4/2005
An odd dream: i am playing with a childs toy, it's a plastic maze with a ball in it, and you have to navigate the ball round it.
i find it difficult, and frustrating, and am frustrated by the lack of space.
i think this is symbolic of me beginning to feel claustrophobic at work...

5/4/2005
I dreamed that the world was ending, and i was trying to save all the babies, knowing that they were necessary to the continuation of life.
whilst holding a particularly heavy six month old baby in my arms, i become aware that i am dreaming, but can do nothing about it.
Also mum and dad are arguing because dad is drunk again...
i go to sit a two hour maths exam and finish it in forty minutes, my nvq assessor is the examiner, and the exam is at west eaton.
We talk about the pope lying in state, and how horrible it is to have a dead body on show...
i saw a bit of that on the news the other day, it turned my stomach...i've had to deal with a lot of death lately, and i don't need to see any more...

6/4/2005
An inspector comes to west eaton, everything is as it should be, but she's still not happy. she makes me nervous.
then graeme comes to me and informs me that the temperature of the fridge in the kitchen is too high.
Next thing i know, it's early evening, kelly and i are going to walk home, but she decides to take a lift with him, and she asks if i'm coming, and i say yes, thinking he's agreed. he hasn't, and gets really angry, but at her, not a me.
i'm upset by this, and tell him not to worry, i'll walk. kelly doesn't. no change there then
i get to Pinsley road and find myself blocked by BT telephone works. The men are leering at me, and they make me afraid.
okay, now why the resurgence of the whole 'frustration/inadequacy' theme? am i still not good enough...?

9/4/2004
lucid
i'm walking back from the vets with graeme, he and i are whistling the same tune.
kelly is on my left, graeme on my right.
we come to cross the road, and he holds out his arm, like a gentleman for me to take, to guide me across the road.
i rest my fingers lightly on his arm, and then slide them down to find his hand. at this point i become nervous, because he wants to cross the road before the lights have changed, and i can feel kelly watching me, even though i am looking directly ahead.
'this is unreal' i think.
i concentrate on graeme holding my fingertips, and how comforting that feels, and decide that kelly doesn't need to be there anymore, so i concentrate on her disappearing.
which she does. by the time i've crossed the street with him, she's gone...as she begins to fade, he rests his hand flat against mine, and slowly locks my fingers through his, in a tight grip.
i feel very happy, that he's there, and i've managed to make someone disappear. As a result of this, i lose my lucidity.

11/4/2005
i go to an american diner with mum and dad. related to impending america trip
Then i'm walking along etnam street, towards the local college, which runs midnight masses and religious courses for teenage mums that have fallen by the wayside.
The priest is called Rex.
Then i'm at west eaton, and i've forgotten to fax WS, and some kids are playing in the carpark, and asking me if i live there....what's with West Eaton and children???

12/4/2005
I'm in a pub listening to strange music, and talking to two girls about skincare regimes.

I then find myself in some kind of 'camp' and a lady gives my mother a sapphire and pearl ring, the sapphires are very light, and i think of the colour of graeme's eyes...uh?
In my tent, an old man in his sixties is trying to convince me to sleep with him. My uncle and my gran are there.
Throughout this dream is a feeling of being threatened. Also my uncle forgets to disconnect his games console and has broken a picture, which makes mum angry.

Graeme has a go at me for not leading Rani effectively, when i know she has an exam coming up, and i tell him that the problem isn't rani, but dani who doesn't follow instructions.
that's three for me...brain was busy last night...in retrospect, we recently had a shift where a lot of leadership and pulling together was required, but it worked!


coming back after a long break in dreaming

19/4/2005
I have arrived in America with Dad, and he says i need to have £130 in the bank, i've only got £120. Apparently it's for clothes shopping.

21/4/2004
Mum comes back to England from America for my birthday.
It's a boiling hot day, and birthday is held at a stately home.
My auntie gives me a half eternity ring, to replace the one i lost.
I'm also at work as well.
Graeme and i are on our break, and we are both very tired. We talk about freedom from work by going driving and long walks.
i tell him i could go to sleep in the chair i am sat in.
I shut my eyes temporarily.
when i open them again, i find i have shifted over, so that i am almost lying in his arms.
Michael howard wins the general election, and there are fireworks in Corn Square.
Kelly, Nicky and i are on a train platform.
A man collapses, takes a blow to the head. There is a lot of blood but we do nothing.
Nicky says he was probably a drunk.
the driver of the train is driving asleep, with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.

22/4/2005
An old lady is sprawled on her back across an armchair, in the lounge of the nursing home, her eyes are wide open and she's not moving. she's obviously dead.
graeme comes to have a look at her, and says she's been doped.
'what with?' i ask.
'benzodiazepines'
this dream was very alarming, so much so that i've posted it up for interpretation. why am i dreaming about dead people?