Thread: TexMurphy's online dream journal

21/22 June 2008

A lot less detail remembered on this one.

I was walking through an series of offices and corridors with my best friend (he works for an agency who deal with jobless benefits, a job I imagine is not very nice), and somehow I know it's his work and he's taking me to be see someone in charge about me spending a day there to see what it's like. I seem to remember experiencing anxiety on the way because I didn't know whether my work experience would see me answering calls (something I definitely did not want to do). When I get to the room with the boss (it isn't an office with just one person, rather a larger room with at least three people working (and thus paying me little attention) that I can see), she (I seem to remember it was a woman) approved the day with my friend. At about this time I looked at the clock and it was about 9:00am, and, since it was Monday, I became very anxious that I would be missing a day of my own job for this experience. I would have to ring them up and explain my 'sick day' (since I would almost certainly have to lie).

My best friend was very in control of the situation and, unlike in real life, was not in a hurry to offer support when I was nervous.

Edit: I was reading a section on lucid dreaming and I had a memory flash. I can't be sure whether it was a dream or a memory fragment from yesterday (when I first started reading about this stuff) or maybe just before I fell asleep last night. Anyway, I am in my old room which over looks the back yard on the first floor (as in, one floor up) and the window is open. I seem to think that I should test that I'm dreaming by jumping out of the window. Naturally I decide against the idea because, for me, there's only a chance that I'm dreaming, and if I'm wrong I'm going to get seriously hurt. Oddly, I don't think of jumping out normally, I somehow believe I have to fling myself out, belly facing the floor.


Analysis: I'm not enjoying my job at the moment a great deal, and he hates his. I also am going to be asking him a favour today which I have been considering since last night and has been weighing on my mind.

Dream signs: Pass. It was very convincing.

I don't normally remember my dream on a week day because I have to get up early for work, but somehow I managed to force myself. I don't know how, I can barely raise a smile at that time.

Anyway, I'll try and retell it in chronological order.

Firstly, I had a comic. More specifically it was from an old series of Sonic the Hedgehog comics called 'Sonic the Comic'. It was strange though because it was in A2 at least, and just a single sheet. So basically a poster really. On it was a pretty gruesome story in slightly loose frames about a bloody death for Sonic (although still very much in a fairly light comic style). After five or six frames, there was an image of a rabbit outside of a frame, and with a speech bubble directed at the reader saying something like, "Can you spot the bad thing that is happening here?" Well, I remember making some sarcastic comment or other, but I never saw anything strange about it.

Next, I remember ... well, I appeared in an underground room with a group of people. The room seemed to have fairly medium light, with some form or light or waterfall up ahead. It was a relatively square room with straight sides, although they were dark coloured. I suppose they were constructed by people. There also seemed to be only one walk way in the centre. It was fairly wide and I don't recall wonder what would happen if I stepped off it (I couldn't see a large drop or anything). In the middle of the walkway and on the right side, there was a sort of soiled over fence. As in... as if it had been almost dug out of the earth, except it wasn't as tall as the room... barely taller than the barrier. Anyway, on it were some really withered flowers. I seem to recall thinking they must be that way because of the low light down there.

The third part probably followed on directly from the second. I was in a series of rooms, with walls much as described in the previous part. Dark, not completely straight... but not loose. Definitely constructed. There were structures as well. Anyway, the different thing about this section is that it was presented to me as a computer game or movie. I remember watching one guy command another guy up a lift, almost as if they didn't see me. It was very exciting, I remember that specifically. A moment later, I went into a smaller room of the same type, although walking around with a flame thrower and some armour was Robert Carlyle (IMDB him if you're not familiar. He was in Trainspotting amongst a lot of other stuff). For some reason I remember thinking his style looked rather like the upcoming game Fallout 3. So, I went into this smaller room and someone else closed the door. The door had one of those sliders you sometimes see on TV so as people can open them to see who is outside. So Robert opened it and said something about a Spaniard. He was taunting the guy who was in there and I seem to remember the remark being rather entertaining. He then put his flame thrower up to the slider (which was opened) and spewing fire into the room. That's about it.


Analysis: Seems to be a mish mash of some thoughts combined with some seemingly random things.

Dream signs: No obvious ones jump out.

As expected, the brain got me with the old 'no, it's not strange, it's just a computer game' trick. It will stop me asking any questions straight away. I have to teach myself to even recognise that somehow.

A note on progress... I do feel my life is changing slightly as a result of this entire experience. True, I have not had a lucid dream yet, but I am finding a greater focus on the world as a result. I must perform reality checks 20 times a day now, and it will soon become an established habit. I sometimes stop and try and just ask myself what's going on. Where am I and how did I get there? Of course it's hard to think of these things in certain situations, so that's one area where I can improve. I also sometimes just take a moment to look around and just ask myself if there's anything out of the ordinary. It's quite a profound experience actually... looking at the real world, to you always so dull and regular... and just asking yourself seriously if there is anything not quite right. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a new comer and have a mountain to climb, but I really feel like I've taken the first steps.

Well, maybe this dream recall thing is working alright. This is the fourth entry in five days. Beginner's luck perhaps.

Anyway, so on with the dream.

The first part I remember was playing some kind of table to game with someone and they pulled a katana on me. That's all I remember from that scene.

Then we move on to my back yard. Normally there are two cars there, and there were again, only they were in a different position. One behind the other rather than side by side (which is far more convenient for either driver). Furthermore, one of the cars, instead of being my dad's card, as my friend's car from work (with whom I get a lift daily). So two Ford Focuses. It was dark and a few people (mum and dad I think) were sort of gathered around, pondering what was wrong with them. There was some kind of blue light from in each car (low, but noticeable) and a mild but crunching sound, as if someone had just run a few volts through a person, except they were cars.... So anyway, ths led me to say that what was wrong with them might have been what had been wrong with my PC (this was a real memory, since my graphics card had died that evening and it had been bothering me). I think something happened next, but the memory fades. Before I know it, I'm going into the house with mum. I walk into the kitchen. It's dark... there are low lights behind me (as there actually are) so that as I look towards the family table, it's quite dim with variable but also areas that are lit slightly more, though still quite dim. My mother was there to me left and suddenly I became very scared, as if a burgular was in the house only I have no recollection of such a feeling. As I would probably do, I reached into the cutlery drawer which was right behind me (as would be correct) and took out a knife. I flipped it so the blade faced down (this is the last I recall of the knife). A woman in white darted past the family table from the utility room to the hallway. That is about three or more metres in which she was visible to me. I tell not one word of a lie, I was shitting bricks. Exactly where I went next I'm not sure, but it was even darker... as if I was... well, in a dark room or something of the like. I seemed to be able to see okay, but there wasn't really anything there to see. I was even more scared, if possible and, in an unusual dream clichee for me, I tried to call for my mother twice but couldn't quite get the words out. Over a couple of seconds I did this and was convinced the worst was yet to come. The next thing I know, the woman's face is about a foot (30cm) in front of mine, although moving (imagine my view was a camera and it panned down slowly across her face). She had dark grey, large shadows under her eyes and seemed to wear quite a frighting expression. That said, she was pretty much normal except the eye shadow. It was as if my brain said, "Fine, I suppose I'll have to scare you since I've built it up so much." Looking back, that face wasn't the scary thing, it was the expectation, as I said.

So I woke up and it turned out I had been asleep only two hours. A bit scared.


Dream signs: Well this dream, or at least the part I recall, was generally dark and frightening, despite of familiar locations and people (which would have made it harder to recognise as a dream).

Analysis: Really, your guess is as good as mine. It was a good old fashioned nightmare.


Progress: The first thing I thought when I woke up was, "I've opened Pandora's box." I thought for some time that maybe I didn't want to remember all these dreams. Maybe some of the darker elements of my mind needed to be sealed away from me.
Yesterday I waxed lyrical about a profound experience, and it certainly felt that way. Don't get me wrong, I think this can lead to something good. I'm not giving up by any means, but today was a slow day. I didn't remind myself to reality check as often, and I generally felt more hazy, although that may all be down to the slight sleep deprivation. I've say about ten checks over the course of the day, which is probably a more reasonable rate to be fair. The problem I see is that reality checks mean nothing unless you're focussed enough to properly see what it is you're trying to prove or disprove. If I turn it into a subconscious exercise, I will ignore it in my dreams as I do in life. Mind you, it might be good to step back a little since I was probably getting too involved too early. This for me is the classic sign of a fad. I want this one to last a little longer.

The title should read JULY, but I am unable to change it.


First, a little progress report. I had been keeping up with my dream recall and all that until I went to see Video Games Live, a computer games music concert, which was absolutely brilliant. It managed to shake my desire to remember dreams when I woke up, but didn't throw me off reality checks, thankfully.

This is my first DILD, and it occurred exactly two weeks to the day since I had that vivid dream that sent me here, so I suppose I should consider myself fortunate. Anyway, as usual, I'll start with my first memories of the dream and move on, with general commentary alond the way.


I recall being at work. While I've been at this job for almost eight months now, I don't have any recollection of dreaming about it before. Also, during a chat with a friend (awake), I realised I had not been sat down in any of my other remembered dreams. So it comes as a little surprise to me that, at work, I was sat down at my desk. There was some banter, as usual, and I noticed this guy, Andy, was over at someone else's desk (he normally sits next to me). He is wearing a read band around his head for some reason (maybe that's what I imagine happens at Glastonbury which is where he went... he hasn't been at work for over a week). So, as I would if I was actually there, I got up, went over to him and asked him about helping me with the electrics (we have some programmed electrics and he knows the most about that), since, during his absense, we had experienced trouble with them (in real life, although it mirrored in my dream). I'm not exactly sure what he told me, but it was something about not needing to worry about it, or that I was no longer working on it or something. In any event, I went to my desk and sat down. Dave, another fellow at my work, came over to me and told me that I needed to learn another application which was a part of Direct X 4. Normally this would stress me out, but strangely I was completely relaxed as he showed me where to locate the tools I needed on my PC.

I don't remember exactly when the transition came, but somehow what he showed me was some kind of 3D game environment and I was suddenly playing. It was an MMO and I was a female character with purple hair, somewhat like my real life Guild Wars character. As for the look of the MMO, it did look like Guild Wars, but it seemed to have a touch of Diablo 3 (I had just watched a gameplay video a few days ago). I had lots of different powers to use, although I don't remember using any of them really. The first area seemed to be some kind of desert like area. Lots of sand and a run down town. In this town, some guy .. hmm... I seem to remember he gave me something, or mistook me for someone important. Something that would mean I could move on to the next game area easily (most of this was from a game perspective). So I joined a group... or found myself in one somehow and we proceeded towards the next area. There didn't seem to be many creatures to kill to my recollection.

When I arrived at the next section, I seem to remember switching to first person mode, although I seem to think I was still that character. The area I was in stretched out about 40 feet ahead and was about 20 feet wide. The room had two compartments. It had a tall ceiling and was mostly a dull yellow. As if a normal room were bathed in a late afternoon sunlight. To the left was a sort of ... it was either a book case or a raised bed with lots of books on it. I got into there, and I remember someone talking about the 'new world' and how the titles of a lot of books had to be changed to suit the people. Naturally I thought they were talking about North America. I searched around for a particular book (about 30cm tall, orange dust cover) but became somehow bored, even though I could see the book under just a couple of other loosely placed books. I wanted to see if the title had changed (no really realising I would need the original for comparison, or, if this was the original, a new version). On the ground where I had been before, came along a middle aged guy with a very small bow and arrow (fits the computer game theme). He was very annoyed at me for some reason and fired arrows at me (two of them, one after the other). I reached for a large book (almost as big as myself, but somehow not so hard to lift) to protect myself. As I realised he could have easily hit my legs (for the book did not cover them very well), he missed by miles.

Somehow, on the far side of that room there must have been a door outside. It's like I went into the next stage of the game (which I was rather pleased about). I was now in a middle class English village (I know the sort of place well. I live in one.), and I was presented with the thought that the 'new world' wasn't Europe's view of North America, but the view of the Romans about Britain. So I walked along a fairly ordinary road. On the left I passed a church, and on the right were some houses. The game idea seemed to have mostly dropped by now, and also I was completely on my own. As I proceeded, I kept looking over to the houses out of general interest. One had a large sign on the house that said 'Happy Christmas in two months'. It was at this point where I looked back to the road and suddenly realised I was quite bored. That almost never happens to me in a dream, since there's always something happening. Maybe I was just at peace and relaxed as I went to bed. So anyway, when this happens when I'm awake, I tend to do a reality check and so did I here.

I was as excited about the fact that I'd remembered to do it more than the actual doing of it. It's as if the act of questioning the reality was enough. And, fortunately so, because I remember counting five fingers. I'm not entirely sure if it was my hand though because a loose recollection seems to recall it as a little too pink. Like a sweet lolly shaped like a hand. Anyway, I counted five (somehow) but the point was that I'd remembered it. The act of doing it was enough, and I was getting lucid.

As for what happened next, I'm not exactly sure. I remember seeing a bed with a pink sheet laid on it. I tried to lift that sheet into the air and spin it around, but the excitement was overwhelming me and things started to go dark. I remembered advice (from this side as it happens) that I could either rub my hands together or 'dream spin' to keep a dream going, but neither was going to work for me today.

I woke up (false awakening) in a strange room. Well, it was perfectly normal to me of course. I'll describe the room first. It was a small room. The bed was central, with the head against one wall in the middle of that wall. To the foot of the bed there was a chest of drawers with my little TV on them. These drawers stood in front of a protrusion in the wall, as if there used to be a fireplace there which had been since wallpapered over. To the left and right of the protrusion there were spaces (obviously). On the left was a door to the left of it and a window on the back wall (from my perspective) and the right had some umbrellas and walking sticks leant up in that little area. So, the first thing I do is reality check my left hand. I count to five again, and am unsure of what's really going on. I try several things... but nothing seems to happen as I try it. For instance, I try and move the umbrellas and walking sticks. One of them does move gently, but I don't consider that enough evidence that I'm dreaming. I reach for the remote which is just next to me. As I do, the TV turns on (yes, I have my powers), but by now the dream is dragging me back in and I start to watch the TV. I quickly become the floating head as I find myself 'in' the TV (as I found myself in the game earlier from just looking at the monitor). It was a BBC commercial about a business correspondent and his producer, explaining how they were actually best friends. There was one shot of them in seats aside a race track giving each other plenty of soft fives (they weren't high and they weren't touchy feely, so that's the best term I can think of). Then they were served a type of coffee. It was as if they'd been at this little table while next to the track all along. A waiter came along with a glass jug of some kinf of hot chocolate, although I thought it was a really high quality coffee drink of some kind. The producer and correspondent both had a cup poured for them, and then offered their little entourage some, as it seemed to them to be the proper thing to do (I suppose like champagne at a celebration or something). The waiter had placed the jug down, so the others poured it themselves.

That's just about it.

So.... no real analysis here today, just plain old strangeness. As I had feared, the fact that I do reality checks and get the same results in real life all the time means that the result has become as expected as the test and therefore that comes just as easily. Luckily, even that was enough to break the dream a bit and allow me a little lucidity.

The majority of this dream seems to be fragmented, but here we go anyway.

I recall going into a hotel with a group of friends. We all had bags and what not with us. The foyer was fairly small, and we made our way through (to the lifts I suppose to get rid of our bags). A female member of staff with blonde hair told me I was lucky because the dollar / pound exchange rate worked very well in my favour right now. I thought about saying, "God bless the USA," but thought better of it. We continued through not very far. I was following. Then we approached what looked like some kind of airport or train station ticket gate. A black guy with a green blazer on made sure we all did things properly. It turned out we had to swipe a card to get through. Somehow, we all had these cards, although me and another guy were still yet to sign them (like credit cards), so we leant against some kind of padded bench and did that.

So we were through that part. We had to pass the outer edge of a fairly large, square shaped room, traversing two of its sides to get to our destination. On the second side was a cinema screen and lots of people were sat watching a film. I felt quite bad that I had to walk in front of these people's film and thought a few comments from the crowd were directed at me, but then I realised they were directed at the film which was apparently not very good.

That was the biggest fragment, but here it gets a little hazy. I remember being on one of the upper floors of this building and, with a couple of people, having to fight an unmasked predator (from the films). There are several flashes of memory for me here, including being trapped in a little alcove on one of the floors trying to have a fist fight with it (somehow it was weakened) while two others fought it from the right side. Also another scene where someone exploded something near it or fired something at it. I remember a slow motion close up scene of a red piece of ... well... shrapnel I suppose, although it looked like a claw, sticking into its forehead (although in slow motion). It also was about to get some kind of spear in the face, but it swallowed it at the last second ( again, that was flying at it). Exactly what happened next I'm not sure, but the creature triggered some kind of device. As I ran into the adjoining room (it had two sides with windows which looked out, with the windows covering those entire two walls) (oh and the explosion where it got shrapnel had happened in this room), my colleagues were stood there, but they insisted it was 'a flyer' and jumped out of the window. I assume they had parachutes. I, on the other hand, didn't think the explosion (for somehow I knew it was some effect that was nasty) would be that bad, so I carried on running through that room and in to another. The dream sort of fades there.

No lucidity today. Shame.

Firstly, I was in a room. I would say it seemed to be below ground but not far. It seemed like a storage basement of some kind. It had greyish walls and nothing in particular in the room aside a few boxes and plaves to sit. On the wall opposite the door, there was a window frame and three square windows within the one frame (as if to give someone multiple options which windows to slide open). I was sat with two of my colleagues from work and we were generally bitching about our boss (we usually do, he's not a very nice person). After a short while, I notice that, through this little window, is another room much like the one we are in. In it is the boss. I get a bit worried then and stop with the bitching. One of my colleagues (DK) assures me that he's asleep. I look through again, but only observe him for a very short time. He could be asleep or he could just be resting his eyes and trying to spy on what we say. I decide to leave.

Next thing I remember is I'm on a bus. Me and this rather attractive girl are having a rather sweet talk. By that I mean it's fairly close. We kiss several times and we discuss going back to one of our places (with the implication being for sex). She decides that her house would be the best place. After this, I remember arriving somewhere with a group of people. We were already inside wherever it was and I looked around for her. Somehow, now she looked a lot more manly and I made it my business to avoid her.

The third part of this dream saw me in my old bedroom (I only left there a few months ago). I remember looking over at the light switch and getting the urge to try it as some kind of reality check. I do, and the light turns off when it should have turned on. Additionally, the ambient light did not change in the room, rather it was a directional light which only illuminated a patch of the wall. I'm pretty sure I did a finger counting reality check, but nothing came of it, and I would say that I was no more than vaguely lucid at any point. I seem to remember mentioning to someone (in the bedroom) that, "That's what's known as 'device failure' ".

Progress: Sort of lucid, but I'm not going to count this one for now since I never really fully seized control. Also, it's nice to remember a dream on a week day.

Okay... the first part of this one was at work (again). At work in reality, we had been talking about overtime for finishing a behind schedule project, so I think this is based on that. So, I was at work and it was dark. I got the impression it was between 11:00pm and 2:30am, although I can't be sure. I was working, I think, but I recall turning around to see Graham playing some game on his PC. It was a rather old game, but he clearly was intending to enjoy his overtime. Martin was also playing a game. I went over to talk to Graham and ... well, I'm not sure of the exact sequence of events, but he or Martin were making toast inside their PCs. As in a compartment in the tower. They seemed to be enjoying it, so I got together six slices of bread and started putting them into my PC. At this time, the bosses came in (my programming boss and I think the head boss), and I was concerned that we weren't supposed to be making toast, and that also I would lose my toast since I thought them arriving meant the end of the overtime shift. Anyway, for some reason I went into the little office that is in our larger office (normally the programming boss and the art boss work here). Inside was Luke, one of the artists. He was explaining to me that we could claim back the overtime as time rather than money and take off two hours on the coming Friday. In real life, you can take off overtime you accumulated on a trip, but clearly it would be a bit pointless to do it this way.


The next part that comes to me is that I was on a mini bus (van meets people carrier if you're not familiar). We had just arrived wherever it was we were going and this girl I know from internet and pictures alone called Tamerlane (no, really) was getting off. Actually... it didn't seem as it I was getting off the mini bus, only her. I remember we were in the front seats in the rear section. So I pass her something (that I presume she had left on the seat) and tell her something like, "Well, if that's everything..." And she says something about is that all I have to say? Don't I have anything else to say? I get the impression I'm supposed to tell her I love her, but I can't do it. I'm sure she will read this, so I will explain a further thought then.

Now the next part... hmm... there are lots of blurs. I remember being in some kind of seaside town. There were a lot of modernish red brick buildings and most of the doors were either closed or I wasn't interested in entering them (I honestly don't recall which). Somehow I ended up in some air vents with someone announcing to me that they had found me and I suppose it had a game element to it. I do remember fighting with some guy and having to charge up a fireball in my hand with my will.

I think this next part follows on from the previous without many seams. I see a path (I'm on a street) which leads off behind a wall where I cannot see. Someone announces that it's the way to Doncaster (a town nearby). So I think I take that and I'm on a wide path which seems to be on the side of a big hill or mountain and quite wide. The hill/mountain is to my right, and to the left is ... well, I never thought of it was a drop, but I suppose it must have been either a drop or an embankment of some kind. As I looked on, I could see houses and fields and the like. I suppose in many ways it was similiar to the view I had when on a train recently when I went back to Gateshead. Anyway, I proceed down this path and there seems to be some question about exactly where this town is that is emerging (to the left, off the path, I can see that there are a lot more buildings about a mile away in the direction I am heading). It's at this point where, to my left and a little ahead is one of my old friends, Mark, who I used to live with. He's with several people whom he introduces as his new friends. I say 'hello' to a couple of them and really realise that he's moved on with his life. In reality, we haven't talked in ages.


Progress: Not much really, although it's interesting that I can relate all of these, aside the long and fragmented game like section, to events or thoughts that ring true in my life.