Shannyball's Dream Journal

**shannyball** · 01-05-2009 07:39 PM

* a little note
I am a recovering alcoholic and many of my dreams still involve alcohol it seems to be lessining with time however.

3:00pm-5:30pm 1/5/09
I lay down with daughter this afternoon duning her nap to attempt working on a task:
I dream that I am at my pastor's house but it has changed and is huge. there is a theater there and people are trying to watch a movie but my kids are playing with this stupid ABC Snail toy that plays the alphabet song and they keep playing it over and over again so I go and find the toy and turn it off. Then I hear the song again and relies that they have another identical toy when I find it I turn it off and stash both on top of a refrigerator just outside of the theater. Then I hear it again and find yet another toy just the same, I do the same thing. The scene flashes to their living room and we are playing a video game they are playing in the living room but I am playing in the hallway and the character in the game which is an RPG game starts singing the ABC game. I get totally frustrated and try to remember how you change songs that they sing but I can't do it even with help. I keep waking up for short periods and finally I give up and totally allow myself to wake up completely. My daughter has crawled out of bed and is sitting on the floor with her ABC Snail pressing the dang button over and over again! I relies that I was hearing that the entire time! I am a little disappointed that I never went Lucid at all and had plenty of chances of doing my task if I had....grrr oh well maybe next time.

12am-? 1/5/09
I am driving with my father up to the top of a mountain and there are other people there when we get where we are going. It is like a campus of some sort will lots of college age kids hanging out doing various activities. It is night and the street lamps are on. I have a couple of 40's hidden in my bag.
My father won't leave me alone long enough to have a drink and I think to myself that it wouldn't be a good idea to have a buzz around him so I don't drink when he isn't looking. Then it is time to leave, I am going to be driving my own automobile home fallowing him. I think that it wouldn't be smart to drink and drive -what if I got pulled over? Surely I would go back to jail. I feel irritated by the inconvenience the alcohol is becoming and I don't want him to know about it. I throw it away - it's not worth it.
I flash into some sort of Bible camp place with my my pastors wife. Again, I have alcohol stashed on me and I want a drink. I am in charge of watching over some expensive or important artwork. The others in our Bible group are ALWAYS around, I don't feel it is safe to have a drink I am afraid I will get drunk and become an idiot and will be found out. Finally I just get fed up with it and throw it away.
8:00am -? 1/5/09
I am at my parents house from when I was a teenager, I have my own room and it is clean and everything is very nice and of high value. I'm 28 still, but I am staying there. I know this isn't really my old room but I am just so happy to be living under their roof again with the expectations of a teenager that I don't challenge it, I don't want it to change to something else. I enjoy how tidy everything is but I expect it after all my parents live like they are in a museum. I am exited thinking about what I am going to do when I sneak out later I am definitely going to go and drink and this time there won't be any repercussions as long as I am sober in the morning. I am exited - Scott won't know and I won't get into trouble and he won't leave me.
I notice a lot of my old things stored away in my very large walk in closet (I never had in real life) I feel giddy nostalgia I like looking at all of the stuff I used to have. I like all of my nice clothes and nice things.

My mother walks in and informs me that I need to start packing if I am going to Alaska tomorrow- this freaks me out! I begin telling her-"Alaska, oh no not again I am definitely not going to Alaska where I will be trapped an indefinite amount of time. I will be too far away from Scott. I will never be able to afford an Airplane ticket when I want to come home." My mother looks like she is going to get mad and I think she is mad about losing money on a canceled airplane ticket- but then she relents and says okay "what are you going to do then?" I know at this point that I'm not going to go out drinking because I won't have enough time. It somehow doesn't really matter to me though. I wonder then where is Scott and why isn't he here and why would I be living here with them if I am with my Scott and the children. I ask "where Scott is", she tells me to call him.
I go to the Kitchen to use the phone, the door to the garage is open and I see another girl out there she is a teenager. I don't know who she is. I try to call Scott at his work the call rings through but there is interference and I can't talk to him only hear him a little bit. I am frustrated- this always happens either I can't dial the right number or I can't get through! The girl in the garage is talking to her boyfriend about going out to a party that night using my dad's cell phone. I ask if I can use it I just get a dirty look and told that I can use the other phone. I am pissed, I am the only child here I think to myself what kind of B***S*** is this!? I relies that I am having a two year old hissy fit but for some reason I just don't care. It try the phone again but I keep having the same problem. I am relieved by the fact that I know where Scott is and now I just need to figure out a way to get to him. I begin walking away from my house and my mother wants to know where I am going. I say in a teen-angst tone that if I have to walk there myself I am going to Hayden (17 miles away) to Scott's work to talk to him. Somehow I get there to Hayden and the people at Scott's work tell me that he doesn't want to see me. I can't figure this out I don't have the feeling that I drank and he left me but I can't help but wonder if I did. I barge in anyway because I feel like I am about to panic. I get inside it's not a work place at all it is his home and my two baby girls are there and I hug them and kiss them then I walk up to Scott. I ask him why he won't see me and he isn't mad he hugs me and kisses me and then I wake up.

**shannyball** · 01-14-2009 08:05 AM

I drempt that I was out at my my fiance's ex wife's house watching their kids. They lived on a farm. Just before I had gone there Scott and I had been shopping at the grocery/walmart store but I was angry because I couldn't find any food - they were out of everything, it started raining and everything looked a little dark and post apocalyptic, the rain came through the roof and soaked us. I was only wearing his shirt though and a girlfriend that worked at the store told us to come back to the break table and have something to eat. Then it flashed to where I was taking care of his ex's kids. When they got back home I asked for a ride but said that I had to find my shoes. They got the van ready and I walked out by an old brown barn to find my shoes, that is when the hail storm came up suddenly. Huge pieces of hail the size of softballs were pelting me. I thought about ducking into the barn but then saw my shoes blowing away into the pasture where there were cows grazing. I chased after them and ducked between the wires of the fence and everything went black. I struggled to move and found that I couldn't open my eyes or talk very well and I moaned for help. Kryssi his ex wife came to me and said that I had been in a coma and it was probably from the hail but when they found me I wreaked of Jack Daniels I was pissed - wear exactly in a hailstorm chasing my shoes did I have time to get wasted off of Jack Daniels!? Her husband said that they had some and asked if I would like a drink?- I was irritated and knew the only correct answer was no. Then I overheard her telling her litter of kids that only people who use drugs or drink too much get comas so don't do that. That was the last straw I told Scott who was there that it was B***S*** because I had just woken up from a coma and when exactly had I had time to get drunk!? He just put his arm around me and said that I should be patient and relax. I still couldn't open my eyes all the way if I opened them and squinted I could sort of see normally but if I opened them to much the scenery would turn sideways. I woke up.

**shannyball** · 01-14-2009 05:02 PM

Which is actually to say I at least something has happened I have been in a dry spell for a month now! I put my meditations on loop so that I would hear them each twice and the lucid dream check MP3 on six times so they would be nearly constant. Finally early this morning I began saying to my self in my dream -"this is a dream, do a reality check, this is a dream do a reality check" When I did I woke up I couldn't hold on for some reason. That is okay though because I will get back there again when I nap this afternoon.

**shannyball** · 01-16-2009 11:49 PM

I was with my father in an RV and we were traveling aimlessly. Scott and the kids were not with me but it felt alright. I was having a relationship with a couple of men, but they weren't serious. I looked outside and saw that it was snowing but greyish in color. So I went outside and it was warm and I picked up the snow but found that it was a fine ash and It made me uneasy. I told my dad what it was and that it was not good- that it could be a number of things causing this. A giant meteor, or a volcanic explosion but we should be alarmed as it wasn't an ordinary thing for the sky to have ash falling from it. I thought about calling Scott, but then I had this warm comfortable feeling that it was okay, he was part of me he was there and I would be able to reach him when ever I wanted to. I woke up.

I had a task- it was to talk to inanimate object and ask about Heaven. I have been trying for a week and it finally happened.

I found myself in my living room playing with my daughter AA and then I saw another little girl that was identical to AA and then I knew I was in a dream. I did a reality check and told my self if this was not real I would be able to float- and I could. Then I grabbed the little girl and looked into her eyes and said -you are not AA your not my child. I asked who are you? This made it squirm and try to get away, I held on tighter and asked again who are you? Then when it couldn't get away it tried to morph on me and turn into something demonic. I just laughed at it and said -don't bother, your not real and it doesn't scare me anymore, who are you?- it didn't seem to know or be able to answer. I let go and told it to go away. It did by floating up through the ceiling to another part of the house. Then I told myself - if I am lucid now I can ask an object about Heaven. I picked up AA's Sponge Bob ball and asked it what Heaven was like, it did not answer- I guess I wasn't suprised. I asked it a few more times and then let it fall to the ground. I decided that I would find out for my self and I floated up through my ceiling and flew up and out towards scenery that was not familiar. As I flew the fields, mountains and river became increasingly bathed in a beautiful light like a sunrise. Where I had come from was almost Grey in comparison. I began to sing praises to God and my voice was beautiful (definitely not my real voice) and then everything was singing and reverberating this magnificent sound. I could see towns and even they were singing all in this one beautiful voice. I woke up.
I have to be honest I am disappointed that my object did not talk to me- I think this is my fault I believe it is because I am so trained to think that it wouldn't be possible that it wasn't. Yet I am able to fly and that isn't so called possible either, but I do it as if I have always done it and it is totally natural. -I need to work on this. Another thing is that I feel that telling the DC it wasn't real was rude on my part - how do I know if it is or isn't? I did it more out of fear than anything- I hate it when they morph into something scary and I wanted to be in control. How do I have better results?

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Shannyball's Dream Journal

Hail & Jack Daniels induced coma

Minimal results with subliminal MP3's

Snowing Ash non lucid -Asking about Heaven -Lucid

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