Thread: Funniest Family Guy Quotes!!!

How can anyone like Jessica Parker? She looks like a foot!

Everybody leave, I have to poop.

"Look, there's an interracial gay couple burning the American flag!"

i'll tell you what it's not for, son. and when i do, you'll understand why i can never go back to sea world.

jeanine better respond to this or i will lose all hope in humanity.

The episode when Chris witnesses that man rob the convinient store at the witness line up, Peter enters:

Peter: "Alright I'm looking for my son Chris Griffin, thats Chris Griffin, he's here to point out the robber." Gives a picture of his son to the robber, "Here's his picture, its got his address and school timetable on the back, you can keep that"

Later when the robber escapes the prision the Asian reporter is outside the prison and the robber opens up a hole next to her. "So what do you plan on doing now that you have broken out of prision"
Criminal- "First I'm gonna bang my girlfriend, and then I'm gonna kill Chris Griffin!"
Stewie (watching Tv)- "Good Lord! Can he really say "bang my girlfriend" on TV?"

My favourite family guy quote is from the episode where peter pisses off god or something, and thinks he found a good solution:

Peter: Don't worry, I know what I'm doing. I read it in a book.
Brian: Peter, are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't... nothing?

Peter: (While videotaping a bag blowing a wind) Look! It's dancing with me! It's like there's this incredibly benevolent force that wants me to know there's no reason to be afraid. Sometimes, there's so much beauty in the world, it makes my heart burst.
God: (Angrily) It's just some trash blowing in the wind! Do you have any idea how complicated your circulatory system is?

I was going to do that one ^

Security man: Sorry sir, you'll have to remove your van from the diving board... oh wait... hey Larry, it isn't a van, it's just a fat kid! Hey fat kid... etc.

Stewie- "Where's my mooney?"

http://youtube.com/watch?v=eJpvp9Ri3SM

CHICKEN FIGHT!!!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=8crOhMvSweg

Nothing else needs to be said. Probably the best scene ever.

Peter - "I'm not drunk, I'm just exhausted because I've been up all night drinking."

I'm not sure if that's the exact quote, but you get the gist. It's on the episode that does a parody of charlie and the chocolate factory (except it's not a chocolate factory, it's a brewery.:p)

Yeah, that is the right quote!

ok here are some:
....................................
Peter: By the way Lois, I got a piercing over there. I'm not going to tell you where but I will give you a hint--it wasn't on my nose or my ear and it was one of my balls.
......................................

Peter (when he's hungover): This sucks worse than that time I went to that museum. (Flashback to childhood, standing in museum looking at dinosaur
skeltons.)
Peter (as a child): Why did all the dinosaurs die out?
Man at Museum: Because you touch yourself at night.

.................................

Stewie: Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside.

....................................

Peter: (Walks out of the bathroom and wanders into another room. He walks into the room and walks behind the bed. We find out that this is Chris' room.) Hey, you still awake, Lois honey? (Peter lays down into Chris' bed.)
Chris: Dad?
Peter: That's right, I'm your daddy. Shh, Shh, Shh, Shh. Don't talk, Lois, don't talk. Just let me do all the work. Yeah...now feel my warm breath on the nape of your neck. My hands on your big soft boobs...running down your big man-like chest. (Peter jumps up.) Holy crap, It's Chris!! Uhh...Uhh...So, uhh...How ya doin'? You do all your homework?
Chris: (nods his head.)
Peter: Finish all your subjects?
Chris: Yes, sir.
Peter: Good, just uhh, just checkin'. (Backs towards the door.) Have a good night son. (Walks down the hall.)
Peter: You still awake honey?
Stewie: What the deuce?

................................

Lois Griffin: You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me.
Peter Griffin: Uh, what could me and you do together?
[Lois giggles]
Peter Griffin: Lois. You've got a sick mind.
Lois Griffin: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter Griffin: Oh. I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.

...............................

Meg Griffin: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.
Death: Well that would just leave England.

...................

ROFL!!

Peter: Hey what the hell are you doing in my house?
New Owner: Your house? This is my house, my wife and I bought it from the bank.
Peter: But I've still got another day to pay back the loan.
New Owner: The bank said it wouldn't matter because you're a fat dead-beat loser.
Peter: Fat dead-beat loser? Well sir while I may not agree with what you say I'll defend to the death your right to say it.

Peter: remember that time I build a time machine out of an delorian?
*Peters gets in the back-to-the-future-car, speeds away, Hits the wall, BOOM!*
*People run out of the building, on fire*.
Peter: Oohhhh, everyone in the 1950s was on Fire... I never Knew That!

lol

MY FAVOURATE ONE NOW!!!!::


Its in the future:

Meg is a man

Big Stewie: Oh, meg had a sex change after she left college

Little Stewie: WOW, Meg went to college!!

Originally Posted by HyperNova

Its in the future:

Meg is a man

Big Stewie: Oh, meg had a sex change after she left college

Little Stewie: WOW, Meg went to college!!

Haha, I love the way Meg is always getting abuse from the rest of the family - take a look at this.

Ive seen that video SOOO many times(forgot to post it before)!! Its GREAT!

ahhh the comedy of family guy. classic show, one of my favs

Not sure if this has been already done but its a great one nontheless.

Scout Leader: Your son has three days to get a badge!

Peter: Three days?!? Thats tomorrow!!

"Sex turns straights into gays and turns gays into Mexicans."

Originally Posted by HyperNova

Yeah, that is the right quote!

ok here are some:
....................................
Peter: By the way Lois, I got a piercing over there. I'm not going to tell you where but I will give you a hint--it wasn't on my nose or my ear and it was one of my balls.
......................................

Peter (when he's hungover): This sucks worse than that time I went to that museum. (Flashback to childhood, standing in museum looking at dinosaur
skeltons.)
Peter (as a child): Why did all the dinosaurs die out?
Man at Museum: Because you touch yourself at night.

.................................

Stewie: Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside.

....................................

Peter: (Walks out of the bathroom and wanders into another room. He walks into the room and walks behind the bed. We find out that this is Chris' room.) Hey, you still awake, Lois honey? (Peter lays down into Chris' bed.)
Chris: Dad?
Peter: That's right, I'm your daddy. Shh, Shh, Shh, Shh. Don't talk, Lois, don't talk. Just let me do all the work. Yeah...now feel my warm breath on the nape of your neck. My hands on your big soft boobs...running down your big man-like chest. (Peter jumps up.) Holy crap, It's Chris!! Uhh...Uhh...So, uhh...How ya doin'? You do all your homework?
Chris: (nods his head.)
Peter: Finish all your subjects?
Chris: Yes, sir.
Peter: Good, just uhh, just checkin'. (Backs towards the door.) Have a good night son. (Walks down the hall.)
Peter: You still awake honey?
Stewie: What the deuce?

................................

Lois Griffin: You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me.
Peter Griffin: Uh, what could me and you do together?
[Lois giggles]
Peter Griffin: Lois. You've got a sick mind.
Lois Griffin: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter Griffin: Oh. I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.

...............................

Meg Griffin: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.
Death: Well that would just leave England.

...................

ROFL!!

Ahhhh....the sweet family guy quotes. Classic!