Thread: chivalry: outdated?

the other day I was with a girl friend and one of her guy friends. she was taking us somewhere in her car and her friend took out a CD to put in, and he said "there is one track on here that you guys don't need to hear. it is for men's ears only." (to clarify something: he thought I was a girl and I didn't feel like saying anything. transsexual. blah.)

he was a really, really nice guy. and the world needs more men like him. I'm just wondering if maybe he's a little too nice. I felt his comment was refreshingly chivalrous, but, at the same time, derogatory. I think men censoring themselves in the presence of women is basically treating them like children. if I were a woman, it would really annoy me, but I'm not so I guess I can't say.

thoughts?

[edit]: ok I think the title is a little misleading, I don't mean chivalry in it's entirety is outdated, just that extreme of it.

Well, I'll do my best to quell my sickness at what you are and comment on the topic at hand.

The reason we (I and...whoever else shares my ideals) treat the fairer half with utmost care isn't in any way derogatory. That's a misinterpretation and unfortunately many of the times explanations fall on empty ears.

In essence, the reason behind it isn't because we treat the fairer half like children or any such but on the contrary, because we marvel at them, at their beauty, their kindness, their care, their strengths and their weaknesses, everything about them. Because without them our world would be filled with darkness and war and our lives would have little to no meaning.

Unfortunately, often enough, such care is indeed misinterpreted as being looked down upon.

I agree. It is often because we hold women to a much higher standard than we hold even ourselves. Chivalry is not - and (IMO) should never be - "outdated." Of course, there are women who don't mind a non-chivalrous attitude (even though a likely majority of even those women know that they appreciate it), but if we chivalrous men are making the effort to try to be accommodating, they should at least meet us halfway and let us know (without making a scene) if that kind of chivalry is perceived in a negative light, or is just not wanted by them, individually.

In the situation you wrote about, I think it was much less an issue of censorship (treating you like a child) than it was an observation that, statistically speaking, it was probably reasonable to assume that most women would have been offended by it, whatever it was. However, he could have stated it in a less condescending way.

Indeed, everything that I could say has already been said by the other two gentlemen above me. My girlfriend loves it, and Im sure there are plenty who dont, but I have a feeling it will never be out dated

ok I've edited the first post: I think the title is a little misleading, I don't mean chivalry in it's entirety is outdated, just that extreme of it.


thanks for your replies, I see your points of view. I like what you said here oneironaut:

but if we chivalrous men are making the effort to try to be accommodating, they should at least meet us halfway and let us know (without making a scene) if that kind of chivalry is perceived in a negative light, or is just not wanted by them, individually.

that sounds perfect.

That's funny, here it's a little bit the opposite, the women are getting less receptive to acts of gallantry and such...

I have noticed that a few of my girl friends (with a space) get very annoyed if I open the door for them or if I offer them my coat (even though 90% of women have a body temperature approaching that of a Finnish winter...), etc.

Censoring anything definately wouldn't sit well with them... I hope I just have weird friends or that this is a phase or something, because I've been acting like this my whole life and it's pretty much a habbit by now.