Family Structures/Values

**Taosaur** · 02-04-2008 08:56 PM

If people are willing to talk about it, I'd like to know about your family structure, how it's changed, and what you think are the pros and cons of that structure.

Myself, my family was always changing. I started out as one of my grandparents' kids, along with my little uncle 5 months younger than me, a teenage aunt and my mom. My mom got married when I was five, for seven years of quasi-nuclear domesticity (albeit dirt-poor). From 12 to 18 was pretty chaotic, living about 8 different places with 1 to 5 other people in that time, after which I moved out of state and have since settled into a visiting uncle/brother role.

The main pros of the chaos have been maxed-out adaptability, ability to quickly read people and social dynamics, and early independence and self-confidence.

The cons are not having been taught much--having to learn from scratch skillsets that 'nuclears' take for granted. Also, a lack of experience with and expectation of intimacy, which many people acquire through interaction with their parents.

My nephew's getting much the same upbringing with, if anything, less stability, so it'll be interesting to see how it works on him.

Anybody else?

**tkdyo** · 02-04-2008 11:07 PM

I have had the exact opposite upbringing of you. My parents have been married for 40 something years, We've always stayed in the same home, and the only chaos was on my mother's brother's side. I wont get in to all that since I was a little young to understand it at the time.

main pros: self confidence from my family being behind me in my goals, learning to keep my mind at peace during conflict and always think logically. I suppose you could also say I learn very well thanks to having a stable enviroment that I could grow off of. Naturally intimate and at easy with people. Love of kids (I consider that a pro anyway) due to having 9 nieces and nephews from my brothers and sister's marriages.

main cons: I get in trouble with my friends and gf for not being emotional enough in conflicts, because I always look at things so objectivly. Sometimes I feel a little too needy of being with people. Friends from less stable backgrounds claim I "dont understand" and reject when I try to help.

**dragonoverlord** · 02-07-2008 05:51 AM

I had a pretty messy life so far and i think i know the root cause to.

My dad= born in WWII Europe

My Mom= Almost 20 years younger then my dad and she lived for nearly a decade of her child hood homeless on the streets of casablanca.

Me=born in the early 90's to a dsyfunctional family.

There are no pro's to that type of family just cons. Really shitty homelife, divorce,moving around alot,poverty.

It turns out my dad had a rich past too. A few years ago i found out i have a Brazilian Half sister.

**bluefinger** · 02-07-2008 10:18 AM

For me, it's a mix...

My mum's first marriage didn't work out at all, so divorced when I was about two... however, the second marriage worked out and everything has been good since.

Though, more interestingly, there's a big difference between each side of the family... on my mum's side, it's pretty much a mess. Feuds and fights are common, but on my dad's side, it's pretty stable and good. So in a way, I've experienced many sides of family, including the not so great bits...