Dannon, I am on the level you are on totally, I don't practice spirituality...but I completely understand what it is, and I'm betting you will understand what I'm about to say
I went through a period of my life when i had first started smoking weed. All through high school, I was socially anxious, that means I wasn't comfortable in social situations..at all. I was in a shell and got in a lot of trouble. I once almost had a panic attack in a social situation one time when I was 16, I was paranoid/scared and high off weed. Now, that I'm older, weed has really helped my find out who i was. When you dress a certain way, when you are sober you subconsciously think that's who you are. Culture is not our friend. Separation is not our friend. Intuition IS our friend.
Any concern over what others may think of you is a secret form of captivity, an unseen prison cell created by the false and painful belief that you are real -- and your life worthwhile -- only if others say it's so. The true individual is one who doesn't need the approval of others in order to know the peace of mind he finds in being just himself. If you don't feel like anyone loves you...love yourself.
I started smoking weed again after a one month break ( after seriously going through a rebel phase and going through a lot of shit ), I wrote down the first thoughts that came to my head when i hit the weed and got high, I read it, and instantly KNEW WHO i was, and didn't hide it, didn't avoid it, I took it at face value and it felt good knowing it. I started acting that way around other people, it feels really good. Your first thought is your intuition...your truer self....ever since i did this, I LOVED IT...it seriously is like some sort of mini-high and makes socializing fun.
Just listen to a group of people talking over lunch and you can see that the casual conversations of human beings are really fencing competitions -- one person saying something and then another person trying to top it. There is this continual tug of war, a real competition going on. Lunches in a social situation can be exhausting! Then there are our families... at a family dinner, all the old business is brought up, and everybody is competing and trying to prove that they did better than we did. Why does that go on? Why do we take part in it?
What is it that is taking place inside of any of us when there is a continual longing for this acceptance by which we will then feel approved, and in feeling approved, feel like we've finally found our real self? The fact of the matter is, anyone can look askew at us, someone can say the smallest thing to us, and all the king's horses and all the king's men can't put us back together again! The smallest barb can sink our boat.
Culture is not our friend. We're letting society shape us...we're like actors in a play...you pretend too long that your this actor and you forget your pretending. I know this from personal experience. And in my situation this comes from music..which is a part of culture. We all have to act in t his world though, to a certain degree.
If feels like we're in hell right now, a society built on who can be the most successful, have the most things, and have the most money and fame. Everybody gets so depressed because of thoughts, doing drugs JUST to be happy, ACTING a certain way just to get approval from peers..why not be happy when sober, you automatically are happy when you are your true self, relax and laugh. Act off your intuition...STOP THINKING SO MUCH, it's not who you are. Your intuition is the God in you.
It's depressing looking at everyone else, stressing to get money, and be more materialistic and egotistic. Fighting, and wars...why can't we have a world we all get along, create music and art together. I'm not saying I'm NOT materialistic and egotistic( I am to a certain degree ), but I don't let it control me..or rather control my feelings/emotions if you know what I'm saying. I'm thinking there is no end to creativity..creativity is infinite.
We are all one, being in tune with your higher self is the divine plan. THAT is 2012.
I'm really starting to think that in a world where we all where our true selves, and got along, and act our true selves in a world of peace, it would feel completely like bliss....a opiate high.
Being my true self, and acting off my intuition...i sincerely feel like I'm a light in a dark world.
I know this sounds like a lot of new-age bullshit, but trust me, coming together, and acting your true self around others definitely feels good beyond words. Sort of like a Percocet high. I don't expect most people to understand this because in this world it doesn't make sense.
STOP PRETENDING: SAY WHAT YOU FEEL, ACT THE WAY YOU FEEL, ACT THE WAY THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
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