The Cusp

I need to pee IRL as badly as I need to in the dream. I'm in an apartment store, and rush into the bathroom to pee. All the stalls are taken, and there are no urinals, so I whip it out and begin to pee in the sink. I'm peeing and peeing and it just won't stop. After a few minutes, it sinks in that there are no urinals, and I look up to see three women staring at me aghast. "He's STILL doing it!" one of them says in disgust. They think I'm a flasher, and I try to explain that I'm not, but the fact that I'm not putting my penis away would seem to indicate otherwise. I just can't stop peeing!

I put my dick away and run out of there before the cops show up. I run outside looking for somewhere more private to pee. Down the street there is some sort of NFL billboard with a talking robot dude which provides a bit of cover, so I go to pee there. The talking robot sure swears an awful lot as I go. For some reason my penis keeps getting longer every time I look at it. "Impressive", says the robot, "want me to hold that for you?". I actually think him holding the end might be a good idea, since it's now so long it's difficult to keep straight, and the pressure is making it hard to pee.

At this point, it's almost 5 feet long, and I'm considering cutting it off since it's obviously some sort of alien parasite.

End up at a friend's house, still peeing non-stop, before I finally wake up and pee for real.

I'm captaining a starship, and recieve 10 warnings from what I assume to be my future self. We avert the crisis, then I realize it was not my future self that sent those warnings, but a PARALLEL self! I don't trust this parallel self has the same ideals and self interests, to I take measures to insulate myself from such interference.

It's an unspecified apocalypse. There are giant rocks falling out of an ominous sky, and the first zombies are starting to spread. Shit is going to get very bad, very soon. I'm focused on gathering supplies and getting out of the city, and am leading a small group.

People are already fighting in the grocery stores, which have almost been stripped bare. I focus on raiding unattended stores and gas stations, houses that look empty. In one house, there are canisters of supplies, guns and ammo, food. As we grab the canisters, a little +10 or +5 appears in the air like when you pick something up in a video game. That almost tips me off that I'm dreaming, but I get distracted with my mission of gathering supplies. There's a nice rifle with a scope in the basement of one house, I'm the first one to spot it, and I lay claim to it by announcing "That one's MINE!". Morgan disagrees and grabs before I can, and I tell him I'm willing to fight him for it. He's being a total dick, the kind of person who gets people killed, and as we fight, I regret not having any of those knives I scavenged on me.

I'm in my high school, where they are holding the lamest school election ever. It's long, drawn out and super boring. Meanwhile, I'm preoccupied with how to defeat Jiren. Goddamn universe is about to be erased and these idiots around me are playing make believe! I've been elected part of the council who has the final vote, but it's so mind numbingly dull that I leave.

How to defeat Jiren? That beast will kill me with one punch! Then I remember he's not allowed to kill me, so I figure I might as well at least try to fight him, I might get lucky. I go find Jiren and we scrap. I put up a pretty good fight, but I clearly have no hope in hell of winning. As I'm fighting, some friends show up and tell my the bachelor party is starting, so I abandon this hopeless fight in favor watching strippers.

We walk to where the bachelor party is being held, and I'm a little concerned about my clothes, which are all torn up from my fight. We arrive at a building, go up a long set of stairs to a bar that seems familiar. There is a small blond stripper with a squeaky voice who hands me a large book someone wrote about her. Worst stripper ever.

Don't know where I got the money, but I buy a sweet ass boat, along with my own private island with a fantastic cottage on it. I cruise around in my huge ass boat for awhile, then head to my cottage. I talk to my brother for a bit, when through the window I see the boat floating away. I forgot to put down the anchor!!! I run, and it seems to take a ridiculous amount of time to get our of the cottage.

Wake up here, back to sleep...

In the dream, I have a weird feeling that I bought a boat. It makes no sense since I can't afford it, but I can't shake the feeling I bought a boat. I mention it to my friends, and they're like "yeah right". I recall I had two sets of keys for it, one in each pocket of my pants. I reach into my pockets and pull out two sets of boat keys, each with a green floater in case they get dropped into the water. So now I have keys for a boat, but where's the boat? I spend the rest of the dream looking for it unsuccessfully.

I got up about 5AM to pee, and the dog followed me back to bed.

I dream I'm in bed with my dog in some basement apartment, when a huge orange tiger jumps up on the bed. It begins to play with my dog by putting it's mouth around the dog and play chewing him. I slowly pull the blankets over my head, worried about my dog and not knowing what to do. Then the tiger begins mouth my arms through the blankets. Then it just sits on me, right on my morning wood. Ucomfortable!!!!

I peek out from the blankets and the tiger seems friendly enough. I see another white tiger tied to the Christmas tree through the door. The tiger on my begins to fall backwards off the bed, and I grab it's front paws and pull it back on me. Then it flops down covering me completely. The tiger morphs into a really large/fat dod, and finally ends up as a Boxer breed of dog.

I'm in my old high school, it's a zombie world, and there is a man at death's door locked in a room. The other people with me want to kill him before he turns, but I'm like "WTF is wrong with you people?!?!?!? I'm going in there to save him!". I go in to give what aid I can, but before I reach them an, he gets shot in the forehead and instantly turns into an unkillable mad zombie (from Z Nation). Luckily, the zombie charges the door the bullet came from, and I sneak out another door.

I run through the school which is completely empty of both humans and zombies, looking for a defensive position, and settle on the big metal doors of the locker rooms. I get in there, and a whole lot of nothing happens until I wake up.

Zombies, they're on the loose! I'm running across a field trying to dodge them, they're eating everyone else. I come to a small river with a pretty strong current and see it carry away any zombies that wander into it, and figure it will make a nice barrier the zombies won't be able to cross. A few other people arrive at the river as well, and I help those who can't make it on their own across.

On the other side, we've got a nice little group, and we decide we're going to build ourselves a zombie proof compound. From above I see a bulldozer digging out an area an piling up dirt walls. Next thing I know, I'm inside our new compound with my group. The place was made to keep zombies out, but not asshole humans. Some goons show up and want all our stuff. Thinking we're going to fight them off, I kill one of them, a woman who's being a royal bitch. THat's when I notice nobody else if fighting back. I hide her body in the bathtub and hope nobody will notice she's gone.

Turns out we were WAY outnumbered, and hundreds of the goons show up, basically assimilating us. On the plus side, they throw a huge BBQ. I'm still worried about the body in the tub being discovered, but when I go back to check, one of our guys has hidden the body in the ceiling. The goons take us with them aboard a freaking zepplin, and we end up crossing the ocean and going to Paris, where we lost control of our craft to aliens.

The aliens herd us into a building, and into elevators. THere is one alien in each elevator, and it fits four additional humans. My turn comes and I cram into the elevator, when I notice a pile of crutches in the corner. I ask about them, and the alien says the ascent can be hard on the knees. I bend mind anticipating my legs getting crushed, and our elevator shoots upwards. We shoot up super fast for about two seconds, and I realize we are now aboard the alien space ship.

The interior of the craft looks like an office building, and we are quickly assessed and assigned jobs. The funny part is, we're treated better on these jobs by the aliens than our fellow humans treated us in normal jobs. Better hours, better care, not worked so hard. An alien leads me to where I'll be working according to what his papers tell him. He leads me to an out of the way door, and is surprised because hardly anyone gets put here. I go in, and there are a handful of humans in there, but no aliens. Turns out I've been assigned to be taught psychic powers, trained by a computer.

There's some hidden hand helping us humans. Our psychic training was not part of the official plan, but part of a plan to free mankind. The computer gives us hints about how we're going to free ourselves. mentioning something called "darts". These so called darts are everywhere. THey look like a chew toy for dogs, and the aliens are using them to hold pens and pencils. I ask about them, and the aliens laugh, saying it's a technology that never worked right, and the consider them kind of a joke. The things are everywhere, and I know these will somehow be pivotal to overthrowing the aliens.

On a mission, I seek out a man who deals in ancient artifacts of incredible power. He's probably immortal, and has a staff I need. The amount of wealth and power he wants in exchange for these artifacts is so big, it can scarcely be comprehended. Obviously, I don't have that kind of money or influence, yet I'm still determined to get that staff.

I confront him, an the staff just comes to me. The man tries to get it back, but the staff won't obey him. His desires are based on greed and ego, whereas I'm sacrificing everything in service of my mission.

I think my mission was to save some kid or something

Something about lice or fleas, which involved Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. Unfortunately, they weren't victims of it, they bio-engineered them or something

Did not sleep well at all.

Audrey Parker from the show Haven, a few others, and myself, have been on an epic mission. At this point, we're infiltrating the enemy camp, getting closer to our goal. It's touch and go, sneaking around, and we eventually get separated briefly, but we're headed to a building and I think we'll all meet up there. I get inside and it looks like a cross between a church and stadium seating. The rest of our team is there, but no Audrey.

Worried, I leave with some other guy, instructing the rest of the team to wait for us there. I'm running myself ragged looking for her, and when I finally spot her walking across a grassy field, I collapse to the ground, exhausted. As I lay there panting, Audrey won't even acknowledge me, and I feel severely betrayed. After everything we've been through! I spent every penny I had in support of this mission, and now I don't even have enough for a bus home! She walks right by me, not even acknowledging my existence, and I think to myself "Fine! I'll walk home".

I pick my sorry ass up and begin the long walk home. I cut through Fellowe's high school, which is empty but for some students working on some project. I go past them, past a teacher, and into a hallway on the other side of the building, which leads to the exit. There is dead cat smeared all over the hallway, and I accidentally put my hand in some. It fucking reeks!

I exit the school, and next cut through a Harvey's. It too is empty and deserted, yet the doors are open. I go through it, then start my long walk along the highway.

What a selfish bitch she was!

My parents and I go to stay and my uncle Denis' for a week. There's some kids there, and they're fighting for my attention, especially the girls. For some reason, my mouth is full of broken glass, which I'm constantly spitting out.

I'm about to go to bed, when I see a kitten jump into a laundry chute in the wall. I open it to look because I want to pet the kitten, and see more kittens jump in it. Then some woman comes in with even more kittens, these ones smaller. She keeps finding smaller and smaller kittens and putting them in the chute, until they kittens are about the size of ants. Then she accuses me of squishing one and gives me a dirty look.

I go to bed, still spitting broken glass, and find broken glass all over the bed. I pull off the sheets, and find it's just covered in broken glass. Not just loose pieces, there are chunks of window glass embedded into the mattress, sticking out with sharp jagged edges about 4-5 inches. It looks like it was done on purpose. I go find my uncle, in a room with everyone else, to call him out. "DENNIS!" I yell, and he pulls his hat over his eyes and pretends to be asleep. I grab the mother fucker, tell everyone about the glass, and say he either did it on purpose, or he's just a complete fucking idiot. I'm still spitting out broken glass the entire time, and my tongue and lips are getting sore from all the little cuts.

Dennis grabs some bedding and goes to set me up somewhere else to sleep, and I follow. He lays out a mat and some blankets on the sidewalk, and I lay down. I lay there for a few minutes, looking around, watching some people in the park before deciding this is some bullshit. He expects me to sleep on the sidewalk right next to the street? Fuck that shit! I get up and storm back to the house. Entering the house, I see a kitten in the doorway, and the more I look, the more kittens I see.

Once back inside, I see the kids again, and notice there's something off about them. They look like inbred mutants. I notice one of the girls has a penis, but one that looks like a weird animal penis, it's just disturbing. They are also evil and have powers. They are the ones responsible for all this broken glass in my mouth, which I'm still spitting out.

I begin to realize all the adults in this house are at the mercy of these evil little monsters. The situation is just so fucked up, that I become lucid! I fly down a hallway and see an opening to some sort of store. I fly inside and see bars on the walls, behind which are the store's limited wares. There isn't much, but up high on the wall I see a large machine gun behind some metal bars, and figure that's a great start for any lucid dream. I fly up, rip off the metal bars and take the machine gun. It's monstrously huge, and would make a gatling gun look small.

I land, and make my way out of the building, mowing down anything in my way with the gun. Once outside, I drop the gun and take to the air again. I fly in a standing position and have no problems controlling my flight. I'm very careful not to look back or let my thoughts dwell on the previous part of the dream, lest I make it real again. I land in a park next to a stage, hoping there will be a concert, but it's too late and too dark.

I either forget what happens next, or got woken up by the neighbors. That breaks a lucid dry spell I've had for almost two months!

It didn't seem like I did much with my lucidity, but I'm proud of how I didn't look back, like the biblical story of Lot's wife, surely that was a lesson about dreaming. Everything requires your attention to exist in a dream.

The mouth full of broken glass likely comes from a magic spell based on the princess and the pea I suggested someone use yesterday. Only I suggested broken glass or thorns instead of a pea. Never going to post publicly about that kind of magic again

I'm doing Dry Lake runs (a level in the game Path of Exile), laying waste to hordes of enemies. Some of the bosses are smart, and it gets personal.

This eventually evolves into a zombie/demon siege on a certain house I'm at. That scenario keeps resetting, and my knowledge from previous iterations are not very useful n dealing with the situation.


I always find it difficult to extract detail from a dream when I'm doing the same thing over and over.

-I'm at my parent's house, and my mother asks me if I've seen the things floating above our house. I go out back, and the sky is filled with very dark clouds. The kind of darkness of a dream which isn't yet fully formed. I can't see shit. I look for a few minutes, then go back in. My mother mentions it again, and this time I look out the side windows, still seeing nothing. Then my brother shows up, and she mentions it to him. My brother and I go out into the front yard, and I still see nothing but dark clouds. I lay down on my back in the grass, determined to stare up for awhile, but the darkness increases and I can see even less.

-At home, and I'm worried about a small motorbike I apparently own. My car either folds up into this tiny bike, or it drives out of the car, I can't really remember. I look out back in all the snow, worried it's small enough for someone to pick up and steal.

-In a room with my mother and uncle mike, who begins asking about old computers he can have. My mother points him to a closet, and he starts loading things into a laundry basket. He puts in what looks like the old tape drive from a Vic20 computer, but when I look closer, it's a small cassette player which is badly broken.

I'm supposed to sand a floor at a house. It's a really fucked up floor with all kinds of impossible humps and bumps. The homeowner changes his mind and instead asks me to just repair some damaged spots in the floor. There's holes, and softspots where I almost fall through the subfloor.

I get distracted by the television, catch myself, and try to get back to work. Next thing I know I'm laying down in a bed trying to sleep. I figure it would be bad to get caught sleeping on the job, especially at a customer's house, so I force myself to rise. The customer's daughter and her friend are there, and I hurry to put on a shirt, which isn't my work shirt. I try to grab another shirt I won't ruin on the job, then wonder why the hell I have so many clothes at a customer's house.

I start with the repairs, but the more I look, the more there are to do.

A nap dream. Again, should have been lucid, but I was just so damn tired. Even in my dream all I wanted to do was sleep