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    Thread: Suicidal Dreams

    1. 12-27-2011 07:19 AM #1
      carebearboy
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      Suicidal Dreams

      I have Borderline Personality Disorder and Major Depression. I won't go into details but things have not been very pleasant the past month...


      Dream 1:

      I'm standing on a balcony on the top floor of a very high building. It feels like the building is tilting. It feels as if my weight alone could make the building tip over if I walked more towards the rail.

      I feel a quick short drop. As if the building was crumbling and able to fall apart. I then hear a voice saying, "Jump. You need to jump. Just jump and escape this world..." I look around to see were the voice is coming from. I then realise it's my own mind saying it. I run into the apartment and tell someone about what happened. I feel more safe in the apartment.


      Dream 2 (right after the first dream):

      I'm at my moms house. I'm feeling low and my mom gives me a hug. She says with compassion, "Have a lay down on this bed sweety." It's an ambulance bed that is near the front door of the house. I lay down on the bed and close my eyes. My mom hancuffs my foot to the bed. I turn to look at the front door. It is open now and I see an ambulance outside and paramedics walking towards the house.

      I know what's happening. I'm being sent to the hospital to stay as an inpatient for my suicidal thoughts and depression (for the fifth time). I start crying. The tears are coming down hard and streaming down my face. I say to my mom, "Please don't make me go! Please. They'll make me worse! Please mom!"


      Anyone else have these types of dreams?
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    2. 12-27-2011 09:08 AM #2
      Darkmatters
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      Moved to General Dream Discussion. These don't sound lucid. If they were then let me know and I'll move it back.

      I've had dreams very much like the 1st one, trying to keep my footing on the roof of an old brick building even as it crumbles to pieces under me and jumping to nearby roofs only to find them crumbling as well, and sometimes I find myself o a narrow ledge or rooftop that's too small to stand on and slanted sharply forward, and I can feel this weird powerful vertigo pulling me into the abyss irresistibly. Sometimes the building is contracting like a living thing and forcing me forward off the edge with the ground so far below I can't even see it.

      I should add that I've never had any serious suicidal thoughts or been institutionalized. I've never been diagnosed with depression, but I believe I definitely suffered from low level depression for many years.
      Last edited by Darkmatters; 12-27-2011 at 09:15 AM.
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    3. 12-27-2011 04:45 PM #3
      Carrot
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      I've got borderline personality disorder and slight depression (I'm not quite sure on the depression part). My borderline disorder was raising in the past so I tried to force it down, and it went back to normal and I was happy. Suddenly I started developing depression but I'm still able to keep my borderline under control, till recently I realised I have thoughts on injuring myself again. And I'm upset over it.

      But I've never had dreams like yours before.

      I know I can't die. And I wouldn't. I've been telling myself numerous times, if I'm not successful being a person, I wouldn't be successful being a ghost as well so there's no point for me to die. But I want to run away, far far away and start life afresh.

      What I feel about your dreams is that you're not truly keen on ending your life, you probably just need some comfort in life but you're not getting it.
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