Vivid Dream Of A Former Lover

[Tham]

I was lying down having a short nap at about 12 noon, just before going to work in the afternoon, two days ago on Tuesday, 30 January. I dreamt I was driving down this one-way road, and there was this car coming towards me from the opposite direction, obviously not realizing it was one-way only. The car slowed to a stop facing mine, and I alighted to talk to the driver, who also got down. The driver was a female. To my shock, she was my first lover who left me 19 years ago. She looked very depressed, as if trying to tell me her current marriage was in ruins, and held my hand. Then another car behind her drove up and the driver also got down. It was her husband. I was about to walk up to give him a piece of my mind, when I woke up. I have dreamt of her every every now and then over the years, but it was never as vivid nor as direct as this, and neither has this happened in the daytime during a such a short nap (when I least expected to dream about anything, let alone her) , where I likely did not even have time to reach the REM stage. I am not sure if this was merely my subconscious telling me that I still miss her and desire her back (which I do), or if the dream meant anything.

[O'nus]

I dreamt I was driving down this one-way road, and there was this car coming towards me from the opposite direction, obviously not realizing it was one-way only. The car slowed to a stop facing mine, and I alighted to talk to the driver, who also got down. The driver was a female. To my shock, she was my first lover who left me 19 years ago. She looked very depressed, as if trying to tell me her current marriage was in ruins, and held my hand. I am not sure if this was merely my subconscious telling me that I still miss her and desire her back (which I do), or if the dream meant anything. [/b] I would say that you have some manifest interpretation right on the dot. Since you have that interpretation dealt with, take a look at the depths of the dream - yourself even. Notice that you subtly mention that you two are driving in opposite directions. This is a very strong symbol. Consider that this may mean that you are completely conscious that you two have completely different views about something (X) and that you cannot come to an agreement on X. X may even be the reason why you two are no longer together. Furthermore, notice that you were going to "go up and give him a piece of my mind". This is a common fallacy that many people make - even though you may be completely conscious of the consequences. He is not in control of her thoughts and feelings. However, the fact that you transfer anger to him would make me inclined to believe that you wish that you could control her feelings and emotions - possibly change her mind about X. What do you think..? ~

[Tham]

Thank you for your very informative and eye-opening interpretation, O'nus. Yes, I believe you are correct. The dream is likely a manifestation of my conscious realization that we both had incompatible views and personalities which doomed our relationship. She used to tell me that "we are so different". As for the part of the dream about confronting the husband, I believe you are also right to say that it is likely a subconcious desire on my part to control her feelings and emotions (inadvertently putting the fault on him for our breakup), hoping that she may change her mind and come back to me, which I have consciously always wanted ever since she left me.

[O'nus]

Thank you for your very informative and eye-opening interpretation, O'nus. Yes, I believe you are correct. The dream is likely a manifestation of my conscious realization that we both had incompatible views and personalities which doomed our relationship. She used to tell me that "we are so different". As for the part of the dream about confronting the husband, I believe you are also right to say that it is likely a subconcious desire on my part to control her feelings and emotions (inadvertently putting the fault on him for our breakup), hoping that she may change her mind and come back to me, which I have consciously always wanted ever since she left me. [/b] How does this make you feel now, though..? Emphatic..? Guilt..? Happy..? Lonely..? Exuberant? Epiphany? I worry for those who experience great stress from relationships. People tend to follow the same trend as the Kubler-Ross model's five stages of death - try to see where you are and maybe this can help: Denial - The "This can't be real" stage.: "I'm not here, This isn't happening." Anger - The "Why me?" stage.: "How dare you do this to me?!" (either referring to God, the deceased, or oneself) Bargaining - The "If I do this, you’ll do that" stage.: "Just let me live to see my son graduate." Depression - The "Defeated" stage.: "I can't bear to face going through this, putting my family through this." Acceptance - The "This is going to happen" stage.: "I'm ready, I don't want to struggle anymore." (from Wikipedia) Tread carefully now.. ~

[tommo]

Denial - The "This can't be real" stage.: "I'm not here, This isn't happening." Anger - The "Why me?" stage.: "How dare you do this to me?!" (either referring to God, the deceased, or oneself) Bargaining - The "If I do this, you’ll do that" stage.: "Just let me live to see my son graduate." Depression - The "Defeated" stage.: "I can't bear to face going through this, putting my family through this." Acceptance - The "This is going to happen" stage.: "I'm ready, I don't want to struggle anymore." Gulp ive gone through all and im up to depression

[Tham]

Possibly another subconscious, or rather conscious, trigger of this dream could be something in common which two sources told me very recently, right before I had this dream. I had a chat with two females on the net, one of whom is a Scottish woman in her 40s with natural psychic/paranormal abilities, the other a Native American (Cree) 13-year old girl who is currently an understudy of her Shaman grandmother in her tribe near Churchill, Manitoba. Both told me that my woman is currently very unhappy with the husband, who is keeping a mistress (which would imply her marriage is in ruins) and (to my utter surprise) still feels for me, regretting she made a mistake into leaving me and marrying him, but realizing it is way too late turn back, since she now had kids and it has been almost 20 years. That might also be what the one-way street is trying to symbolize - that she can't turn back even though she wants to (and doesn't realize that I want her back too). The Cree girl said that it is actually our souls who leave our bodies and travel everywhere in another dimension (limitless in distances, boundaries and time) in our dreams.

[purple raevyn]

whoa, this thread definatly comes at uncanny timing. tham, i have been experiencing much the same things as you. i had a lover 7 years ago. we were torn apart due to certain circumstances, but i have unconsciously carried my love for him for all this time. back in the autumn i had a dream, which led me to fear he had died. it also reawakened my feelings for him. i was depressed for a couple months, but things calmed down. Denver colorado came to mind as well. (i also have somewhat of a psychic sensitivity, but i cant control it.) but just the other week, i had another dream of him in which he was in spirit form, which brought me right back into my sadness and worries. all of a sudden MYspace came to mind. i felt that i would find him there. sure enough i found his band there. they had reassembled after breaking up in 1999, and had moved to DENVER,COLORADO. on their profile , i found a link to my ex's own profile. of course i asked myself why i didnt think to just look him up on myspace 5 frickin' months ago instead of worrying myself silly, but then i noticed that he had just joined myspace a couple weeks before i had that last dream. if i had thought of myspace earlier, i wouldnt have found him OR his band-they joined just a couple days after him. was it fate? who the hell knows. i contacted him to check up on him. after that, i figured out what the dreams meant. and now i finally have closure and can move on from him. have you tried to contact her? though i know such should be done very delicately. i dunno what to say, really, that can help you. there's a lotta similarities in our stories, but i dunno how to put you at peace. i wonder why its too late to leave her husband just cuz she has kids, though. are you married as well?

[Tham]

Thank you for sharing your experiences, Raevyn. Yes, your story and dreams certainly look interesting and bears some similarities to mine. It's good that you managed to contact him. Have the two of you managed to restart the relationship and are getting along well again ? Thank you too for your kind words and showing your concern. I know her personality quite well - she's extremely conservative and not really the type to consider divorce, kind of a taboo thing to her (I'm from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia). She would be terrified to lose custody of her kids if divorce came to reality - I know she is the type to love children, so her own kids would be the most precious thing in the world to her. The Cree girl also read her mind and said she is very unlikely to leave him, despite her current situation. I have been out of contact with her since she left in 1988 and didn't want to be contacted. I have considered doing so again, but like you said, this is a very delicate thing to handle and would have to be done very cautiously. Perhaps I will write her a letter one of these days. I am still single, never married.