Thread: Dreams haunted by my ex

inb4tl;dr

A little background info first: I dated this girl back in late 2009/early 2010. After some serious problems and arguments everything came to a shattering crash, leaving me in a distraught state. I would pretty much dream of her every night (to which most depicted me losing her in some form, or the opposite).

After months of trying to bring myself back on track (probably the hardest thing I've had to deal with to date) the dreams ceased, and I was at ease once more. However, now and then she still appears in both non-lucids and lucids. Usually the subject matter is that of an argument or something negative, but somethings things transpire in a way which is like how we used to be when we first started dating.

Anyway, enough of that. My issue here is the fact that whenever she pops up I don't know how to overcome the situation. In a previous lucid I had plans of finding her and butchering her in a brutal manner (in the hope of ending further torment) but when I ended up at her house it was in shambles - her along with it. She reminded me of some form of restless spirit (grey hair, ragged clothing, time-worn complexity, etc) and she just wandered around the ruins of her home like a mourning spirit. I told her that her time had come and managed to back her into a corner, then from out of nowhere I was holding a broken and jagged saw. However, I couldn't bring myself to do anything to her. Everything suddenly took hold and I had a complete and total breakdown and started apologising. I then woke up shortly after.

(I've also encountered a single demon in different forms mainly when something sexual transpires (in both lucids and non's) which I finally figured out must be something to do with her (for reasons I won't go into publicly). This demon hasn't surfaced in quite some time but I think that might be because I faced it and tried to bond with it.)

Now that that's out of the way, I'll go into what happened this morning. I can barely remember a thing as I don't write down my dreams any more (resumed progress this morning ), but basically I had a non lucid and a lucid. The non was purely focused on her for some bizarre reason, which is quite strange considering I haven't thought about her in quite some time. From what I can remember, we were both in full knowledge of past issues we had had but were getting on quite well, then something happened and we had a huge argument which almost ended in tears. I woke up all ''what the f*ck just happened there?'' in quite a disturbed state and then proceeded to perform the WILD I was due to succeed with, which I did.
The lucid itself wasn't focused on her. I don't really know the order in which things happened but I think I was in my old school classroom first, and for some reason my college group were in it. I tried spawning a spliff and eventually did (and smoked it ) then stood up, told my class they were all dreaming, and flew out the window somewhere. I then met 2 of my friends and started talking, but there was something odd in the atmosphere. It wasn't until one of them said there was someone who wanted to speak to me that I realised what I knew was wrong. They both stepped aside and my ex emerged from the darkness, to which both horror and despair overtook me and I almost woke myself up, but decided against it and just got myself out of the area, taking my friends with me.
Then, for some strange reason I found a dildo on the floor and picked it up. I turned round to my mate and said ''Is this yours?'' in a joking manner only to have both of them turn on me and try to rape me, which freaked me the f*ck out and I decided to wake up at this point.

Every time she appears I just feel totally helpless regardless of how much I prepare myself, then loads of bad stuff happens as a result. I just want to face her properly and end all of this, but I'm really not sure how to.

(fyi we ended horribly and don't talk to each other any more)