I am terribly confused! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[RitaGoldstein]

Hello, I have only just signed up to this forum, I would have liked to have posted and introduced myself but I'm never too sure what to say. I am desperately trying to understand what is going on with my dreaming. For a few years now I have been lucid dreaming, completely unaware that it was called lucid dreaming, also completely unaware that it was anything special (I thought everybody dreamed like this!) About a year ago, a friend had gone to a workshop and started telling me about it. And this is how I ended up having something to type into google, leading me to this forum! Lucid dreaming! Okay... It's so normal for me now. I wake up from my dream, taking mental notes of certain odd things from the dream as the room I am laying in fixes itself around me. The odd time I won't come up with any answer to my dream, maybe work a bit harder on something in the waking life or slow down with stuff I'm taking to seriously... I don't dream with anyone, most of the time there will be one main person in my dream even though I will recognise other people... They may not speak as clear as my main character if you will. The dream I had last night is scaring me at this stage, because it was so real! I could smell, I could hear perfectly... I could feel the texture of a vintage t shirt, I could feel the hair at the back of the main persons neck when I hugged them. Their voice was perfectly life like, their characteristics and personality were spot on.... The only problem is... This person is nearly five years gone... And I didnt know them personally. I admired the person before their passing, and was still inspired by them afterwards. I have had dreams involving this person before. But I would only see them in flashes and they wouldn't talk or act like the actual person. I always felt close to them though, I hope this doesn't sound strange... But I sometimes felt like I knew their spirit... I often doubt myself sometimes but I could never shake that feeling. The difference with this dream was that for probably the second or third time ever, I had tried to go into a certain dream with a specific person in mind. (This sounds so silly typing it out) but instead I was thrown into a completely different scenario than what was desired. With the person mentioned above actually bumping into me and saying my name! Asking how I was and saying how long it has been since we were last together. It was like meeting an old friend. I know what this person (I'm refraining from naming him for obvious reasons) was like, voice wise and so on, through interviews. But there was always something so familiar about him. He was hugging me and asking me questions, most of which I couldn't respond to because I was so confused. I thought I was awake! And he invited me somewhere... And then disappeared! I asked around if anyone had seen him, and they didn't know what I was talking about. They thoight I was crazy! And that's when the walls started warping and the dream slipped away. This is so long and I feel incredibly embarrassed. I just don't know where to go with this! Apologies if this is totally in the wrong place or shouldn't be posted at all. Thank you if you've read this though. R