Dear Dream View Readers and Writers,

ok, i'm gonna level on you a bit, first i'm gonna get into a bit of history of myself since it kind of matches with the question :

Ok, I am the youngest of 4, 2 older sisters, and one older brother, well my brother is 2 years older then me and happened to like to play pranks when we were growing up, and still does, and my cousin practically lived with us with the same prank instincts.

So, some examples, from the time I was little little, I was always scared to sleep in the dark, like, I slept with my parents till I have 4 years old, and then I would hate having the light off. Then I slept with my brother in his room, with seperate beds. And I would still leave the room so I could have the light, or do the hallway light with the door cracked thing. One time when I was a bit older, I saw a white thing in my closet, probably an illusion, another time I saw some eyes outside of my window, on the third floor... heh.. (tri-level house), so one of my problems is I'm very visual.

Ummm, I have known about such things like the Bible since I was 3 years old. And since I believe in it, I also believe in some more supernatural stuff. Or at least I dont turn things down right off. Like angels, demons, yes I believe in. And for anyone who has read some of the bible, some of that stuff for a 3 year old to grow up learning, haha little creepy

Anyway! Examples of why I still dont like the dark :

1. Once when I was in my check under bed and closet and things stage my light went out... I was very scared to go change it but I was more worried to sleep in the dark, so eventually I sucked it up after pleading my brother to change it(which he didnt) so I am going in to change it and my brother jumps out from behind a desk, all I see is a dark figure, start screaming bloody murder... yeaaah
2. Went on a camping trip for a week, my brother and cousin started on the first day, mentioning how "Scream" lived only a few miles from the campsite, or that's where it took place, of course I didnt believe them. On like the 6th day, I am walking to the bathrooms, and my cousin in the full Black Robes with White Scream Mask jumps out with a butcher knife, I scream, punch him, start crying, run . And because it was so dark, the scream image is burnt into my mind.
3. Being very visual I can see things even if I only have an idea of what they look like, so my brother and cousin would go Hell *pause* O before I went to sleep one time. Everytime they did it I would see flames, and demons looking at me...
4. Whenever I would try to hang out with them, one of the ways they used to get rid of me was to tell scary stories, one of them was skeletons coming out of the ground, annnd I could see them in my mind.
5. My parents didnt really care if we watched "R" rated movies, soooo we have seen certain things, one that bugged me was "Nightmare's under the stairs" or something like that. annnd some other movies
6. I lived in the basement of our house, or rather, not like "basement" but lowest level, and I lived right next to the outside door, and had a big window, thus... ofcourse my brother or cousin would bang on the window every now and then.
7. I can't always control my mind, it's like when you dont wanna think something with all your might, and because of that you think it, or say it. Except to a farther degree of not being able to control my own mind when it comes to not thinking of stuff, getting better.
8. Turned 15 in march, I'm becoming more aware of death and mortality, and coming to grasp with death, immortality, eternity, so forth and so on.
9. Again, I can't always control my mind, so i'll be laying in bed thinking of things I dont want to, like questioning my faith is the biggest. thinking about things I really dont want too, so I usually stay on the computer really early, or I read a book and concentrate on that till I can't stay awake anymore.
10. When I was 5 years old my mattress had sea animals on it, instead of say flowers or anything, and my brother took a steak knife and was stabbing the sharks... and my leg kinda was ontop of a shark... sooooo I woke up to getting stabbed by my brother with a steak knife.
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Anyway, 7 and 8 are some of my biggest problems with why I dont lay down and sleep like everyone else, I dont really get tired. I don't feel this way when i'm with other people, when my mind is on something else, but when its me vs my mind... my mind somehow gets the best of me, and I start thinking about God and Eternity, and death, and what happens after, life's biggest questions hit me when I have nothing else to think about...

I think I made some progress with the brainwave entrainment, and I tried some of the breathing techniques in HILD(hypnosis induced) just the breathing and listening to my heart, but I was at a sleep over with a bunch of people, not laying alone with my own mind.

So I guess the question is how can I overcome this, how can I relax more, or brainwave entrainment works rather well but I am still thinking, just not about 7, 8 stuff, and WILD requires relaxation and open mind... sooo, I'm open for advice.

Sincerely and Thank You,
Ezekiel