I had an extreme arachnophobia as well, till my sister got a tarantula. As I looked at it, banged my fingers on his plastic cage, my fear subsided. Now I fear spiders a lot less.
About dreams - lucid or not, I saw a bunch of huge spiders there, but I wasnt all that afraid, however I'm not sure if that happened before or after my sister got her spider.
My advice would be : try facing spiders in real life first, you will notice that they have absolutely no interest in you or intent on harming you. You can think of the usual : "you can squish that spider so easily" crap, but that didnt work for me. Then you can lessen your fear even further by looking at spiders in a LD. I wouldnt advice you to face spiders in a LD while still being extremely afraid of them, especially if you are not all that good at control and self defense, cause if something bad happens it may make you even more scared. Face real life spiders first, look at them in a pet store or at your friends'.
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