Thread: I'm back... I think

Well, since the only relatively new thing in my life is my girlfriend, I hope she's not going to ruin my reputation. Not that I really have one.

School is very stressful for me, and I always feel like I'm failing or behind.
My girlfriend and I have also been having a lot of minor problems recently that
make me angry to the point of wanting to put my fist in a wall. I am going through
a lot at this point of my life, so maybe I'm just stressed and everything.

I have to say that the dream about killing that man with a bat was one of the most horrible dreams I have ever had in my life, if not the most horrifying.
It was very weird and vivid.

I think what made it feel the way it did is because he was looking at me while I was hitting him, and not just looking, he was [I]staring[I] at me. His eyes were filling with blood and the cracking sound of the bat hitting him was awful. Also, I thought about my girlfriend in the dream and how we would never get married because of me doing that, and that I we would never be able to make love. I knew there was no way to cover it up, and even if there was there would be no way I could live with it. I honestly think the worst part of the whole dream was realizing that I would never be able to marry my girlfriend. It was a horrible feeling that I hope I never feel while I'm awake.

I've also been very paranoid recently. I jump at everything and I have to sleep with lights on most nights. I haven't been afraid of the dark in a long time, so I'm not sure what's happening. I can't remember if it started after the bad dreams started or not, so I'm not sure if they're because of them. I can't really do anything anymore unless someone's with me without being afraid. It's really embarrassing, but I'm nearly paralyzed with fear when it comes to anything in the dark now.

shadownet, that sounds like an awful lot to deal with.

Is there anyone you can talk to about all this (a relative, counselor, etc).. someone who can help you make sense of all that you're experiencing and why.

Wow, you have a lot on your mind. Makes my problems look like happy town. Don't ask why I said that, It's 1:31am where I am.
By the way, thanks for the hug Clairity.

Originally Posted by Clairity

shadownet, that sounds like an awful lot to deal with.

Is there anyone you can talk to about all this (a relative, counselor, etc).. someone who can help you make sense of all that you're experiencing and why.

Unfortunately, no.
I don't have any friends, and as horrible as it may seem, I honestly don't care if I ever see most of my relatives every again. I did have a psychologist a while ago, and he said I'm have a little bit of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and extreme social anxiety, but I tried for a year to get rid of him and the medication, so I'm not going back.

But, lets go back to the LDing. My issues are exhausting and we all know I have a lot of them.

I would love to be able to get back into this. I have only had two, but I want to have them more often. Is there a way that I could get them to happen quicker? I'm already starting the dream journal, and I keep trying the Sleep Paralysis to WILD thing. Any suggestions?

P.S.
I do appreciate the concern over my life problems, and I'm not just shrugging anyone off about them. I'm having a lot of trouble recently and I don't have much of a release, which is what I'm hoping LDing will do for me. It would be a release and it would get rid of my bad dreams, so it would help a lot.

i nearly cried because you said all those things. i hope everything gets better for you.

I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic or not...

I'm not asking for sympathy or anything, just explaining the situation.