Thread: How bittersweet is lucid love, securely mentally binding

Wow. You must realize that this is quite unhealthy, right? It's even a little bit frightening. I would seek psychiatric help ASAP, for your own sanity, and for the sanity of the people around you.

I've had dreams where I've had children, and I've woken up feeling very empty, like I was missing something, because I knew they didn't exist. I haven't forgotten how those dreams made me feel... but I'm not sad about them or anything because I'm planning on having kids in the future anyway. Who knows, maybe your "fate" is to meet a girl named Sarah in real life.

I don't think the connection between her name and that song is interesting. In fact, that being your favorite song perfectly explains her name.

Anyway, it sounds like you are deteriorating psychologically, and you gotta seek help. Lucid dreaming is supposed to enhance your waking life, not destroy it.

Touching (there would be sarcasm if you could hear my voice over the internet)

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

I would seek psychiatric help ASAP, for your own sanity, and for the sanity of the people around you.

I have experienced love in dreams in some form. There will be that person, the embodiment of everything you want, your dream girl or guy as it were and it will be spectacular. However real the experience will feel, once you wake up, or attain lucidity you should realize that it is all a construction of your own mind.

Sure the emotions will feel real enough, but the fact is that it is not. Real relationships, with other individuals might not be perfect, they take work, but overall they are far more rewarding. It is not love you have with a dream character, it is masturbatory (narcissistic even) to act as if it were.

I don't know if professional help is in order, I think you just need to acknowledge that it is not real, and find something else to occupy your mind. Hang out with real people, immerse yourself in the real relationships you have, see the difference, and forget about your fake one.

Be glad that you have the ability to become lucid, and incubate and bring out specific characters (and I can only assume locations and other stuff). Everyone hits dry periods, it will come back, but hopefully by then you will be over this.

Originally Posted by Prismriver

I'm sorry for just coming in and ranting without so much as an introduction... but I really need a place to vent without being accused of insanity. (It's happened before.) I was arguing with myself over whether to post this here or in Lucid Experiences, but this side of me came out on top. If I was wrong, again, I'm sorry.

There was once a time where I could lucid dream very often; at least two times a week in most cases. A couple years ago, a dream character showed up; nothing special in itself, but there was something about this one that I felt connected with. I'm not entirely sure what it was.

It was a girl, who looked about my age if not a bit older. She had short black hair flanking a pretty face, and was wearing blue jeans and a black vest over a blue shirt - which I would later come to recognize as her usual attire.

I was amazed when I found out that not only could I seem to hold intelligent conversation with this character, but unlike any DC I had come across before, she seemed very down-to-earth and made sense most of the time. It felt as if I had met a 'real' person. I learned her name, Sarah. (An interesting connection to my favorite song, "What Sarah Said".) Later, she began to show up in almost every LD I had, and it wasn't long before I had fallen deeply in love with the dreamgirl, and to the extent I could tell, the feeling was mutual. It was without a doubt the strongest emotion I had ever felt in my life.

The thing that's interesting, though, is that the feeling carried over to waking life; still I couldn't stop loving her even in a world where she doesn't exist. For a while, this was the happiest I'd been in a long time... hey, in a kind of twisted way I was lucky in love. For now, anyway.

A few months later (and during that time, I would have honestly said that Sarah and I were in a relationship), I got hit with the flu. Bad. My mind was a terrible fog, and I felt drained of all energy. It was a pretty crappy week. I felt so bad that I couldn't lucid dream. By the end of the week, I had seriously begun to miss Sarah; both my ability to LD and my dream recall had pretty much gone out the window.

The thing is... I got better, but my knack for LDing didn't. I got most of my dream recall back, though it still isn't where it used to be. LDs slowly started becoming less and less common, as did my visits from Sarah. It eventually leveled out, but now I'm lucky if I'll get a LD once every four months. And even then, the clarity and my level of control over the dream is pretty bad, and even though I had seen Sarah a few times since then (and every time was a great blessing), I found it hard to maintain the dream and fully communicate with her at the same time. I even asked her why the hell I was having so much trouble getting my LDs back, but she told me, very somberly, that she had no idea. It's been about six months since my last LD and my last moment with Sarah, and I'm starting to long for her so much that it's tearing me up inside. It's even driven me to tears on many occasions, something that's hard to do in my case. I'm starting to wonder if I actually have just gone insane. Though I can't say I know the feeling, it feels as if I've been abruptly broken up with... but the fact that I know I haven't been is somehow making it all the more frustrating. I just don't know what to do... it's such a bizarre scenario.

Anyway... thanks for reading that. It feels a bit better just to let it out in some form.

Now, I ask a question: have any of you ever had an experience even vaguely similar to mine? What was it like, and how did you handle it?

Thanks,
--Prismriver

I was afraid of this happening if I got too close a relationship with a DC. Anyway, sounds like you need a reboot. Have you watched the movie The Good Night?. It is exactly what your lucid dreaming is about....watch it and it will give you your lucid dream.

IMJ

wow what a story, yea I agree with Mes Tarrant on you need help. the biggest problem is sarah is gonna be your perfect girl no matter what since you made her and you will never find a girl like that in real life the kicker is then you will try to find your dreamgirl and never find a girl as perfect as sarah in real life. so for the sake of relationship I would break up with sarah and avoid her from now on.

Yes and I would really try to stop referring to "Sarah" as an individual to "end a relationship with" and whatnot. MrBeelzy is right... it's nothing short of narcissism. This DC is not a separate entity from yourself - it IS yourself that you are obsessing over.

Do you have other types of issues that keep you from socializing with real people?

maplestory or runescape anybody????? which would you think is better or worst....??????
answer please......................

and how do u make ur own thread im still stuck on that???

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

Wow. You must realize that this is quite unhealthy, right? It's even a little bit frightening. I would seek psychiatric help ASAP, for your own sanity, and for the sanity of the people around you.

I've had dreams where I've had children, and I've woken up feeling very empty, like I was missing something, because I knew they didn't exist. I haven't forgotten how those dreams made me feel... but I'm not sad about them or anything because I'm planning on having kids in the future anyway. Who knows, maybe your "fate" is to meet a girl named Sarah in real life.

I don't think the connection between her name and that song is interesting. In fact, that being your favorite song perfectly explains her name.

Anyway, it sounds like you are deteriorating psychologically, and you gotta seek help. Lucid dreaming is supposed to enhance your waking life, not destroy it.

I slept on this post, and you know, I think it might of helped me take a step back and look at things in perspective a bit...

Oh, I didn't want to get into why I thought the connection was interesting (I though the post was walking the line of 'too long; don't read'), but it's a song about the love of your life being abruptly and unexpectedly lost. I'd go in depth but that's another topic for another day.

Originally Posted by MrBeelzy

I have experienced love in dreams in some form. There will be that person, the embodiment of everything you want, your dream girl or guy as it were and it will be spectacular. However real the experience will feel, once you wake up, or attain lucidity you should realize that it is all a construction of your own mind.

And I did, and honestly at the time I didn't care a whole lot. And hey, for a while it seemed to be working out okay.

Sure the emotions will feel real enough, but the fact is that it is not. Real relationships, with other individuals might not be perfect, they take work, but overall they are far more rewarding. It is not love you have with a dream character, it is masturbatory (narcissistic even) to act as if it were.

I don't know if professional help is in order, I think you just need to acknowledge that it is not real, and find something else to occupy your mind. Hang out with real people, immerse yourself in the real relationships you have, see the difference, and forget about your fake one.

I'm one to contest the use of the word 'real'. Personally, I think 'real' includes what a noun means to a person. Father Christmas was undeniably real to you at some point, right? Even though I inadvertently made her up, she still had great effect on me.

You, know, my problem my have started when I began treating her as concrete.

Be glad that you have the ability to become lucid, and incubate and bring out specific characters (and I can only assume locations and other stuff). Everyone hits dry periods, it will come back, but hopefully by then you will be over this.

Thanks, I'll try and do that. =)

Originally Posted by imj

I was afraid of this happening if I got too close a relationship with a DC. Anyway, sounds like you need a reboot. Have you watched the movie The Good Night?. It is exactly what your lucid dreaming is about....watch it and it will give you your lucid dream.

IMJ

I haven't, but I should probably check it out.

Originally Posted by Soldier

wow what a story, yea I agree with Mes Tarrant on you need help. the biggest problem is sarah is gonna be your perfect girl no matter what since you made her and you will never find a girl like that in real life the kicker is then you will try to find your dreamgirl and never find a girl as perfect as sarah in real life.

Huh... that is worrisome, isn't it.

so for the sake of relationship I would break up with sarah and avoid her from now on.

Yeah... this is something I decided on last night. I just don't know If I'd bring myself to do it, as much as it'd make things easier for me.

Man... this is really frustrating. v_v

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

Yes and I would really try to stop referring to "Sarah" as an individual to "end a relationship with" and whatnot. MrBeelzy is right... it's nothing short of narcissism. This DC is not a separate entity from yourself - it IS yourself that you are obsessing over.

This is where I'm stuck. I hate referring to her as just a dream character or even just as myself because she meant a lot to me; even if I hadn't fallen in love with her, she was the most vibrant and defined DC I've ever come across.

Do you have other types of issues that keep you from socializing with real people?

I'm not entirely sure how to answer this... yes, I have friends, yes, they're good friends. But working with other people, at times, really doesn't feel like my strong suit. I am very shy by nature.

Originally Posted by LunaticBaGuu

maplestory or runescape anybody????? which would you think is better or worst....??????
answer please......................

MapleStory - only MMORPG worth playing. Though I don't think this is *quite* the place for that question.

Originally Posted by LunaticBaGuu

and how do u make ur own thread im still stuck on that???

Click on the "New Topic" button in the forum you wish to post in.

Ahh that brings back memories of characters fell in love with.
not as extreme as you because they were only in 1 dream.
I did feel empty when I woke up though.

Oh and don't be a RuneEscapist

Originally Posted by LunaticBaGuu

maplestory or runescape anybody????? which would you think is better or worst....??????
answer please......................

maple = better, but they both suck imo. only mmo i liked was city of heroes, but u have to pay and there are much better games to play anyways.

BACK ON TOPIC!

Seriously, you can't break up with yourself. I think you should just try to forget about her completely. If she shows up then don't even say anything to her just make her go away. What should probably prevent you from seeing her most is getting a real girlfriend (I don't mean that as an insult in the least).

I see you're at least attempting to think about this problem, so props to you! I would still highly recommend seeing a professional about this. They can really help you sort things out. Is there any particular factor stopping you from going like.. right now? Money, perhaps?

BTW, mind if I ask you your age?

Originally Posted by Prismriver

This is where I'm stuck. I hate referring to her as just a dream character or even just as myself because she meant a lot to me; even if I hadn't fallen in love with her, she was the most vibrant and defined DC I've ever come across.

I know it's hard... but the fact of the matter is she isn't real. She doesn't exist. There is no Sarah. You sound like you are wasting your life.. completely, utterly wasting it. I know we put a lot of emphasis on how awesome dreams are, but waking life is amazing too, probably more so.

If you think you're in love with a figment of your imagination, then you really don't know what love is.

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

I see you're at least attempting to think about this problem, so props to you! I would still highly recommend seeing a professional about this. They can really help you sort things out. Is there any particular factor stopping you from going like.. right now? Money, perhaps?


If you think you're in love with a figment of your imagination, then you really don't know what love is.

I really don't want to offend you, Tarrant, but this is not a serious problem. Prismriver, you are not crazy, nor are you narcissistic. This has happened to me on a less extreme example, and the feeling does go away if you don't focus so much on it. Yes, it is completely normal to feel like you are heartbroken. Yes, the feelings you have now probably are the same as if you were in a real relationship. People will probably say this is not "love", but do they know what "love" is? Sorry to ruin the magic, but it isn't magic, but boring old neurotransmitters. Here is a good article on the subject http://discovermagazine.com/2003/may...earchterm=love

In short, your brain is releasing oxytocin in the dopamine sectors of your brain, making you feel awesome. Same thing happens with a lot of different events that make you feel good. When you don't see this dream character, the oxytocin stops and you feel bad. Basically, you should probably find a more reliable source of the feel goods, like a real relationship, a rewarding hobby, or heroin. No need to see a psychiatrist.

I disagree with you on the level of seriousness of this problem. On the other hand, I of course admit that I am not in a position to evaluate his state of being (and neither are you).

I am not a psychologist but I do study psychology in school and I am citing a valid article about the subject. In the ranks of forum banter, that makes me a certified expert! haha, but seriously, telling someone they are mentally ill without any apparent knowledge (correct me if I'm wrong) other than "hunches" is morally irresponsible.

That sucks.

I can't really say much more.

Did I use the words "mentally ill?"

I believe this person needs a kick in the rear to start moving on from this character, and that is all.

Maybe some medication.

Obviously, you have never fallen in love in a dream.

Dream emotions are as strong as, if not stronger than, real ones. So why don't you just get over your RL love interests, because you need serious mental help if you don't.

</rant>

@Funnel
I for one am of the belief that going around proclaiming that all your emotions are chemicals cannot be good for the self-esteem. For what reason do you live, if your happiness is merely some natural drug?

You fell deeply in love with somehting that doesn't exist. It's preventing you from loving your life and people in yoru life that do exist. Your sudden loss of the ability to lucid dream is an opportunity to get over this love that cannot end well. Please take it.

I wouldn't call this love. It's an obsession.

I don't really see how medication, and most importantly WHAT medication, could help in a state like this. Maybe a slight placebo effect, but nothing more. Psychological help would certainly help much more but I bet that wouldn't be sufficient enough either.

If you can forget about her for a couple of hours, that's good. Now, this might sound a little silly, but every time you think of her, punish yourself. Hit yourself really hard, but not too hard, for example. Then set yourself a goal such as, "I will not think of her today". If you make it all the way through, reward yourself, and give yourself a longer goal. Though she will probably lurk her way in into your mind again and again, clear your mind and try to repress these thoughts as hard as you can. You probably won't forget about her anytime soon, but you will eventually reach a point when you could say that she no loner exists in your life and you moved on.

Good luck.

Focus on the things in your life that make you happy - your waking life. Enjoy those things to the fullest. Whenever you are doing something that makes you happy don't let the thought of her spoil it. Cry yourself to sleep at night but come daytime suppress the bitter thoughts. Time will pass, and you'll soon find you're not crying yourself to sleep anymore.

This works, trust me. It's how I got over a guy I loved in waking life. Since for you there doesn't seem to be much difference between dream life and waking life it should work for your dream life love.

It's an unusual problem, but I don't think there's any reason to question your mental health. Plenty of people develop feelings for celebrities, and movie and TV characters, complete with fantasy relationships. I think that for many this just part of being young . . . and perhaps a bit socially isolated. As you get older you'll hopefully develop more control over who you fall in love with. For now you'll just have to deal with the heartbreak. I have no doubt that your feelings are quite real even though the girl is imaginary.

And guys, don't knock going to talk to a psychologist. Speaking to a professional about your stresses can improve well-being for even the most sane individual. If you have good health insurance it only costs $10-$15 to go talk to someone, so if something's bringing you down, why not? There are also school psychologists, and they are free to talk to.


Oh, and CoH rules!

Prismriver, it's probably a good thing that you are presently unable to see this DC as it will give you a chance to meet someone in the real world. As long as you are "in love" with the DC you won't be able to fall in love with a real person. It's rough going but like the song goes, everybody hurts sometimes. You'll get over it, you'll move on and you'll find love again.

All the best,
DreamQueen