Thread: How bittersweet is lucid love, securely mentally binding

I'm sorry for just coming in and ranting without so much as an introduction... but I really need a place to vent without being accused of insanity. (It's happened before.) I was arguing with myself over whether to post this here or in Lucid Experiences, but this side of me came out on top. If I was wrong, again, I'm sorry.

There was once a time where I could lucid dream very often; at least two times a week in most cases. A couple years ago, a dream character showed up; nothing special in itself, but there was something about this one that I felt connected with. I'm not entirely sure what it was.

It was a girl, who looked about my age if not a bit older. She had short black hair flanking a pretty face, and was wearing blue jeans and a black vest over a blue shirt - which I would later come to recognize as her usual attire.

I was amazed when I found out that not only could I seem to hold intelligent conversation with this character, but unlike any DC I had come across before, she seemed very down-to-earth and made sense most of the time. It felt as if I had met a 'real' person. I learned her name, Sarah. (An interesting connection to my favorite song, "What Sarah Said".) Later, she began to show up in almost every LD I had, and it wasn't long before I had fallen deeply in love with the dreamgirl, and to the extent I could tell, the feeling was mutual. It was without a doubt the strongest emotion I had ever felt in my life.

The thing that's interesting, though, is that the feeling carried over to waking life; still I couldn't stop loving her even in a world where she doesn't exist. For a while, this was the happiest I'd been in a long time... hey, in a kind of twisted way I was lucky in love. For now, anyway.

A few months later (and during that time, I would have honestly said that Sarah and I were in a relationship), I got hit with the flu. Bad. My mind was a terrible fog, and I felt drained of all energy. It was a pretty crappy week. I felt so bad that I couldn't lucid dream. By the end of the week, I had seriously begun to miss Sarah; both my ability to LD and my dream recall had pretty much gone out the window.

The thing is... I got better, but my knack for LDing didn't. I got most of my dream recall back, though it still isn't where it used to be. LDs slowly started becoming less and less common, as did my visits from Sarah. It eventually leveled out, but now I'm lucky if I'll get a LD once every four months. And even then, the clarity and my level of control over the dream is pretty bad, and even though I had seen Sarah a few times since then (and every time was a great blessing), I found it hard to maintain the dream and fully communicate with her at the same time. I even asked her why the hell I was having so much trouble getting my LDs back, but she told me, very somberly, that she had no idea. It's been about six months since my last LD and my last moment with Sarah, and I'm starting to long for her so much that it's tearing me up inside. It's even driven me to tears on many occasions, something that's hard to do in my case. I'm starting to wonder if I actually have just gone insane. Though I can't say I know the feeling, it feels as if I've been abruptly broken up with... but the fact that I know I haven't been is somehow making it all the more frustrating. I just don't know what to do... it's such a bizarre scenario.

Anyway... thanks for reading that. It feels a bit better just to let it out in some form.

Now, I ask a question: have any of you ever had an experience even vaguely similar to mine? What was it like, and how did you handle it?

Thanks,
--Prismriver

Wow. You must realize that this is quite unhealthy, right? It's even a little bit frightening. I would seek psychiatric help ASAP, for your own sanity, and for the sanity of the people around you.

I've had dreams where I've had children, and I've woken up feeling very empty, like I was missing something, because I knew they didn't exist. I haven't forgotten how those dreams made me feel... but I'm not sad about them or anything because I'm planning on having kids in the future anyway. Who knows, maybe your "fate" is to meet a girl named Sarah in real life.

I don't think the connection between her name and that song is interesting. In fact, that being your favorite song perfectly explains her name.

Anyway, it sounds like you are deteriorating psychologically, and you gotta seek help. Lucid dreaming is supposed to enhance your waking life, not destroy it.

Touching (there would be sarcasm if you could hear my voice over the internet)

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

I would seek psychiatric help ASAP, for your own sanity, and for the sanity of the people around you.

I have experienced love in dreams in some form. There will be that person, the embodiment of everything you want, your dream girl or guy as it were and it will be spectacular. However real the experience will feel, once you wake up, or attain lucidity you should realize that it is all a construction of your own mind.

Sure the emotions will feel real enough, but the fact is that it is not. Real relationships, with other individuals might not be perfect, they take work, but overall they are far more rewarding. It is not love you have with a dream character, it is masturbatory (narcissistic even) to act as if it were.

I don't know if professional help is in order, I think you just need to acknowledge that it is not real, and find something else to occupy your mind. Hang out with real people, immerse yourself in the real relationships you have, see the difference, and forget about your fake one.

Be glad that you have the ability to become lucid, and incubate and bring out specific characters (and I can only assume locations and other stuff). Everyone hits dry periods, it will come back, but hopefully by then you will be over this.

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

Wow. You must realize that this is quite unhealthy, right? It's even a little bit frightening. I would seek psychiatric help ASAP, for your own sanity, and for the sanity of the people around you.

I've had dreams where I've had children, and I've woken up feeling very empty, like I was missing something, because I knew they didn't exist. I haven't forgotten how those dreams made me feel... but I'm not sad about them or anything because I'm planning on having kids in the future anyway. Who knows, maybe your "fate" is to meet a girl named Sarah in real life.

I don't think the connection between her name and that song is interesting. In fact, that being your favorite song perfectly explains her name.

Anyway, it sounds like you are deteriorating psychologically, and you gotta seek help. Lucid dreaming is supposed to enhance your waking life, not destroy it.

I disogree, it's just a dream girl, nothing more, nothing less. And maybe he chooses to be with this person (this DC) throughout his life (which is doubtful) who's to say that would deteriorate him psycologically, if anything I will do the same when I master lucid dreaming, sure it's not a real person in the dream but DC's can be very real, and seem to think independently.

I'd way reather be with a DC I love (implying I can see them anytime, with lucid mastery) then a real person I am in some casual relationship with. (and why not both at the same time)

Prismriver, just adding to the voices here saying you're not crazy. it's happened to me before. i was about your age. over the years it turned from a relationship to an understanding. i realized it's not a real person but the embodyment of all the qualities i would love in a mate. (as was said here already.) so i studied and wrote exactly what it was about this fictional person i loved. not just outer beauty. i listed the things that she loved. among them were writing, gray skies, oil paints, dreams, simplicity, spirituality.

obviously we can't meet this exact person. there will always be qualities we don't expect when we find someone. some are surprisingly good, some annoy us, and hopefully we can adjust and look at things from a new perspective. still, you don't want a grinding relationship. it is good to have a list of things you appreciate and love. the list tells a story because it outlines the person you want to share your life with. we don't need to be overly picky. but it is good to be a selective. as we grow, we learn about our needs and about ourself as a person. we all like to be appreciated and recognized for our personal qualities. we want to be in a relationship where this happens. our true soul is seen by the other. we don't want to be in a relationship where we always feel like something is missing because the other person doesn't seem to even really know us. for instance, if we are a spiritual type person, we want to be in a relationship were this kind of thing is recognized and appreciated.

this dream character represents everything you love and appreciate at this time. but you're still young. so the things you love and appreciate will grow and change. your list will change. but as you grow and change, it is good to be aware of these, and the reasons why you feel that way. so use it as a tool, and think about the reason this dream character even came along. what about her do you love? what does this say about you? about the type of person you want to live with?

we don't necessarily need a dream character to answer these questions. but for us dreamer romantics, we generally dream about love constantly, either asleep or daydreaming.

This is going to sound weird ... but have you asked her what she thinks about it?

This could be your dreamguide. Nothing wrong with falling in love with her tbh. I fall in love instantaniously each time I see a pretty girl. Having a dream about love doesn't make you crazy. This dreamguide showed you a new possible future, and how it could make you feel. This dreamguide showed you how you would feel if you met your dreamgirl. Now you know how it feels, you will search for that feeling everywhere, because, unsubcounsciously, thats what you really need, and thats what your dreamguide is showing you. This is something you need in both worlds tho, not just in the dreamworld.

Originally Posted by Prismriver

I'm sorry for just coming in and ranting without so much as an introduction... but I really need a place to vent without being accused of insanity. (It's happened before.) I was arguing with myself over whether to post this here or in Lucid Experiences, but this side of me came out on top. If I was wrong, again, I'm sorry.

There was once a time where I could lucid dream very often; at least two times a week in most cases. A couple years ago, a dream character showed up; nothing special in itself, but there was something about this one that I felt connected with. I'm not entirely sure what it was.

It was a girl, who looked about my age if not a bit older. She had short black hair flanking a pretty face, and was wearing blue jeans and a black vest over a blue shirt - which I would later come to recognize as her usual attire.

I was amazed when I found out that not only could I seem to hold intelligent conversation with this character, but unlike any DC I had come across before, she seemed very down-to-earth and made sense most of the time. It felt as if I had met a 'real' person. I learned her name, Sarah. (An interesting connection to my favorite song, "What Sarah Said".) Later, she began to show up in almost every LD I had, and it wasn't long before I had fallen deeply in love with the dreamgirl, and to the extent I could tell, the feeling was mutual. It was without a doubt the strongest emotion I had ever felt in my life.

The thing that's interesting, though, is that the feeling carried over to waking life; still I couldn't stop loving her even in a world where she doesn't exist. For a while, this was the happiest I'd been in a long time... hey, in a kind of twisted way I was lucky in love. For now, anyway.

A few months later (and during that time, I would have honestly said that Sarah and I were in a relationship), I got hit with the flu. Bad. My mind was a terrible fog, and I felt drained of all energy. It was a pretty crappy week. I felt so bad that I couldn't lucid dream. By the end of the week, I had seriously begun to miss Sarah; both my ability to LD and my dream recall had pretty much gone out the window.

The thing is... I got better, but my knack for LDing didn't. I got most of my dream recall back, though it still isn't where it used to be. LDs slowly started becoming less and less common, as did my visits from Sarah. It eventually leveled out, but now I'm lucky if I'll get a LD once every four months. And even then, the clarity and my level of control over the dream is pretty bad, and even though I had seen Sarah a few times since then (and every time was a great blessing), I found it hard to maintain the dream and fully communicate with her at the same time. I even asked her why the hell I was having so much trouble getting my LDs back, but she told me, very somberly, that she had no idea. It's been about six months since my last LD and my last moment with Sarah, and I'm starting to long for her so much that it's tearing me up inside. It's even driven me to tears on many occasions, something that's hard to do in my case. I'm starting to wonder if I actually have just gone insane. Though I can't say I know the feeling, it feels as if I've been abruptly broken up with... but the fact that I know I haven't been is somehow making it all the more frustrating. I just don't know what to do... it's such a bizarre scenario.

Anyway... thanks for reading that. It feels a bit better just to let it out in some form.

Now, I ask a question: have any of you ever had an experience even vaguely similar to mine? What was it like, and how did you handle it?

Thanks,
--Prismriver

I was afraid of this happening if I got too close a relationship with a DC. Anyway, sounds like you need a reboot. Have you watched the movie The Good Night?. It is exactly what your lucid dreaming is about....watch it and it will give you your lucid dream.

IMJ

wow what a story, yea I agree with Mes Tarrant on you need help. the biggest problem is sarah is gonna be your perfect girl no matter what since you made her and you will never find a girl like that in real life the kicker is then you will try to find your dreamgirl and never find a girl as perfect as sarah in real life. so for the sake of relationship I would break up with sarah and avoid her from now on.

Yes and I would really try to stop referring to "Sarah" as an individual to "end a relationship with" and whatnot. MrBeelzy is right... it's nothing short of narcissism. This DC is not a separate entity from yourself - it IS yourself that you are obsessing over.

Do you have other types of issues that keep you from socializing with real people?

maplestory or runescape anybody????? which would you think is better or worst....??????
answer please......................

and how do u make ur own thread im still stuck on that???

I wouldn't call this love. It's an obsession.

I don't really see how medication, and most importantly WHAT medication, could help in a state like this. Maybe a slight placebo effect, but nothing more. Psychological help would certainly help much more but I bet that wouldn't be sufficient enough either.

If you can forget about her for a couple of hours, that's good. Now, this might sound a little silly, but every time you think of her, punish yourself. Hit yourself really hard, but not too hard, for example. Then set yourself a goal such as, "I will not think of her today". If you make it all the way through, reward yourself, and give yourself a longer goal. Though she will probably lurk her way in into your mind again and again, clear your mind and try to repress these thoughts as hard as you can. You probably won't forget about her anytime soon, but you will eventually reach a point when you could say that she no loner exists in your life and you moved on.

Good luck.

Focus on the things in your life that make you happy - your waking life. Enjoy those things to the fullest. Whenever you are doing something that makes you happy don't let the thought of her spoil it. Cry yourself to sleep at night but come daytime suppress the bitter thoughts. Time will pass, and you'll soon find you're not crying yourself to sleep anymore.

This works, trust me. It's how I got over a guy I loved in waking life. Since for you there doesn't seem to be much difference between dream life and waking life it should work for your dream life love.

It's an unusual problem, but I don't think there's any reason to question your mental health. Plenty of people develop feelings for celebrities, and movie and TV characters, complete with fantasy relationships. I think that for many this just part of being young . . . and perhaps a bit socially isolated. As you get older you'll hopefully develop more control over who you fall in love with. For now you'll just have to deal with the heartbreak. I have no doubt that your feelings are quite real even though the girl is imaginary.

And guys, don't knock going to talk to a psychologist. Speaking to a professional about your stresses can improve well-being for even the most sane individual. If you have good health insurance it only costs $10-$15 to go talk to someone, so if something's bringing you down, why not? There are also school psychologists, and they are free to talk to.


Oh, and CoH rules!

Prismriver, it's probably a good thing that you are presently unable to see this DC as it will give you a chance to meet someone in the real world. As long as you are "in love" with the DC you won't be able to fall in love with a real person. It's rough going but like the song goes, everybody hurts sometimes. You'll get over it, you'll move on and you'll find love again.

All the best,
DreamQueen

well what i would do is, provided you have control over her, turn her into a guy and maby and ugly one. yeh i does sound funney but if u dont get attactred to guys why would u to this one? its a little odd and maby not the best idea but just trying to help.

Good luck

Originally Posted by Pancaka

Seriously, you can't break up with yourself. I think you should just try to forget about her completely. If she shows up then don't even say anything to her just make her go away. What should probably prevent you from seeing her most is getting a real girlfriend (I don't mean that as an insult in the least).

Thanks, I appreciate the suggestion. =)

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

I see you're at least attempting to think about this problem, so props to you!

Thanks... ^^;

I would still highly recommend seeing a professional about this. They can really help you sort things out. Is there any particular factor stopping you from going like.. right now? Money, perhaps?

Well... how to put this? I don't yet have a driver's license and I'd have a hard time justifying professional help to my parents.

And perhaps further, I've adopted my parents' rather conservative attitude on this kind of thing... I'd much rather try and solve the problem without professional help unless I know for sure I can't do it myself. I can't say I know why, though.

BTW, mind if I ask you your age?

Sixteen years, going on seventeen...

I know it's hard... but the fact of the matter is she isn't real. She doesn't exist. There is no Sarah. You sound like you are wasting your life.. completely, utterly wasting it. I know we put a lot of emphasis on how awesome dreams are, but waking life is amazing too, probably more so.

If you think you're in love with a figment of your imagination, then you really don't know what love is.

I spent a lot of time today thinking about this... I mean, I think I'm slowly starting to come to terms with the whole situation... but it still feels like something in the back of my head is still attached to the character.

I don't know, maybe it'll just take time to sever the remaining bond.

Originally Posted by Funnel

I really don't want to offend you, Tarrant, but this is not a serious problem. Prismriver, you are not crazy, nor are you narcissistic. This has happened to me on a less extreme example, and the feeling does go away if you don't focus so much on it. Yes, it is completely normal to feel like you are heartbroken. Yes, the feelings you have now probably are the same as if you were in a real relationship. People will probably say this is not "love", but do they know what "love" is? Sorry to ruin the magic, but it isn't magic, but boring old neurotransmitters. Here is a good article on the subject http://discovermagazine.com/2003/may...earchterm=love

In short, your brain is releasing oxytocin in the dopamine sectors of your brain, making you feel awesome. Same thing happens with a lot of different events that make you feel good. When you don't see this dream character, the oxytocin stops and you feel bad. Basically, you should probably find a more reliable source of the feel goods, like a real relationship, a rewarding hobby, or heroin. No need to see a psychiatrist.

Ah, thanks for bringing up another way of looking at things... I'm reading through the article now.

Originally Posted by Kael Seoras

You fell deeply in love with somehting that doesn't exist. It's preventing you from loving your life and people in yoru life that do exist. Your sudden loss of the ability to lucid dream is an opportunity to get over this love that cannot end well. Please take it.

Thanks, I will.

Originally Posted by krogen

I wouldn't call this love. It's an obsession.

I don't really see how medication, and most importantly WHAT medication, could help in a state like this. Maybe a slight placebo effect, but nothing more. Psychological help would certainly help much more but I bet that wouldn't be sufficient enough either.

If you can forget about her for a couple of hours, that's good. Now, this might sound a little silly, but every time you think of her, punish yourself. Hit yourself really hard, but not too hard, for example. Then set yourself a goal such as, "I will not think of her today". If you make it all the way through, reward yourself, and give yourself a longer goal. Though she will probably lurk her way in into your mind again and again, clear your mind and try to repress these thoughts as hard as you can. You probably won't forget about her anytime soon, but you will eventually reach a point when you could say that she no loner exists in your life and you moved on.

Good luck.

I'll try that... thanks.

Originally Posted by Kael Seoras

Focus on the things in your life that make you happy - your waking life. Enjoy those things to the fullest. Whenever you are doing something that makes you happy don't let the thought of her spoil it. Cry yourself to sleep at night but come daytime suppress the bitter thoughts. Time will pass, and you'll soon find you're not crying yourself to sleep anymore.

This works, trust me. It's how I got over a guy I loved in waking life. Since for you there doesn't seem to be much difference between dream life and waking life it should work for your dream life love.

Again, thank you for understanding... I'll try this.

Though I wouldn't say that there's not much difference between the two... I just don't think that dream life and waking life are as separate as they're made out to be.

Originally Posted by AlexLou

It's an unusual problem, but I don't think there's any reason to question your mental health. Plenty of people develop feelings for celebrities, and movie and TV characters, complete with fantasy relationships. I think that for many this just part of being young . . . and perhaps a bit socially isolated. As you get older you'll hopefully develop more control over who you fall in love with. For now you'll just have to deal with the heartbreak. I have no doubt that your feelings are quite real even though the girl is imaginary.

And guys, don't knock going to talk to a psychologist. Speaking to a professional about your stresses can improve well-being for even the most sane individual. If you have good health insurance it only costs $10-$15 to go talk to someone, so if something's bringing you down, why not? There are also school psychologists, and they are free to talk to.

Thanks for offering an explanation. =)

As far as school psychologists go, well, I'm homeschooled. =/

Originally Posted by DreamQueen

Prismriver, it's probably a good thing that you are presently unable to see this DC as it will give you a chance to meet someone in the real world. As long as you are "in love" with the DC you won't be able to fall in love with a real person. It's rough going but like the song goes, everybody hurts sometimes. You'll get over it, you'll move on and you'll find love again.

All the best,
DreamQueen

First, I appreciate the encouragement... it means a lot.
Second, thanks for referencing a brilliant song by a brilliant group =)

Originally Posted by zekobu

well what i would do is, provided you have control over her, turn her into a guy and maby and ugly one. yeh i does sound funney but if u dont get attactred to guys why would u to this one? its a little odd and maby not the best idea but just trying to help.

Good luck

Well, I appreciate the help, but... yeah, I've been having considerable trouble with lucidity lately. I probably wouldn't be able to try this...


In any case, thanks again to everyone who posted, it's really helping me out.

Get a real girl. It is a lot better than a girl in your mind.

Also, 300th post for me!

Yea , ive had dreams were i felt in love with a DC, and upon waking from this beautiful dream relationship ive been hella sad, sometimes for a day or two which made me feel wierd, but eventually it just passed, your scenario is a bit wierder i guesse.

Hey Prismriver,

I would say that seeking psychiatric help is irrelevant. As you said it yourself, as long as you think you can solve the issue by yourself, just do it by yourself. It seems like you already feel better after the other posters' answers, so that's already great!

However, people keep on saying "she isn't real", but some people actually think that their dream characters are real, or at least are not just products of the mind but exist in another dimension, for instance. I believe we should always have an open door for any thought or idea.

That said, and because dreams have been scientifically studied, you can tell yourself without too much hesitation that she is just a product of your brain. Funnel's link is relevant to remind oneself that things which seem to rely on something else than science can actually be perfectly rational and scientifically studied, like love.

Sarah is likely to be a product of your imagination. Now I guess it's time to move on. But I think that if you meet her once again, you should have a talk about it with her. Telling her, well, everything you told us about your feelings.

Your story is touching, though. It looks like one of those love stories in which there is an insurmountable obstacle which, in the end and in spite of the love of both persons, shall come to an end.

I hope your love (because I don't know why it couldn't be love, and I don't see why it couldn't be as strong a feeling as when felt towards someone real -- the first entry of my dream journal also deals with a girl I fell in love with at first sight, although it didn't carry much in my real life) will diminish quickly enough, because hey, there are so many other girls to meet in dreams.

Along with convincing yourself that she's a projection of your mind, next time you see her, tell her you enjoy her company, and that it's alright if she doesn't appear as often. If she's as sentient as you claim, she'll understand your situation perfectly.

She's not appearing in your dreams as often for a reason, just like she appeared for a reason. It's not up to me to figure out that reason (my conjecture is that it deals with social maturity. Perhaps, on the inside, you want your shyness to melt away, and have the ability to handle yourself better socially. Being dependent on the girl hinders it, so she disappears.).

I've felt really torn apart after dreams, like when I dreamt that I was gay, and once I woke up I thought I was bi for a couple of days... (No, I'm positive that I'm straight )

I can see how a relationship with a dream character can seem so heartwarming and heartbreaking, but really- only for a day or so.

I don't think you need professional help, and I don't think you're insane. Have fun with Sarah in your dreams, I encourage you- but please, just don't carry that relationship into the physical world!

I know exactly what you're talking about! The same thing happened to me! I am interested to know more about Sarah if you are willing to share, I want to know what our girls have in common, and where they differ. And btw this dose not necessarily mean you're in need of mental help, Sarah could be an expression of your Anima, your feminine unconscious as described by Jung. Its fascinating because I could describe my girl in almost identical terms as you have described Sarah, which is interesting, if not a little concerning. I wonder if this is some sort of psychological phenomenon, how common is this? If is is indeed a dream manifestation of the Anima then they should difer as much as we do, and in theory according to our own psyche's respectively. If they are to similar though...well that would be unexpected.