Hello folks,
I've been lurking here a bit this last week since seeing inception (I wonder how many "lucid dreams" google searches there have been since that movie, and new members here?). I also have been reading "Lucid Dreaming" by waggonner, and enjoying it very much.

So, I've been paying some more attention to my dreams recently, with a real commitment to try attaining lucidity for a few months. Not much has happened until this morning.


I had a number of dream scenes, at least 3-4, early this morning. Here are the major happenings:

-I woke around 6:45 with a few scraps of memories from dreams, nothing clear or interesting..sort of annoyingly shallow or vague, and then I remember that I'm trying to recall dreams and lucid dream more.

-I went to the bathroom and tried to decide whether or not to stick with my new (night before) commitment to try sitting outside our bedroom (my wife was sleeping still, like usual...any of you married folks have a solution for this?) and write down my dreams. But they didn't feel 'worth' it.

-The idea struck me that it was early enough for me to go back to sleep and try to have more dreams.

-I entered a period of not too deep sleep and not too clear dreaming, still with an 'annoying' feeling.

-Next time I woke up I found myself struggling with thoughts like "You can't do this"; "You don't care enough"; "You don't believe your dreams are worthwhile enough to lucid dream"; "You don't know what you want"; "You don't really want anything, life is boring now", etc. These are some of the core struggles I'm having about my real life these days, so it makes sense that I'd have them about lucid dreaming.

-I found some courage/faith to counter these thoughts with some positive thinking, which for me, I really need to find a place inside where I *believe* what I'm thinking to some degree...but emphasizing the more hopefully/positive/kind/loving thoughts can be really powerful...things like "I can do this"; "I want to do this and I can find things I really care about"; "I can lucid dream and it will happen in time", etc.

-Well, sure enough I gradually fell into a sleep with some more vivid dreams. I'm too lazy to recount all of them and don't remember many details...but there were 3 main scenes that I think were connected. The most powerful one I will recount because a)it was particularly cool <more 'fantasy' like> and b)it had some obvious symbols that are escaping me and c)I almost became lucid.

I was walking towards a forested area with a house, I believe a combo of two places I've lived, when I noticed (I think I might even remember 'expecting', and have read that that's often how dreams work) two trees that were about to fall. I thought how weird it was that they were falling right when I was arriving. They eventually did fall, but with much more 'human' like heaving/writhing. Next I remember I was up fairly close to one of them (or a combo of them, or a third) and sure enough it really was an 'alive tree' (Ent like <from Tolkien's LOTR> I guess, though I didn't think it at the time). It was trying to speak some last words but I couldn't hear it. Before I went up close I think I remember coming close to lucidity because of how interesting the dream was (and probably because of my early affirmations/positive thinking). Eventually, I believe I heard it say "Adam" to me. Which made, and makes, me think of Adam as in the biblical first man. I believe we had some other words exchanged, like my asking it if I could do anything for it, but I alas I don't remember any details now...sad. However...

I want to emphasize that the most valuable thing about the whole experience this morning for me was realizing that my lack of more vivid, interesting and probably lucid dreams (though I don't know if I've ever intended a lucid dream, I think I've had a few in my past, before I even knew what it was) **is very likely because of personal beliefs, blocks, issues, etc. **

If I were to label the primary issues now, they would be:

1. It takes too much work to remember and write down my dreams (especially being married and trying to find a way to not wake my wife and daughter in the morning). I don't like handwriting very much (find mine is cramped, messy, fast) and the light from a computer screen often fuzzes out my memory/creativity even more.

2. I'd do the work if it was 'worth' it, but something in me has believed that it's not worth it -that there isn't any valuable/worthwhile/interesting material in there...or that I won't be able to interpret it...or that even if I could, what good would it do me. Or perhaps, that I'm scared to face certain things (or lack of things) in my deep places.

3. The struggle that I've been having a lot in waking life, the fear that I don't really know what I want or that I don't really want anything (or will never really be able to find/listen/give in to those deep down needs, passions), or that life is now boring or meaningless or 'used up', etc.

I'm ready to face and challenge these blocks, and any support would be appreciated.

Thanks folks, looking forward to more.

Warmly,
Leif