First post, help?

**Insanelopez** · 05-11-2011 09:21 PM

So here's a first post from me. Woo frickin hoo.
A little background on myself. 16 years old, american high schooler. Male. Been lucid dreaming about 6 months now, learned how to do it from the internet.
Here's a bit of a problem I'm having.
A month ago my first girlfriend broke up with me, fairly roughly too. We were together for a year and a half, and I loved her deeply. Two weeks after she dumped me, I started dreaming about the last time we were together. It always goes the same. It starts out with us together at the park down the street from our school where I first asked her out. We're having lunch, and she's being distant. We have the exact same conversation as we did in real life, always exactly the same. Then we get up and suddenly we're standing outside the door of our school where she dumped me. We have the exact same conversation as we did in real life, you get the picture. They're my memories replaying. I've had this dream consistently every night for weeks, and it's always the same. The worst part is that I have no control. Before this started happening I was pretty good at dream control. I could change my environment, fly, do all the cool lucid things. I haven't been able to change anything in this dream. I can't even control my own actions, other than being aware that I'm dreaming. I've tried all the methods for getting out of nightmares. Closing my eyes and imagining a nicer dream, telling myself it's going to change, concentrating on making it stop. None of it works, short of waking up. I'm in a depression, it's killing me. Every night I relive such a painful memory, and always wake up sweating on the verge of tears. Maybe I'm just not skilled enough to change things? I'm on the edge of looking online for a way to sleep without dreaming. I don't even want to sleep anymore.

Any of you more experienced dreamers think you can help me?

**Robot_Butler** · 05-11-2011 09:27 PM

A little time will be the best fix for this. It will never stop hurting completely, but you eventually find other cool things (and cool people!) to occupy your thoughts. To get the ball rolling, maybe you could try to focus on what you want to dream about. Try not to dwell on what you don't want to dream about. Imagine a cool adventure you would like to have that has nothing to do with your Ex, and try to incubate it as a dream. This isn't about dream control. It is about dream content. Maybe you could review some of your old dreams from your journal. Get excited about all the cool stuff you could be dreaming about.

**KushyBear** · 05-11-2011 09:33 PM

I'm not such an experienced dreamer, but I can suggest a way to possibly solve this. Think about what it was about the breakup that is causing this? Why do you dwell on the relationship ending so much? Whether conscious thought or not, you're thinking about. Is there any real logical reason as to why you may be feeling down? Was it the way it ended? Or that you no longer have her as a significant other? Or are you just feeling down because you're no longer feeling good, due to the chemicals being released in your brain for "love." If it was something that she said to you, negative, as reasons to why the relationship should end; think about it. Maybe they were valid points? I know from our own perspectives, we think we're right, and it's difficult to step out of our position to think about how we're reacting to it. I suggest some meditation. Just pay attention to your breath at first. Flowing in and out. Then after you're more comfortable with that, you could meditate with a certain issue in mind. As for the dream part, I'm not so sure. If you do become lucid, just stop and notice other details of the dream. Forget the scene and that she's even there, turn away from her even. That should change the dream. If you'd like to talk further, feel free to PM me. Hope you can solve this dilemma =D

**Insanelopez** · 05-11-2011 09:45 PM

Originally Posted by Robot_Butler

A little time will be the best fix for this. It will never stop hurting completely, but you eventually find other cool things (and cool people!) to occupy your thoughts. To get the ball rolling, maybe you could try to focus on what you want to dream about. Try not to dwell on what you don't want to dream about. Imagine a cool adventure you would like to have that has nothing to do with your Ex, and try to incubate it as a dream. This isn't about dream control. It is about dream content. Maybe you could review some of your old dreams from your journal. Get excited about all the cool stuff you could be dreaming about.

Thanks for the help, I'll try that and let you know tomorrow if it worked.

Originally Posted by KushyBear

I'm not such an experienced dreamer, but I can suggest a way to possibly solve this. Think about what it was about the breakup that is causing this? Why do you dwell on the relationship ending so much? Whether conscious thought or not, you're thinking about. Is there any real logical reason as to why you may be feeling down? Was it the way it ended? Or that you no longer have her as a significant other?

I've tried turning away, and I usually don't have any control over my body. Sometimes I can look away briefly, but it doesn't change the scene. I'm trying to let my feelings for her go, but we have classes together and I see her often, and now she's dating one of my best friends, so that's unpleasant.
Btw, she said she dumped me because she was bored. Whatever that means.

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