Last night i tried entering sleep but to stay conscious. at first i doubted if id be able to do it but i kept trying.

i tried following the guide but i couldn't remember it. so i regulated by breath and counted to almost 300 as i had problems lying still. then i tried becoming heavy for a long time, then i focused on the lights behind my eyelids. they seemed more flat than usual. after a while of doing that and telling myself how important things were and such. then i was overwhelmed by a massive feeling. it felt like my skin was sort of burning, my eyes were freezing, like the flat space between my eyelids became space, then it looked like i was inside a ball, and it felt like i turned blind, it felt like my nerves retreated and collapsed, it felt like my arms were turned and my legs didn't exist. i had troubles keeping my eyes closed and stay focused, i got frightened and my heart was hammering like mad.
i lost focus and the feeling went away, but i was too tired to try again and i just felt like sleeping, but i was too hyper to sleep until later on.

although i was unable to dream i did remember three dreams from the night before that i was trying hard to remember in the day. im pretty happy and proud just for that c:

but tell me, is that feeling i had the sleep paralysis?

i need to find away i can not be scared. is my hear rate supposed to explode?