Originally Posted by Serendipity
Yeh, that always seems to be the problem, half of the people you tell the joke either don't get it or just don't think it is funny. WARNING: Do not tell the Vaseline joke to a chick you are trying to impress...
Here's another one, (slightly more explicit and disgusting) - Don't say I didn't warn you...
Three men are in the middle of the Australian Simpson Desert. These men had been lost for days on end, and now hunger and thirst was really beginning to have its effect.
'I can't take it anymore! I need water!' says one of the men.
'Just wait a f**king moment! Is that a house?' says another one of the men.
'By God! It is!' said the last man.
As the men approached the house, they came across a very crudely drawn sign. The sign said, 'Inhabited by the ugliest chick in Australia. Enter with caution.'
'That doesn't scare me!' says the first man, as he runs off towards the house. The man knocks on the door of the house. The house was answered by an old woman of 75, and she was so ugly, the man couldn't stand her that he hollered and threw up all over the woman.
The first man came running back in disgust, yelling, 'I'm not going in there!'
The second man, who thought he was braver, ran to the house and knocked on the door. Once again the door was answered by the ugly woman. Holding it in, the man stuttered, 'C-c-can I h-have s-s-some w-ater?'
The woman said, 'Yes, but only if you have sex with me.'
The second man barfed, and ran for his life.
The third man, braver than all of the men, walked towards the house and knocked on the door. The same question was asked. The same answer was given. But this time, the man agreed. The man was taken into the womans house, where she promptly showed him a table and said, 'Do me here.'
The man, spotting three pieces of fresh corn on a cob on the kitchen bench, said, 'Okay, but close your eyes.' The woman does what she is told. The man grabs the first piece of corn and -well you know what happens. After that, the woman said, 'That felt sooo good! I'll give you a million dollars if you do that again!'
The man agrees, throws the first piece of corn out of the window and does the same thing with the second piece of corn. The woman, wanting more, said, 'If you do that one more time, I will give you a Jeep to get out of the desert.'
The man agrees, throws the second piece of corn out the window as well, and then uses the third piece of corn. After that, the woman said, 'Thankyou so much, I needed that! The water, million dollars and the Jeep are all waiting outside the house. The man throws the last piece of corn out the window, and walks outside.
As the man walks outside, the two other men come running towards him excited. The first man yells, 'You don't know what you just missed mate! We just had the best three pieces of buttered corn you could imagine!'
Hopefully not too rude...
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