Tell me about how to pick up a chick that i don't know or have any classes with but i've seen around

[Hercuflea]

Ok here's the lowdown. This is the shape of where i take classes at school. I'm 16. Theres this girl that i have seen in the hallways a few times and i was in her spanish class for 3 days at the beginning of the year but i didnt talk then. I really think she is beautiful etc. etc. and would like to get to now her. I do not know how to approach her or begin conversation or whatever because i dont have any classes with her or i have never met her or any of that. I have just seen her in the halls. One of my friends knows her but still idk how to set up anything where i can meet her. What's the best way to get to know her?

[Oneironaut Zero]

Ok here's the lowdown. This is the shape of where i take classes at school. I'm 16. Theres this girl that i have seen in the hallways a few times and i was in her spanish class for 3 days at the beginning of the year but i didnt talk then. I really think she is beautiful etc. etc. and would like to get to now her. I do not know how to approach her or begin conversation or whatever because i dont have any classes with her or i have never met her or any of that. I have just seen her in the halls. One of my friends knows her but still idk how to set up anything where i can meet her. What's the best way to get to know her? Well...(and I know the idea of this may be horrifying, but it is one that I'm actually just now getting accustomed to, and it's easily the most effective) the very best thing that you can do is just...go up and talk to her. Don't be shy about it. Just be straight forward. Introduce yourself, tell her that you think she's attractive (if you want to get right to the point), and that you would like to get to know her better. Ask her questions about herself. Follow her answers with other questions. Show genuine curiosity. This will not only show her that you're interested, but it won't come off like you're trying to 'run game' on her (playing the macho "hey..how you doin??" role). The most important thing will be to set in your mind that she might reject you. Be comfortable with that. If she likes you, she likes you. If she doesn't, oh well. That's the attitude you have to have when going into it. Being too timid will likely be a huge turn-off. Don't be clingy. Get in; introduce yourself; show her you're interested and then part ways before you seem to project the image that you're "hovering around her." If she's someone that you only see every now and then, get her number or an email address (don't use either one right away, though!). If you see her all the time, you might have time to gauge her reaction on your first meeting, before figuring out what to do next. Confidence is key, though. It may be the hardest approach, but it is definitely the most effective. If she's pretty, she probably gets hit on all the time, so it's important to telegraph that you're not trying too hard - only that you're interested. As cliche as it may sound; be yourself. Talk to her with the same sort of comfort as you would talk to a friend, but let her know that you've taken an interest to her. If she finds you intriguing enough to bite, then you've got the hardest part over with. If she doesn't, there's really nothing you can do about it.

[Hercuflea]

Yeah i'm really just looking for a good opportunity to go up to her, because the only time i ever see her is between classes and there is only 4 minutes between classes. I tried to get my friend to talk me up to her, and i think he did, but maybe too much lol.

[Oneironaut Zero]

Yeah i'm really just looking for a good opportunity to go up to her, because the only time i ever see her is between classes and there is only 4 minutes between classes. I tried to get my friend to talk me up to her, and i think he did, but maybe too much lol. Heh. It's always much harder in situations like that. I'm sure that there are always other people around, when you see her. That takes a whole new level of ballsy-ness, if that's the case. You definitely don't want to make it seem like you're relying too much on your friend, though. That goes back to telegraphing to her that you don't have the cojones to go up and talk to her yourself. Some girls might find it cute, but I'm sure they're in the minority. If you know her name, just go up and tell her yours, shake her hand, and tell her that you couldn't help but notice her since you pass by her all the time, and that you'd like to get to know her. Ask her what class she's headed to. What she likes to do for fun. Things like that. Ask her if she's single (not "do you have a boyfriend?" They may seem interchangeable, but they're not). If the only time you see her is in between classes, you're going to have to prepare yourself to talk to her with all of those people around. Walk with her to her class (if you have time) and ask her about herself. You're going to have to do a little of that before you're going to be able to arrange some other time to talk to her.

[Hercuflea]

Well she is single i know that and i know her name but i dont want to feel like a stalker. My friend might have already screwed it up. He said he told her i like her, but we dont even know each other, so thats kind of messed up. Edit* alright goal number one: smile at her when passing in the hallway. I think i can manage that at least lol

[Oneironaut Zero]

Well she is single i know that and i know her name but i dont want to feel like a stalker. My friend might have already screwed it up. He said he told her i like her, but we dont even know each other, so thats kind of messes up. Haha. Yeah. That might have upped the "creepiness" factor just a little bit. Even if you know she's single, she doesn't have to know that you know. If nothing else, it's just conversation. You can use the way that she answers the question to evaluate how receptive she is to your talking to her. If she says "no," in a warm, inviting manner, you're in good position. If she says "no" in a way that seems to say "...and don't you even think about moving in on me, you psycho" then you may not want to push it. LOL. [Edit] That's a good start. But if your friend told her you like her, you might want to be more direct. Not doing so may seem like you're too timid to talk to her, but you'll just smile at her. Heh. Tough spot, I know.[/Edit]

[Hercuflea]

Well i dont think she can match the name to my face/looks so smiling at her should be a good start

[Oneironaut Zero]

Well i dont think she can match the name to my face/looks so smiling at her should be a good start Sure, it will be a good start...but then what?

[Hercuflea]

Then...uh, idk. I'm a man without a plan. I have never gone out with any chick before so...(not gay)

[Oneironaut Zero]

Heh. Well my point is that, sooner or later, you're going to have to suck it up and approach her. Sitting around and waiting for her to just fall in your lap will likely never work (I speak from experience. Lol). Smiling at her is not going to get her to approach you. If you're truly interested in her, you're going to have to let her know. In most cases, simply dropping hints just isn't enough.

[Hercuflea]

[Black_Eagle]

Heh. Well my point is that, sooner or later, you're going to have to suck it up and approach her. Sitting around and waiting for her to just fall in your lap will likely never work (I speak from experience. Lol). Smiling at her is not going to get her to approach you. If you're truly interested in her, you're going to have to let her know. In most cases, simply dropping hints just isn't enough. And it's passive aggressive. At the end of the 1st 6 weeks period this year before I changed schools, I had a huge crush on this girl who was the sister of my friend. She was my age and he was two years older. She was the first girl that I almost worked up the courage to approach. What stopped me was the fact that I just lost faith in my abilities due to the fact that I was switching schools in less than a week. I didn't think I had enough time. I was wrong, of course.

[hellohihello]

"is this your pencil" perfect conversation starter... I have never used it though.

[Hercuflea]

And it's passive aggressive. At the end of the 1st 6 weeks period this year before I changed schools, I had a huge crush on this girl who was the sister of my friend. She was my age and he was two years older. She was the first girl that I almost worked up the courage to approach. What stopped me was the fact that I just lost faith in my abilities due to the fact that I was switching schools in less than a week. I didn't think I had enough time. I was wrong, of course. Had you ever talked to her before? My problem is i have just never talked to her and i never really have the opportunity to either, but maybe thats just me makin excuses "is this your pencil" perfect conversation starter... I have never used it though. Nice, but what do you say when she says, no it is not my pencil?

[High Hunter]

Yeah i'm really just looking for a good opportunity to go up to her, because the only time i ever see her is between classes and there is only 4 minutes between classes. I tried to get my friend to talk me up to her, and i think he did, but maybe too much lol. Hey just a thought. Next time you see her in the hallway, cross paths with her and make sure that she sees you. When she does, smile at her and even say Hi very passively, as to show some interest. It's a good start

[hellohihello]

Nice, but what do you say when she says, no it is not my pencil? I don't know I have never tried it Oh wow you have beautiful eyes. It might work.

[Universal Mind]

You can let the air out of one of her tires and then "happen" to drive by when she notices the flat and is worried about getting to school on time. I saw that in the movie The Last American Virgin. That guy's friend became her boyfriend that night, though. It's a very difficult situation. I was obsessed beyond belief over a girl when I was in the 10th grade, and I did not know her. I kept trying to talk myself into using the raw approach Oneironaut talked about, but I just could not get to where it felt right. I thought I would scare the Hell out of both of us trying that approach. What I did instead was "happen" to be standing around her when she was talking to some of her friends, and I acted like she said something that had anything to do with my life, which it didn't. I started talking about it, and she talked back. The conversation went nowhere, unfortunately, but I kept trying different tricks like that. I thought the raw approach with confession of interest would creep her out and that I would act like a total WTF, which I would have, so I continued to avoid that. I ended up having a bunch of conversations with her and even giving her a ride home one time, but it turned out that we just didn't really connect. I apparently wasn't her type, and we did not have much to talk about. Most likely, she just didn't really want to talk because everybody and their mother had already told her that I was crazy about her. It went nowhere. FUCK!!!!!!!! But at least I could know I tried. Despite my epic fail on that, I can tell you this... Don't tell your friends about how much you like her. Just tell them that you sort of like her or that you think you might like her or something. If fifty people tell her that you are insanely in love with her, the whole thing is over right then and there. I have never once seen that not blow up in the person's face. It never works. I think that is what happened in my case with that one girl. I kept telling people how I felt, and they of course told her before I even had the second conversation with her or gave her the ride or any of that stuff. FAIL... Oh yeah... Hold on big time to Oneironaut's advice about making it look like rejection would not knock you down. You want her to respect you. Be sort of playful and make her feel comfortable. If it is going to work, it will have something to do with the fact that you did that. Mes Tarrant... Where are you? You always have great advice on this stuff.

[hellohihello]

Despite my epic fail on that, I can tell you this... Don't tell your friends about how much you like her. Just tell them that you sort of like her or that you think you might like her or something. If fifty people tell her that you are insanely in love with her, the whole thing is over right then and there. I have never once seen that not blow up in the person's face. It never works. I think that is what happened in my case with that one girl. I kept telling people how I felt, and they of course told her before I even had the second conversation with her or gave her the ride or any of that stuff. FAIL... This is valuable advice This is why I keep it secret and everyone thought I was gay so I finally tell them who I like and everyone knew and that messed things up.

[hellohihello]

Or you can do what happens in the disney shows. Bump into her and pick up her stuff... I wouldn't do that though.

[Universal Mind]

This is valuable advice This is why I keep it secret and everyone thought I was gay so I finally tell them who I like and everyone knew and that messed things up. Yeah, it might be best to not say anything about it to anybody, unless it can reach her ears with some interest sparking mystery instead of arriving in the form of a stalker alert. If you are going to tell people you sort of like her, throw in about five other names too. Maybe go on a date with a different girl to prove that you are not stalking her. I guess... This stuff is so screwed up. I wish soul mates could just identify each other right away and hit it off every time without playing these ridiculous games, but that's Fantasy Land.

[Hercuflea]

Or you can do what happens in the disney shows. Bump into her and pick up her stuff... I wouldn't do that though. I have actually thought about that. But you can't really do that without it being blatantly obvious that you did it on purpose, at least in my case. Yeah, it might be best to not say anything about it to anybody, unless it can reach her ears with some interest sparking mystery instead of arriving in the form of a stalker alert. If you are going to tell people you sort of like her, throw in about five other names too. Maybe go on a date with a different girl to prove that you are not stalking her. I guess... This stuff is so screwed up. I wish soul mates could just identify each other right away and hit it off every time without playing these ridiculous games, but that's Fantasy Land. I completely agree. We should all have lights on our heads that turn on whenever we get near our soul mate then we can just bang bang bang and get hitched without all the crap in between. But great advice in the other post. That's pretty much what i've done. I just told my friends i thought she was hot once, and that i might like her, but i said it's nothing serious. I just want to know how to initiate it! ARRRGGHHH

[Mes Tarrant]

Wow I agree with all of O's posts.. very insightful stuff man.. especially the part where you said she probably gets hit on all the time, so don't seem clingy, desperate, and be prepared for rejection. I also agree with UM that the "raw" approach is pretty difficult, especially in high school, and especially if you don't have any prior experiences with girls. You should definitely work up the courage for the raw approach at some point in your life (the sooner the better), but realistically I think it's too much to expect in this situation. So I guess I would propose two possible plans. One, figure out a silly way like "is this your pencil." And I will try my best to come up with something you could use. It might also be easier if you did something like this while you were with one of your friends, too, kind of like moral support. But try to find a friend who doesn't know how you feel about this girl. And in the future, going along with what UM said, don't just tell everyone about how you feel about a girl. Tell one or two people, if you must, and if you think it'll help in some way. Otherwise keep it to yourself. It'll be less stressful that way. The other plan I propose is to forget all attempts at approaching this girl. Take the pressure off yourself, continue to admire her from afar if you must, and in the meantime get to know some girls that you are not interested in, for the social practice. Whenever I had a big crush on someone, I found that it was immensely easier to talk to all the other guys.

[Jhony]

Oh god, man I know how you feel. There's this girl I saw 1 or 2 months ago at school. She immediately caught my attention and I will remember her face sometimes throughout the day. I only see her in the hallways (trust me, WAY too crowdy to talk. The hallways are like my house's hallway), and outside of the school. Outside the school, I see her talking to her friends, and I'm like "How the hell can I talk to her without crepping her out?" I told two of my friends about it though. One was like "ok, whatever", while the other was pushing me to talk with her. All I could say is to man up and talk with her, because you will never know if you will see her again. I'm only in the 9th grade, so I don't know if I should do the same or not.

[Black_Eagle]

Hercuflea, I had not ever talked to her. I knew what I had to do and I almost worked up the confidence one day to go right up to her and start a conversation. I had it all planned out too. Oh god, man I know how you feel. There's this girl I saw 1 or 2 months ago at school. She immediately caught my attention and I will remember her face sometimes throughout the day. I only see her in the hallways (trust me, WAY too crowdy to talk. The hallways are like my house's hallway), and outside of the school. Outside the school, I see her talking to her friends, and I'm like "How the hell can I talk to her without crepping her out?" I told two of my friends about it though. One was like "ok, whatever", while the other was pushing me to talk with her. All I could say is to man up and talk with her, because you will never know if you will see her again. I'm only in the 9th grade, so I don't know if I should do the same or not. My confidence explodes when I've got a friend or acquaintance backing me.

[Hercuflea]

Wow I agree with all of O's posts.. very insightful stuff man.. especially the part where you said she probably gets hit on all the time, so don't seem clingy, desperate, and be prepared for rejection. I also agree with UM that the "raw" approach is pretty difficult, especially in high school, and especially if you don't have any prior experiences with girls. You should definitely work up the courage for the raw approach at some point in your life (the sooner the better), but realistically I think it's too much to expect in this situation. So I guess I would propose two possible plans. One, figure out a silly way like "is this your pencil." And I will try my best to come up with something you could use. It might also be easier if you did something like this while you were with one of your friends, too, kind of like moral support. But try to find a friend who doesn't know how you feel about this girl. And in the future, going along with what UM said, don't just tell everyone about how you feel about a girl. Tell one or two people, if you must, and if you think it'll help in some way. Otherwise keep it to yourself. It'll be less stressful that way. The other plan I propose is to forget all attempts at approaching this girl. Take the pressure off yourself, continue to admire her from afar if you must, and in the meantime get to know some girls that you are not interested in, for the social practice. Whenever I had a big crush on someone, I found that it was immensely easier to talk to all the other guys. Thanks, and yeah i am trying to talk to a couple of her friends. Like two of my buddies at lunch are friends with her and i talk to them all the time. I just need a frekin opportunity.