Thread: Tell me about how to pick up a chick that i don't know or have any classes with but i've seen around

Ok here's the lowdown. This is the shape of where i take classes at school. I'm 16. Theres this girl that i have seen in the hallways a few times and i was in her spanish class for 3 days at the beginning of the year but i didnt talk then. I really think she is beautiful etc. etc. and would like to get to now her. I do not know how to approach her or begin conversation or whatever because i dont have any classes with her or i have never met her or any of that. I have just seen her in the halls. One of my friends knows her but still idk how to set up anything where i can meet her.

What's the best way to get to know her?

Originally Posted by Hercuflea

Ok here's the lowdown. This is the shape of where i take classes at school. I'm 16. Theres this girl that i have seen in the hallways a few times and i was in her spanish class for 3 days at the beginning of the year but i didnt talk then. I really think she is beautiful etc. etc. and would like to get to now her. I do not know how to approach her or begin conversation or whatever because i dont have any classes with her or i have never met her or any of that. I have just seen her in the halls. One of my friends knows her but still idk how to set up anything where i can meet her.

What's the best way to get to know her?

Well...(and I know the idea of this may be horrifying, but it is one that I'm actually just now getting accustomed to, and it's easily the most effective) the very best thing that you can do is just...go up and talk to her. Don't be shy about it. Just be straight forward. Introduce yourself, tell her that you think she's attractive (if you want to get right to the point), and that you would like to get to know her better. Ask her questions about herself. Follow her answers with other questions. Show genuine curiosity. This will not only show her that you're interested, but it won't come off like you're trying to 'run game' on her (playing the macho "hey..how you doin??" role).

The most important thing will be to set in your mind that she might reject you. Be comfortable with that. If she likes you, she likes you. If she doesn't, oh well. That's the attitude you have to have when going into it. Being too timid will likely be a huge turn-off. Don't be clingy. Get in; introduce yourself; show her you're interested and then part ways before you seem to project the image that you're "hovering around her." If she's someone that you only see every now and then, get her number or an email address (don't use either one right away, though!). If you see her all the time, you might have time to gauge her reaction on your first meeting, before figuring out what to do next.

Confidence is key, though. It may be the hardest approach, but it is definitely the most effective. If she's pretty, she probably gets hit on all the time, so it's important to telegraph that you're not trying too hard - only that you're interested.

As cliche as it may sound; be yourself. Talk to her with the same sort of comfort as you would talk to a friend, but let her know that you've taken an interest to her. If she finds you intriguing enough to bite, then you've got the hardest part over with. If she doesn't, there's really nothing you can do about it.

Yeah i'm really just looking for a good opportunity to go up to her, because the only time i ever see her is between classes and there is only 4 minutes between classes. I tried to get my friend to talk me up to her, and i think he did, but maybe too much lol.

Originally Posted by Hercuflea

Yeah i'm really just looking for a good opportunity to go up to her, because the only time i ever see her is between classes and there is only 4 minutes between classes. I tried to get my friend to talk me up to her, and i think he did, but maybe too much lol.

Heh. It's always much harder in situations like that. I'm sure that there are always other people around, when you see her. That takes a whole new level of ballsy-ness, if that's the case. You definitely don't want to make it seem like you're relying too much on your friend, though. That goes back to telegraphing to her that you don't have the cojones to go up and talk to her yourself. Some girls might find it cute, but I'm sure they're in the minority.

If you know her name, just go up and tell her yours, shake her hand, and tell her that you couldn't help but notice her since you pass by her all the time, and that you'd like to get to know her. Ask her what class she's headed to. What she likes to do for fun. Things like that. Ask her if she's single (not "do you have a boyfriend?" They may seem interchangeable, but they're not).

If the only time you see her is in between classes, you're going to have to prepare yourself to talk to her with all of those people around. Walk with her to her class (if you have time) and ask her about herself. You're going to have to do a little of that before you're going to be able to arrange some other time to talk to her.

Well she is single i know that and i know her name but i dont want to feel like a stalker.

My friend might have already screwed it up. He said he told her i like her, but we dont even know each other, so thats kind of messed up.

Edit* alright goal number one: smile at her when passing in the hallway. I think i can manage that at least

lol

Originally Posted by Hercuflea

Well she is single i know that and i know her name but i dont want to feel like a stalker.

My friend might have already screwed it up. He said he told her i like her, but we dont even know each other, so thats kind of messes up.

Haha. Yeah. That might have upped the "creepiness" factor just a little bit.

Even if you know she's single, she doesn't have to know that you know. If nothing else, it's just conversation. You can use the way that she answers the question to evaluate how receptive she is to your talking to her. If she says "no," in a warm, inviting manner, you're in good position. If she says "no" in a way that seems to say "...and don't you even think about moving in on me, you psycho" then you may not want to push it. LOL.

[Edit]
That's a good start. But if your friend told her you like her, you might want to be more direct. Not doing so may seem like you're too timid to talk to her, but you'll just smile at her. Heh. Tough spot, I know.[/Edit]

Originally Posted by Hercuflea

Yeah i'm really just looking for a good opportunity to go up to her, because the only time i ever see her is between classes and there is only 4 minutes between classes. I tried to get my friend to talk me up to her, and i think he did, but maybe too much lol.

Hey just a thought. Next time you see her in the hallway, cross paths with her and make sure that she sees you. When she does, smile at her and even say Hi very passively, as to show some interest. It's a good start

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

The other plan I propose is to forget all attempts at approaching this girl. Take the pressure off yourself, continue to admire her from afar if you must, and in the meantime get to know some girls that you are not interested in, for the social practice. Whenever I had a big crush on someone, I found that it was immensely easier to talk to all the other guys.

Originally Posted by Oneironaut

I still have to work myself up to just approach someone I find really attractive). But now, it matters much less if I don't find someone that attractive, I still like to flirt with them. It's just good, playful fun, and it's a good way to practice being comfortable with flirty banter in general - which is important, because you never want things to seem too serious when you're first approaching someone you like. It's good to play with your prospect

not saying that this isn't good advice or anything, but something about these posts seems a bit shallow... just the fact that you're basically telling him to use other girls that are less attractive as practice.

Originally Posted by Oneironaut

tell her that you think she's attractive....

it won't come off like you're trying to 'run game' on her (playing the macho "hey..how you doin??" role)....

chances are that will end up contradicting itself. I think having some random guy come up to you and strike up a conversation out of nowhere is a big enough hint

my advice would be that if you do get talking to her and it ends up being awkward with neither of you knowing what to say, don't start thinking "well, I sure screwed that up." and make it harder for you to talk to her again. I had kind of the same situation a few months ago that you're in now. I tried talking to this guy I thought was attractive and we had one of those three sentence conversations and then neither of us knew what to say. I felt like a total idiot, but later I talked to him again and we actually got a good conversation going. now we talk to each other all the time. It's scary talking to someone for the first time because, as important as first impressions are, people think they're a total make-or-break situation, which just simply isn't true.


oh and it's ok if the first conversation is a little boring. It doesn't absolutely have to be all that interesting when you're basically just trying to get her to know you exist. I mean, it would be good if you could find something interesting to talk about, but if you can't don't freak out about it. After you've talked to her to the point where she actually knows who you are, then try to come up with interesting conversation.

Originally Posted by lagunagirl

not saying that this isn't good advice or anything, but something about these posts seems a bit shallow... just the fact that you're basically telling him to use other girls that are less attractive as practice.

I don't think it's shallow. I think it's realistic. Do you deny that there is a lot more anxiety felt when you're talking to someone that you find really attractive, and someone that you don't? That, in itself, could be interpreted as shallow.

My point is to be comfortable with joking/flirting with everyone equally. Doing this would cause him to be more comfortable with flirtatious banter. A natural consequence of that would be that he would be more comfortable with it, when he's around those that he finds more attractive. It's not like I'm going up to him and saying "Hey. See that ugly chick over there? Go flirt with her so you can use her for practice."

Originally Posted by lagunagirl

chances are that will end up contradicting itself. I think having some random guy come up to you and strike up a conversation out of nowhere is a big enough hint

Not really. It's just being honest. The latter would be trying to play the macho/player role, which is often a huge turn-off (well, for those girls with any amount of maturity and/or self-respect). And part of a big problem with girls today is that too many of them think that just because a guy attempts to strike up a conversation with them, they're trying to get in their pants (and that needs to stop). So I'd have to disagree with you on that one.

^^ Well she's a freshman so it might be easier than i thought...

Originally Posted by Oneironaut

Not really. It's just being honest. The latter would be trying to play the macho/player role, which is often a huge turn-off (well, for those girls with any amount of maturity and/or self-respect).

I was just saying that it can be really easy to mess it up and make saying something nice like "I think you're attractive" seem like something a player would say. It depends on how you say it, but a lot of guys either end up sounding like a player or really nervous. You have to be able to find a good middle ground so you can seem confident but not cocky.

Originally Posted by Oneironaut

And part of a big problem with girls today is that too many of them think that just because a guy attempts to strike up a conversation with them, they're trying to get in their pants

That's not necessarily true. Girls only think like that if the guy striking up the conversation is acting like a player. If he's being nice, most girls would at the most be flattered because they thought the guy must think they were cute or something. You don't have to stereotype girls into seeming like we all think that guys are just all about sex.

Originally Posted by lagunagirl

That's not necessarily true. Girls only think like that if the guy striking up the conversation is acting like a player. If he's being nice, most girls would at the most be flattered because they thought the guy must think they were cute or something. You don't have to stereotype girls into seeming like we all think that guys are just all about sex.

I didn't say anything about all girls. I didn't even say "most." I said "too many," and it's true. There is a culture of girls out there (mostly the fake, big-city type) that think exactly as I've accused them of, and act accordingly. And we're not talking a small patch of girls here and there. It's something well-rooted in popular culture. Just as there are players out there who think they can get any girl they want, there are these vain, high-maintenance, superficial girls who think guys are supposed to fawn all over them because they are self-proclaimed "hotties." I'd be so bold as to say that there are many girls on this very forum who would agree with me on that.

If you are not one of the types of girls I'm talking about, then you should feel no offense, but whatever the case, you can't honestly deny that there are a lot of them out there.