Thread: Dating or "Going Steady": A Pointless Endeavor

This doesn't sound very senselessy. Are you sure you wouldn't rather have it in The Lounge or Extended Discussion or something rather than left to the wolves?

Originally Posted by Coffeeboonen

After observing

Sounds like you've never had a girlfriend, in which case, get one before judging.

Originally Posted by Carôusoul

Sounds like you've never had a girlfriend, in which case, get one before judging.

This.

One thing to watch, another thing to do.

I wouldn't really say it's pointless to date, but I suppose love is a different subject

You misspelled endeavor dude. Just thought you should know.

It's not that pointless. Experience is experience, and first hand experience is generally better than observational experience.

I don't think it's selfish. IMO it's being respectful and loyal to your special person. Even if my man allowed me to do those things and go around free, I wouldn't act upon it.

Originally Posted by TamiDoll

I don't think it's selfish. IMO it's being respectful and loyal to your special person. Even if my man allowed me to do those things and go around free, I wouldn't act upon it.

I agree with this.

American society is seriously lacking in romance nowadays, which I think is a shame. I miss the old days when guys would show a bit of chivalry and class...holding doors and letting the lady go first, all that. Going steady is an act of loyalty, and the predecessor for marriage. Seriously, how do you expect to make the jump from "good buddies" to "happily married couple?" You first need to prove to each other that you can be loyal and dedicated to one another. In addition, going steady really helps you to find out more about each other before rushing into the commitment of marriage. I happen to view it as an essential (or at least highly advisable) part of any relationship. 2009 saw one of the highest divorce rates in recorded human history...this tells me that people are rushing into long-term commitments without taking the time to really get to know each other first, and without thinking things through properly.

Originally Posted by ShadowNightWing

You misspelled endeavor dude. Just thought you should know.

I actually realized that I did misspell the word "endeavor" and I corrected it but for some reason when my topic was moved from senseless banter to the lounge the change went unmade. I am no longer able to edit my first post now either because of the move.

Originally Posted by Catbus

It's not that pointless. Experience is experience, and first hand experience is generally better than observational experience.

I'll admit that I haven't been blessed with the opportunity to have a first hand experience. That doesn't mean I haven't been around many relationships or haven't spoken to many people that have been in them to get a good idea of how they are. Hopefully, I can experience one first hand but I'm about to explain something that puts me out of the equation to have one.

Originally Posted by Mario92

I agree with this.

American society is seriously lacking in romance nowadays, which I think is a shame. I miss the old days when guys would show a bit of chivalry and class...holding doors and letting the lady go first, all that. Going steady is an act of loyalty, and the predecessor for marriage. Seriously, how do you expect to make the jump from "good buddies" to "happily married couple?" You first need to prove to each other that you can be loyal and dedicated to one another. In addition, going steady really helps you to find out more about each other before rushing into the commitment of marriage. I happen to view it as an essential (or at least highly advisable) part of any relationship. 2009 saw one of the highest divorce rates in recorded human history...this tells me that people are rushing into long-term commitments without taking the time to really get to know each other first, and without thinking things through properly.

I really like your post and agree with much of its content. I do know that American society has actually been at the forefront of many terrible relationships. However, I don't think this is because people went from being good friends to marrying each other. If your truly friends with someone in the sense of definition then you would hold a bond that goes beyond knowing very little about them and therefore keeping you from "jumping" into anything with them.

You see, I have liked many girls in my short 18 year life span. Although I attempted to allow myself to believe that I was their friend and simply wanted to further my relationship with them and start dating, I actually in reality only desired a certain self-gain from the relationship. A lot times I would meet a girl and before starting any kind of "friendship" with her I knew that down the road I would only want to go out with her and have her as a girlfriend. Thus, I would start only doing things for her, with her, and say things to her that would make her like me as someone who she would also want to date because that was ultimately my only motive. Seldom did I actually value any kind of true friendship in a bonding term and knew that if she only wanted to be just "friends" I would immediately stop talking to her and we actually wouldn't be just "friends" anymore.

On the other, that brings up another topic that I wanted to discuss which concerns a girl or guy using the phrase just "friends". This is commonly something that the girl/guy says when another girl/guy wants a relationship in terms of dating. However, this phrase is simply a lie because when it is used commonly the last thing that occurs is a continued friendship. When someone wanted something more from the beginning and another only put up with that person then that obviously wasn't just a "friendship" and cannot be continued as one. These two were merely acquaintances from the beginning and one of them desired something more. If it was truly a good friendship then the person wouldn't just be putting up with that person and would have been honest about their feelings toward them. Also, the person wouldn't desire more because he/she would have exactly what they needed in a true relationship with someone which is a close bond with them which is what a good marriage is built on.

In my life currently there are many different activities that I need to focus much of my energy on. I simply am unable to have a selfish desire to need something more from someone else like their time, gratitude, or lustful seeking. I think everyone needs this also because what is happening to many people today is that their throwing away what they value in order to seek a self-image of happiness by having an official lover and setting her at a higher standard than all other things in their life. I believe you can be truly loyal and honoring to someone though by simply having a close bonding relationship with them and not having to call/text/email or facebook them constantly about why they are important to you.

I agree with Mario92.

When I've used the terms 'just friends' that's me telling that person that likes me the truth. And that I do not wish to pursue the relationship any further and cross that boundary. Unfortunately for some, they cannot handle that and that's why even the 'just friends' thing falls to shit. That is not my fault they want it all or nothing. The offer of friendship still stands, they just refuse to take it.

Personally, my man's like my backup. We're a team and things just work better like that. Neither him nor I feel that we need to make time for each other and feel like we need to squash each other into our to-do-list. Unfortunate for you, it doesn't sound like you've ever experienced that. Healthy couple relationships are anything but selfish. It's the exact opposite of being selfish. To be a good partner and make a relationship thrive, you actually need to be somewhat selfless.

And seriously, how many girls are going to just be fuck buddies for you? A lot of the girls who are actually worth it wont do that.

Wait until you've been in love. That might change your outlook on this subject.