My First Real, And Last Lucid Dream

[chzplz]

Thanks to my first LD that I had, I'm stopping LD-ing forever. There is no way I'm continuing this after what I felt and saw. This'll probably be my last post here, unless someone can tell me otherwise. This is what happened. I went to sleep, and it wasn't much longer from that, and I really don't know how I realized it, but I knew that I was dreaming. It was a great feeling, as I was in a place, not just closing my eyes like my last LD. I was so happy. I wanted to be with someone, so thought really hard of a friend of mine, and when I turned around, he was there. Boy was I excited. Before I even had the chance of talking to him, my body had an incredible wave rush over it. There's no way to explain it. Like my body felt completely unreal. I went up to my friend and tried to tell him what was wrong, but then I lot my connection with my body. I was there, but I couldn't really control it. I remember stumbling around, the sounds and sights meshing together as one. I was starting to freak out. I reached out to my friend trying to call to him, but my body was it's own thing. I remember falling down, and things spinning in my view. Then it hit me again that this is only a dream. I tried to reconnect my self, but I couldn't. I really became scared. I thought I would be trapped in this state forever. Just as that thought entered my mind, something terrifying happened. It hit me that I would be stuck. I had done it. I had dreamed that I would be stuck, and it happened. The spinning sped up, the sounds died, and all I heard was silence. I spoke in my head something, and heard it loud and clear. Then those last two words, whatever they were, repeated them selves, uncontrollably getting faster and faster, until they were nothing more than a horrific sound, spinning in all directions in my head. And ever time those words repeated, the spinning image repeated. It was like a bad DVD that was stuck in a second of play, and continually repeats that one second over and over again. But this was going faster, continually faster. The repeating spinning image began to mesh in color, until there was nothing but a white nothingness before me. The sound still was there, and the feeling of repeating was there. I couldn't move. I couldn't act on my own. I was terrified. By this time, the sense of movement faded. The sense of existent faded. I didn't exist anywhere. I was dead. I still heard that horrific sound, flying in circles around my head. Now I had control of my thoughts. Not completely though. I was there, and I thought to my self, now I've don it. Everything is gone. I can't bring myself back. I'll be forever non-existent. No body, no sense of anything. When that thought truly sunk in, that's when I really started panicking. I tried flailing my arms, but I didn't have any. I had nothing. I WAS nothing. It was as of my thoughts only existed. Nothing else was attached. I remember feeling alone, scared, destined to be in this white void of nothingness for all eternity. I cried. For what seemed to be hours, I let out all maner of emotions, for that was all I could do. No matter how hard I tried, nothing existed outside my thoughts. I cried for hours and hours. All the while, that sound in my head, almost like it was reminding me that I had done this to myself, never leaving me. It was my last connection to the real world. It's hard to explain, but that sound was angry, hurting me because I trapped myself here. I was angry too. I wanted to kill myself. But there was nothing to kill. I then let my thoughts go. There's no real way to explain what happened when I did that. I can't say that I just wondered around for what seemed days, because I had no sense of a body, no movement. I can't say I just existed, because I didn't. I was just there. Nothing but the white nothingness, and that god-awful sound. I felt myself go into a deep state of depression. I wanted to be back. Then, and thank God I did, I had a thought come into my, 'whatever you call it". If I had audible thoughts, then I might have an imagination. I thought if that was true, I might imagine a new world for me to live in. I thought I could give it a try, as I had eternity to work this out. First I concentrated on movement. Somehow, and don't ask me how, I gained a sense of real movement. Oh God, what a relief that was! I had pulled of an amazing change that I didn't think was possible. I remember my head moving back and forth. Little by little. I had no body, yet I had a sense of existing again. I felt so happy. Then, I stared working on image. I thought as hard as I could, and slowly but surly, pictures began flashing in rhythm of the sound. Slowly the sound decreased in speed, and conciseness began to form around me. I felt my body again. My only thoughts were, I did it. I had made up an entire world for me to live in. I had done it. I can now live again. When I finally pulled everything back together, a wave of exhaustion hit me, and I slumped over, and fell asleep. I then woke up. I remember waking up uncontrollably twitching. My arms were flailing, my head rolling all over in all directions. Slowly I came to. I sat in my lit room, and took me bout twenty minutes to completely comprehend that what happened was a dream. My existence was real, not my imagination. I did like 10 RC, tests and anything else to make sure it was real. When I finally got up, I was shaking. I told myself that I never would LD again. If I ever become conscious in a dream again, I'd do EVERYTHING in my power to wake myself up. I NEVER EVER want to experience that again. I felt levels of fear that I've never experienced. Levels of sadness, anger, depression and loneliness. It was all I could do in those seemingly real days being stuck there. I could only let out emotions. And I did! They were stronger, more real, more powerful than I had ever felt in my life. I cried real tears, as my face and eyes were wet when I woke up. Just a reminder, I felt like I spent at least ten days in that void. Time passed just like it would. It was horrible. If anybody knows what this was, please, tell me. I want to make sure I don't accidentally come across this gain. How do I stop it if I fall in that void again? Thank you for reading this.

[VirtualReality]

That sounds like a freaking hell. I understand why you freaked out. I don't think you should stop LD'ing though. Sometimes the mind has to make some maintainance of some brain-functions. This can result in nightmares or night terrors. It's just too bad we have to dream about it. I understand why you felt powerless, but that killer-nightmare could as well have been a regular dream. I hope for you not to experience such a horror again.

[Marvo]

You were probably conscious while sleeping. When that happens, you know you are asleep, but you can't dream, since you're not in the REM state therefore removing the feeling of existence. I can't explain that you were in this state for so long time. The "10 days" were probably only 10 minutes, and when you became alive again, a new REM period probably started. Shit happens bro, but don't drop lucid dreaming. If you ever slip into that stage again, just try focusing on something in your mind. Focus on your mind. Focus on the fact, that you've tried this before and it's nothing, but a hallucination. When you've tried it once, it's very very unusual, that it'll ever happen again. It's your choice man, but think about a lot, if you feel like dropping it.

[TweaK]

You were probably conscious while sleeping. When that happens, you know you are asleep, but you can't dream, since you're not in the REM state therefore removing the feeling of existence. I can't explain that you were in this state for so long time. The "10 days" were probably only 10 minutes, and when you became alive again, a new REM period probably started[/b] I agree with this but disagree with the latter part - You should decide if you want to stop or not for yourself. :/

[Marvo]

Didn't you notice the last part? Originally posted by Moi It's your choice man, but think about a lot, if you feel like dropping it.

[AnonymousTipster]

Emotions are generally heightened in dreams, and occasionally bring a bad experience such as the one you described. It is possible that you were in between REM periods (as mentioned before) although this is quite rare, so it may be that you were in the very early stages of sleep, which may explain the spinning and falling sensations. Most LDs are unlike this, and I'd suggest having at least one more before stopping altogether, although emotions can be quite powerful, and I'd understand if this experience deterred you from LDing. Echoing the sentiment of the thread: It's your choice either way.

[chzplz]

Thank you all for your responses. I've gone through the day and had time to reflect on what happened. It's still a dramatic moment to me, and makes me afraid to sleep again. But from what I hear from you, it was a very rare thing. That's somewhat comforting, but there's the chance that it might happen again. I do have some questions though. 1. I can honestly say this was the longest dream in my life. I said ten days in the description, but it could of been longer. It felt like eternities when I was stuck. Why and how did it last so long? If I was in between sleep stages, I would eventually go into REM sleep, and gained control, but this took FOREVER. Why? 2. Regarding the remarks made by Marvo on trying to concentrate on something else, that did not work. I spent forever thinking, trying to bring back memories, but there was nothing. Only emotion. I tried very long. If I did so, why didn't I wake myself up? Again I stress, I did try. Harder than ever, to wake up. 3. Regarding what VirtualReality about it being a dream, that's not true. I knew it WAS a dream. I knew I was sleeping. My fear was being stuck in that void in the dream. If I knew this, why couldn't I wake myself up? Again, thank you for all your remarks

[Adepticus]

I can vaguely remember experiencing something similar to your dream. Basically what would happen is I would start to fall. I would keep falling as if pulled into a black hole. I would see all kinds of vibrant colors and shapes along with an excessive amount of noise. Even if I tried willing myself awake as hard as I could, I coudln't break the fall. I would even be half awake and feel my eyelids, but still stuck in the vortex. Only time would pull me out (usually didn't last more than 20 seconds) I never understood what it was, but the mind is a weird thing. I just chalked them up as a weird nightmare.

[Glorfindel_III]

In hindsight, you know you were never in danger. Your actual body cannot be injured from a dream, you cannot be 'stuck' in a dream (unless you were in a coma or something i guess). You have to remind yourself that whenever you're in a lucid, that your physical body is just lying still in a bed somewhere. Then you can focus on controlling, or observing your dream environment. Personally if something like that happened to me, i would try and meditate. With only a 'mind' left, try and focus on nothing, and then slowly cause the world around you to blossom around you, it sounds like you eventually did this, but you should never be worried or scared in a Lucid dream, because you are the ultimate ruler of your environment, even if you can't change anything, everything that happens is in your head only. With a bit of experience you'll find that LD's will cater to your own needs, but beware that whatever you imagine will happen, probably will, so you need to focus on what you WANT to happen, not be scared about what may happen, which is what you did in this lucid you had. Good luck with either choice you make, Glor

[FrankyT49]

I think Riku from Kingdom Hearts couldn't have said it better quoted from him but adjusted for this form of topic... "The door has opened, do not be afraid to step into the darkness, for where you'll find the true light"

[FreeOne]

it must of been a pretty scary thing . Your mind is a weird place, it cant alter real time but it can alter dream time. There are people who claim they spend weeks in a dream when it can only be a couple of hours. maybe thats what happened to you. time just got prolonged. and although it must have been pretty scary, nothing can hurt you in your dreams and eventully its going to end.

[chzplz]

Thank you all very much. There were a lot of comforting words said here. I really needed them. I've decided not to give up LD. You’re all right, nothing can hurt me in a dream. It's all in my head. I really appreciate all your remarks. If weren't for you, I would of seriously dreaded sleeping for a long time. ^_^ BTW, does anybody have any idea why I was twitching as I woke up? My head was rolling around, and my arms were moving all over. It was quite a shock.

[arh]

Just a thought... but maybe you had a seizure of some sort? Do you have any history of such?

[Shadow Dreamer]

When you do have an LD again dont think about what happened before as that can happen again just by thinking it. Dont panic when it happens it will make it worse just stay calm and try to wake yourself up or somthing

[Wolffe]

Thank you all very much. There were a lot of comforting words said here. I really needed them. I've decided not to give up LD. You’re all right, nothing can hurt me in a dream. It's all in my head. I really appreciate all your remarks. If weren't for you, I would of seriously dreaded sleeping for a long time. ^_^ BTW, does anybody have any idea why I was twitching as I woke up? My head was rolling around, and my arms were moving all over. It was quite a shock. [/b] Yeah, sounds like an epileptic fit :S

[Identity X]

Sounds like a whole lot of fun to me

[Ak47Suited]

It sounds like you should definitely quit trying to LD, I dont think your strong/stable enough emotionaly to handle them.

[Marvo]

I think AK47Suited is wrong. The twitching when you woke up, was probably because you haven't been able to move yourself for 10 days. All the movements were probably just the joy and happiness about being yourself again. When you suffer from seizure, your mind usually shuts off, disabling your ability to remember anything from your situation. But I am not sure though

[AnonymousTipster]

Oh, one quick word. Don't dwell on what happened. When you're drifting off to sleep, don't think about the bad experience you had, or it will make a recurrance more likely. Think of something peaceful/enjoyable instead.

[Wolffe]

I think AK47Suited is wrong. The twitching when you woke up, was probably because you haven't been able to move yourself for 10 days. All the movements were probably just the joy and happiness about being yourself again. When you suffer from seizure, your mind usually shuts off, disabling your ability to remember anything from your situation. But I am not sure though [/b] Not with epileptic fits. You can remember them as clear as anything else usually!

[Marvo]

I stand corrected, but if you had an epileptic seizure, it would have been much worse. I've seen one from my class having an epileptic seizure, he was like totally wasted and dead (not really dead) after it. You usually pass out

[FrankyT49]

It sounds like you should definitely quit trying to LD, I dont think your strong/stable enough emotionaly to handle them. [/b] uuum this has nothing to do with emotion stability thats for if you wanted to become a psychic and stuff Dreaming is purely of ones own single thought...

[chzplz]

Thanks again for your imputs and answers. It really shows that there aare people out there who care for it's users. It sounds like you should definitely quit trying to LD, I dont think your strong/stable enough emotionaly to handle them.[/b] What exactly do you mean by this? Everybody has a right to his or her opinion, so please say what you want. What do you mean by "strong"? Do you think I should stop because my body can't physically take the stress of too big of a shock? And what do you mean by "stable"? Do you think I over-reacted to what was obviously a dream, and that I shouldn’t have been so emotional in my dream? Or even after I woke up? I really just want you to dive deeper into your statement and tell me what you mean. Thanks. ^_^ (Oh and let Ak47Suited speak his mind. I'm willing to listen to his remarks. Everyone here has the right to post what they want. That's kind of what I hoped they would do. I want a wide range of thoughts and comments.) Just a thought... but maybe you had a seizure of some sort? Do you have any history of such?[/b] Seizure? I sure hope it's not. No, I've never had a history with me, or even in any part of my family. Sounds like a whole lot of fun to me [/b] Well, I'm glad you think so. If I were thinking clearly, you would be right. If Iknew that it was a dream, and would end, it would have been quite a different, and probabl more enjoyale expirence. The twitching when you woke up, was probably because you haven't been able to move yourself for 10 days. All the movements were probably just the joy and happiness about being yourself again. When you suffer from seizure, your mind usually shuts off, disabling your ability to remember anything from your situation. But I am not sure though Ak47Suited Posted Today, 05:36 AM [/b] Interesting theory. Would my body actually feel like it hasn't moved in that such a long time? That does make sense I think Riku from Kingdom Hearts couldn't have said it better quoted from him but adjusted for this form of topic... "The door has opened, do not be afraid to step into the darkness, for where you'll find the true light"[/b] One of my favorite games. Thank you, that was a real insightful thought. You're right. If I venture more into LD-ing, even though sometimes it may get dark and scary, I'll find the true treasure within. Thanks FrankyT49 I've decided to keep on LD. Thanks for all your posts, sympathy, and responces. It really shows that there are people out there who care for those in need. ^_^. I love this site and the people within it. THANK YOU!

[EVIL JOE]

Sounds like you had a bad trip. That really sounds like it would suck. But at least now you have a good story to tell people. Better luck next time.

[really]

Far out chzplz! That doesn't sound like a dream to me, only because you couldn't wake up, and because it felt like ten days. If you felt like you were in a void, or something, it might have been and OBE. But I'm no expert, I could be wrong. I definately don't think it was an ld. Hope you escape from all that terror! Good sleeping.