Recurring Dreams of Husband Committing Flagrant Infidelity

**DianaDieredlady** · 07-07-2012 08:09 AM

I've had several recurring dreams about my husband having illicit affairs on me. The dreams always involve different women, but the acts themselves and my husbands behaviors remain the same. I catch him in the act/try to adhere to his sexual wants (like a threesome) and then I will back out because the acts make me uncomfortable and go against my morals. Then (I guess as punishment for not conforming to the act)my husband proceeds to have sex with the women in very provocative and humiliating ways and watches me as I watch him commit these acts. He always comes back after committing these acts and says "it's no big deal" or "that it shouldn't bother me" and I wake up feeling horrible because my husband echos the exact thing this "alter" of his told me in my dreams, because they're just that, dreams. I feel horrible, an I know it was a dream and he didn't do these things to me. But my husband has told me before he was very promiscuous and wild before we got together and he's told me several very private things about his past relationships with these women he was with. And I've never been with anyone but my husband, so we're coming from two completely different fields of sexuality. Another thing that tugs on me is he's confessed to have cheated on a girl once before, but they we're in a committed relationship, they were just sexual partners who eventually outgrew each other. What do these dreams mean, because I can't stop them from recurring. Can someone please help me? It's getting to the point where I don't want to sleep because the dream keeps coming back worse than the one before that.

**melanieb** · 07-07-2012 08:30 AM

Dreams like this border between dream interpretation and relationship advice. It's a common issue.

Anxiety about real-life situations can transfer into your dreams and easily show up as your worst fears. As these dreams are now impacting your waking life and feelings they clearly show that you are not feeling secure in your relationship.

All the time we spend in relationships prior to marriage are practice, the experimental stage that helps us understand who we are before we commit to something major like a marriage. It's not uncommon to have illicit experiences, particularly for men though women can also.

The most important thing with dreams like this is to face them honestly. Does the dream stem from actual fears and worries? Do you feel you have a basis to be concerned about your husband?

Being honest with your feelings can help you face them and deal with them directly. If you find they have merit then you should talk openly and honestly with your partner. He should be able to reassure you that he is committed to your relationship and cares about your feelings. This should help remove the basis for the dreams and allow them to reduce in frequency.

The fact that your husband already confided in you about his past experiences suggests he trusts you and wants to be open with you. You need to feel free to be open with him (without accusation) and share your concerns and issues. Just talking it out may cause the dreams to disappear.

You may also use lucid dreaming to confront these dreams. If you are able to gain control of the dream you can push the other women out of the way and enjoy your man all to yourself.

**ancientfeelings** · 07-18-2012 01:20 AM

melanieb pretty much got it right. my wife had similar dreams of me, lol, though not as graphic, more about me being flirtacious with other girls (im not flirtacious but i get attention from girls--thus i think comes her insecurity). for sure though your subconscious is trying to tell you something. if you dont have kids with him, leave him. if u have kids, bite the bullet until they are older, like in college, and then leave him. that is what i would do. yea dreams i take seriously, they hold truths otherwise hidden. i dont have dreams of my wife with other men because i know she's not. not that your husband is cheating on you, but he's probably flirting with other girls or something or else you wouldnt have these dreams, in my opinion.

**Darkmatters** · 07-18-2012 02:27 AM

^^ lol Whoah there!

I wouldn't jump to such a drastic conclusion! Yes, it's true that dreams can be important and carry messages we need to pay attention to - but often they're just fears or anxieties - they're not always showing us exactly what's really happening. I'd go with Melanie's advice personally. Talk it out - keep in mind these dreams might very well be clouding your judgement right now and making you overly suspicious. But what they're telling you is that, as you stated, you're coming from two opposite sexual worlds. That can cause friction.

Do you feel like you have any reason not to trust him? (aside from the dreams)

**Fechtel** · 07-18-2012 08:20 PM

The dreams are just showing your worries.

You love him greatly, and it would hurt you very much if he cheated on you. This manifests into your dreams.

**brokedownheart** · 07-27-2012 12:04 AM

I've had really graphic, reoccuring dreams about my husband cheating on me, even though I know he's always been faithful. They were absolutely horrible and I would wake up from them sobbing. I've always attributed them to my own insecurities. Your dreams are probably nothing more than your worries bleeding into your dream world. Maybe talking about them with your husband could help ease your mind a little, at least it did for me. Good luck!

**Chimpertainment** · 08-01-2012 07:27 AM

Im gonna take the Freud approach here because im a terrible person...so take it with a grain of salt..

perhaps these are projections from repressed expression of sexuality. We must always be honest and open because we will be who we are. What we can do is find out why we are the way we are and that is done through effective communication with others. We can see reflections of ourselves in others, and perhaps you are afraid of what he might see in your own shadow. What I am saying is there could be some imbalance in your expectation of his perception of you. If you havent already, it might be good to balance the load of secret sharing.