Thank you for your reply oneironautics,

Yea, life is very complicated right now. I definitely think that's the case with needing to heal, I suppose the problem is that I keep telling myself and others that the side of the family is toxic, and I don't want them in my life, but then I have these strange dreams. Its like I'm being told otherwise in my head. Oh I definitely have trust issues, and most of the time I don't even realize it. Friends and immediate family are still here for me, its the extended family that isn't and sided with my molester. I used to meditate a lot and I think that's the only reason during the abuse I wasn't going entirely crazy so I'll definitely try to pick it up again.

Thanks!