Thread: What Family Type is best?

The first one obv. If you're not demanding the kid'll end up very undisciplined and go nowhere in life, if you're not responsive the kid'll be socially retarded in some way.

it may be the prefered but there are MANY people who think option #2 is the best.

The first one for sure. Discipline and showing of love are both very necessary, and lack of communication seems cold and unloving. Also, it is good to teach kids the reasons for rules. That way they don't grow up being mindless idiots who suck up unconditionally to authority. Maybe too much authoritarian parenting is what screwed up Germany so bad in the 30's and 40's.

The family type I come from would fall under authoritarian. I think for this reason and a few others I kind of lean toward the indulgence parenting. Some aspects of it sound bad, but I think there is ways around them. For example, you would think if you are too lenient on your children they'll just end up doing drugs, coming home late every night, etc. If you equip your children with the right tools, teach them to be rational, expose them to information they should understand, I think they can make the right choices, and explore their own margins at the same time.

Originally Posted by SpecialInterests

The family type I come from would fall under authoritarian. I think for this reason and a few others I kind of lean toward the indulgence parenting. Some aspects of it sound bad, but I think there is ways around them. For example, you would think if you are too lenient on your children they'll just end up doing drugs, coming home late every night, etc. If you equip your children with the right tools, teach them to be rational, expose them to information they should understand, I think they can make the right choices, and explore their own margins at the same time.

It would work on some kids, if the relationship is good enough. Other kids would just run over their parents if they could.

Originally Posted by Universal Mind

It would work on some kids, if the relationship is good enough. Other kids would just run over their parents if they could.

I agree, and unfortunately the reasons for that are usually coming from the parents behalf. No one's taught how to be a good parent, or how to raise a child properly. I guess this is common sense but this culture seems to have depleted our ability to actually do this.

Authoritative parenting

The parent is demanding and responsive.
Authoritative parenting, also called balanced parenting, is characterized by a child-centered approach that holds high expectations of maturity, compliance to parental rules and directions, while allowing for an open dialogue about those rules and behaviors between the parent and child. "Authoritative parenting encourages children to be independent but still places limits and controls on their actions." "Extensive verbal give-and-take is allowed, and parents are warm and nurturant toward the child." Authoritative parents are not usually as controlling, allowing the child to explore more freely, thus having them make their own decisions based upon their own reasoning.
Authoritative parents set limits and demand maturity, but when punishing a child, the parent will explain his or her motive for their punishment. "Their punishments are measured and consistent in discipline, not harsh or arbitrary. Parents will set clear standards for their children, monitor limits that they set, and also allow children to develop autonomy. They also expect mature, independent, and age-appropriate behavior of children." They are attentive to their children’s needs and concerns, and will typically forgive and teach instead of punishing if a child falls short. This is supposed to result in children having a higher self esteem and independence because of the democratic give-take nature of the authoritative parenting style. This is the most recommended style of parenting by child-rearing experts.

This.

What about Indifferent Parenting, neither demanding nor responsive, with arbitrary, inconsistently enforced forays into authoritarianism?

Originally Posted by Taosaur

What about Indifferent Parenting, neither demanding nor responsive, with arbitrary, inconsistently enforced forays into authoritarianism?

rofl, one of my friends had that...hes a pot head now ><

but yeah, my upbringing was very much the first one. My parents had high expectations of me, but if I messed up at something they didnt bite my head off...just encouraged me to be what I wanted..they were kind of like the philosophy "whatever you are going to be, do it well"

Originally Posted by MementoMori

it may be the prefered but there are MANY people who think option #2 is the best.

There are MANY people who think the world is only a few thousand years old. Don't overestimate people.

Originally Posted by Mario92

This.

quoting the OP and adding one word is not a very productive use of your time. Anything else to add?

Originally Posted by Carôusoul

There are MANY people who think the world is only a few thousand years old. Don't overestimate people.

It may just be a cultural bias that influences your position. In the united states, our system of government is one that only works if we respect but question and actively influence its actions. A child who is going to be living in a society in which the government does not take its citizens beliefs into account would be better off learning how to survive and thrive in that context. Its all a question of what the particular parents are preparing their particular child for. If they are grooming them for military service, authoritarian parenting would most likely be the best option.

Originally Posted by Universal Mind

The first one for sure. Discipline and showing of love are both very necessary, and lack of communication seems cold and unloving. Also, it is good to teach kids the reasons for rules. That way they don't grow up being mindless idiots who suck up unconditionally to authority. Maybe too much authoritarian parenting is what screwed up Germany so bad in the 30's and 40's.

I hope this is a joke

The parent should be demanding enough to have the kid turn out right, but not so demanding that they control the kid's life. I don't know what you mean by responsive, however, so I'll leave on this note:

Originally Posted by Xaqaria

quoting the OP and adding one word is not a very productive use of your time. Anything else to add?

Yeah: that's my opinion on the matter.

It may just be a cultural bias that influences your position. In the united states, our system of government is one that only works if we respect but question and actively influence its actions. A child who is going to be living in a society in which the government does not take its citizens beliefs into account would be better off learning how to survive and thrive in that context. Its all a question of what the particular parents are preparing their particular child for. If they are grooming them for military service, authoritarian parenting would most likely be the best option.

Am I the only one who finds something fundamentally wrong with that statement? I think that one's life choices should be left to the individual as much as possible...if your child wants to join the military on his/her own accord, that's fine, but to try and condition them for it/force it upon them, I think is fundamentally sick. I absolutely LOVE the fact that my parents have given me my own room to learn and grow on my own, and to make my own decisions with relative freedom. You might argue that a person conditioned for military service would be equally happy, but in my view, that's stripping someone of a right or two.

I am indulgent with my son, but he regulates his behavior very well. He understands how to act appropriately. If I ask him to do a chore he says "OK" and does it without me having to bribe him or threaten him or anything. It is becasue I treat him as an equal. When he was younger I was authoritive only sometimes. I always talked to him and explained the why until he understood. He is now 11 and a great person.
But some of my friend's kids need to really be disciplined. They are indulgently raised and it isn't working good. And I hate disciplining someone else's kids in front of them. And I hate telling them how to raise their kids or how to discipline them.

Originally Posted by Mario92

Am I the only one who finds something fundamentally wrong with that statement? I think that one's life choices should be left to the individual as much as possible...if your child wants to join the military on his/her own accord, that's fine, but to try and condition them for it/force it upon them, I think is fundamentally sick. I absolutely LOVE the fact that my parents have given me my own room to learn and grow on my own, and to make my own decisions with relative freedom. You might argue that a person conditioned for military service would be equally happy, but in my view, that's stripping someone of a right or two.

Like I said before, this is your cultural perspective. There are places/time periods in which the only viable career for someone is military or clergy, just for example. Don't you think that if you grew up in a place where you were either going to be in the military, in a monastary, or a poor pig farmer, you would prefer that your parents had your future in mind from an early age?

Originally Posted by imran_p

I hope this is a joke

Yes sir! Anything you say sir!

Originally Posted by Xaqaria

Like I said before, this is your cultural perspective. There are places/time periods in which the only viable career for someone is military or clergy, just for example. Don't you think that if you grew up in a place where you were either going to be in the military, in a monastary, or a poor pig farmer, you would prefer that your parents had your future in mind from an early age?

Not really, no. If those are your only three options, I think you should have the right to pick which one you think would bring you the greatest amount of happiness. It's fine if your parents have your best interests at heart, but they should be there to support and guide you in whatever field you choose, not force one upon you. If the kid in that situation wanted to grow up and join the military, I'm sure they could be just as effective a solider growing up in an authoritative household as a person who grew up in an authoritarian one.

the way you need to parent your kids depends on your kids. it's different for every family, as it should be. you just need to find a good balance of being a good parent and being a good friend to your children, to where they respect you instead of fear you. you talk to each other, instead of at each other. everyone wants the best for their kids, but as parents, they need to encourage their children, give them enough confidence to want the best for themselves.

as for what's listed and how i was raised, it was more of a mix between authoritative and indulgent parenting.

Originally Posted by Mario92

Not really, no. If those are your only three options, I think you should have the right to pick which one you think would bring you the greatest amount of happiness. It's fine if your parents have your best interests at heart, but they should be there to support and guide you in whatever field you choose, not force one upon you. If the kid in that situation wanted to grow up and join the military, I'm sure they could be just as effective a solider growing up in an authoritative household as a person who grew up in an authoritarian one.

You are entitled to your opinion.

As are you, and in my opinion, so are the children.

Originally Posted by Mario92

As are you, and in my opinion, so are the children.

well said, so many times i've heard my own step-father tell me (no matter the topic) that in his house i have no opinion, and if i wanted one i had to get a job and get out of his house. I was never allowed to speak my side of any story, nor could i ever EVER give my opinion on ANYTHING without getting whipped or grounded... He really did reflect Mussolini in his ideologies. I can say from experience that Authoritarian parenting is wrong and places the head of the family as the ultimate power within it. Needless to say on my 18th birthday i packed my bags and moved out, whilst still in school and got a full time job. Almost didn't pass high school because of it, because of the type of household he created. It was against anything that he didn't agree with or find interest in. quoted from him directly "You will think what i tell you when i tell to think it" that's Authoritarian parenting and it's detrimental to the personal growth of the child.

I failed to see 'media parenting' which probably 90% of us would fall under.

The views of someone from a half authoritarian, half indulgent family (not very demanding, but also responsive) living in an area predominantly populated by religious families:

I feel as though indulgent parents are the best. I dislike the rules and restrictions I do have, and am typically powerless to change them, but there are not many. The vast majority of people around are completely brain dead. I'm sorry if I offend, but I cannot think of another term strong enough to express what I see on a daily basis. Where they are not discriminatory, they are terrified, where they are not terrified, they are arrogant, where they are not arrogant, they are just plain stubborn. Now, I do have my group of friends similar to me that I get along with great, and I have no doubt most of them would agree with me. I think that unresponsive parenting is one of the worst possible ways of parenting, at least in the US - it teaches children to mindlessly obey authority. This is a country based on regularly challenging how the government runs things, and it is my opinion that teaching kids that this is wrong is a terrible, terrible thing to do to them, if not to all of society.

I find the type 4 parents worse than type 2 - it almost feels like cheating. The parent is removing themselves as the roadblock in the way of whatever rule the child wishes to break. At least with type 2 the child knows that in the case of an unfair rule, they have someone to blame and know that once they move out they are free to do as they wish.