Worst-Joke-Ever competition

[skysaw]

Create a really unfunny joke here and win the simultaneous praise and disdain of your peers! If a joke is truly bad enough, it will completely cross the realm of unfunny and land back in funny territory again on the other side, in which case you will be revered as a bad-joke god. Rule #1 - There will be no winner and no prizes. It should be enough that you can unload them here without the fear of the stoning you would receive in real life. Rule #2 - Your entries must be in typical joke form. That is to say, not just some random unfunny words. The standard set-up and punchline will do fine. Have fun! Here's one to get things started: Q: How many ordinary people does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One

[Snooze]

This is a joke without the funny.

[arby]

Man1: Wanna hear a funny joke? Man2: No

[skysaw]

Here's one I've always loved that my brother made up when we were kids: Q: What's the best time to have poison ivy? A: When you can sell it.

[Ynot]

Whilst dining at a restaurant a man was choosing his Squid from the tank. Finally he noticed a small mild-green coloured squid with a hairy protruding lip hiding at the bottom of the tank. Having never seen a green squid before, he decided to choose it. The waiter seemed horrified at his choice, in truth the squid had been passed up for so long by so many diners, they had all but adopted it as a mascot for the restaurant. Never-the-less the creature was plucked from the tank and taken to the kitchen. Gervaise, the cook took one look at the squid and it's hairy bottom lip and couldn't bring himself to kill it. He asked Hans the dishwasher to kill it for him. Hans took the knife and and looked the squid in the eye for a moment. After a tense few seconds he put the knife down and declared that he didn't have it in him to murder such a pathetic animal. The moral of the story? Spoiler for : Hans that does dishes is as soft as Gervaise, with mild-green, hairy-lipped squid

[Bonsay]

A:Knock, knock. B:Who's there? HAHAHAHAH

[Snooze]

A:Knock, knock. B:Who's there? HAHAHAHAH ROFL HEHEHEHHEHEHE this is the worst joke competition, not the awesomeness competition

[skysaw]

"Knock-Knock" "Who's there?" "A truncated joke" "A truncated joke who?"

[Ynot]

This one needs a volunteer.... Someone say "Knock Knock"

[Sornaensis]

*Knock Knock* Man: Who's there? Man2: ME! DUH!

[Ynot]

Q: What's ET short for? A: He's only got little legs!

[skysaw]

Q: What's ET short for? A: He's only got little legs! Sorry, too funny for this contest!

[Ynot]

Q: What does ET stand for? A: 'cause he hasn't got a chair

[Sparkling Horizon]

I heard this from someone else: Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.

[Ynot]

Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree? A: It was glued to the monkey

[Snooze]

This one needs a volunteer.... Someone say "Knock Knock" knock knock

[Ynot]

knock knock Who's there?

[Snooze]

Who's there? Who's there!

[MrGrEmLiN]

This would work better if I was drunk... Q: What does an ant say to another ant? A: You look like an ant from up here!

[skysaw]

Q: How many fingers am I holding up? A: None. I lost my hands in the war, you insensitive bastard.

[Secret Neo]

Q. What do you call a polar bear in the jungle? A. Lost.

[Clairity]

I heard this from someone else: Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead. Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree? A: It was glued to the monkey LOL!! :p (sorry.. some of these are kinda funny!) .

[skysaw]

LOL!! :p . Of course you understand that a LOL disqualifies a joke as too funny, right? :p

[Clairity]

Of course you understand that a LOL disqualifies a joke as too funny, right? :p Oh no! I hereby rescind and recall my "LOL" ! .

[wasup]

I like this line from family guy.... "Hey, what do you call it when a person from lower management moves all the way up to upper management?" "I don't know Bob, what do you call it." "A promotion!" "Oh. Thanks Bob." Also.... There was a Swedish guy named Sven, and Sven had many hardships in his life. For example, his family was very poor; his father had one eye, and webbed feet. His mother was deaf, mute, and was missing a couple fingers, he had several siblings but 2 or 3 had died from miscarriages, and 2 from diseases. As I said, Sven was very used to hardships. So after considering all of these hardships Sven decided to go to America to find a job, and fewer hardships, but as I said earlier, his family was very, very poor, and couldn’t afford a boat ticket over to America from Sweden. So Sven, motivated to make money for his family, offered to clean the boat, and take the night watch on this boat to earn his way to America, but this was OK for him, because Sven was used to hardships. The ships captain agreed, and said he can only eat minimal amounts of food per day, but this was also ok because Sven was used to hardships. The first night, when Sven is cleaning the deck and going about his business, 12 AM comes by and Sven takes a small break and looks way out into the horizon to see all the glittering water lit up by the moon, and all the stars in the sky, it is SO beautiful that he just can resist himself and jumps into the cold water, but its OK that the water is freezing, cause Sven is used to hardships. As he is swimming out into the ocean, he does the front stroke, the backstroke, the breaststroke, the butterfly stroke, the doggy pattle, and every other stroke there is, and some Swedish ones too. Well he is about 2 miles away from the boat, but that’s ok because Sven is used to hardships, but he decides to go back, on the way back he does the front stroke, the back stroke, the breast stroke, the butterfly stroke, the doggy pattle, and every other stroke there is, and some Swedish ones too. When he gets back to the boat it is roughly 2 AM, and the captain is waiting for him. Well Sven is in trouble, but that’s ok, because Sven is used to hardships. The captain says, “Sven, because you took a swim and skipped work, you will be but in the boats brig all tomorrow, and you will do 2 more hours of work, tomorrow night.” But this is ok, because Sven is used to hardships. The second night, when Sven is cleaning the deck and going about his business, 12 AM comes by and Sven takes a small break and looks way out into the horizon to see all the glittering water lit up by the moon, and all the stars in the sky, it is SO beautiful that he just can resist himself and jumps into the cold water, but its OK that the water is freezing, cause Sven is used to hardships. As he is swimming out into the ocean, he does the front stroke, the backstroke, the breaststroke, the butterfly stroke, the doggy pattle, and every other stroke there is, and some Swedish ones too. Well he is about 4 miles away from the boat, but that’s ok because Sven is used to hardships, but he decides to go back, on the way back he does the front stroke, the back stroke, the breast stroke, the butterfly stroke, the doggy pattle, and every other stroke there is, and some Swedish ones too. When he gets back to the boat it is roughly 4 AM, and the captain is waiting for him. Well Sven is in trouble, but that’s ok, because Sven is used to hardships. The captain says, “Sven, because you took a swim and skipped work, you will do 4 more hours of work tomorrow night, and if I ever catch you again, and you get whipped for skipping work, and if I ever catch you skipping work again, I will consider throwing you overboard to the sharks.” But this is ok, because Sven is used to hardships. The THIRD night, when Sven is cleaning the deck and going about his business, 12 AM comes by and Sven takes a small break and looks way out into the horizon to see all the glittering water lit up by the moon, and all the stars in the sky, it is SO beautiful that he just can resist himself and jumps into the cold water, but its OK that the water is freezing, cause Sven is used to hardships. As he is swimming out into the ocean, he does the front stroke, the backstroke, the breaststroke, the butterfly stroke, the doggy pattle, and every other stroke there is, and some Swedish ones too. Well he is about 6 miles away from the boat, but that’s ok because Sven is used to hardships, but he decides to go back, on the way back he does the front stroke, the back stroke, the breast stroke, the butterfly stroke, the doggy pattle, and every other stroke there is, and some Swedish ones too. When he gets back to the boat it is roughly 6 AM, and the captain is waiting for him. Well Sven is in trouble, but that’s ok, because Sven is used to hardships. The captain says, “SVEN I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!.” Sven runs as fast as he can to avoid the captains grasp, and runs up the crows nest, and the captain says, COME DOWN OR I WILL SHOOT YOU!, well Sven stays up there, and the captain takes a shot at him, But Sven dodges the bullet, and looses his balance and falls to the extremely hard deck of the boat, but this is ok because Sven is used to hardships.